The 


ORuddy 


Stephen  Crane 
and  • 

Robert  Barr 


THE     O'RUDDY 


THE    O'RUDDY 

A    ROMANCE 

BY 

STEPHEN    CRANE': 

Author  of  "  The  Red  Badge  of  Courage,'"  ••  Active 
Service"  "  Wounds  in  the  Rain"  etc. 

AND 

ROBERT    BARR 

Author  of  "  Tekla"   "  In  the  Midst  of  Alarms,"'1 
«  Border"  "  T 


With  frontispiece  by 
C.    D.    WILLIAMS 


NEW  YORK 
FREDERICK  A.  STOKES  COMPANY 

rUBLISHKKS 


Copyright,  1903, 
BY  FREDERICK  A.  STOKES  COMPANY 

All  rights  reserved 
Published  in  October,  1903 


I 


°\: 


UNIVERSITY    PRESS    •       JOHN    WILSON 
AND   SON     •     CAMBRIDGE,    U.  S.  A. 


m 
c" 


THE       O'RUDDY 


CHAPTER   I 

MY  chieftain  ancestors  had  lived  at  Glandore  for 
many  centuries  and  were  very  well  known. 
Hardly  a  ship  could  pass  the  Old  Head  of  Kinsale 
without  some  boats  putting  off  to  exchange  the  time 
of  day  with  her,  and  our  family  name  was  on  men's 
tongues  in  half  the  seaports  of  Europe,  I  dare  say. 
My  ancestors  lived  in  castles  which  were  like  churches 
stuck  on  end,  and  they  drank  the  best  of  everything 
amid  the  joyous  cries  of  a  devoted  peasantry.  But  the 
good  time  passed  away  soon  enough,  and  when  I  had 
reached  the  age  of  eighteen  we  had  nobody  on  the  land 
but  a  few  fisher-folk  and  small  farmers,  people  who 
were  almost  law-abiding,  and  my  father  came  to  die 
more  from  disappointment  than  from  any  other  cause. 
Before  the  end  he  sent  for  me  to  come  to  his  bedside. 

"  Tom,"  he  said,  "  I  brought  you  into  existence,  and 
God  help  you  safe  out  of  it;  for  you  are  not  the 
kind  of  man  ever  to  turn  your  hand  to  work,  and 
there  is  only  enough  money  to  last  a  gentleman  five 
more  years. 

"  The  '  Martha  Bixby,'  she  was,  out  of  Bristol  for 
the  West  Indies,  and  if  it  had  n't  been  for  her  we 

i 


2  THE     O'RUDD  Y 

would  never  have  got  along  this  far  with  plenty  to 
eat  and  drink.  However,  I  leave  you,  besides  the 
money,  the  two  swords,  —  the  grand  one  that  King 
Louis,  God  bless  him,  gave  me,  and  the  plain  one  that 
will  really  be  of  use  to  you  if  you  get  into  a  disturb 
ance.  Then  here  is  the  most  important  matter  of  all. 
•^Here.are  sckne  papers  which  young  Lord  Strepp  gave 
me  to  hold  fcr  him  when  we  were  comrades  in  France. 
I  .don't  know  what  they  are,  having  had  very  little  time 
for  reading  during  my  life,  but  do  you  return  them 
to  him.  He  is  now  the  great  Earl  of  Westport,  and 
he  lives  in  London  in  a  grand  house,  I  hear.  In  the 
last  campaign  in  France  I  had  to  lend  him  a  pair  of 
breeches  or  he  would  have  gone  bare.  These  papers 
are  important  to  him,  and  he  may  reward  you,  but  do 
not  you  depend  on  it,  for  you  may  get  the  back  of  his 
hand.  I  have  not  seen  him  for  years.  I  am  glad  I 
had  you  taught  to  read.  They  read  considerably  in 
England,  I  hear.  There  is  one  more  cask  of  the  best 
brandy  remaining,  and  I  recommend  you  to  leave  for 
England  as  soon  as  it  is  finished.  And  now,  one 
more  thing,  my  lad,  never  be  civil  to  a  king's  officer. 
Wherever  you  see  a  red  coat,  depend  there  is  a  rogue 
between  the  front  and  the  back  of  it.  I  have  said 
everything.  Push  the  bottle  near  me." 

Three  weeks  after  my  father's  burial  I  resolved  to 
set  out,  with  no  more  words,  to  deliver  the  papers  to 
the  Earl  of  Westport.  I  was  resolved  to  be  prompt 
in  obeying  my  father's  command,  for  I  was  extremely 
anxious  to  see  the  world,  and  my  feet  would  hardly 
wait  for  me.  I  put  my  estate  into  the  hands  of  old 
Mickey  Clancy,  and  told  him  not  to  trouble  the  tenants 
too  much  over  the  rent,  or  they  probably  would  split 


THE      O'RUDDY  3 

his  skull  for  him.  And  I  bid  Father  Donovan  look  out 
for  old  Mickey  Clancy,  that  he  stole  from  me  only 
what  was  reasonable. 

I  went  to  the  Cove  of  Cork  and  took  ship  there  for 
Bristol,  and  arrived  safely  after  a  passage  amid  great 
storms  which  blew  us  so  near  Glandore  that  I  feared 
the  enterprise  of  my  own  peasantry.  Bristol,  I  con 
fess,  frightened  me  greatly.  I  had  not  imagined  such 
a  huge  and  teeming  place.  All  the  ships  in  the  world 
seemed  to  lie  there,  and  the  quays  were  thick  with 
sailor-men.  The  streets  rang  with  noise.  I  suddenly 
found  that  I  was  a  young  gentleman  from  the  country. 

I  followed  my  luggage  to  the  best  inn,  and  it  was 
very  splendid,  fit  to  be  a  bishop's  palace.  It  was  filled 
with  handsomely  dressed  people  who  all  seemed  to  be 
yelling,  "  Landlord!  landlord!"  And  there  was  a 
little  fat  man  in  a  white  apron  who  flew  about  as  if 
he  were  being  stung  by  bees,  and  he  was  crying, 
"  Coming,  sir !  Yes,  madam !  At  once,  your  lud- 
ship !  "  They  heeded  me  no  more  than  if  I  had  been 
an  empty  glass.  I  stood  on  one  leg,  waiting  until  the 
little  fat  man  should  either  wear  himself  out  or  attend 
all  the  people.  But  it  was  to  no  purpose.  He  did  not 
wear  out,  nor  did  his  business  finish,  so  finally  I  was 
obliged  to  plant  myself  in  his  way,  but  my  speech  was 
decent  enough  as  I  asked  him  for  a  chamber.  Would 
you  believe  it,  he  stopped  abruptly  and  stared  at  me 
with  sudden  suspicion.  My  speech  had  been  so  civil 
that  he  had  thought  perhaps  I  was  a  rogue.  I  only 
give  you  this  incident  to  show  that  if  later  I  came  to 
bellow  like  a  bull  with  the  best  of  them,  it  was  only 
through  the  necessity  of  proving  to  strangers  that  I 
was  a  gentleman.  I  soon  learned  to  enter  an  inn  as  a 


4  THE     O'RUDDY 

drunken  soldier  goes  through  the  breach  into  a  sur 
rendering  city. 

Having  made  myself  as  presentable  as  possible,  I 
came  down  from  my  chamber  to  seek  some  supper. 
The  supper-room  was  ablaze  with  light  and  well  filled 
with  persons  of  quality,  to  judge  from  the  noise  that 
they  were  making.  My  seat  was  next  to  a  garrulous 
man  in  plum-colour,  who  seemed  to  know  the  affairs 
of  the  entire  world.  As  I  dropped  into  my  chair  he 
was  saying  — 

" the  heir  to  the  title,  of  course.  Young  Lord 

Strepp.  That  is  he  —  the  slim  youth  with  light  hair. 
Oh,  of  course,  all  in  shipping.  The  Earl  must  own 
twenty  sail  that  trade  from  Bristol.  He  is  posting 
down  from  London,  by  the  way,  to-night." 

You  can  well  imagine  how  these  words  excited  me. 
I  half  arose  from  my  chair  with  the  idea  of  going  at 
once  to  the  young  man  who  had  been  indicated  as 
Lord  Strepp,  and  informing  him  of  my  errand,  but 
I  had  a  sudden  feeling  of  timidity,  a  feeling  that  it  was 
necessary  to  be  proper  with  these  people  of  high 
degree.  I  kept  my  seat,  resolving  to  accost  him  di 
rectly  after  supper.  I  studied  him  with  interest.  He 
was  a  young  man  of  about  twenty  years,  with  fair 
unpowdered  hair  and  a  face  ruddy  from  a  life  in  the 
open  air.  He  looked  generous  and  kindly,  but  just  at 
the  moment  he  was  damning  a  waiter  in  language  that 
would  have  set  fire  to  a  stone  bridge.  Opposite  him 
was  a  clear-eyed  soldierly  man  of  about  forty,  whom 
I  had  heard  called  "  Colonel,"  and  at  the  Colonel's 
right  was  a  proud,  dark-skinned  man  who  kept  looking 
in  all  directions  to  make  sure  that  people  regarded  him, 
seated  thus  with  a  lord. 


THE     O'RUDDY  5 

They  had  drunk  eight  bottles  of  port,  and  in  those 
days  eight  bottles  could  just  put  three  gentlemen  in 
pleasant  humour.  As  the  ninth  bottle  came  on  the 
table  the  Colonel  cried  — 

"  Come,  Strepp,  tell  us  that  story  of  how  your  father 
lost  his  papers.  Gad,  that  's  a  good  story." 

"  No,  no,"  said  the  young  lord.  "  It  is  n't  a  good 
story,  and  besides  my  father  never  tells  it  at  all.  I 
misdoubt  it  's  truth." 

The  Colonel  pounded  the  table.  "  T  is  true.  T  is 
too  good  a  story  to  be  false.  You  know  the  story, 
Forister?"  said  he,  turning  to  the  dark-skinned  man. 
The  latter  shook  his  head. 

"  Well,  when  the  Earl  was  a  young  man  serving  with 
the  French  he  rather  recklessly  carried  with  him  some 
valuable  papers  relating  to  some  estates  in  the  North, 
and  once  the  noble  Earl  —  or  Lord  Strepp  as  he  was 
then  —  found  it  necessary,  after  fording  a  stream,  to 
hang  his  breeches  on  a  bush  to  dry,  and  then  a  certain 
blackguard  of  a  wild  Irishman  in  the  corps  came  along 
and  stole " 

But  I  had  arisen  and  called  loudly  but  with  dignity 
up  the  long  table,  "  That,  sir,  is  a  lie."  The  room 
came  still  with  a  bang,  if  I  may  be  allowed  that  ex 
pression.  Every  one  gaped  at  me,  and  the  Colonel's 
face  slowly  went  the  colour  of  a  tiled  roof. 

"  My  father  never  stole  his  lordship's  breeches, 
for  the  good  reason  that  at  the  time  his  lord 
ship  had  no  breeches.  'T  was  the  other  way.  My 
father " 

Here  the  two  long  rows  of  faces  lining  the  room 
crackled  for  a  moment,  and  then  every  man  burst  into 
a  thunderous  laugh.  But  I  had  flung  to  the  winds 


6  THE      O  'RUDDY 

my  timidity  of  a  new  country,  and  I  was  not  to  be 
put  down  by  these  clowns. 

"  'T  is  a  lie  against  an  honourable  man  and  my 
father,"  I  shouted.  "  And  if  my  father  had  n't  pro 
vided  his  lordship  with  breeches,  he  would  have  gone 
bare,  and  there  's  the  truth.  And,"  said  I,  staring  at 
the  Colonel,  "  I  give  the  lie  again.  We  are  never 
obliged  to  give  it  twice  in  my  country." 

The  Colonel  had  been  grinning  a  little,  no  doubt 
thinking,  along  with  everybody  else  in  the  room,  that 
I  was  drunk  or  crazy;  but  this  last  twist  took  the 
smile  off  his  face  clean  enough,  and  he  came  to  his 
feet  with  a  bound.  I  awaited  him.  But  young  Lord 
Strepp  and  Forister  grabbed  him  and  began  to  argue. 
At  the  same  time  there  came  down  upon  me  such  a 
deluge  of  waiters  and  pot-boys,  and,  may  be,  hostlers, 
that  I  couldn't  have  done  anything  if  I  had  been  an 
elephant.  They  were  frightened  out  of  their  wits  and 
painfully  respectful,  but  all  the  same  and  all  the  time 
they  were  bundling  me  toward  the  door.  "  Sir !  Sir ! 
Sir!  I  beg  you,  sir!  Think  of  the  'ouse,  sir!  Sir! 
Sir !  Sir !  "  And  I  found  myself  out  in  the  hall. 

Here  I  addressed  them  calmly.  "  Loose  me  and 
takes  yourselves  off  quickly,  lest  I  grow  angry  and 
break  some  dozen  of  these  wooden  heads."  They  took 
me  at  my  word  and  vanished  like  ghosts.  Then  the 
landlord  came  bleating,  but  I  merely  told  him  that 
I  wanted  to  go  to  my  chamber,  and  if  anybody 
inquired  for  me  I  wished  him  conducted  up  at 
once. 

In  my  chamber  I  had  not  long  to  wait.  Presently 
there  were  steps  in  the  corridor  and  a  knock  at  my 
door.  At  my  bidding  the  door  opened  and  Lord 


THE     O'RUDDY  7 

Strepp  entered.  I  arose  and  we  bowed.  He  was 
embarrassed  and  rather  dubious. 

"  Aw,"  he  began,  "  I  come,  sir,  from  Colonel  Royale, 
who  begs  to  be  informed  who  he  has  had  the  honour 
of  offending,  sir?  " 

"  'T  is  not  a  question  for  your  father's  son,  my 
lord,"  I  answered  bluntly  at  last. 

"You  are,  then,  the  son  of  The  O'Ruddy?" 

"  No,"  said  I.  "  I  am  The  O'Ruddy.  My  father 
died  a  month  gone  and  more." 

"  Oh !  "  said  he.  And  I  now  saw  why  he  was  em 
barrassed.  He  had  feared  from  the  beginning  that 
I  was  altogether  too  much  in  the  right.  "  Oh !  "  said 
he  again.  I  made  up  my  mind  that  he  was  a  good 

lad.  ''That  is  dif "  he  began  awkwardly.  "I 

mean,  Mr.  O'Ruddy—  —oh,  damn  it  all,  you  know 
what  I  mean,  Mr.  O'Ruddy !  " 

I  bowed.  "  Perfectly,  my  lord !  "  I  did  not  under 
stand  him,  of  course. 

"  I  shall  have  the  honour  to  inform  Colonel  Royale 
that  Mr.  O'Ruddy  is  entitled  to  every  consideration," 
he  said  more  collectedly.  "If  Mr.  O'Ruddy  will  have 
the  goodness  to  await  me  here?" 

"  Yes,  my  lord."  He  was  going  in  order  to  tell  the 
Colonel  that  I  was  a  gentleman.  And  of  course  he 
returned  quickly  with  the  news.  But  he  did  not  look 
as  if  the  message  was  one  which  he  could  deliver  with 
a  glib  tongue.  "  Sir,"  he  began,  and  then  halted.  I 
could  but  courteously  wait.  "  Sir,  Colonel  Royale 
bids  me  say  that  he  is  shocked  to  find  that  he  has 
carelessly  and  publicly  inflicted  an  insult  upon  an  un 
known  gentleman  through  the  memory  of  the  gen 
tleman's  dead  father.  Colonel  Royale  bids  me  to  say, 


8  THE     O'RUDDY 

sir,  that  he  is  overwhelmed  with  regret,  and  that  far 
from  taking  an  initial  step  himself  it  is  his  duty  to 
express  to  you  his  feeling  that  his  movements  should 
coincide  with  any  arrangements  you  may  choose  to 
make." 

I  was  obliged  to  be  silent  for  a  considerable  period 
in  order  to  gather  head  and  tail  of  this  marvellous 
sentence.  At  last  I  caught  it.  "  At  daybreak  I  shall 
walk  abroad,"  I  replied,  "  and  I  have  no  doubt  that 
Colonel  Royale  will  be  good  enough  to  accompany  me. 
I  know  nothing  of  Bristol.  Any  cleared  space  will 
serve." 

My  Lord  Strepp  bowed  until  he  almost  knocked 
his  forehead  on  the  floor.  "  You  are  most  amiable, 
Mr.  O'Ruddy.  You  of  course  will  give  me  the  name 
of  some  friend  to  whom  I  can  refer  minor  matters  ?  " 

I  found  that  I  could  lie  in  England  as  readily  as 
ever  I  did  in  Ireland.  "  My  friend  will  be  on  the 
ground  with  me,  my  lord;  and  as  he  also  is  a  very 
amiable  man  it  will  not  take  two  minutes  to  make 
everything  clear  and  fair."  Me,  with  not  a  friend 
in  the  world  but  Father  O'Donovan  and  Mickey  Clancy 
at  Glandore ! 

Lord  Strepp  bowed  again,  the  same  as  before. 
"  Until  the  morning  then,  Mr.  O'Ruddy,"  he  said, 
and  left  me. 

I  sat  me  down  on  my  bed  to  think.  In  truth  I 
was  much  puzzled  and  amazed.  These  gentlemen 
were  actually  reasonable  and  were  behaving  like  men 
of  heart.  Neither  my  books  nor  my  father's  stories 
—  great  lies,  many  of  them,  God  rest  him !  —  had 
taught  me  that  the  duelling  gentry  could  think  at  all, 
and  I  was  quite  certain  that  they  never  tried.  "  You 


THE      O  '  11  U  D  I)  Y  9 

were  looking  at  me,  sir?"  "Was  I,  'faith?  \\V11. 
if  I  care  to  look  at  you  I  shall  look  at  you."  And 
then  away  they  would  go  at  it,  prodding  at  each 
other's  bellies  until  somebody's  flesh  swallowed  a  foot 
of  steel.  "  Sir,  I  do  not  like  the  colour  of  your  coat !  " 
Clash !  "  Sir,  red  hair  always  offends  me."  Cling ! 
"  Sir,  your  fondness  for  rabbit-pie  is  not  polite-." 
Clang! 

However,  the  minds  of  young  Lord  Strepp  and 
Colonel  Royale  seemed  to  be  capable  of  a  process 
which  may  be  termed  human  reflection.  It  was  plain 
that  the  Colonel  did  not  like  the  situation  at  all,  and 
perhaps  considered  himself  the  victim  of  a  peculiarly 
exasperating  combination  of  circumstances.  That  an 
Irishman  should  turn  up  in  Bristol  and  give  him  the 
lie  over  a  French  pair  of  breeches  must  have  seemed 
astonishing  to  him,  notably  when  he  learned  that  the 
Irishman  was  quite  correct,  having  in  fact  a  clear 
title  to  speak  authoritatively  upon  the  matter  of  the 
breeches.  And  when  Lord  Strepp  learned  that  I  was 
The  O'Ruddy  he  saw  clearly  that  the  Colonel  was  in 
the  wrong,  and  that  I  had  a  perfect  right  to  resent  the 
insult  to  my  father's  memory.  And  so  the  Colonel 
probably  said :  "  Look  you,  Strepp.  I  have  no  desire 
to  kill  this  young  gentleman,  because  I  insulted  his 
father's  name.  It  is  out  of  all  decency.  And  do  you 
go  to  him  this  second  time  and  see  what  may  be  done 
in  the  matter  of  avoidance.  But,  mark  yon,  if  he  ex 
presses  any  wishes,  you  of  course  offer  immediate 
accommodation.  I  will  not  wrong  him  twice."  And 
so  up  came  my  Lord  Strepp  and  hemmed  and  hawed 
in  that  way  which  puzzled  me.  A  pair  of  thoughtful, 
honourable  fellows,  these,  and  I  admired  them  greatly. 


10  THE     O'RUDDY 

There  was  now  no  reason  why  I  should  keep  my 
chamber,  since  if  I  now  met  even  the  Colonel  himself 
there  would  be  no  brawling;  only  bows.  I  was  not, 
indeed,  fond  of  these  latter,  —  replying  to  Lord  Strepp 
had  almost  broken  my  back ;  but,  any  how,  more  bows 
were  better  than  more  loud  words  and  another  down 
pour  of  waiters  and  pot-boys. 

But  I  had  reckoned  without  the  dark-skinned  man, 
Forister.  When  I  arrived  in  the  lower  corridor  and 
was  passing  through  it  on  my  way  to  take  the  air, 
I  found  a  large  group  of  excited  people  talking  of  the 
quarrel  and  the  duel  that  was  to  be  fought  at  daybreak. 
I  thought  it  was  a  great  hubbub  over  a  very  small 
thing,  but  it  seems  that  the  mainspring  of  the  excite 
ment  was  the  tongue  of  this  black  Forister.  "  Why, 
the  Irish  run  naked  through  their  native  forests,"  he 
was  crying.  '  Their  sole  weapon  is  the  great  knotted 
club,  with  which,  however,  they  do  not  hesitate,  when 
in  great  numbers,  to  attack  lions  and  tigers.  But  how 
can  this  barbarian  face  the  sword  of  an  officer  of  His 
Majesty's  army?" 

Some  in  the  group  espied  my  approach,  and  there 
was  a  nudging  of  elbows.  There  was  a  general  display 
of  agitation,  and  I  marvelled  at  the  way  in  which  many 
made  it  to  appear  that  they  had  not  formed  part  of  the 
group  at  all.  Only  Forister  was  cool  and  insolent. 
He  stared  full  at  me  and  grinned,  showing  very  white 
teeth.  "  Swords  are  very  different  from  clubs,  great 
knotted  clubs,"  he  said  with  admirable  deliberation. 

"  Even  so,"  rejoined  I  gravely.  "  Swords  are  for 
gentlemen,  while  clubs  are  to  clout  the  heads  of  rogues 
—  thus."  I  boxed  his  ear  with  my  open  hand,  so  that 
he  fell  against  the  wall.  "  I  will  now  picture  also  the 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  11 

use  of  boots  by  kicking  you  into  the  inn  yard  which  is 
adjacent."  So  saying  I  hurled  him  to  the  great  front 
door  which  stood  open,  and  then,  taking  a  sort  of  hop 
and  skip,  I  kicked  for  glory  and  the  Saints. 

I  do  not  know  that  I  ever  kicked  a  man  with  more 
success.  He  shot  out  as  if  he  had  been  heaved  by  a 
catapult.  There  was  a  dreadful  uproar  behind  me, 
and  I  expected  every  moment  to  be  stormed  by  the 
waiter-and-pot-boy  regiment.  However  I  could  hear 
some  of  the  gentlemen  bystanding  cry: 

"  Well  done !    Well  kicked !  A  record !    A  miracle ! " 

But  my  first  hours  on  English  soil  contained  still 
other  festivities.  Bright  light  streamed  out  from  the 
great  door,  and  I  could  plainly  note  what  I  shall  call 
the  arc  or  arcs  described  by  Forister.  He  struck  the 
railing  once,  but  spun  off  it,  and  to  my  great  astonish 
ment  went  headlong  and  slap-crash  into  some  sort 
of  an  upper  servant  who  had  been  approaching  the 
door  with  both  arms  loaded  with  cloaks,  cushions,  and 
rugs. 

I  suppose  the  poor  man  thought  that  black  doom 
had  fallen  upon  him  from  the  sky.  He  gave  a  great 
howl  as  he,  Forister,  the  cloaks,  cushions,  and  rugs 
spread  out  grandly  in  one  sublime  confusion. 

Some  ladies  screamed,  and  a  bold  commanding  voice 
said :  "  In  the  devil's  name  what  have  we  here  ?  "  Be 
hind  the  unhappy  servant  had  been  coming  two  ladies 
and  a  very  tall  gentleman  in  a  black  cloak  that  reached 
to  his  heels.  "  What  have  we  here?  "  again  cried  this 
tall  man,  who  looked  like  an  old  eagle.  He  stepped 
up  to  me  haughtily.  I  knew  that  I  was  face  to  face 
with  the  Earl  of  Westport. 

But  was  I  a  man  for  ever  in  the  wrong  that  I  should 


12  THE      O'RUDDY 

always  be  giving  down  and  walking  away  with  my 
tail  between  my  legs?  Not  I;  I  stood  bravely  to 
the  Earl: 

"  If  your  lordship  pleases,  't  is  The  O'Ruddy  kicking 
a  blackguard  into  the  yard,"  I  made  answer  coolly. 

I  could  see  that  he  had  been  about  to  shout  for  the 
landlord  and  more  waiters  and  pot-boys,  but  at  my 
naming  myself  he  gave  a  quick  stare. 

"The  O'Ruddy?"  he  repeated.     "Rubbish!" 

He  was  startled,  bewildered;  but  I  could  not  tell  if 
he  were  glad  or  grieved. 

"  'T  is  all  the  name  I  own,"  I  said  placidly.  "  My 
father  left  it  me  clear,  it  being  something  that  he  could 
not  mortgage.  'T  was  on  his  death-bed  he  told  me  of 
lending  you  the  breeches,  and  that  is  why  I  kicked  the 
man  into  the  yard ;  and  if  your  lordship  had  arrived 
sooner  I  could  have  avoided  this  duel  at  daybreak,  and, 
any  how,  I  wonder  at  his  breeches  fitting  you.  He  was 
a  small  man." 

Suddenly  the  Earl  raised  his  hand.  "  Enough,"  he 
said  sternly.  "  You  are  your  father's  son.  Come  to 
my  chamber  in  the  morning,  O'Ruddy." 

There  had  been  little  chance  to  see  what  was  inside 
the  cloaks  of  the  ladies,  but  at  the  words  of  the  Earl 
there  peeped  from  one  hood  a  pair  of  bright  liquid 
eyes  —  God  save  us  all !  In  a  flash  I  was  no  longer  a 
free  man;  I  was  a  dazed  slave;  the  Saints  be  good 
to  us! 

The  contents  of  the  other  hood  could  not  have  been 
so  interesting,  for  from  it  came  the  raucous  voice  of  a 
bargeman  with  a  cold: 

"  Why  did  he  kick  him?  Whom  did  he  kick?  Had 
he  cheated  at  play  ?  Where  has  he  gone  ?  " 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  13 

The  upper  servant  appeared,  much  battered  and 
holding  his  encrimsoned  nose. 

"  My  lord "  he  began. 

But  the  Earl  roared  at  him,  — 

"  Hold  your  tongue,  rascal,  and  in  future  look  where 
you  are  going  and  don't  get  in  a  gentleman's  way." 

The  landlord,  in  a  perfect  anguish,  was  hovering 
with  his  squadrons  on  the  flanks.  They  could  not 
think  of  pouncing  upon  me  if  I  was  noticed  at  all  by 
the  great  Earl ;  but,  somewhat  as  a  precaution  perhaps, 
they  remained  in  form  for  attack.  I  had  no  wish  that 
the  pair  of  bright  eyes  should  see  me  buried  under  a 
heap  of  these  wretches,  so  I  bowed  low  to  the  ladies 
and  to  the  Earl  and  passed  out  of  doors.  As  I  left, 
the  Earl  moved  his  hand  to  signify  that  he  was  now 
willing  to  endure  the  attendance  of  the  landlord  and 
his  people,  and  in  a  moment  the  inn  rang  with  hurried 
cries  and  rushing  feet. 

As  I  passed  near  the  taproom  window  the  light  fell 
full  upon  a  railing;  just  beneath  and  over  this  railing 
hung  two  men.  At  first  I  thought  they  were  ill,  but 
upon  passing  near  I  learned  that  they  were  simply 
limp  and  helpless  with  laughter,  the  sound  of  which 
they  contrived  to  keep  muffled.  To  my  surprise  I  rec 
ognized  the  persons  of  young  Lord  Strepp  and  Colonel 
Royale. 


CHAPTER    II 

THE  night  was  growing,  and  as  I  was  to  fight 
at  daybreak  I  needed  a  good  rest ;  but  I  could 
not  forget  that  in  my  pride  I  had  told  Lord  Strepp 
that  I  was  provided  with  a  friend  to  attend  me  at 
the  duel.  It  was  on  my  mind.  I  must  achieve  a 
friend,  or  Colonel  Royale  might  quite  properly  refuse 
to  fight  me  on  the  usual  grounds  that  if  he  killed 
me  there  would  be  present  no  adherent  of  my  cause 
to  declare  that  the  fight  was  fair.  And  any  how  I 
had  lied  so  thoroughly  to  Lord  Strepp.  I  must  have 
a  friend. 

But  how  was  I  to  carve  a  friend  out  of  this  black 
Bristol  at  such  short  notice?  My  sense  told  me  that 
friends  could  not  be  found  in  the  road  like  pebbles, 
but  some  curious  feeling  kept  me  abroad,  scanning  by 
the  light  of  the  lanterns  or  the  torches  each  face  that 
passed  me.  A  low  dull  roar  came  from  the  direction 
of  the  quay,  and  this  was  the  noise  of  the  sailor-men, 
being  drunk.  I  knew  that  there  would  be  none  found 
there  to  suit  my  purpose,  but  my  spirit  led  me  to 
wander  so  that  I  could  not  have  told  why  I  went  this 
way  or  that  way. 

Of  a  sudden  I  heard  from  a  grassy  bank  beside  me 
the  sound  of  low  and  strenuous  sobbing.  I  stopped 
dead  short  to  listen,  moved  by  instinctive  recognition. 
Aye,  I  was  right.  It  was  Irish  keening.  Some  son  of 


THE     O  '  11  U  D  D  Y  15 

Erin  was  spelling  out  his  sorrow  to  the  darkness  with 
that  profound  and  garrulous  eloquence  which  is  in  the 
character  of  my  people. 

"  Wirra,  wirra !  Sorrow  the  day  I  would  be  leaving 
Ireland  against  my  own  will  and  intention,  and  may 
the  rocks  go  out  to  meet  the  lugger  that  brought  me 
here!  It's  beginning  to  rain,  too!  Sure  it  never 
rains  like  this  in  Ireland !  And  me  without  a  brass 
penny  to  buy  a  bed!  If  the  Saints  save  me  from 
England,  't  is  al  -  -  " 

"  Come  out  of  that,  now !  "  said  I. 

The  monologue  ceased ;  there  was  a  quick  silence. 
Then  the  voice,  much  altered,  said :  "  Who  calls  ? 
T  is  may  be  an  Irish  voice!  " 

"  It  is,"  said  I.  "  I  Ve  swallowed  as  much  peat 
smoke  as  any  man  of  my  years.  Come  out  of  that  now, 
and  let  me  have  a  look  at  you." 

He  came  trustfully  enough,  knowing  me  to  be  Irish, 
and  I  examined  him  as  well  as  I  was  able  in  the  dark 
ness.  He  was  what  I  expected,  a  bedraggled  vaga 
bond  with  tear-stains  on  his  dirty  cheeks  and  a  vast 
shock  of  hair  which  I  well  knew  would  look,  in  day 
light,  like  a  burning  haycock.  And  as  I  examined  him 
he  just  as  carefully  examined  me.  I  could  see  his 
shrewd  blue  eyes  twinkling. 

"  You  are  a  red  man,"  said  I.  "  I  know  the  strain ; 
't  is  better  than  some.  Your  family  must  have  been 
very  inhospitable  people."  And  then,  thinking  that  I 
had  spent  enough  time,  I  was  about  to  give  the  fellow 
some  coin  and  send  him  away.  But  here  a  mad  pro 
ject  came  into  my  empty  head.  I  had  ever  been  the 
victim  of  my  powerful  impulses,  which  surge  up  within 
me  and  sway  me  until  I  can  only  gasp  at  my  own  con- 


16  THE     O'RUDDY 

duct.  The  sight  of  this  red-headed  scoundrel  had 
thrust  an  idea  into  my  head,  and  I  was  a  lost  man. 

"  Mark  you !  "  said  I  to  him.  "  You  know  what 
I  am  ?  " 

"  'T  is  hard  to  see  in  the  dark,"  he  answered ;  "  but 
I  mistrust  you  are  a  gentleman,  sir.  McDermott  of 
the  Three  Trees  had  a  voice  and  a  way  with  him  like 
you,  and  Father  Burk  too,  and  he  was  a  gentleman 
born  if  he  could  only  remain  sober." 

"  Well,  you  've  hit  it,  in  the  dark  or  whatever,"  said 
I.  "  I  am  a  gentleman.  Indeed  I  am  an  O'Ruddy. 
Have  you  ever  been  hearing  of  my  family  ?  " 

"  Not  of  your  honour's  branch  of  it,  sure,"  he  made 
answer  confidently.  "  But  I  have  often  been  hearing 
of  the  O'Ruddys  of  Glandore,  who  are  well  known  to 
be  such  great  robbers  and  blackguards  that  their  match 
is  not  to  be  found  in  all  the  south  of  Ireland.  Nor  in 
the  west,  neither,  for  that  matter." 

"  Aye,"  said  I,  "  I  have  heard  that  that  branch  of  the 
family  was  much  admired  by  the  peasantry  for  their 
qualities.  But  let  us  have  done  with  it  and  speak  of 
other  matters.  I  want  a  service  of  you." 

"  Yes,  your  honour,"  said  he,  dropping  his  voice. 
"  May  be  't  will  not  be  the  first  time  I  've  been  behind 
a  ditch ;  but  the  light  to-night  is  very  bad  unless  I  am 
knowing  him  well,  and  I  would  never  be  forgetting  how 
Tim  Malone  let  fly  in  the  dark  of  a  night  like  this, 
thinking  it  was  a  bailiff,  until  she  screamed  out  with 
the  pain  in  her  leg,  the  poor  creature,  and  her  beyond 
seventy  and  a  good  Catholic." 

"  Come  out  of  it  now !  "  said  I  impatiently.  "  You 
will  be  behind  no  ditch."  And  as  we  walked  back  to  the 
inn  I  explained  to  my  new  man  the  part  I  wished  him  to 


THE      O'RUDDY  17 

play.  He  was  amazed  at  it,  and  I  had  to  explain  fifty 
times ;  but  when  it  once  was  established  in  his  red 
head  Paddy  was  wild  with  enthusiasm,  and  I  had  to 
forbid  him  telling  me  how  well  he  would  do  it. 

I  had  them  give  him  some  straw  in  the  stable,  and 
then  retired  to  my  chamber  for  needed  rest.  Before 
dawn  I  had  them  send  Paddy  to  me,  and  by  the  light  of 
a  new  fire  I  looked  at  him.  Ye  Saints!  What  hair! 
It  must  have  been  more  than  a  foot  in  length,  and  the 
flaming  strands  radiated  in  all  directions  from  an  iso 
lated  and  central  spire  which  shot  out  straight  toward 
the  sky.  I  knew  what  to  do  with  his  tatters,  but  that 
crimson  thatch  dumfounded  me.  However  there  was 
no  going  back  now,  so  I  set  to  work  upon  him.  Luckily 
my  wardrobe  represented  three  generations  of  O'Ruddy 
clothes,  and  there  was  a  great  plenty.  I  put  my  impos 
tor  in  a  suit  of  blue  velvet  with  a  flowered  waistcoat  and 
stockings  of  pink.  I  gave  him  a  cocked  hat  and  a  fine 
cloak.  I  worked  with  success  up  to  the  sword-belt,  and 
there  I  was  checked.  I  had  two  swords,  but  only  one 
belt.  However,  I  slung  the  sword  which  King  Louis 
had  given  my  father  on  a  long  string  from  Paddy's  neck 
and  sternly  bid  him  keep  his  cloak  tight  about  him.  We 
were  ready. 

"  Now,  Paddy,"  said  I,  "  do  you  bow  in  this  manner." 
I  bowed  as  a  gentleman  should.  But  I  will  not  say  how 
I  strove  with  him.  I  could  do  little  in  that  brief  space. 
If  he  remained  motionless  and  kept  his  tongue  still  he 
was  somewhat  near  his  part,  but  the  moment  he  moved 
he  was  astonishing.  I  depended  on  keeping  him  under 
my  eye,  and  I  told  him  to  watch  me  like  a  cat.  "  Don't 
go  thinking  how  grand  you  are,  that  way,"  I  cried  to 
him  angrily.  "  If  you  make  a  blunder  of  it,  the  gentle- 


18  THE      O 'RUDDY 

men  will  cudgel  you,  mark  you  that.  Do  you  as  I  direct 
you.  And  the  string,  curse  you.  Mind  your  cloak !  " 
The  villain  had  bethought  him  of  his  flowered  waist 
coat,  and  with  a  comic  air  flung  back  his  coat  to  display 
it.  "  Take  your  fingers  out  of  your  mouth.  Stop 
scratching  your  shin  with  your  foot.  Leave  your  hair 
alone.  T  is  as  good  and  as  bad  as  you  can  make  it. 
Come  along  now,  and  hold  your  tongue  like  a  graven 
image  if  you  would  not  be  having  me  stop  the  duel  to 
lather  you." 

We  marched  in  good  order  out  of  the  inn.  We  saw 
our  two  gentlemen  awaiting  us,  wrapped  in  their  cloaks, 
for  the  dawn  was  cold.  They  bowed  politely,  and  as  I 
returned  their  salute  I  said  in  a  low,  quick  aside  to 
Paddy : 

"  Now,  for  the  love  of  God,  bow  for  your  life !  " 

My  intense  manner  must  have  frightened  the  poor 
thing,  for  he  ducked  as  swiftly  as  if  he  had  been  at  a 
fair  in  Ireland  and  somebody  had  hove  a  cobble  at  his 
head. 

"  Come  up ! "  I  whispered,  choking  with  rage. 
"  Come  up !  You  '11  be  breaking  your  nose  on  the 
road." 

He  straightened  himself,  looking  somewhat  bewil 
dered,  and  said ; 

"What  was  it?  Was  I  too  slow?  Did  I  do  it 
well?" 

"  Oh,  fine,"  said  I.  "  Fine.  You  do  it  as  well  as 
that  once  more,  and  you  will  probably  break  your  own 
neck,  and  't  is  not  me  will  be  buying  masses  for  your 
soul,  you  thief.  Now  don't  drop  as  if  a  gamekeeper 
had  shot  at  you.  There  is  no  hurry  in  life.  Be  quiet 
and  easy." 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  V  19 

"  I  mistrusted  I  was  going  too  fast,"  said  he ;  "  but 
for  the  life  of  me  I  could  n't  pull  up.  If  I  had  been 
the  Dublin  mail,  and  the  road  thick  as  fleas  with  high 
waymen,  I  should  have  gone  through  them  grand." 

My  Lord  Strepp  and  Colonel  Royale  had  not  be 
trayed  the  slightest  surprise  at  the  appearance  of  my 
extraordinary  companion.  Their  smooth,  regular 
faces  remained  absolutely  imperturbable.  This  I  took 
to  be  very  considerate  of  them,  but  I  gave  them  just 
a  little  more  than  their  due,  as  I  afterward  perceived 
when  I  came  to  understand  the  English  character 
somewhat.  The  great  reason  was  that  Paddy  and  I 
were  foreigners.  It  is  not  to  be  thought  that  gentle 
men  of  their  position  would  have  walked  out  for  a 
duel  with  an  Englishman  in  the  party  of  so  fantastic 
an  appearance.  They  would  have  placed  him  at  once 
as  a  person  impossible  and  altogether  out  of  their  class. 
They  would  have  told  a  lackey  to  kick  this  preposter 
ous  creation  into  the  horse-pond.  But  since  Paddy 
was  a  foreigner  he  was  possessed  of  some  curious 
license,  and  his  grotesque  ways  could  be  explained 
fully  in  the  simple  phrase,  "  'T  is  a  foreigner." 

So,  then,  we  preceded  my  Lord  Strepp  and  Colonel 
Royale  through  a  number  of  narrow  streets  and  out 
into  some  clear  country.  I  chose  a  fine  open  bit  of 
green  turf  as  a  goodly  place  for  us  to  meet,  and  I 
warped  Paddy  through  the  gate  and  moved  to  tin- 
middle  of  the  field.  I  drew  my  sword  and  saluted,  and 
then  turned  away.  I  had  told  Paddy  everything  which 
a  heaven-sent  sense  of  instruction  could  suggest,  and 
if  he  failed  I  could  do  no  more  than  kill  him. 

After  I  had  kicked  him  sharply  he  went  aside  with 
Lord  Strepp,  and  they  indulged  in  what  sounded  like 


20  THE      O'RUDDY 

a  very  animated  discussion.  Finally  I  was  surprised 
to  see  Lord  Strepp  approaching  me.  He  said : 

"  It  is  very  irregular,  but  I  seem  unable  to  under 
stand  your  friend.  He  has  proposed  to  me  that  the 
man  whose  head  is  broken  first  —  I  do  not  perfectly 
understand  what  he  could  mean  by  that;  it  does  not 
enter  our  anticipations  that  a  man  could  possibly  have 
his  head  broken  —  he  has  proposed  that  the  man 
whose  head  may  be  broken  first  should  provide  '  lash 
ings  '  —  I  feel  sure  that  is  the  word  —  lashings  of 
meat  and  drink  at  some  good  inn  for  the  others. 
Lashings  is  a  word  which  I  do  not  know.  We  do  not 
know  how  to  understand  you  gentlemen  when  you 
speak  of  lashings.  I  am  instructed  to  meet  any  terms 
which  you  may  suggest,  but  I  find  that  I  cannot  make 
myself  clear  to  your  friend  who  speaks  of  nothing  but 
lashings." 

"  Sir,"  said  I,  as  I  threw  coat  and  waistcoat  on  the 
grass,  "  my  friend  refers  to  a  custom  of  his  own 
country.  You  will,  I  feel  sure,  pardon  his  miscon 
ception  of  the  circumstances.  Pray  accept  my  regrets, 
and,  if  you  please,  I  am  ready." 

He  immediately  signified  that  his  mind  was  now  clear, 
and  that  the  incident  of  Paddy's  lashings  he  regarded 
as  closed.  As  for  that  flame-headed  imp  of  crime,  if 
I  could  have  got  my  hands  upon  him  he  would  have 
taken  a  short  road  to  his  fathers.  Him  and  his  lash 
ings  !  As  I  stood  there  with  a  black  glare  at  him,  the 
impudent  scoundrel  repeatedly  winked  at  me  with  the 
readable  information  that  if  I  only  would  be  patient 
and  bide  a  moment  he  would  compass  something  very 
clever.  As  I  faced  Colonel  Royale  I  was  so  wild  with 
thinking  of  what  I  would  do  to  Paddy,  that,  for  all 


THE      O  '  R  IT  D  D  Y  21 

I  knew,  I  might  have  been  crossing  swords  with  my 
mother. 

And  now  as  to  this  duel.  I  will  not  conceal  that  I 
was  a  very  line  fencer  in  both  the  French  and  Italian 
manners.  My  father  was  in  his  day  one  of  the  finest 
blades  in  Paris,  and  had  fought  with  some  of  the  most 
skillful  and  impertinent  gentlemen  in  all  France.  He 
had  done  his  best  to  give  me  his  eye  and  his  wrist,  and 
sometimes  he  would  say  that  I  was  qualified  to  meet 
all  but  the  best  in  the  world.  He  commonly  made  fun 
of  the  gentlemen  of  England,  saying  that  a  dragoon 
was  their  ideal  of  a  man  with  a  sword ;  and  he  would 
add  that  the  rapier  was  a  weapon  which  did  not  lend 
itself  readily  to  the  wood-chopper's  art.  He  was  all 
for  the  French  and  Italian  schools. 

I  had  always  thought  that  my  father's  judgment 
was  very  good,  but  I  could  not  help  reflecting  that  if  it 
turned  out  to  be  bad  I  would  have  a  grievance  as  well 
as  a  sword-thrust  in  the  body.  Colonel  Royale  came 
at  me  in  a  somewhat  leisurely  manner,  and,  as  I  said, 
my  mind  was  so  full  of  rage  at  Paddy  that  I  met  the 
first  of  my  opponent's  thrusts  through  sheer  force  of 
habit.  But  my  head  was  clear  a  moment  later,  and  I 
knew  that  I  was  fighting  my  first  duel  in  England  and 
for  my  father's  honour.  It  was  no  time  to  think  of 
Paddy. 

Another  moment  later  I  knew  that  I  was  the  Col 
onel's  master.  I  could  reach  him  where  I  chose.  But 
he  did  not  know  it.  He  went  on  prodding  away  with 
a  serious  countenance,  evidently  under  the  impression 
that  he  had  me  hard  put  to  it.  He  was  as  grave  as  an 
owl-faced  parson.  And  now  here  I  did  a  sorry  thing. 
I  became  the  victim  of  another  of  my  mad  impulses. 


22  THE     O'RUDDY 

I  was  seized  with  an  ungovernable  desire  to  laugh. 
It  was  hideous.  But  laugh  I  did,  and,  of  necessity, 
square  in  the  Colonel's  face.  And  to  this  day  I 
regret  it. 

Then  the  real  duel  began.  At  my  laugh  the  Colonel 
instantly  lost  his  grave  air,  and  his  countenance  flushed 
with  high,  angry  surprise.  He  beset  me  in  a  perfect 
fury,  caring  no  more  for  his  guard  than  if  he  had  been 
made  of  iron.  Never  have  I  seen  such  quick  and  tre 
mendous  change  in  a  man.  I  had  laughed  at  him 
under  peculiar  conditions :  very  well,  then ;  he  was 
a  demon.  Thrice  my  point  pricked  him  to  keep  him 
off,  and  thrice  my  heart  was  in  my  mouth  that  he 
would  come  on  regardless.  The  blood  oozed  out  on 
his  white  ruffled  shirt ;  he  was  panting  heavily,  and  his 
eyes  rolled.  He  was  a  terrible  sight  to  face.  At  last 
I  again  touched  him,  and  this  time  sharply  and  in  the 
sword  arm,  and  upon  the  instant  my  Lord  Strepp 
knocked  our  blades  apart. 

"Enough,"  he  cried  sternly.  "Back,  Colonel! 
Back !  " 

The  Colonel  flung  himself  sobbing  into  his  friend's 
arms,  choking  out,  "  O  God,  Strepp !  I  could  n't 
reach  him.  I  could  n't  reach  him,  Strepp !  Oh,  my 
God!" 

At  the  same  time  I  disappeared,  so  to  speak,  in  the 
embrace  of  my  red-headed  villain,  who  let  out  an  Irish 
howl  of  victory  that  should  have  been  heard  at  Glan- 
dore.  "  Be  quiet,  rascal,"  I  cried,  flinging  him  off. 
But  he  went  on  with  his  howling  'until  I  was  obliged 
forcibly  to  lead  him  to  a  corner  of  the  field,  where  he 
exclaimed : 

"  Oh,  your  honour,  when  I  seen  the  other  gentleman, 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  23 

all  blazing  with  rage,  rush  at  you  that  way,  and  me 
with  not  so  much  as  a  tuppence  for  all  my  service  to 
you  excepting  these  fine  clothes  and  the  sword,  al 
though  I  am  thinking  I  shall  have  little  to  do  with 
swords  if  this  is  the  way  they  do  it,  I  said,  '  Sorrow  the 
day  England  saw  me ! ' 

If  I  had  a  fool  for  a  second,  Colonel  Royale  had  a 
fine,  wise  young  man.  Lord  Strepp  was  dealing  firmly 
and  coolly  with  his  maddened  principal. 

"  I  can  fight  with  my  left  hand,"  the  Colonel  was 
screaming.  "  I  tell  you,  Strepp,  I  am  resolved !  Don't 
bar  my  way !  I  will  kill  him  !  I  will  kill  him  !  "  • 

"  You  are  not  in  condition  to  fight,"  said  the  undis 
turbed  young  man.  "  You  are  wounded  in  four  places 
already.  You  are  in  my  hands.  You  will  fight  no 
more  to-day." 

"  But,  Strepp !  "  wailed  the  Colonel.  "  Oh,  my  God, 
Strepp!" 

"  You  fight  no  more  to-day,"  said  the  young  lord. 

Then  happened  unexpected  interruptions.  Paddy 
told  me  afterward  that  during  the  duel  a  maid  had 
looked  over  a  wall  and  yelled,  and  dropped  a  great 
brown  bowl  at  sight  of  our  occupation.  She  must 
have  been  the  instrument  that  aroused  the  entire 
county,  for  suddenly  men  came  running  from  every 
where.  And  the  little  boys!  There  must  have  been 
little  boys  from  all  over  England. 

"What  is  it?    What  is  it?" 

"  Two  gentlemen  have  been  fighting !  " 

"  Oh,  aye,  look  at  him  with  the  blood  on  him !  " 

"  Well,  and  there  is  young  my  Lord  Strepp.  He  'd 
be  deep  in  the  matter,  I  warrant  you !  " 

"  Look  yon,   Bill !      Mark  the  gentleman   with  the 


24  THE     O'RUDDY 

red  hair.     He  's  not  from  these  parts,  truly.     Where, 
think  you,  he  comes  from  ?  " 

"  'T  is  a  great  marvel  to  see  such  hair,  and  I  doubt 
not  he  comes  from  Africa." 

They  did  not  come  very  near,  for  in  those  days 
there  was  little  the  people  feared  but  a  gentleman,  and 
small  wonder.  However,  when  the  little  boys  judged 
that  the  delay  in  a  resumption  of  the  fight  was  too 
prolonged,  they  did  not  hesitate  to  express  certain 
unconventional  opinions  and  commands. 

"  Hurry  up,  now !  " 

"Go  on!" 

"You're  both  af eared!" 

u  Begin !     Begin !  " 

"  Are  the  gentlemen  in  earnest  ?  " 

"  Sirs,  do  you  mean  ever  to  fight  again  ?  Begin, 
begin." 

But  their  enthusiasm  waxed  high  after  they  had 
thoroughly  comprehended  Paddy  and  his  hair. 

"  You  're  alight,  sir ;   you  're  alight !  " 

"  Water !    Water !  " 

"  Farmer  Pelton  will  have  the  officers  at  you  an  you 
go  near  his  hay.  Water !  " 

Paddy  understood  that  they  were  paying  tribute  to 
his  importance,  and  he  again  went  suddenly  out  of  my 
control.  He  began  to  strut  and  caper  and  pose  with 
the  air  of  knowing  that  he  was  the  finest  gentleman  in 
England. 

"  Paddy,  you  baboon,"  said  I,  "  be  quiet  and  don't 
be  making  yourself  a  laughing-stock  for  the  whole  of 
them." 

But  I  could  give  small  heed  to  him,  for  I  was  greatly 
occupied  in  watching  Lord  Strepp  and  the  Colonel. 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  25 

The  Colonel  was  listening  now  to  his  friend  for  the 
simple  reason  that  the  loss  of  blood  had  made  him  too 
weak  to  fight  again.  Of  a  sudden  he  slumped  gently 
down  through  Lord  Strepp's  arms  to  the  ground,  and, 
as  the  young  man  knelt,  he  cast  his  eyes  about  him 
until  they  rested  upon  me  in  what  I  took  to  be  mute 
appeal.  I  ran  forward,  and  we  quickly  tore  his  fine 
ruffles  to  pieces  and  succeeded  in  quite  stanching  his 
wounds,  none  of  which  were  serious.  JT  is  only  a 
little  blood-letting,"  said  my  Lord  Strepp  with  some 
thing  of  a  smile.  "  'T  will  cool  him,  perchance." 

"None  of  them  are  deep,"  I  cried  hastily.     "I " 

But  Lord  Strepp  stopped  me  with  a  swift  gesture. 
"  Yes,"  he  said,  "  I  knew.  I  could  see.  But  - 
He  looked  at  me  with  troubled  eyes.  "  It  is  an  ex 
traordinary  situation.  You  have  spared  him,  and  — 
he  will  not  wish  to  be  spared,  I  feel  sure.  Most 
remarkable  case." 

"  Well,  I  won't  kill  him,"  said  I  bluntly,  having  tired 
of  this  rubbish.  "  Damme  if  I  will !  " 

Lord  Strepp  laughed  outright.  "  It  is  ridiculous," 
he  said.  "  Do  you  return,  O'Ruddy,  and  leave  me  the 
care  of  this  business.  And,"  added  he,  with  embar 
rassed  manner,  "  this  mixture  is  full  strange ;  but  — 
I  feel  sure  —  any  how,  I  salute  you,  sir."  And  in  his 
bow  he  paid  a  sensible  tribute  to  my  conduct. 

Afterward  there  was  nought  to  do  but  gather  in 
Paddy  and  return  to  the  inn.  I  found  my  countryman 
swaggering  to  and  fro  before  the  crowd.  Some  ig 
noramus,  or  some  wit,  had  dubbed  him  the  King  of 
Ireland,  and  he  was  playing  to  the  part. 

"  Paddy,  you  red-headed  scandal,"  said  I,  "  come 
along  now !  " 


26  THE      O'RUDDY 

When  he  heard  me,  he  came  well  enough ;  but  I 
could  not  help  but  feel  from  his  manner  that  he  had 
made  a  great  concession. 

"  And  so  they  would  be  taking  me  for  the  King  of 
Ireland,  and,  sure,  't  is  an  advantage  to  be  thought  a 
king  whatever,  and  if  your  honour  would  be  easy  't  is 
you  and  me  that  would  sleep  in  the  finest  beds  in 
Bristol  the  night,  and  nothing  to  do  but  take  the  drink 
as  it  was  handed  and 1  '11  say  no  more." 

A  rabble  followed  us  on  our  way  to  the  inn,  but  I 
turned  on  them  so  fiercely  from  time  to  time  that  ulti 
mately  they  ran  off.  We  made  direct  for  my  chamber, 
where  I  ordered  food  and  drink  immediately  to  be 
served.  Once  alone  there  with  Paddy  I  allowed  my 
joy  to  take  hold  on  me.  "  Eh,  Paddy,  my  boy,"  said  I, 
walking  before  him,  "  I  have  done  grand.  I  am, 
indeed,  one  of  the  finest  gentlemen  in  the  world." 

"  Aye,  that 's  true,"  he  answered,  "  but  there  was 
a  man  at  your  back  throughout  who " 

To  his  extreme  astonishment  I  buffeted  him  heavily 
upon  the  cheek.  "  And  we  '11  have  no  more  of  that 
talk,"  said  I. 


CHAPTER    III 

"    \  YE !  "    said    Paddy,   holding   his   jowl ;    "  't  is 

2^\^  what  one  gets  for  serving  a  gentleman.  'T  is 
the  service  of  a  good  truthful  blackguard  I  'd  be  look 
ing  for,  and  that 's  true  for  me." 

"  Be  quiet  and  mind  what  I  tell  you,"  I  cried  to  him. 
"  I  'm  uplifted  with  my  success  in  England,  and  I 
won't  be  hearing  anything  from  you  while  I  am 
saying  that  I  am  one  of  the  grandest  gentlemen  in  all 
the  world.  I  came  over  here  with  papers  —  papers !  " 
said  I ;  and  then  I  bethought  me  that  I  would  take  the 
papers  and  wave  them  in  my  hand.  I  don't  know  why 
people  wish  to  wave  important  documents  in  their 
hands,  but  the  impulse  came  to  me.  Above  all  things 
I  wished  to  take  these  papers  and  wave  them  defiantly, 
exultantly,  in  the  air.  They  were  my  inheritance  and 
my  land  of  promise;  they  were  everything.  I  must 
wave  them  even  to  the  chamber,  empty  save  for  Paddy. 

When  I  reached  for  them  in  the  proper  place  in  my 
luggage  tney  were  gone.  I  wheeled  like  a  tiger  upon 
Paddy. 

"  Villain,"  I  roared,  grasping  him  at  the  throat, 
"  you  have  them  !  " 

He  sank  in  full  surrender  to  his  knees. 

"  I  have,  your  honour,"  he  wailed ;  "  but,  sure,  I 
never  thought  your  honour  would  care,  since  one  of 


28  THE     O'RUDDY 

them  is  badly  worn  at  the  heel,  and  the  other  is  no 
better  than  no  boot  at  all." 

I  was  cooled  by  the  incontestable  verity  of  this  man. 
I  sat  heavily  down  in  a  chair  by  the  fire. 

"  Aye,"  said  I  stupidly,  "  the  boots !  I  did  not  mean 
the  boots,  although  when  you  took  them  passes  my 
sense  of  time.  I  mean  some  papers." 

"  Some  papers !  "  cried  he  excitedly.  "  Your  honour 
never  thought  it  would  be  me  that  would  steal  papers  ? 
Nothing  less  than  good  cows  would  do  my  people,  and 
a  bit  of  turf  now  and  then,  but  papers " 

"  Peace !  "  said  I  sombrely,  and  began  to  search  my 
luggage  thoroughly  for  my  missing  inheritance.  But 
it  was  all  to  no  purpose.  The  papers  were  not  there. 
I  could  not  have  lost  them.  They  had  been  stolen.  I 
saw  my  always-flimsy  inheritance  melt  away.  I  had 
been,  I  thought,  on  the  edge  of  success,  but  I  now  had 
nothing  but  my  name,  a  successful  duel,  and  a  few 
pieces  of  gold.  I  was  buried  in  defeat. 

Of  a  sudden  a  name  shot  through  my  mind.  The 
name  of  this  black  Forister  was  upon  me  violently  and 
yet  with  perfect  sureness.  It  was  he  who  had  stolen 
the  papers.  I  knew  it.  I  felt  it  in  every  bone.  He 
had  taken  the  papers. 

I  have  since  been  told  that  it  is  very  common  for 
people  to  be  moved  by  these  feelings  of  omen,  which 
are  invariably  correct  in  their  particulars;  but  at  the 
time  I  thought  it  odd  that  I  should  be  so  certain  that 
Forister  had  my  papers.  However,  I  had  no  time  to 
waste  in  thinking.  I  grasped  my  pistols.  "  A  black 
man  —  black  as  the  devil,"  cried  I  to  Paddy.  "  Help 
me  catch  a  little  black  man." 

"  Sure !  "  said  Paddy,  and  we  sallied  forth. 


THE     O'RUDDY  29 

In  a  moment  I  was  below  and  crying  to  the  landlord 
in  as  fine  a  fury  as  any  noble: 

"  This  villain  Forister !    And  where  be  he  ?  " 

The  landlord  looked  at  me  with  bulging  eyes. 
"  Master  Forister,"  he  stammered.  "  Aye  —  aye  — 
he  's  been  a-gone  these  many  hours  since  your  lordship 
kicked  him.  He  took  horse,  he  did,  for  Bath,  he 
did." 

"  Horses  !  "  I  roared.  "  Horses  for  two  gentlemen !  " 
And  the  stableyard,  very  respectful  since  my  duel, 
began  to  ring  with  cries.  The  landlord  pleaded  some 
thing  about  his  bill,  and  in  my  impatience  I  hurled  to 
him  all  of  my  gold  save  one  piece.  The  horses  came 
soon  enough,  and  I  leaped  into  the  saddle  and  was 
away  to  Bath  after  Forister.  As  I  galloped  out  of  the 
inn  yard  I  heard  a  tumult  behind  me,  and,  looking 
back,  I  saw  three  hostlers  lifting  hard  at  Paddy  to  raise 
him  into  the  saddle.  He  gave  a  despairing  cry  when 
he  perceived  me  leaving  him  at  such  speed,  but  my 
heart  was  hardened  to  my  work.  I  must  catch 
Forister. 

It  was  a  dark  and  angry  morning.  The  rain  swept 
across  my  face,  and  the  wind  flourished  my  cloak. 
The  road,  glistening  steel  and  brown,  was  no  better 
than  an  Irish  bog  for  hard  riding.  Once  I  passed  a 
chaise  with  a  flogging  post-boy  and  steaming  nags. 
Once  I  overtook  a  farmer  jogging  somewhere  on  a 
fat  mare.  Otherwise  I  saw  no  travellers. 

I  was  near  my  journey's  end  when  I  came  to  a  por 
tion  of  the  road  which  dipped  down  a  steep  hill.  At 
the  foot  of  this  hill  was  an  oak-tree,  and  under  this 
tree  was  a  man  masked  and  mounted,  and  in  his  hand 
was  a  levelled  pistol. 


30  THE     O'RUDDY 

"Stand!''  he  said.     "Stand!" 

I  knew  his  meaning,  but  when  a  man  has  lost  a 
documentary  fortune  and  given  an  innkeeper  all  but  his 
last  guinea,  he  is  sure  to  be  filled  with  fury  at  the  ap 
pearance  of  a  third  and  completing  misfortune.  With 
a  loud  shout  I  drew  my  pistol  and  rode  like  a  demon 
at  the  highwayman.  He  fired,  but  his  bullet  struck 
nothing  but  the  flying  tails  of  my  cloak.  As  my  horse 
crashed  into  him  I  struck  at  his  pate  with  my  pistol. 
An  instant  later  we  both  came  a  mighty  downfall,  and 
when  I  could  get  my  eyes  free  of  stars  I  arose  and 
drew  my  sword.  The  highwayman  sat  before  me  on 
the  ground,  ruefully  handling  his  skull.  Our  two 
horses  were  scampering  away  into  the  mist. 

I  placed  my  point  at  the  highwayman's  throat. 

"  So,  my  fine  fellow,"  cried  I  grandly,  "  you  rob 
well.  You  are  the  principal  knight  of  the  road  of  all 
England,  I  would  dare  say,  by  the  way  in  which  an 
empty  pistol  overcomes  you." 

He  was  still  ruefully  handling  his  skull. 

"  Aye,"  he  muttered  sadly,  more  to  himself  than  to 
me,  "  a  true  knight  of  the  road  with  seven  ballads 
written  of  me  in  Bristol  and  three  in  Bath.  Ill  betide 
me  for  not  minding  my  mother's  word  and  staying  at 
home  this  day.  'T  is  all  the  unhappy  luck  of  Jem 
Bottles.  I  should  have  remained  an  honest  sheep- 
stealer  and  never  engaged  in  this  dangerous  and  ne 
farious  game  of  lifting  purses." 

The  man's  genuine  sorrow  touched  me.  "  Cheer  up, 
Jem  Bottles,"  said  I.  "All  may  yet  be  well.  T  is 
not  one  little  bang  on  the  crown  that  so  disturbs  you  ?  " 

1 JT  is  not  one  —  no,"  he  answered  gloomily ;  "  't  is 
two.  The  traveller  riding  to  the  east  before  you  dealt 


THE      O'RUDDY  31 

me  a  similar  blow  —  may  hell  catch  the  little  black 
devil." 

"  Black !  "  cried  I.     "  Forister,  for  my  life !  " 

"'  He  took  no  moment  to  tell  me  his  name,"  re 
sponded  the  sullen  and  wounded  highwayman.  "  He 
beat  me  out  of  the  saddle  and  rode  away  as  brisk  as 
a  bird.  I  know  not  what  my  mother  will  say.  She  be 
for  ever  telling  me  of  the  danger  in  this  trade,  and  here 
come  two  gentlemen  in  one  day  and  unhorse  me  with 
out  the  profit  of  a  sixpence  to  my  store.  When  I  be 
came  a  highwayman  I  thought  me  I  had  profited  me 
from  the  low  estate  of  a  sheep-stealer,  but  now  I  see 
that  happiness  in  this  life  does  not  altogether  depend 
upon " 

"  Enough,"  I  shouted  in  my  impatience.  "  Tell  me 
of  the  black  man  !  The  black  man,  worm !  "  I  pricked 
his  throat  with  my  sword  very  carefully. 

"  He  was  black,  and  he  rode  like  a  demon,  and  he 
handled  his  weapons  finely,"  said  Jem  Bottles.  "  And 
since  I  have  told  you  all  I  know,  please,  good  sir,  move 
the  point  from  my  throat.  This  will  be  ill  news  for  my 
mother." 

I  took  thought  with  myself.  I  must  on  to  Bath  ;  but 
the  two  horses  had  long  since  scampered  out  of  sight, 
and  my  pursuit  of  the  papers  would  make  small  way 
afoot. 

"  Come,  Jem  Bottles,"  I  cried,  "  help  me  to  a  horse 
in  a  comrade's  way  and  for  the  sake  of  your  mother. 
In  another  case  I  will  leave  you  here  a  bloody  corse. 
Come ;  there  's  a  good  fellow  !  " 

He  seemed  moved  to  help  me.  "  Now,  if  there 
comes  a  well-mounted  traveller,"  he  said,  brightening, 
"  I  will  gain  his  horse  for  you  if  I  die  for  it." 


32  THE      O'RUDDY 

"And  if  there  comes  no  well-mounted  traveller?" 

"  I  know  not,  sir.     But  —  perhaps  he  will  come." 
'  'T  is  a  cheap  rogue  who  has  but  one  horse,"  I  ob 
served  contemptuously.     "  You  are  only  a  footpad,  a 
simple-minded  marquis  of  the  bludgeon." 

Now,  as  I  had  hoped,  this  deeply  cut  his  pride. 

"  Did  I  not  speak  of  the  ballads,  sir  ?  "  he  demanded 
with  considerable  spirit.  "Horses?  Aye,  and  have 
I  not  three  good  nags  hid  behind  my  mother's  cottage, 
which  is  less  than  a  mile  from  this  spot  ?  " 

"  Monsieur  Jem  Bottles,"  said  I,  not  forgetting  the 
French  manners  which  my  father  had  taught  me, 
"  unless  you  instantly  show  me  the  way  to  these  horses 
I  shall  cut  off  your  hands,  your  feet,  and  your  head; 
and,  ripping  out  your  bowels,  shall  sprinkle  them  on 
the  road  for  the  first  post-horses  to  mash  and  trample. 
Do  you  understand  my  intention,  Monsieur  Jem 
Bottles?" 

"  Sir,"  he  begged,  "  think  of  my  mother !  " 

"  I  think  of  the  horses,"  I  answered  grimly.  "  T  is 
for  you  to  think  of  your  mother.  How  could  I  think 
of  your  mother  when  I  would  n't  know  her  from  the 
Head  of  Kinsale,  if  it  didn't  happen  that  I  know  the 
Head  of  Kinsale  too  well  to  mistake  it  for  anybody's 
mother?" 

"  You  speak  like  a  man  from  foreign  parts,  sir,"  he 
rejoined  in  a  meek  voice ;  "  but  I  am  able  to  see  that 
your  meaning  is  serious." 

'  'T  is  so  serious,"  said  I,  rapping  him  gently  on 
the  head  with  the  butt  of  my  pistol,  "  that  if  you  don't 
instantly  display  a  greedy  activity  you  will  display  a 
perfect  inability  to  move." 

"  The  speeching  is  obscure,"  said  he,  "  but  the  rap 


THE     O  '  RUDDY  M 

on  the  head  is  clear  to  me.    Still,  it  was  not  kind  of  you 
to  hit  me  on  the  same  spot  twice." 

He  now  arose  from  his  mournful  seat  on  the  ground, 
and,  still  rubbing  his  pate,  he  asked  me  to  follow  him. 
We  moved  from  the  highway  into  a  very  narrow  lane, 
and  for  some  time  proceeded  in  silence. 

"  'T  is  a  regular  dog's  life,"  spoke  Jem  Bottles  after 
a  period  of  reflection. 

By  this  time  I  had  grown  a  strong  sympathy  for  my 
scoundrel. 

"  Come,  cheer  yourself,  Jem  Bottles,"  said  I.  "  I 
have  known  a  lesser  ruffian  who  was  hanged  until  he 
was  dry,  whereas  you  march  along  the  lane  with 
nought  to  your  discouragement  but  three  cracks  in 
your  crown." 

'  'T  is  not  the  cracks  in  the  crown,"  he  answered 
moodily.  "  'T  is  what  my  mother  will  say." 

"  I  had  no  thought  that  highwaymen  had  mothers," 
said  I.  I  had  resolved  now  to  take  care  of  his  pride, 
for  I  saw  that  he  was  bound  to  be  considered  a  great 
highwayman,  and  I  did  not  wish  to  disturb  his  feelings 
until  I  gained  possession  of  one  of  the  horses.  But 
now  he  grew  as  indignant  as  he  dared. 

"  Mother  ?  Mother,  sir  ?  Do  you  think  me  an  ille 
gitimate  child  ?  I  say  to  you  flat  in  your  face,  even  if 
you  kill  me  the  next  instant,  that  I  have  a  mother. 
Perchance  I  am  not  of  the  lofty  gentry  who  go  about 
beating  honest  highwaymen  to  the  earth,  but  I  repulse 
with  scorn  any  man's  suggestion  that  I  am  illegitimate. 
In  a  quarter  of  an  hour  you  shall  see  my  mother  for 
yourself." 

"  Peace,  Jem  Bottles,"  said  I  soothingly.  "  I  took  no 
thought  of  such  a  thing.  I  would  be  thinking  only  of 

3 


34  THE      O'RUDDY 

the  ballads,  and  how  honourable  it  is  that  a  gallant  and 
dashing  life  should  be  celebrated  in  song.  I,  for  cer 
tain,  have  never  done  anything  to  make  a  pothouse  ring 
with  my  name,  and  I  liken  you  to  the  knights  of  olden 
days  who  tilted  in  all  simple  fair  bravery  without  being 
able  to  wager  a  brass  farthing  as  to  who  was  right 
and  who  was  wrong.  Admirable  Jem  Bottles,"  I  cried 
enthusiastically,  "  tell  me,  if  you  will,  of  your  glories ; 
tell  me  with  your  own  tongue,  so  that  when  I  hear 
the  ballads  waxing  furious  with  praise  of  you,  I  shall 
recall  the  time  I  marched  with  your  historic  person." 
"  My  beginning  was  without  pretence,"  said  the 
highwayman.  "  Little  Susan,  daughter  of  Farmer 
Hants,  was  crossing  the  fields  with  a  basket  of  eggs. 
I,  a  masked  figure,  sprang  out  at  her  from  a  thicket. 
I  seized  the  basket.  She  screamed.  There  was  a 
frightful  tumult.  But  in  the  end  I  bore  away  this 
basket  of  eight  eggs,  creeping  stealthily  through  the 
wood.  The  next  day  Farmer  Hants  met  me.  He  had 
a  long  whip.  There  was  a  frightful  tumult.  But  he 
little  knew  that  he  was  laying  with  his  whip  the  foun 
dation  of  a  career  so  illustrious.  For  a  time  I  stole  his 
sheep,  but  soon  grew  weary  of  this  business.  Once, 
after  they  had  chased  me  almost  to  Bristol,  I  was  so 
weary  that  I  resolved  to  forego  the  thing  entirely. 
Then  I  became  a  highwayman,  whom  you  see  before 
you.  One  of  the  ballads  begins  thus: 

"  What  ho  !  the  merry  Jem  ! 
Not  a  pint  he  gives  for  them. 
All  his " 

"  Stop,"  said  I,  "  we  '11  have  it  at  Dame  Bottles's 
fireside.  Hearing  songs  in  the  night  air  always  makes 
me  hoarse  the  next  morning." 


THE      O'RUDDY  35 

"  As  you  will,"  he  answered  without  heat.  "  We  're 
a'most  there." 

Soon  a  lighted  window  of  the  highwayman's  humble 
home  shone  out  in  the  darkness,  and  a  moment  later 
Jem  Bottles  was  knocking  at  the  door.  It  was  immedi 
ately  opened,  and  he  stalked  in  with  his  blood-marks 
still  upon  his  face.  There  was  a  great  outcry  in  a  fem 
inine  voice,  and  a  large  woman  rushed  forward  and 
flung  her  arms  about  the  highwayman. 

"  Oh,  Jemmie,  my  son,  my  son !  "  she  screamed, 
"  whatever  have  they  done  to  ye  this  time  ?  " 

"  Silence,  mother  dear,"  said  Bottles.  "  'T  is  nought 
but  a  wind-broken  bough  fallen  on  my  head.  Have 
you  no  manners?  Do  you  not  see  the  gentleman 
waiting  to  enter  and  warm  himself  ?  " 

The  woman  turned  upon  me,  alarmed,  but  fiery  and 
defiant.  After  a  moment's  scrutiny  she  demanded: 

"  Oh,  ho,  and  the  gentleman  had  nought  to  do  of 
course  with  my  Jem's  broken  head?" 

"  'T  is  a  priest  but  newly  arrived  from  his  native 
island  of  Asia,"  said  Bottles  piously ;  "  and  it  ill 
beseems  you,  mother  dear,  to  be  haggling  when 
you  might  be  getting  the  holy  man  and  I  some 
supper." 

"  True,  Jemmie,  my  own,"  responded  Dame  Bottles. 
4<  But  there  are  so  many  rogues  abroad  that  you  must 
forgive  your  old  mother  if  she  grow  often  affrighted 
that  her  good  Jemmie  has  been  misled."  She  turned  to 
me.  "  Pardon,  my  good  gentleman,"  she  said  almost 
in  tears.  "  Ye  little  know  what  it  is  to  be  the  mother 
of  a  high-spirited  boy." 

"  I  can  truthfully  say  that  I  do  not,  Dame  Bottles," 
said  I,  with  one  of  my  father's  French  bows.  She  was 


36  THE      O'RUDDY 

immensely  pleased.    Any  woman  may  fall  a  victim  to  a 
limber,  manly,  and  courteous  bow. 

Presently  we  sat  down  to  a  supper  of  plum-stew  and 
bread.  Bottles  had  washed  the  blood  from  his  face  and 
now  resembled  an  honest  man. 

'  You  may  think  it  strange,  sir,"  said  Dame  Bottles 
with  some  housewifely  embarrassment,  "  that  a  high 
wayman  of  such  distinction  that  he  has  had  written  of 
him  in  Bristol  six  ballads " 

"  Seven,"  said  the  highwayman. 

"  Seven  in  Bristol  and  in  Bath  two." 

"  Three,"  said  the  highwayman. 

"  And  three  in  Bath,"  continued  the  old  woman. 
"  You  may  think  it  strange,  sir,  that  a  highwayman  of 
such  distinction  that  he  has  had  written  of  him  in 
Bristol  seven  ballads,  and  in  Bath  three,  is  yet  obliged 
to  sit  down  to  a  supper  of  plum-stew  and  bread." 

"  Where  is  the  rest  of  that  cheese  I  took  on  last 
Michaelmas  ?  "  demanded  Bottles  suddenly. 

"  Jemmie,"  answered  his  mother  with  reproach, 
"  you  know  you  gave  the  last  of  it  to  the  crippled 
shepherd  over  on  the  big  hill." 

"  So  I  did,  mother  dear,"  assented  the  highwayman, 
"  and  I  regret  now  that  I  let  no  less  than  three  cheeses 
pass  me  on  the  highway  because  I  thought  we  had 
plenty  at  home." 

"  If  you  let  anything  pass  on  the  road  because  you 
do  not  lack  it  at  the  moment,  you  will  ultimately  die 
of  starvation,  Jemmie  dear,"  quoth  the  mother.  "  How 
often  have  I  told  you  ?  " 

"  Aye,"  he  answered  somewhat  irritably,  "  you  also 
often  have  told  me  to  take  snuff-boxes." 

"  And  was  I  at  fault,"  she  retorted,  "  because  the 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  V  37 

cheating  avarice  of  the  merchants  led  them  to  make 
sinful,  paltry  snuff-boxes  that  were  mere  pictures  of 
the  good  old  gold  and  silver?  Was  it  my  mischief? 
Or  was  it  the  mischief  of  the  plotting  swineherds  who 
now  find  it  to  their  interest  to  deal  in  base  and  imita 
tive  metals?" 

"  Peace,  my  mother,"  said  the  highwayman.  '  The 
gentleman  here  has  not  the  same  interest  in  snuff 
boxes  which  moves  us  to  loud  speech." 

"  True,"  said  Dame  Bottles,  "  and  I  readily  wish 
that  my  Jemmie  had  no  reason  to  care  if  snuff-boxes 
were  made  from  cabbage-leaves." 

I  had  been  turning  a  scheme  in  my  mind,  and  here 
I  thought  I  saw  my  opportunity  to  introduce  it.  "  Dame 
Bottles,"  said  I,  "  your  words  fit  well  with  the  plan 
which  has  brought  me  here  to  your  house.  Know  you, 
then,  that  I  am  a  nobleman " 

"  Alack,  poor  Jemmie !  "  cried  the  woman,  raising 
her  hands. 

"  No,"  said  I,  "  I  am  not  a  nobleman  rampant.  I  am 
a  nobleman  in  trouble,  and  I  need  the  services  of  your 
son,  for  which  I  will  reward  him  with  such  richness 
that  he  will  not  care  if  they  make  snuff-boxes  out  of 
water  or  wind.  I  am  in  pursuit  of  a  man  - 

"  The  little  black  man,"  cried  the  alert  Bottles. 

"  And  I  want  your  son  to  ride  with  me  to  catch  this 
thief.  He  need  never  pass  through  the  shadow  of  the 
creeping,  clanking  tree.  He  will  be  on  an  honest  hunt 
to  recover  a  great  property.  Give  him  to  me.  Give 
him  fourteen  guineas  from  his  store,  and  bid  us  mount 
his  horses  and  away.  Save  your  son !  " 

The  old  woman  burst  into  tears.  "  Sir,"  she  an 
swered,  "  I  know  little  of  you,  but,  as  near  as  I  can  see 


38  THE      O'RUDDY 

in  the  light  of  this  one  candle,  you  are  a  hangel.  Take 
my  boy !  Treat  him  as  you  would  your  own  stepson, 
and  if  snuff-boxes  ever  get  better  I  will  let  you  both 
hear  of  it." 

Less  than  an  hour  later  Jem  Bottles  and  I  were  off 
for  Bath,  riding  two  very  good  horses. 


CHAPTER    IV 

NOW  my  whole  mind  was  really  bent  on  finding 
my  black  Forister,  but  yet,  as  Jem  Bottles  and 
I  rode  toward  Bath,  I  thought  of  a  cloaked  figure  and 
a  pair  of  shining  eyes,  and  it  seemed  to  me  that  I  re 
called  the  curve  of  sweet,  proud  lips.  I  knew  that  I 
should  be  thinking  of  my  papers,  my  future;  but  a 
quick  perversity  made  me  dwell  for  a  long  trotting 
time  in  a  dream  of  feminine  excellence,  in  a  dream  of 
feminine  beauty  which  was  both  ascetic  and  deeply 
sensuous.  I  know  hardly  how  to  say  that  two  eyes, 
a  vision  of  lips,  a  conception  of  a  figure,  should  prop 
erly  move  me  as  I  bounced  along  the  road  with  Jem 
Bottles.  But  it  is  certain  that  it  came  upon  me.  The 
eyes  of  the  daughter  of  the  great  Earl  of  Westport 
had  put  in  chains  the  redoubtable  O'Ruddy.  It  was 
true.  It  was  clear.  I  admitted  it  to  myself.  The 
admission  caused  a  number  of  reflections  to  occur  in 
my  mind,  and  the  chief  of  these  was  that  I  was  a 
misfortunate  wretch. 

Jem  Bottles  recalled  me  to  the  immediate  business. 

"  T  is  the  lights  of  Bath,  sir,"  he  said,  "  and  if  it 
please  you,  sir,  I  shall  await  you  under  yonder  tree, 
since  the  wretched  balladists  have  rendered  me  so  well 
known  in  the  town  that  I  dare  not  venture  in  it  for  fear 
of  a  popular  welcome  from  the  people  who  have  no 
snufT-boxes  whatever." 

"  I  will  go  and  listen  to  the  ballads,"  I  replied,  "  and 


40  THE      O'RUDDY 

in  the  mean  time  do  you  await  me  here  under  that 
tree." 

So  saying  I  galloped  into  Bath,  my  soul  sharp  to 
find  Forister  and  to  take  him  by  the  neck  and  strangle 
out  of  him  those  papers  which  were  my  sole  reasons 
for  living.  But  the  landlord  of  the  best  inn  met  me 
with  an  unmistakable  frankness. 

"  Mr.  Forister  ?  "  said  he.  "  Yes,  your  lordship, 
but  Mr.  Forister  is  gone  back  to  Bristol." 

I  was  so  pleased  with  his  calling  me  "  your  lord 
ship  "  that  I  hesitated  a  moment.  But  I  was  recalled 
to  sense  by  the  thought  that  although  Jem  Bottles  and 
I  had  fifteen  guineas  between  us,  he  had  fourteen  and 
I  had  the  one.  Thanking  the  landlord  I  galloped  out 
of  Bath. 

Bottles  was  awaiting  me  under  the  tree.  "  To  Bris 
tol,"  I  cried.  "  Our  chase  lies  toward  Bristol.  He  has 
doubled  back." 

"  'T  was  while  we  were  at  supper,"  said  Bottles,  as 
he  cantered  up  to  my  shoulder.  "  I  might  have  had 
two  trials  at  him  if  I  had  not  had  the  honour  of 
meeting  your  worship.  I  warrant  you,  sir,  he  would 
not  have  escaped  me  twice." 

"  Think  of  his  crack  in  your  skull,  and  be  content," 
I  replied.  "  And  in  the  mean  time  ride  for  Bristol." 

Within  five  miles  of  Bristol  we  came  upon  a  wayside 
inn  in  which  there  was  progressing  a  great  commotion. 
Lights  flashed  from  window  to  window,  and  we  could 
hear  women  howling.  To  my  great  surprise  Bottles 
at  once  became  hugely  excited. 

"  Damme,  sir,"  he  shouted,  "  my  sweetheart  is  a 
chambermaid  here,  and  if  she  be  hurted  I  will  know 
it." 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  I)  V  41 

He  spurred  valiantly  forward,  and,  after  futilely 
calling  to  him  to  check  his  career,  I  followed.  He 
leaped  from  his  horse  at  the  door  of  the  inn  and 
bounced  into  the  place,  pistol  in  hand.  I  was  too  con 
fused  to  understand  much,  but  it  seemed  to  my  ears 
that  his  entrance  was  hailed  with  a  roar  of  relief  and 
joy.  A  stable-boy,  fearfully  anxious,  grasped  my 
bridle,  crying,  "  Go  in,  sir,  in  God's  name.  They  will 
be  killing  each  other."  Thinking  that,  whatever  be 
tide,  it  was  proper  to  be  at  the  back  of  my  friend 
Bottles,  I  too  sprang  from  my  horse  and  popped  into 
the  inn. 

A  more  unexpected  sight  never  met  my  experienced 
gaze.  A  fat  landlady,  mark  you,  was  sobbing  in  the 
arms  of  my  villainous  friend,  and  a  pretty  maid  was 
clinging  to  his  arm  and  screaming.  At  the  same  time 
there  were  about  him  a  dozen  people  of  both  sexes 
who  were  yelling,  — 

"  Oh,  pray,  Master  Bottles !  Good  Master  Bottles, 
do  stop  them.  One  is  a  great  Afric  chief,  red  as  a 
fire,  and  the  other  is  Satan,  Satan  himself!  Oh,  pray, 
good  Master  Bottles,  stop  them !  " 

My  fine  highwayman  was  puffed  out  like  a  poi 
soned  frog.  I  had  no  thought  that  he  could  be  so 
grand. 

"  What  is  this  disturbance?  "  he  demanded  in  a  bass 
voice. 

"  O  good  Master  Bottles,"  clamoured  the  people. 
"  Satan  wishes  to  kill  the  Red  Giant,  who  has  Satan 
barred  in  the  best  room  in  the  inn.  And  they  make 
frightful  destruction  of  chairs  and  tables.  Bid  them 
cease,  O  good  Master  Bottles !  " 

From  overhead  we  could  hear  the  sound  of  blows 
upon  wood  mingled  with  threatening  talk. 


42  THE     O'RUDDY 

"  Stand  aside,"  said  the  highwayman  in  a  great 
gruff  voice  which  made  me  marvel  at  him.  He  unhesi 
tatingly  dumped  the  swooning  form  of  the  landlady 
into  another  pair  of  arms,  shook  off  the  pretty  maid, 
and  moved  sublimely  upon  the  foot  of  the  stairs 
amid  exclamations  of  joy,  wonder,  admiration,  even 
reverence. 

But  the  voice  of  an  unseen  person  hailed  suddenly 
from  the  head  of  the  stairs. 

"  And  if  ye  have  not  said  enough  masses  for  your 
heathen  soul,"  remarked  the  voice,  "  you  would  be 
better  mustering  the  neighbours  this  instant  to  go  to 
church  for  you  and  bid  them  do  the  best  they  can  in 
a  short  time.  You  will  never  be  coming  downstairs  if 
you  once  come  up." 

Bottles  hesitated ;  the  company  shuddered  out : 
"  T  is  the  Red  Giant." 

"  And  I  would  be  having  one  more  word  with  you," 
continued  the  unseen  person.  "  I  have  him  here,  and 
here  I  keep  him.  'T  is  not  me  that  wants  the  little 
black  rogue,  what  with  his  hammering  on  the  door 
and  his  calling  me  out  of  my  name.  'T  is  no  work 
that  I  like,  and  I  would  lever  go  in  and  put  my  heel  in 
his  face.  But  I  was  told  to  catch  a  little  black  man,  and 
I  have  him,  and  him  I  will  keep.  'T  is  not  me  that 
wished  to  come  here  and  catch  little  black  men  for 
anybody ;  but  here  I  am  in  this  foreign  country,  catch 
ing  little  black  men,  and  I  will  have  no  interference." 

But  here  I  gave  a  great  call  of  recognition. 

"Paddy!" 

I  saw  the  whole  thing.  This  wild-headed  Paddy, 
whom  I  had  told  to  catch  me  a  little  black  man,  had 
followed  after  me  toward  Bath  and  somehow  managed 


THE      O  '  11  U  D  D  Y  43 

to  barricade  in  a  room  the  very  first  man  he  saw  who 
was  small  and  black.  At  first  I  wished  to  laugh ;  an 
instant  later  I  was  furious. 

"  Paddy,"  I  thundered ;  "  come  down  out  of  that 
now!  What  would  you  be  doing?  Come  down  out 
of  that  now !  " 

The  reply  was  sulky,  but  unmistakably  from  Paddy. 
Most  of  it  was  mumbled. 

"  Sure  I  've  gone  and  caught  as  little  and  as  black 
a  man  as  is  in  the  whole  world,  and  was  keeping  the 
scoundrel  here  safe,  and  along  he  comes  and  tells  me 
to  come  down  out  of  that  now  with  no  more  gratitude 
than  if  he  had  given  me  a  gold  goose.  And  yet  I 
fought  a  duel  for  him  and  managed  everything  so 
finely  that  he  came  away  well  enough  to  box  me  on  the 
ear,  which  was  mere  hilarity  and  means  nothing 
between  friends." 

Jem  Bottles  was  still  halted  on  the  stair.  He  and 
all  the  others  had  listened  to  Paddy's  speeches  in 
a  blank  amazement  which  had  much  superstition 
in  it. 

"Shall  I  go  up,  sir?"  he  asked,  not  eagerly. 

"  No,"  said  I.  "  Leave  me  to  deal  with  it.  I  fear 
a  great  mistake.  Give  me  ten  minutes,  and  I  promise 
to  empty  the  inn  of  all  uproar." 

A  murmur  of  admiration  arose,  and  as  the  sound 
leaped  about  my  ears  I  moved  casually  and  indiffer 
ently  up  against  Paddy.  It  was  a  grand  scene. 

"  Paddy,"  I  whispered  as  soon  as  I  had  reached  a 
place  on  the  stairs  safe  from  the  ears  of  the  people 
below.  " Paddy,  you  have  made  a  great  blunder.  You 
have  the  wrong  man." 

"  T  is  unlikely,"  replied  Paddy  with  scorn.     "  You 


44  THE      O'RUDDY 

wait  until  you  see  him,  and  if  he  is  not  little  and  black, 
then " 

"  Yes,  yes,"  said  I  hastily,  "  but  it  was  not  any  little 
black  man  at  all  which  I  wanted.  It  was  a  particular 
little  black  man." 

"  But,"  said  the  ruffian  brightly,  "  it  would  be  pos 
sible  this  one  will  serve  your  end.  He  's  little  and  he  's 
black." 

At  this  moment  the  voice  of  the  captive  came  inton 
ing  through  the  door  of  a  chamber. 

"  When  I  am  free  I  will  first  cut  out  your  liver 
and  have  it  grilled,  and  feed  it  to  you  as  you  are 
dying." 

Paddy  had  stepped  forward  and  placed  his  lips 
within  about  six  inches  of  one  of  the  panels. 

"  Come  now,  be  easy !  "  he  said.  "  You  know  well 
that  if  you  should  do  as  you  say,  I  would  beat  your 
head  that  it  would  have  the  looks  of  a  pudding  fallen 
from  a  high  window,  and  that 's  the  truth." 

"  Open  the  door,  rascal,"  called  the  captive,  "  and 
we  shall  see." 

"  I  will  be  opening  no  doors,"  retorted  Paddy  indig 
nantly.  "  Remain  quiet,  you  little  black  devil,  or,  by 
the  mass,  I  '11 " 

"  I  '11  slice  your  heart  into  pieces  of  paper,"  thun 
dered  Paddy's  prisoner,  kicking  and  pounding. 

By  this  time  I  was  ready  to  interfere.  "  Paddy," 
said  I,  catching  him  by  the  shoulder,  "  you  have  the 
wrong  man.  Leave  it  to  me;  mind  you,  leave  it  to 
me." 

"  He  's  that  small  and  black  you  'd  think "  he 

began  dejectedly,  but  I  cut  him  short. 

Jem  Bottles,  unable  to  endure  the  suspense,  had  come 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  45 

up  from  below.  He  was  still  bristling  and  blustering, 
as  if  all  the  maids  were  remarking  him. 

"  And  why  does  this  fine  gentleman  kick  and  pound 
on  the  door  ? ''  he  demanded  in  a  gruff  voice  loud 
enough  to  be  heard  in  all  appreciative  parts  of  the  inn. 
"  I  '11  have  him  out  and  slit  his  nose." 

The  thunder  on  the  door  ceased,  and  the  captive 
observed : 

"Ha!  another  scoundrel!  If  my  ears  do  not  play 
me  false,  there  are  now  three  waiting  for  me  to  kick 
them  to  the  hangman." 

Restraining  Paddy  and  Bottles,  who  each  wished  to 
reply  in  heroic  verse  to  this  sally,  I  stepped  to  the 
door. 

"  Sir/'  said  I  civilly,  "  I  fear  a  great  blunder  has 
been  done.  I " 

"  Why,"  said  the  captive  with  a  sneer,  "  't  is  the 
Irishman !  T  is  the  king  of  the  Irelands.  Open  the 
door,  pig." 

My  elation  knew  no  bounds. 

"  Paddy,"  cried  I,  "  you  have  the  right  little  black 
man."  But  there  was  no  time  for  celebration.  I  must 
first  answer  my  enemy.  "  You  will  remember  that  I 
kicked  you  once,"  said  I,  "  and  if  you  have  a  memory 
as  long  as  my  finger  be  careful  I  do  not  kick  you  again, 
else  even  people  as  far  away  as  the  French  will  think 
you  are  a  meteor.  But  I  would  not  be  bandying  words 
at  long  range.  Paddy,  unbar  the  door." 

"If  I  can,"  muttered  Paddy,  fumbling  with  a  lot  of 
machinery  so  ingenious  that  it  would  require  a  great 
lack  of  knowledge  to  thoroughly  understand  it.  In  the 
mean  time  we  could  hear  Forister  move  away  from  the 
door,  and  by  the  sound  of  a  leisurely  scrape  of  a  chair 


46  THE      O'RUDDY 

on  the  floor  I  judge  he  had  taken  his  seat  somewhere 
near  the  centre  of  the  room.  Bottles  was  handling  his 
pistol  and  regarding  me. 

:'  Yes,"  said  I,  "  if  he  fires,  do  you  pepper  him  fairly. 
Otherwise  await  my  orders.  Paddy,  you  slug,  unbar 
the  door." 

"  If  I  am  able,"  said  Paddy,  still  muttering  and 
fumbling  with  his  contrivances.  He  had  no  sooner 
mouthed  the  words  than  the  door  flew  open  as  if  by 
magic,  and  we  discovered  a  room  bright  with  the  light 
of  a  fire  and  candles.  Forister  was  seated  negligently 
at  a  table  in  the  centre  of  the  room.  His  legs  were 
crossed,  but  his  naked  sword  lay  on  the  table  at  his 
hand.  He  had  the  first  word,  because  I  was  amazed, 
almost  stunned,  by  the  precipitous  opening  of  the 
door. 

"  Ho !  ho !  "  he  observed  frigidly,  "  't  is  indeed  the 
king  of  the  Irelands,  accompanied  by  the  red-headed 
duke  who  has  entertained  me  for  some  time,  and  a 
third  party  with  a  thief's  face  who  handles  a  loaded 
pistol  with  such  abandon  as  leads  me  to  suppose  that 
he  once  may  have  been  a  highwayman.  A  very  pretty 
band." 

"  Use  your  tongue  for  a  garter,  Forister,"  said  I. 
"  I  want  my  papers." 


CHAPTER    V 

"  "YT'OUR  '  papers  '  ?  "  said  Forister.  "  Damn  you 
_£_  and  your  papers.  What  would  I  know  of  your 
papers  ? " 

"  I  mean,"  said  I  fiercely,  "  the  papers  that  you 
stole  out  of  my  chamber  in  the  inn  at  Bristol." 

The  man  actually  sank  back  in  his  chair  and  laughed 
me  up  to  the  roof. 

"  '  Papers  ' !  "  he  shouted.  "  Here  's  the  king  of  the 
Irelands  thinking  that  I  have  made  off  with  his 
papers! " 

"  You  choose  a  good  time  for  laughing,"  said  I,  with 
more  sobriety.  "  In  a  short  time  you  will  be  laughing 
with  the  back  of  your  head." 

He  sat  up  and  looked  at  me  with  quick  decision. 

"  Now,  what  is  all  this  rubbish  about  papers  ?  "  he 
said  sharply.  "  What  have  I  to  do  with  your  filthy 
papers  ?  I  had  one  intention  regarding  you,  —  of  that 
I  am  certain.  I  was  resolved  to  kill  you  on  the  first 
occasion  when  we  could  cross  swords,  but  —  • '  papers  ' 
—  faugh  !  What  do  you  mean  ?  " 

The  hoarse  voice  of  Jem  Bottles  broke  in  from  some 
where  behind  me.  "  We  might  easily  throw  him  to 
the  earth  and  tie  him,  sir,  and  then  make  search  of 
him." 

"  And  you  would  know  how  to  go  about  the  busi 
ness,  I  warrant  me,"  laughed  Forister.  "  You  muzzle- 
faced  rogue,  you !  " 


48  THE      O'RUDDY 

To  my  astonishment  the  redoubtable  highwayman 
gave  back  before  the  easy  disdain  of  •  this  superior 
scoundrel. 

"  My  ways  may  not  always  have  been  straight  and 
narrow,  master,"  he  rejoined,  almost  in  a  whine,  "  but 
you  have  no  call  to  name  me  muzzle-faced." 

Forister  turned  from  him  contemptuously  and  fixed 
his  regard  with  much  enthusiasm  upon  Paddy. 

"Very  red,"  said  he.  "Very  red,  indeed.  And 
thick  as  fagots,  too.  A  very  delectable  head  of  hair, 
fit  to  be  spun  into  a  thousand  blankets  for  the  naked 
savages  in  heathen  parts.  The  wild  forests  in  Ireland 
must  indeed  be  dark  when  it  requires  a  lantern  of  this 
measure  to  light  the  lonely  traveller  on  his  way." 

But  Paddy  was  an  honest  man  even  if  he  did  not 
know  it,  and  he  at  once  walked  to  Forister  and  held 
against  his  ear  a  fist  the  size  of  a  pig's  hind-leg. 

"  I  cannot  throw  the  talk  back  to  you,"  he  said. 
"  You  are  too  fast  for  me,  but  I  tell  you  to  your  face 
that  you  had  better  change  your  tongue  for  a  lock  of 
an  old  witch's  hair  unless  you  intend  to  be  battered 
this  moment." 

"  Peace,"  said  Forister  calmly.  "  I  am  a  man  of 
natural  wit,  and  I  would  entertain  myself.  Now,  there 
is  your  excellent  chieftain  the  king  of  the  Irelands. 
Him  I  regard  as  a  very  good  specimen,  whose  ances 
tors  were  not  very  long  ago  swinging  by  their  tails 
from  the  lofty  palms  of  Ireland  and  playing  with 
cocoanuts  to  and  fro."  He  smiled  and  leaned  back, 
well  satisfied  with  himself. 

All  this  time  I  had  been  silent,  because  I  had  been 
deep  in  reflection  upon  Forister.  Now  I  said : 

"  Forister,  you  are  a  great  rogue,    J  know  you.    One 


THE      O'RUDDY  49 

thing  is  certain.  You  have  not  my  papers  and  never 
did  you  have  them." 

He  looked  upon  me  with  some  admiration  and  cried : 

"  Aye,  the  cannibal  shows  a  glimmer  of  reason. 
No,  I  have  not  your  foolish  papers,  and  I  only  wish 
I  had  them  in  order  to  hurl  the  bundle  at  your  damned 
stupid  head." 

"  For  a  kicked  man  you  have  a  gay  spirit,"  I  replied. 
"  But  at  any  rate  I  have  no  time  for  you  now.  I  am 
off  to  Bristol  after  my  papers,  and  I  only  wish  for  the 
sake  of  ease  that  I  had  to  go  no  farther  than  this 
chamber.  Come,  Paddy !  Come,  Jem !  " 

My  two  henchmen  were  manifestly  disappointed; 
they  turned  reluctantly  at  my  word. 

"  Have  I  the  leave  of  one  crack  at  him,  your 
honour?"  whispered  Paddy  earnestly.  "He  said  my 
head  was  a  lantern." 

"  No,"  said  I,  "  leave  him  to  his  meditations." 

As  we  passed  down  the  corridor  we  heard  him  laugh 
loudly,  and  he  called  out  to  me,  — 

"  When  I  come  to  Bristol  I  will  kill  you." 

I  had  more  than  a  mind  to  go  back  and  stuff  this 
threat  into  his  throat,  but  I  better  knew  my  business, 
which  was  to  recover  the  papers. 

"  Come,"  said  I,  and  we  passed  down  stairs. 

The  people  of  the  inn  made  way  for  Paddy  as  if  he 
had  been  a  falling  tree,  and  at  the  same  time  they  wor 
shipped  Jem  Bottles  for  having  performed  everything. 
I  had  some  wonder  as  to  which  would  be  able  to  out- 
strut  the  other.  I  think  Jem  Bottles  won  the  match, 
for  he  had  the  advantage  of  being  known  as  one  of  the 
most  dangerous  men  in  southwestern  England,  whereas 
Paddy  had  only  his  vanity  to  help  him. 


50  THE     O'RUDDY 

"T  is  all  arranged,"  said  Bottles  pompously.  "Your 
devil  will  come  forth  as  quiet  as  a  rabbit." 

We  ordered  our  horses,  and  a  small  crowd  of  ob 
sequious  stable-boys  rushed  to  fetch  them.  I  marvelled 
when  I  saw  them  lead  out  Paddy's  horse.  I  had 
thought  from  what  I  perceived  over  my  shoulder  when 
I  left  Bristol  that  he  would  never  be  able  to  make  half 
a  league  in  the  saddle.  Amid  the  flicker  of  lanterns, 
Bottles  and  I  mounted  and  then  I  heard  Paddy  calling 
to  him  all  the  stable-boys : 

"  Now,  when  I  give  the  word,  you  heave  for  your 
lives.  Stand,  you  beast!  Cannot  four  of  you  hold 
him  by  the  legs?  I  will  be  giving  the  word  in  a 
moment.  Are  you  all  ready  ?  Well,  now,  ready  again 
—  heave!" 

There  was  a  short  scuffle  in  the  darkness,  and  pres 
ently  Paddy  appeared  above  the  heads  of  the  others 
in  the  melee. 

11  There,  now,"  said  he  to  them,  "  that  was  well 
done.  One  would  easily  be  telling  that  I  was  an 
ex-trooper  of  the  king."  He  rode  out  to  us  compla 
cently.  'T  is  a  good  horse,  if  only  he  steered  with  a 
tiller  instead  of  these  straps,"  he  remarked,  "  and  he 
goes  well  before  the  wind." 

"  To  Bristol,"  said  I.  "  Paddy,  you  must  follow  as 
best  you  may.  I  have  no  time  to  be  watching  you, 
although  you  are  interesting." 

An  unhappy  cry  came  from  behind  Bottles,  and  I 
spurred  on,  but  again  I  could  not  wait  for  my  faithful 
countryman.  My  papers  were  still  the  stake  for  which 
I  played.  However  I  hoped  that  Paddy  would  now 
give  over  his  ideas  about  catching  little  black  men. 

As  we  neared  Bristol  Jem  Bottles  once  more  be- 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  51 

came  backward.  He  referred  to  the  seven  ballads, 
and  feared  that  the  unexpected  presence  of  such  a 
well-known  character  would  create  an  excitement 
which  would  not  be  easy  to  cool.  So  we  made  a 
rendezvous  under  another  tree,  and  I  rode  on  alone. 
Thus  I  was  separated  from  both  my  good  companions. 
However,  before  parting,  I  took  occasion  to  borrow 
five  guineas  from  Jem's  store. 

I  was  as  weary  as  a  dog,  although  I  had  never  been 
told  that  gentlemen  riding  amid  such  adventures  were 
ever  aweary.  At  the  inn  in  Bristol  a  sleepy  boy  took 
my  horse,  and  a  sleepy  landlord  aroused  himself  as  he 
recognized  me. 

"  My  poor  inn  is  at  your  disposal,  sir,"  he  cried  as 
he  bowed.  "  The  Earl  has  inquired  for  you  to-day, 
or  yesterday,  as  well  as  my  young  Lord  Strepp  and 
Colonel  Royale." 

"Aye?"  said  I  carelessly.  "  Did  they  so?  Show 
me  to  a  chamber.  I  am  much  enwearied.  I  would 
seek  a  good  bed  and  a  sound  sleep,  for  I  have  ridden 
far  and  done  much  since  last  I  had  repose." 

"  Yes,  sir,"  said  the  landlord  deferentially. 

After  a  long  hard  sleep  I  was  aroused  by  a  constant 
pounding  on  my  door.  At  my  cry  a  servant  entered. 
He  was  very  abject.  "  His  lordship's  valet  has  been 
waiting  to  give  you  a  message  from  his  lordship,  sir." 
I  bid  him  let  the  valet  enter.  The  man  whose  heroic 
nose  had  borne  the  brunt  of  Forister's  swift  departure 
from  the  inn  when  I  kicked  him  came  into  my  chamber 
with  distinguished  grace  and  dignity  and  informed  me 
that  his  noble  master  cared  to  see  me  in  his  chamber 
when  it  would  suit  my  convenience. 

Of  course  the  old  Earl  was  after  his  papers.     And 


52  THE      O'RUDDY 

what  was  I  to  tell  him,  —  that  I  was  all  befooled  and 
befuddled? — that  after  my  father  had  kept  these  paper.s 
for  so  many  years  in  faithful  trust  I  had  lost  them  on 
the  very  brink  of  deliverance  of  them  to  their  rightful 
owner?  What  was  I  to  speak? 

I  did  not  wish  to  see  the  Earl  of  Westport,  but  some 
sudden  and  curious  courage  forced  me  into  my  clothes 
and  out  to  the  corridor.  The  Earl's  valet  was  waiting 
there.  "  I  pray  you,  sir,  follow  me,"  he  said.  I  fol 
lowed  him  to  an  expensive  part  of  the  inn,  where  he 
knocked  upon  a  door.  It  was  opened  by  a  bending 
serving-man.  The  room  was  a  kind  of  parlour,  and 
in  it,  to  my  surprise,  were  Lord  Strepp  and  Colonel 
Royale.  They  gazed  at  me  with  a  surprise  equivalent 
to  mine  own. 

Young  Lord  Strepp  was  the  first  one  thoroughly 
to  collect  himself.  Then  he  advanced  upon  me  with 
outstretched  hand. 

"  Mr.  O'Ruddy,"  he  cried,  "  believe  me,  we  are  glad 
to  see  you.  We  thought  you  had  gone  for  all  time." 

Colonel  Royale  was  only  a  moment  behind  his  friend, 
but  as  he  extended  his  hand  his  face  flushed  painfully. 

"  Sir,"  he  said  somewhat  formally,  "  not  long  ago 
I  lost  my  temper,  I  fear.  I  know  I  have  to  thank 
you  for  great  consideration  and  generosity.  I  —  I  — 
you " 

Whereupon  we  both  began  to  stammer  and  grimace. 
All  the  time  I  was  chocking  out : 

"  Pray  —  pray  — ,  don't  speak  of  it  —  a  —  nothing 
—  in  truth,  you  kindly  exaggerate  —  I " 

It  was  young  Lord  Strepp  who  brought  us  out  of 
our  embarrassment.  "  Here,  you  two  good  fellows," 
he  cried  heartily,  "  a  glass  of  wine  with  you." 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  V  53 

We  looked  gratefully  at  him,  and  in  the  business  of 
filling  our  glasses  we  lost  our  awkwardness.  "  To 
you,"  said  Lord  Strepp;  and  as  we  drained  our  wine 
I  knew  that  I  had  two  more  friends  in  England. 

During  the  drinking  the  Earl's  valet  had  been  hover 
ing  near  my  coat-tails.  Afterward  he  took  occasion 
to  make  gentle  suggestion  to  me: 

"  His  lordship  awaits  your  presence  in  his  chamber, 
sir,  when  it  pleases  you." 

The  other  gentlemen  immediately  deferred  to  my 
obligation,  and  I  followed  the  valet  into  a  large  dark 
ened  chamber.  It  was  some  moments  before  my  eyes 
could  discover  that  the  Earl  was  abed.  Indeed,  a  rasp 
ing  voice  from  beneath  the  canopies  called  to  me  be 
fore  I  knew  that  anybody  was  in  the  chamber  but 
myself  and  the  valet. 

"  Come  hither,  O'Ruddy,"  called  the  Earl.  "  Tomp- 
kins,  get  out!  Is  it  your  duty  to  stand  there  mummi 
fied?  Get  out!" 

The  servant  hastily  withdrew,  and  I  walked  slowly 
to  the  great  man's  bedside.  Two  shining  shrewd  eyes 
looked  at  me  from  a  mass  of  pillows,  and  I  had  a 
knowledge  of  an  aged  face,  half  smiling  and  yet  satir 
ical,  even  malignant. 

"  And  so  this  is  the  young  fortune-hunter  from 
Ireland,"  he  said  in  a  hoarse  sick-man's  voice.  "  The 
young  fortune-hunter!  Ha!  With  his  worthless 
papers!  Ha!" 

"  Worthless  ?  "    cried  I,  starting. 

"  Worthless !  "  cried  the  Earl  vehemently.  He  tried 
to  lift  himself  in  his  bed,  in  order  to  make  more  em 
phasis.  "  Worthless !  Nothing  but  straw  —  straw  — 
straw !  "  Then  he  cackled  out  a  laugh. 


54  THE      O'RUDDY 

And  this  was  my  inheritance!  I  could  have  sobbed 
my  grief  and  anger,  but  I  took  firm  hold  on  myself 
and  resolved  upon  another  way  of  dealing  with  the 
nobleman. 

"My  lord,"  said  I  coolly,  "My  father  is  dead. 
When  he  was  dying  he  gave  certain  papers  into  my 
hands,  —  papers  which  he  had  guarded  for  many 
years,  —  and  bade  me,  as  his  son,  to  deliver  them 
into  the  hands  of  an  old  friend  and  comrade;  and  I 
come  to  this  old  friend  and  comrade  of  my  father, 
and  he  lies  back  in  his  bed  and  cackles  at  me  like  a 
hen.  'T  is  a  small  foot  I  would  have  set  upon  Eng 
land  if  I  had  known  more  of  you,  you  old  skate !  " 

But  still  he  laughed  and  cried :  "  Straw !  Straw ! 
Nothing  but  straw  !  " 

"  Well,  sir,"  said  I  with  icy  dignity,  "  I  may  be  a 
fool  of  an  Irishman  with  no  title  save  an  older  one 
than  yours ;  but  I  would  be  deeply  sorry  if  there  came 
a  day  when  I  should  throw  a  trust  back  in  the  teeth 
of  a  dead  comrade's  son." 

"  No,"  said  the  bright-eyed  old  man,  comforting 
himself  amid  his  pillows.  "  Look  you,  O'Ruddy ! 
You  are  a  rascal!  You  came  over  in  an  attempt  to 
ruin  me !  I  know  it !  " 

I  was  awed  by  this  accusation.  It  seemed  to  me  to 
be  too  grand,  too  gorgeous  for  my  personal  consump 
tion.  I  knew  not  what  to  do  with  this  colossus.  It 
towered  above  me  in  splendour  and  gilt.  I  had  never 
expected  to  be  challenged  with  attempting  to  ruin  earls. 
My  father  had  often  ruined  sea-captains,  but  he  never 
in  his  life  ruined  so  much  as  a  baronet.  It  seemed 
altogether  too  fine  for  my  family,  but  I  could  only 
blurt  weakly,  "  Yessir."  I  was  much  like  a  lackey. 


THE     O'RUDDY  55 

"  Aye,"  said  the  old  man,  suddenly  feeble  from  the 
excitement,  "  I  see  you  admit  it,  you  black  Irish 
rogue."  He  sank  back  and  applied  a  napkin  to  his 
mouth.  It  seemed  to  come  away  stained  with  blood. 
"  You  scoundrel !  " 

I  had  a  strange  cowardly  inclination  to  fling  myself 
upon  this  ancient  survival  and  squeeze  his  throat  until 
it  closed  like  a  pursel.  And  my  inclination  was  so 
strong  that  I  stood  like  a  stone. 

The  valet  opened  the  door.  "If  it  please  your 
Lordship  —  Lady  Mary,"  he  announced,  and  stood 
aside  to  let  a  lady  pass.  The  Earl  seemed  immedi 
ately  to  forget  my  presence.  He  began  at  once  to 
make  himself  uncomfortable  in  his  bed.  Then  he 
cried  fretfully :  "  Come,  Mary,  what  caused  you  to 
be  so  long?  Make  me  easy!  Ruffle  my  pillows! 
Come,  daughter." 

"  Yes,  father,"  answered  a  soothing  and  sweet  voice. 
A  gracious  figure  passed  before  me  and  bended  over 
the  bed  of  the  Earl.  I  was  near  blinded.  It  was  not 
a  natural  blindness.  It  was  an  artificial  blindness 
which  came  from  my  emotion.  Was  she  tall  ?  I  don't 
know.  Was  she  short?  I  don't  know.  But  I  am 
certain  that  she  was  exactly  of  the  right  size.  She 
was,  in  all  ways,  perfection.  She  was  of  such  glory, 
she  was  so  splendid,  that  my  heart  ceased  to  beat.  I 
remained  standing  like  a  stone,  but  my  sword  scab 
bard,  reminiscent  of  some  movement,  flapped  gently 
against  my  leg.  I  thought  it  was  a  horrible  sound. 
I  sought  to  stay  it,  but  it  continued  to  tinkle,  and  I 
remember  that,  standing  there  in  the  room  with  the 
old  Earl  and  my  love-'til-death,  I  thought  most  of  my 
scabbard  and  its  inability  to  lay  quiet  at  my  thigh. 


56  THE     O'RUDDY 

She  smoothed  his  bed  and  coaxed  him  and  com 
forted  him.  Never  had  I  seen  such  tenderness.  It 
was  like  a  vision  of  a  classic  hereafter.  In  a  second 
I  would  have  exchanged  my  youth  for  the  position 
of  this  doddering  old  nobleman  who  spat  blood  into 
a  napkin. 

Suddenly  the  Earl  wheeled  his  eyes  and  saw  me. 

"  Ha,  Mary !  "  he  cried  feebly,  "  I  wish  to  point 
out  a  rogue.  There  he  stands!  The  O'Ruddy!  An 
Irishman  and  a  fine  robber !  Mark  him  well,  and  keep 
stern  watch  of  your  jewels." 

The  beautiful  young  lady  turned  upon  me  an  af 
frighted  glance.  And  I  stood  like  a  stone. 

"  Aye/'  said  the  old  wretch,  "  keep  stern  watch  of 
your  jewels.  He  is  a  very  demon  for  skill.  He  could 
take  a  ring  from  your  finger  while  you  were  thinking 
he  was  fluttering  his  hands  in  the  air." 

I  bowed  gallantly  to  the  young  lady.  "  Your  rings 
are  safe,  my  lady.  I  would  ill  requite  the  kindness 
shown  by  your  father  to  the  son  of  an  old  friend  if 
I  deprived  your  white  fingers  of  a  single  ornament." 

"  Clever  as  ever,  clever  as  ever,"  chuckled  the  wicked 
old  man. 

The  young  lady  flushed  and  looked  first  at  me  and 
then  at  her  father.  I  thought  her  eye,  as  it  rested  upon 
me,  was  not  without  some  sympathetic  feeling.  I 
adored  her.  All  the  same  I  wished  to  kill  her  father. 
It  is  very  curious  when  one  wishes  to  kill  the  father 
of  the  woman  one  adores.  But  I  suppose  the  situa 
tion  was  made  more  possible  for  me  by  the  fact  that 
it  would  have  been  extremely  inexpedient  to  have 
killed  the  Earl  in  his  sick  bed.  I  even  grinned  at 
him. 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  57 

"  If  you  remember  my  father,  your  lordship,"  said 
I  amiably,  "  despite  your  trying  hard  to  forget  him, 
you  will  remember  that  he  had  a  certain  native  wit 
which  on  occasion  led  him  to  be  able  to  frustrate  his 
enemies.  It  must  have  been  a  family  trait,  for  I  seem 
to  have  it.  You  are  an  evil  old  man!  You  yourself 
stole  my  papers !  " 


CHAPTER   VI 

AT  first  I  thought  that  my  speech  had  given  the 
aged  Earl  a  stroke.  He  writhed  on  his  bed, 
and  something  appeared  at  his  lips  which  was  like 
froth.  His  lovely  daughter  sprang  to  him  with  a  cry 
of  fear  and  woe.  But  he  was  not  dying ;  he  was  only 
mad  with  rage. 

"  How  dare  you  ?  How  dare  you  ?  "  he  gasped. 
"  You  whelp  of  Satan !  " 

"  'T  is  me  that  would  not  be  fearing  to  dare  any 
thing,"  I  rejoined  calmly.  "  I  would  not  so.  I  came 
here  with  a  mind  for  fair  words,  but  you  have  met 
me  with  insult  and  something  worse.  We  cannot  talk 
the  thing.  We  must  act  it.  The  papers  are  yours, 
but  you  took  them  from  me  unfairly.  You  may  de 
stroy  them.  Otherwise  I  will  have  them  back  and 
discover  what  turned  you  into  a  great  rogue  near  the 
end  of  your  days." 

"  Hearken !  "  screamed  the  Earl.  "  Hearken !  He 
threatens."  The  door  into  the  parlour  flew  open,  and 
Lord  Strepp  and  Colonel  Royale  appeared  on  the 
threshold,  their  faces  blank  with  wonder. 

"  Father,"  cried  the  young  lord,  stepping  hastily 
forward,  "whatever  is  wrong?" 

"  That ! "  screamed  the  Earl,  pointing  a  palsied 
finger  at  me.  "  That !  He  comes  here  and  threatens 
me,  —  a  peer  of  England." 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  I)  V  59 

The  Lady  Mary  spoke  swiftly  to  her  brother  and 
the  Colonel. 

"  'T  is  a  sick  man's  fancy,"  she  said.  "  There  have 
been  no  threats.  Father  has  had  a  bad  day.  He  is 
not  himself.  He  talks  wildly.  He- 

"  Mary !  "  yelled  the  Earl  as  well  as  he  was  able. 
"  Do  you  betray  me  ?  Do  you  betray  your  own  father  ? 
Oh,  a  woman  Judas  and  my  daughter !  " 

Lord  Strepp  and  Colonel  Royale  looked  as  if  their 
minds  were  coming  apart.  They  stared  at  Lady  Mary, 
at  the  Earl,  at  me.  For  my  part  I  remained  silent  and 
stiff  in  a  corner,  keeping  my  eye  upon  the  swords  of 
the  other  gentlemen.  I  had  no  doubt  but  that  pres 
ently  I  would  be  engaged  in  a  desperate  attempt  to 
preserve  my  life.  Lady  Mary  was  weeping.  She 
had  never  once  glanced  in  my  direction.  But  I  was 
thrilling  with  happiness.  She  had  flung  me  her  feeble 
intercession  even  as  a  lady  may  fling  a  bun  to  a  bear 
in  a  pit,  but  I  had  the  remembrance  to  prize,  to 
treasure,  and  if  both  gentlemen  had  set  upon  me  and 
the  sick  Earl  had  advanced  with  the  warming-pan  I 
believe  my  new  strength  would  have  been  able  to  beat 
them  off. 

In  the  meantime  the  Earl  was  screeching  mean 
ingless  rubbish  in  which  my  name,  with  epithets,  oc 
curred  constantly.  Lady  Mary,  still  weeping,  was 
trying  to  calm  him. 

Young  Lord  Strepp  at  last  seemed  to  make  up  his 
mind.  He  approached  me  and  remarked: 

"  An  inexplicable  situation,  Mr.  O'Ruddy." 

"  More  to  me  than  to  you,"  I  repeated  suavely. 

"  How  ?  "  he  asked,  with  less  consideration  in  his 
manner.  "  I  know  nought  of  this  mummery." 


60  THE     O'RUDDY 

"  At  least  I  know  no  more,"  I  replied,  still  suave. 

"How,  Mr.  O'Ruddy?"  he  asked,  frowning.  "I 
enter  and  find  you  wrangling  with  my  father  in  his 
sick  chamber.  Is  there  to  be  no  word  for  this  ?  " 

"  I  dare  say  you  will  get  forty  from  your  father ; 
a  hundred,  it  may  be,"  said  I,  always  pleasant.  "  But 
from  me  you  will  get  none." 

He  reflected  for  a  moment.  "  I  dare  say  you 
understand  I  will  brook  no  high-handed  silence  in  a 
matter  of  this  kind.  I  am  accustomed  to  ask  for  the 
reasons  for  certain  kinds  of  conduct,  and  of  course  I 
am  somewhat  prepared  to  see  that  the  reasons  are 
forthcoming." 

"  Well,  in  this  case,  my  lord,"  said  I  with  a  smile, 
"  you  can  accustom  yourself  to  not  getting  a  reason 
for  a  certain  kind  of  conduct,  because  I  do  not  intend 
to  explain  myself." 

But  at  this  moment  our  agreeable  conversation  was 
interrupted  by  the  old  Earl  who  began  to  bay  at  his 
son.  "  Arthur,  Arthur,  fling  the  rascal  out ;  fling 
the  rascal  out !  He  is  an  impostor,  a  thief !  "  He 
began  to  fume  and  sputter,  and  threw  his  arms 
wildly ;  he  was  in  some  kind  of  convulsion ;  his  pil 
lows  tossed,  and  suddenly  a  packet  fell  from  under 
them  to  the  floor.  As  all  eyes  wheeled  toward  it,  I 
stooped  swiftly  and  picked  it  up. 

"  My  papers !  "   said  I. 

On  their  part  there  was  a  breathless  moment  of  in 
decision.  Then  the  swords  of  Lord  Strepp  and  the 
Colonel  came  wildly  from  their  scabbards.  Mine  was 
whipped  out  no  less  speedily,  but  I  took  it  and  flung 
it  on  the  floor  at  their  feet,  the  hilt  toward  them. 
"  No,"  said  I,  my  hands  empty  save  for  the  papers, 


T  HE      O  '  K  U  D  D  Y  61 

"  't  is  only  that  I  would  be  making  a  present  to  the 
fair  Lady  Mary,  which  I  pray  her  to  mvive."  With 
my  best  Irish  bow  I  extended  to  the  young  lady  the 
papers,  my  inheritance,  which  had  caused  her  father 
so  much  foaming  at  the  mouth. 

She  looked  at  me  scornfully,  she  looked  at  her 
father,  she  looked  at  me  pathetically,  she  looked  at 
her  father,  she  looked  at  me  piteously ;  she  took  the 
papers. 

I  walked  to  the  lowering  and  abashed  points  of  the 
other  men's  swords,  and  picked  my  blade  from  the 
floor.  I  paid  no  heed  to  the  glittering  points  which 
flashed  near  my  eyes.  I  strode  to  the  door;  I  turned 
and  bowed;  as  I  did  so,  I  believe  I  saw  something  in 
Lady  Mary's  eyes  which  I  wished  to  see  there.  I 
closed  the  door  behind  me. 

But  immediately  there  was  a  great  clamour  in  the 
room  I  had  left,  and  the  door  was  thrown  violently 
open  again.  Colonel  Royale  appeared  in  a  high 
passion : 

"  No,  no,  O'Ruddy,"  he  shouted,  "  you  are  a  gal 
lant  gentleman.  I  would  stake  my  life  that  you  are 
in  the  right.  Say  the  word,  and  I  will  back  you  to 
the  end  against  ten  thousand  fiends." 

And  after  him  came  tempestuously  young  Lord 
Strepp,  white  on  the  lips  with  pure  rage.  But  he 
spoke  with  a  sudden  steadiness. 

"  Colonel  Royale,  it  appears,"  he  said,  "  thinks  he 
has  to  protect  my  friend  The  O'Ruddy  from  some 
wrong  of  my  family  or  of  mine  ?  " 

The  Colonel  drew  in  his  breath  for  a  dangerous 
reply,  but  I  quickly  broke  in : 

"  Come,  come,  gentlemen,"  said  I  sharply.     "  Are 


62  THE     O'RUDDY 

swords  to  flash  between  friends  when  there  are  so 
many  damned  scoundrels  in  the  world  to  parry  and 
pink  ?  'T  is  wrong ;  't  is  very  wrong.  Now,  mark 
you,  let  us  be  men  of  peace  at  least  until  to-morrow 
morning,  when,  by  the  way,  I  have  to  fight  your  friend 
Forister." 

"Forister!"  they  cried  together.  Their  jaws  fell; 
their  eyes  bulged;  they  forgot  everything;  there  was 
a  silence. 

"  Well,"  said  I,  wishing  to  reassure  them,  "  it  may 
not  be  to-morrow  morning.  He  only  told  me  that  he 
would  kill  me  as  soon  as  he  came  to  Bristol,  and  I 
expect  him  to-night  or  in  the  morning.  I  would  of 
course  be  expecting  him  to  show  here  as  quickly  as 
possible  after  his  grand  speech ;  but  he  would  not 
be  entirely  unwelcome,  I  am  thinking,  for  I  have  a 
mind  to  see  if  the  sword  of  an  honest  man,  but  no 
fighter,  would  be  able  to  put  this  rogue  to  shame, 
and  him  with  all  his  high  talk  about  killing  people 
who  have  never  done  a  thing  in  life  to  him  but  kick 
him  some  number  of  feet  out  into  the  inn  yard,  and 
this  need  never  to  have  happened  if  he  had  known 
enough  to  have  kept  his  sense  of  humour  to  himself, 
which  often  happens  in  this  world." 

Reflectively,  Colonel  Roy  ale  murmured: 

"  One  of  the  finest  swordsmen  in  England." 

For  this  I  cared  nothing. 

Reflectively,  Lord  Strepp  murmured :  "  My  father's 
partner  in  the  shipping  trade." 

This  last  made  me  open  my  eyes.  "  Your  father's 
partner  in  the  shipping  trade,  Lord  Strepp?  That 
little  black  rascal?" 

The  young  nobleman  looked  sheepish. 


THE     O'RUDDY  <w 

"  Aye,  I  doubt  not  he  may  well  be  called  a  little 
black  rascal,  O'Ruddy,"  he  answered ;  "  but  in  fact 
he  is  my  father's  partner  in  certain  large  —  fairly 
large,  you  know  —  shipping  interests.  Of  course  that 
is  a  matter  of  no  consequence  to  me  personally  —  but 
—  I  believe  my  father  likes  him,  and  my  mother  and 
my  sister  are  quite  fond  of  him,  I  think.  I,  myself, 
have  never  been  able  to  quite  —  quite  understand  him 
in  certain  ways.  He  seems  a  trifle  odd  at  moments. 
But  he  certainly  is  a  friend  of  the  family." 

"  Then,"  said  I,  "  you  will  not  be  able  to  have  the 
felicity  of  seeing  him  kill  me,  Lord  Strepp." 

"  On  the  contrary,"  he  rejoined  considerately,  "  I 
would  regard  it  as  usual  if  he  asked  me  to  accom 
pany  him  to  the  scene  of  the  fight." 

His  remark,  incidentally,  that  his  sister  was  fond  of 
Forister,  filled  me  with  a  sudden  insolent  madness. 

"  I  would  hesitate  to  disturb  any  shipping  trade," 
I  said  with  dignity.  "  It  is  far  from  me  to  wish  that 
the  commerce  of  Great  Britain  should  be  hampered 
by  sword-thrust  of  mine.  If  it  would  please  young 
Lord  Strepp,  I  could  hand  my  apologies  to  Forister 
all  tied  up  in  blue-silk  ribbon." 

But  the  youthful  nobleman  only  looked  at  me  long 
with  a  sad  and  reproachful  gaze. 

"  O'Ruddy,"  he  said  mournfully,  "  I  have  seen  you 
do  two  fine  things.  You  have  never  seen  me  do  any 
thing.  But,  know  you  now,  once  and  for  all,  that  you 
may  not  quarrel  with  me." 

This  was  too  much  for  an  Irish  heart.  I  was  moved 
to  throw  myself  on  this  lad's  neck.  I  wished  to  swear 
to  him  that  I  was  a  brother  in  blood,  I  wished  to  cut 
a  vein  to  give  him  everlasting  strength  —  but  per- 


64  THE      O'RUDDY 

haps  his  sister  Mary  had  something  to  do  with  this 
feeling. 

Colonel  Royale  had  been  fidgeting.  Now  he  said 
suddenly : 

"  Strepp,  I  wronged  you.  Your  pardon,  Mr. 
O'Ruddy ;  but,  damme,  Strepp,  if  I  did  n't  think 
you  had  gone  wrong  for  the  moment." 

Lord  Strepp  took  the  offered  hand.  "  You  are  a 
stupid  old  firebrain,"  he  said  affectionately  to  the 
Colonel. 

"  Well,"  said  the  Colonel  jubilantly,  "  now  every 
thing  is  clear.  If  Mr.  O'Ruddy  will  have  me,  I  will 
go  with  him  to  meet  this  Forister;  and  you,  Strepp, 
will  accompany  Forister;  and  we  all  will  meet  in  a 
friendly  way  —  ahem  !  " 

"  The  situation  is  intimately  involved,"  said  Lord 
Strepp  dejectedly.  "  It  will  be  a  ridiculous  business 
—  watching  each  blade  lunge  toward  the  breast  of  a 
friend.  I  don't  know  that  it  is  proper.  Royale,  let  us 
set  ourselves  to  part  these  duellists.  It  is  indecent." 

"  Did  you  note  the  manner  in  which  he  kicked  him 
out  of  the  inn  ?  "  asked  the  Colonel.  "  Do  you  think 
a  few  soothing  words  would  calm  the  mind  of  one  of 
the  finest  swordsmen  in  England  ?  " 

I  began  to  do  some  profound  thinking. 

"  Look  you,  Colonel,"  said  I.  "  Do  you  mean  that 
this  wretched  little  liar  and  coward  is  a  fine  swords 
man  ?  " 

"  I  have  n't  heard  what  you  call  him,"  said  the 
Colonel,  "  but  his  sword-play  is  regular  firelight  on  the 
wall.  However,"  he  added  hopefully,  "  we  may  find 
some  way  to  keep  him  from  killing  you.  I  have  seen 
some  of  the  greatest  swordsmen  lose  by  chance  to  a 


THE      O     RUDDY  itf 

novice.  It  is  something  like  cards.  And  yet  you  are 
not  an  ignorant  player.  That,  I,  Clarence  Royale, 
know  full  well.  Let  us  try  to  beat  him." 

I  remembered  Forister's  parting  sentence.  Could  it 
be  true  that  a  man  I  had  kicked  with  such  enthusiasm 
and  success  was  now  about  to  take  revenge  by  killing 
me?  I  was  really  disturbed.  I  was  a  very  brave 
youth,  but  I  had  the  most  advanced  ideas  about  being 
killed.  On  occasion  of  great  danger  I  could  easily 
and  tranquilly  develop  a  philosophy  of  avoidance  and 
retirement.  I  had  no  antiquated  notions  about  going 
out  and  getting  myself  killed  through  sheer  bull- 
headed  scorn  of  the  other  fellow's  hurting  me.  My 
father  had  taught  me  this  discretion.  As  a  soldier 
he  claimed  that  he  had  run  away  from  nine  battles, 
and  he  would  have  run  away  from  more,  he  said, 
only  that  all  the  others  had  turned  out  to  be  victories 
for  his  side.  He  was  admittedly  a  brave  man,  but, 
more  than  this,  he  had  a  great  deal  of  sense.  I  was 
the  child  of  my  father.  It  did  not  seem  to  me  profit 
able  to  be  killed  for  the  sake  of  a  sentiment  which 
seemed  weak  and  dispensable.  This  little  villain! 
Should  I  allow  him  to  gratify  a  furious  revenge  be 
cause  I  was  afraid  to  take  to  my  heels?  I  resolved 
to  have  the  courage  of  my  emotions.  I  would  run 
away. 

But  of  all  this  I  said  nothing.  It  passed  through 
my  mind  like  light  and  left  me  still  smiling  gayly  at 
Colonel  Royale's  observations  upon  the  situation. 

"  Wounds  in  the  body  from  Forister,"  quoth  he 
academically,  "  are  almost  certain  to  be  fatal,  for  his 
wrist  has  a  magnificent  twist  which  reminds  one  of 
a  top.  I  do  not  know  where  he  learned  this  wrist 

5 


66  THE      O'RUDDY 

movement,  but  almost  invariably  it  leads  him  to  kill 

his  man.  Last  year  I  saw  him 1  digress.  I 

must  look  to  it  that  O  "Ruddy  has  quiet,  rest,  and 
peace  of  mind  until  the  morning." 

Yes;  I  would  have  great  peace  of  mind  until  the 
morning!  I  saw  that  clearly. 

"  Well,"  said  I,  "  at  any  rate  we  will  know  more 
to-morrow.  A  good  day  to  you,  Lord  Strepp,  and  I 
hope  your  principal  has  no  more  harm  come  to  him  than 
I  care  to  have  come  to  me,  which  is  precious  little, 
and  in  which  case  the  two  of  us  will  be  little  hurted." 

"  Good-bye,  O'Ruddy,"  said  the  young  man. 

In  the  corridor  the  Colonel  slapped  my  shoulder  in 
a  sudden  exuberant  outburst. 

"  O'Ruddy,"  he  cried,  "  the  chance  of  your  life ! 
Probably  the  best-known  swordsman  in  all  England! 
Ton  my  word,  if  you  should  even  graze  him,  it  would 
almost  make  you  a  peer.  If  you  truly  pinked  him, 
you  could  marry  a  duchess.  My  eye,  what  an  op 
portunity  for  a  young  and  ambitious  man." 

"  And  what  right  has  he  to  be  such  a  fine  swords 
man  ?  "  I  demanded  fretfully.  "  Damn  him !  'T  is 
no  right  of  a  little  tadpole  like  him  to  be  a  great 
cut-throat.  One  could  never  have  told  from  the  look 
of  him,  and  yet  it  simply  teaches  one  to  be  always 
cautious  with  men." 

The  Colonel  was  bubbling  over  with  good  nature, 
his  mind  full  of  the  prospective  event. 

"  I  saw  Ponsonby  kill  Stewart  in  their  great  fight 
several  years  agone,"  he  cried,  rubbing  his  hands, 
"  but  Ponsonby  was  no  such  swordsman  as  Forister, 
and  I  misdoubt  me  that  Stewart  was  much  better  than 
you  yourself." 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  07 

Here  was  a  cheerful  butcher.     I  eyed  him  coldly. 

"  And  out  of  this,"  said  I  slowly,  "  comes  a  vast 
deal  of  entertainment  for  you,  and  a  hole  between  two 
ribs  for  me.  I  think  I  need  a  drink." 

"  By  all  means,  my  boy,"  he  answered,  heartily. 
"  Come  to  my  chamber.  A  quart  of  port  under  your 
waistcoat  will  cure  a  certain  bilious  desire  in  you  to 
see  the  worst  of  things,  which  I  have  detected  lately 
in  your  manner.  With  grand  sport  before  us,  how 
could  you  be  otherwise  than  jolly?  Ha,  Ha!" 

So  saying,  he  affectionately  took  my  arm  and  led 
me  along  the  corridor. 


CHAPTER   VII 

WHEN  I  reached  my  own  chamber  I  sank 
heavily  into  a  chair.  My  brain  was  in  a 
tumult.  I  had  fallen  in  love  and  arranged  to  be 
killed  in  one  short  day's  work.  I  stared  at  my  image 
in  a  mirror/  Could  I  be  The  O'Ruddy?  Perhaps  my 
name  was  Paddy  or  Jem  Bottles  ?  Could  I  pick  myself 
out  in  a  crowd?  Could  I  establish  my  identification? 
I  little  knew. 

At  first  I  thought  of  my  calm  friend  who  apparently 
drank  blood  for  his  breakfast.  Colonel  Royale  to  me 
was  somewhat  of  a  stranger,  but  his  charming  willing 
ness  to  grind  the  bones  of  his  friends  in  his  teeth  was 
now  quite  clear.  I  fight  the  best  swordsman  in  Eng 
land  as  an  amusement,  a  show  ?  I  began  to  see 
reasons  for  returning  to  Ireland.  It  was  doubtful  if 
old  Mickey  Clancy  would  be  able  to  take  full  care  of 
my  estate  even  with  the  assistance  and  prevention  of 
Father  Donovan.  All  properties  looked  better  while 
the  real  owner  had  his  eye  on  them.  It  would  be  a 
shame  to  waste  the  place  at  Glandore  all  for  a  bit 
of  pride  of  staying  in  England.  Never  a  man  neg 
lected  his  patrimony  but  that  it  did  n't  melt  down 
to  a  kick  in  the  breeches  and  much  trouble  in  the 
courts.  I  perceived,  in  short,  that  my  Irish  lands  were 
in  danger.  What  could  endanger  them  was  not  quite 
clear  to  my  eye,  but  at  any  rate  they  must  be  saved. 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  69 

Moreover  it  was  necessary  to  take  quick  measures. 
I  started  up  from  my  chair,  hastily  re-counting  Jem 
Bottles's  five  guineas. 

But  I  bethought  me  of  Lady  Mary.  She  could 
hardly  be  my  good  fairy.  She  was  rather  too  plump 
to  be  a  fairy.  She  was  not  extremely  plump,  but  when 
she  walked  something  moved  within  her  skirts.  For 
my  part  I  think  little  of  fairies,  who  remind  me  of 
roasted  fowl's  wing.  Give  me  the  less  brittle  beauty 
which  is  not  likely  to  break  in  a  man's  arms. 

After  all,  I  reflected,  Mickey  Clancy  could  take  care 
quite  well  of  that  estate  at  Glandore;  and,  if  he 
did  n't,  Father  Donovan  would  soon  bring  him  to 
trouble ;  and,  if  Father  Donovan  could  n't,  why,  the 
place  was  worth  very  little  any  how.  Besides,  't  is 
a  very  weak  man  who  cannot  throw  an  estate  into 
the  air  for  a  pair  of  bright  eyes. 

Aye,  and  Lady  Mary's  bright  eyes!  That  was  one 
matter.  And  there  was  Forister's  bright  sword.  That 
was  another  matter.  But  to  my  descendants  I  declare 
that  my  hesitation  did  not  endure  an  instant.  Forister 
might  have  an  arm  so  supple  and  a  sword  so  long  that 
he  might  be  able  to  touch  the  nape  of  his  neck  with 
his  own  point,  but  I  was  firm  on  English  soil.  I 
would  meet  him  even  if  he  were  a  chevaux  de  frise. 
Little  it  mattered  to  me.  He  might  swing  the  ten 
arms  of  an  Indian  god ;  he  might  yell  like  a  .gale 
at  sea;  he  might  be  more  terrible  in  appearance  than 
a  volcano  in  its  passions ;  still  I  would  meet  him. 

There  was  a  knock,  and  at  my  bidding  a  servant 
approached  and  said :  "  A  gentleman,  Mr.  Forister, 
wishes  to  see  you,  sir." 

For  a  moment  I  was  privately  in  a  panic.     Should 


70  THE      O'RUDDY 

I  say  that  I  was  ill,  and  then  send  for  a  doctor  to  prove 
that  I  was  not  ill  ?  Should  I  run  straightway  and  hide 
under  the  bed  ?  No ! 

"  Bid  the  gentleman  enter,"  said  I  to  the  servant. 

Forister  came  in  smiling,  cool  and  deadly.  "  Good 
day  to  you,  Mr.  O'Ruddy,"  he  said,  showing  me  his 
little  teeth.  "  I  am  glad  to  see  that  you  are  not  for 
the  moment  consorting  with  highwaymen  and  other 
abandoned  characters  who  might  succeed  in  corrupt 
ing  your  morals,  Mr.  O'Ruddy.  I  have  decided  to 
kill  you,  Mr.  O'Ruddy.  You  may  have  heard  that  I 
am  the  finest  swordsman  in  England,  Mr.  O'Ruddy  ?  " 

I  replied  calmly :  "I  have  heard  that  you  are  the 
finest  swordsman  in  England,  Mr.  Forister,  whenever 
better  swordsmen  have  been  traveling  in  foreign  parts, 
Mr.  Forister,  and  when  no  visitors  of  fencing  dis 
tinction  have  taken  occasion  to  journey  here,  Mr. 
Forister." 

This  talk  did  not  give  him  pleasure,  evidently.  He 
had  entered  with  brave  composure,  but  now  he  bit 
his  lip  and  shot  me  a  glance  of  hatred.  "  I  only  wished 
to  announce,"  he  said  savagely,  "  that  I  would  prefer 
to  kill  you  in  the  morning  as  early  as  possible." 

"  And  how  may  I  render  my  small  assistance  to 
you,  Mr.  Forister?  Have  you  come  to  request  me 
to  arise  at  an  untimely  hour  ?  " 

I  was  very  placid;  but  it  was  not  for  him  to  be 
coming  to  my  chamber  with  talk  of  killing  me.  Still, 
I  thought  that,  inasmuch  as  he  was  there,  I  might 
do  some  good  to  myself  by  irritating  him  slightly. 
I  continued: 

"  I  to-day  informed  my  friends " 

"  Your  friends !  "  said  he. 


T  H  E     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  71 

"  My  friends,"  said  I.  "  Colonel  Royale  in  this 
matter." 

"  Colonel  Royale !  "  said  he. 

"  Colonel  Royale,"  said  I.  "  And  if  you  are  bound 
to  talk  more  you  had  best  thrust  your  head  from  the 
window  and  talk  to  those  chimneys  there,  which  will 
take  far  more  interest  in  your  speech  than  I  can 
work  up.  I  was  telling  you  that  to-day  I  informed 
my  friends  —  then  you  interrupted  me.  Well,  I  in 
formed  them  —  but  what  the  devil  I  informed  them 
of  you  will  not  know  very  soon.  I  can  promise  you, 
however,  it  was  not  a  thing  you  would  care  to  hear 
with  your  hands  tied  behind  you." 

"  Here  's  a  cold  man  with  a  belly  full  of  ice,"  said 
he  musingly.  "  I  have  wronged  him.  He  has  a 
tongue  on  him,  he  has  that.  And  here  I  have  been 
judging  from  his  appearance  that  he  was  a  mere 
common  dolt.  And,  what,  Mr.  O'Ruddy,"  he  added, 
"  were  you  pleased  to  say  to  the  gentlemen  which 
I  would  not  care  to  hear  with  my  hands  tied  behind 
me?" 

"  I  told  them  why  you  took  that  sudden  trip  to 
Bristol,"  I  answered  softly. 

He  fairly  leaped  in  a  sudden  wild  rage.  "  You  — 
told  them  ?  "  he  stuttered.  "  You  poltroon !  'T  was 
a  coward's  work  !  " 

"  Be  easy,"  said  I,  to  soothe  him.  "  'T  is  no  more 
cowardly  than  it  is  for  the  best  swordsman  in  England 
to  be  fighting  the  worst  swordsman  in  Ireland  over 
a  matter  in  which  he  is  entirely  in  the  wrong,  although 
't  is  not  me  that  cares  one  way  or  another  way.  In 
deed,  I  prefer  you  to  be  in  the  wrong,  you  little  black 
Pig-" 


72  THE     O'RUDDY 

"  Stop,"  said  he,  with  a  face  as  white  as  milk.  "  You 
told  them  —  you  told  them  about  —  about  the  girl  at 
Bristol?" 

"  What  girl  at  Bristol  ?  "  said  I  innocently.  "  T  is 
not  me  to  be  knowing  your  wenches  in  Bristol  or 
otherwheres." 

A  red  flush  came  into  the  side  of  his  neck  and 
swelled  slowly  across  his  cheeks.  "  If  you  've  told 
them  about  Nell !  " 

"Nell?"  said  I.  "Nell?  Yes,  that's  the  name. 
Nell.  Yes,  Nell.  And  if  I  told  them  about  Nell?" 

"  Then,"  he  rejoined  solemnly,  "  I  shall  kill  you  ten 
times  if  I  lose  my  soul  in  everlasting  hell  for  it." 

"  But  after  I  have  killed  you  eleven  times  I  shall 
go  to  Bristol  and  have  some  sweet  interviews  with 
fair  Nell,"  said  I.  This  sting  I  expected  to  call  forth 
a  terrific  outburst,  but  he  remained  scowling  in  dark 
thought.  Then  I  saw  where  I  had  been  wrong.  This 
Nell  was  now  more  a  shame  than  a  sweetheart,  and 
he  was  afraid  that  word  had  been  passed  by  me  to  the 

brother  of Here  was  a  chance  to  disturb  him. 

"  When  I  was  making  my  little  joke  of  you  and  your 
flame  at  Bristol,"  said  I  thoughtfully,  "  I  believe  there 
were  no  ladies  present.  I  don't  remember  quite.  Any 
how  we  will  let  that  pass.  'T  is  of  no  consequence." 

And  here  I  got  him  in  full  cry.  "God  rot  you!" 
he  shrieked.  His  sword  sprang  and  whistled  in  the 
air. 

"  Hold,"  said  I,  as  a  man  of  peace.  "  T  would  be 
murder.  My  weapon  is  on  the  bed,  and  I  am  too 
lazy  to  go  and  fetch  it.  And  in  the  mean  time  let 
me  assure  you  that  no  word  has  crossed  my  lips  in 
regard  to  Nell,  your  Bristol  sweetheart,  for  the  very 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  V  73 

excellent  reason  that  I  never  knew  of  her  existence 
until  you  yourself  told  me  some  moments  ago." 

Never  before  had  he  met  a  man  like  me.  I  thought 
his  under-jaw  would  drop  on  the  floor. 

"  Up  to  a  short  time  ago,"  said  I  candidly,  "  your 
indecent  amours  were  safe  from  my  knowledge.  I 
can  be  in  the  way  of  putting  myself  as  silent  as  a 
turtle  when  it  comes  to  protecting  a  man  from  his 
folly  with  a  woman.  In  fact,  I  am  a  gentleman. 
But,"  I  added  sternly,  "what  of  the  child?" 

"The  child?"  he  cried  jumping.  "May  hell 
swallow  you!  And  what  may  you  know  of  the 
child?" 

I  waved  my  hand  in  gentle  deprecation  of  his  ex 
citement  as  I  said: 

"  Peace,  Forister ;  I  know  nothing  of  any  child. 
It  was  only  an  observation  by  a  man  of  natural  wit 
who  desired  to  entertain  himself.  And,  pray,  how 
old  is  the  infant?" 

He  breathed  heavily.  "  You  are  a  fiend,"  he  an 
swered.  Keeping  his  eyes  on  the  floor,  he  deliberated 
upon  his  choice  of  conduct.  Presently  he  sheathed  his 
sword  and  turned  with  some  of  his  old  jauntiness 
toward  the  door.  "  Very  good,"  said  he.  "  To-mor 
row  we  shall  know  more  of  our  own  affairs." 

"  True,"  I  replied. 

"  We  shall  learn  if  slyness  and  treachery  are  to  be 
defeated  by  fair-going  and  honour." 

"True,"  said   I. 

"  We  shall  learn  if  a  snake  in  the  grass  can  with 
freedom  bite  the  foot  of  a  lion." 

"True,"  said  I. 

There  was  a  loud  jovial  clamour  at  the  door,  and 


74  THE     O'RUDDY 

at  my  cry  it  flew  open.  Colonel  Royale  entered  pre 
cipitately,  beaming  with  good  humour. 

"  O'Ruddy,  you  rascal,"  he  shouted,  "  I  commanded 

you  to  take  much  rest,  and  here  I  find "  He 

halted  abruptly  as  he  perceived  my  other  visitor. 
"  And  here  I  find,"  he  repeated  coldly,  "  here  I  find 
Mr.  Forister." 

Forister  saluted  with  finished  politeness.  "  My 
friend  and  I,"  he  said,  "  were  discussing  the  prob 
abilities  of  my  killing  him  in  the  morning.  He  seems 
to  think  that  he  has  some  small  chance  for  his  life, 
but  I  have  assured  him  that  any  real  betting  man  would 
not  wager  a  grain  of  sand  that  he  would  see  the  sun 
go  down  to-morrow." 

"  Even  so,"  rejoined  the  Colonel  imperturbably. 

"  And  I  also  suggested  to  my  friend,"  -pursued 
Forister,  "  that  to-morrow  I  would  sacrifice  my  ruffles 
for  him,  although  I  always  abominate  having  a  man's 
life-blood  about  my  wrists." 

"  Even  so,"  quoth  the  undisturbed  Colonel. 

"  And  further  I  suggested  to  my  friend  that  if 
he  came  to  the  ground  with  a  coffin  on  his  back, 
it  might  promote  expedition  after  the  affair  was 
over." 

Colonel  Royale  turned  away  with  a  gesture  of 
disgust. 

I  thought  it  was  high  time  to  play  an  ace  at  Forister 
and  stop  his  babble,  so  I  said: 

"  And  when  Mr.  Forister  had  finished  his  graceful 
remarks  we  had  some  talk  regarding  Mr.  Forister's 
affairs  in  Bristol,  and  I  confess  I  was  much  interested 
in  hearing  about  the  little " 

Here  I  stopped  abruptly,  as  if  I  had  been  interrupted 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  75 

by   Forister ;    but  he  had   given   me  no  sign   but  a 

sickly   grin. 

"  Eh,  Forister?  "  said  I.     "  What 's  that?  " 
"  I  was   remarking  that  I  had   nothing  further  to 

say  for  the  present,"  he  replied,  with  superb  insolence. 

"  For  the  time  I  am  quite  willing  to  be  silent.     I 

bid  you  a  good  day,  sirs." 


CHAPTER   VIII 

AS  the  door  closed  upon  Forister,  Colonel  Royale 
beat  his  hand  passionately  against  the  wall. 
"  O'Ruddy,"  he  cried,  "  if  you  could  severely  maim 
that  cold-blooded  bully,  I  would  be  willing  to  adopt 
you  as  my  legitimate  grandfather.  I  would  indeed." 

"  Never  fear  me,"  said  I.    "  I  shall  pink  him  well." 

"  Aye,"  said  my  friend,  looking  at  me  mournfully, 
"  I  ever  feared  your  Irish  light-heartedness.  'T  will 
not  do  to  be  confident.  He  is  an  evil  man,  but  a 
great  swordsman.  Now  I  never  liked  Ponsonby,  and 
Stewart  was  the  most  lovable  of  men ;  but  in  the  great 
duel  Ponsonby  killed " 

"  No,"  I  interrupted,  "  damn  the  duel  between 
Ponsonby  and  Stewart.  I  'm  sick  of  it.  This  is  to 
be  the  duel  between  The  O'Ruddy  and  Forister,  and 
it  won't  be  like  the  other." 

"  Eh,  well,"  said  the  Colonel  good-naturedly ; 
"  make  your  mind  easy.  But  I  hope  to  God  you 
lay  him  flat." 

"  After  I  have  finished  with  him,"  said  I  in 
measured  tones,  "  he  will  be  willing  to  sell  himself 
as  a  sailor  to  go  to  the  Indies;  only,  poor  devil,  he 
won't  be  able  to  walk,  which  is  always  a  drawback 
after  a  hard  fight,  since  it  leaves  one  man  incapable 
on  the  ground  and  thus  discloses  strong  evidence  of 
a  struggle." 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  77 

I  could  see  that  Colonel  Royale  had  no  admiration 
for  my  bragging  air,  but  how  otherwise  was  I  to 
keep  up  my  spirits?  With  all  my  discouragements 
it  seemed  to  me  that  I. was  privileged  to  do  a  little 
fine  lying.  Had  my  father  been  in  my  place,  he 
would  have  lied  Forister  into  such  a  corner  that  the 
man  would  be  thinking  that  he  had  the  devil  for 
an  opponent.  My  father  knew  more  about  such 
matters. 

Still  I  could  not  help  but  be  thinking  how  misfor- 
tunate  it  was  that  I  had  kicked  a  great  swordsman  out 
of  this  inn  at  Bristol  when  he  might  have  been  a  harm 
less  shoemaker  if  I  had  only  decent  luck.  I  must  make 
the  best  of  it,  and  for  this  my  only  method  was  to  talk 
loudly,  —  to  myself,  if  need  be ;  to  others  if  I  could. 
I  was  not  the  kind  that  is  quite  unable  to  say  a 
good  word  for  itself  even  if  I  was  not  able  to  lie  as 
well  as  my  father  in  his  prime.  In  his  day  he  could 
lie  the  coat  off  a  man's  back,  or  the  patches  off  a 
lady's  cheek,  and  he  could  lie  a  good  dog  into  howling 
ominously.  Still  it  was  my  duty  to  lie  as  well  as  I 
was  able. 

After  a  time  Lord  Strepp  was  announced  and 
entered.  Both  he  and  Colonel  Royale  immediately 
stiffened  and  decided  not  to  perceive  each  other. 
"  Sir,"  said  Lord  Strepp  to  me,  "  I  have  the  honour 
to  present  my  compliments  to  you,  and  to  request  that 
you  join  a  friend  of  mine,  Mr.  Forister,  at  dawn  to 
morrow,  in  the  settlement  of  a  certain  small  mis 
understanding." 

"  Sir,"  said  I,  in  the  same  manner,  "  I  am  only  too 
happy  to  have  this  little  matter  adjusted." 

"And  of  course  the  arrangements,  sir?" 


78  THE      O'RUDDY 

"  For  them  I  may  refer  you  to  my  friend  Colonel 
Royale." 

"  Ah,"  said  the  young  Lord,  as  if  he  had  never 
before  seen  the  Colonel. 

"  I  am  at  your  service,  sir,"  said  Colonel  Royale 
as  if  he  never  in  his  whole  life  had  heard  of  Lord 
Strepp. 

Then  these  two  began  to  salaam  one  another,  and 
mouth  out  fool  phrases,  and  cavort  and  prance  and 
caracole,  until  I  thought  them  mad.  When  they  de 
parted  there  was  a  dreadful  scene.  Each  refused  to 
go  through  the  door  before  the  other.  There  was  a 
frightful  deadlock.  They  each  bowed  and  scraped 
and  waved  their  hands,  and  surrendered  the  doorway 
back  and  forth,  until  I  thought  they  were  to  be  in 
my  chamber  eternally.  Lord  Strepp  gorgeously  pre 
sented  the  right  of  way  to  Colonel  Royale,  and  the 
Colonel  gorgeously  presented  the  right  of  way  to  Lord 
Strepp.  All  this  time  they  were  bending  their  backs 
at  each  other. 

Finally  I  could  stand  it  no  longer.  "  In  God's 
name,"  I  shouted,  "  the  door  is  wide  enough  for  the 
two  of  you.  Take  it  together.  You  will  go  through 
like  grease.  Never  fear  the  door.  'T  is  a  good  wide 
door." 

To  my  surprise,  they  turned  to  glance  at  me  and 
burst  into  great  laughter.  Then  they  passed  out 
amiably  enough  together.  I  was  alone. 

Well,  the  first  thing  I  did  was  to  think.  I  thought 
with  all  my  force.  I  fancied  the  top  of  my  skull  was 
coming  off.  I  thought  myself  into  ten  thousand  intri 
cacies.  I  thought  myself  into  doom  and  out  of  it, 
and  behind  it  and  below  it,  but  I  could  not  think  of 


THE      0     RUDDY  79 

anything  which  was  of  service  to  me.  It  seemed  that 
I  had  come  among  a  lot  of  mummers,  and  one  of 
these  mummers  was  resolved  to  kill  me,  although  I 
had  never  even  so  much  as  broken  his  leg.  But  I 
remembered  my  father's  word,  who  had  told  me  that 
gentlemen  should  properly  kill  each  other  over  a  mat 
ter  of  one  liking  oranges  and  the  other  not  liking 
oranges.  It  was  the  custom  among  men  of  position, 
he  had  said,  and  of  course  a  way  was  not  clear  to 
changing  this  custom  at  the  time.  However,  I  de 
termined  that  if  I  lived  I  would  insist  upon  all 
these  customs  being  moderated  and  re-directed.  For 
my  part  I  was  willing  that  any  man  should  like 
oranges. 

I  decided  that  I  must  go  for  a  walk.  To  sit  and 
gloom  in  my  room  until  the  time  of  the  great  affair 
would  do  me  no  good  in  any  case.  In  fact  it  was 
likely  to  do  me  much  harm.  I  went  forth  to  the 
garden  in  the  rear  of  the  inn.  Here  spread  a  lawn 
more  level  than  a  ballroom  floor.  There  was  a  summer- 
house  and  many  beds  of  flowers.  On  this  day  there 
was  nobody  abroad  in  the  garden  but  an  atrocious 
parrot,  which,  balancing  on  its  stick,  called  out  con 
tinually  raucous  cries  in  a  foreign  tongue. 

I  paced  the  lawn  for  a  time,  and  then  took  a  seat 
in  the  summer-house.  I  had  been  there  but  a  moment 
when  I  perceived  Lady  Mary  and  the  Countess  come 
into  the  garden.  Through  the  leafy  walls  of  the 
summer-house  I  watched  them  as  they  walked  slowly 
to  and  fro  on  the  grass.  The  mother  had  evidently 
a  great  deal  to  say  to  the  daughter.  She  waved  her 
arms  and  spoke  with  a  keen  excitement. 

But  did  I  overhear  anything  ?    I  overheard  nothing ! 


80  THE      O'RUDDY 

From  what  I  knew  of  the  proper  conduct  of  the  really 
thrilling  episodes  of  life  I  judged  that  I  should  have 
been  able  to  overhear  almost  every  word  of  this 
conversation.  Instead,  I  could  only  see  the  Countess 
making  irritated  speech  to  Lady  Mary. 

Moreover  it  was  legitimate  that  I  should  have  been 
undetected  in  the  summer-house.  On  the  contrary, 
they  were  perfectly  aware  that  there  was  somebody 
there,  and  so  in  their  promenade  they  presented  it 
with  a  distinguished  isolation. 

No  old  maid  ever  held  her  ears  so  wide  open.  But 
I  could  hear  nothing  but  a  murmur  of  angry  argument 
from  the  Countess  and  a  murmur  of  gentle  objection 
from  Lady  Mary.  I  was  in  possession  of  an  ideal 
place  from  which  to  overhear  conversation.  Almost 
every  important  conversation  ever  held  had  been  over 
heard  from  a  position  of  this  kind.  It  seemed  unfair 
that  I,  of  all  men  in  literature,  should  be  denied  this 
casual  and  usual  privilege. 

The  Countess  harangued  in  a  low  voice  at  great 
length ;  Lady  Mary  answered  from  time  to  time,  ad 
mitting  this  and  admitting  that,  protesting  against  the 
other.  It  seemed  certain  to  me  that  talk  related  to 
Forister,  although  I  had  no  real  reason  for  thinking 
it.  And  I  was  extremely  angry  that  the  Countess  of 
Westport  and  her  daughter,  Lady  Mary  Strepp,  should 
talk  of  Forister. 

Upon  my  indignant  meditations  the  parrot  inter 
polated  : 

"  Ho,  ho !  "  it  cried  hoarsely.  "  A  pretty  lady !  A 
pretty  lady !  A  pretty  lady !  A  pretty  lady ! " 

Lady  Mary  smiled  at  this  vacuous  repetition,  but  her 
mother  went  into  a  great  rage,  opening  her  old  jaws 


THE      O  '  R  U  I)  D  Y  81 

like  a  maddened  horse.  "  Here,  landlord !  Here, 
waiter !  Here,  anybody !  " 

So  people  came  running  from  the  inn,  and  at  their 
head  was,  truly  enough,  the  landlord.  "  My  lady," 
he  cried  panting. 

She  pointed  an  angry  and  terrible  finger  at  the 
parrot.  "  When  I  walk  in  this  garden,  am  I  to  be 
troubled  with  this  wretched  bird  ?  " 

The  landlord  almost  bit  the  turf  while  the  servants 
from  the  inn  grovelled  near  him.  "  My  lady,"  he 
cried,  "  the  bird  shall  be  removed  at  once."  He  ran 
forward.  The  parrot  was  chained  by  its  leg  to  a  tall 
perch.  As  the  innkeeper  came  away  with  the  entire 
business,  the  parrot  began  to  shout :  "  Old  harridan ! 
Old  harridan!  Old  harridan!"  The  innkeeper 
seemed  to  me  to  be  about  to  die  of  wild  terror.  It 
was  a  dreadful  moment.  One  could  not  help  but  feel 
sorry  for  this  poor  wretch,  whose  sole  offence  was 
that  he  kept  an  inn  and  also  chose  to  keep  a  parrot  in 
his  garden. 

The  Countess  sailed  grandly  toward  the  door  of  the 
hotel.  To  the  solemn  protestations  of  six  or  seven 
servants  she  paid  no  heed.  At  the  door  she  paused 
and  turned  for  the  intimate  remark.  "  I  cannot  endure 
parrots,"  she  said  impressively.  To  this  dictum  the 
menials  crouched. 

The  servants  departed :  the  garden  was  now  empty 
save  for  Lady  Mary  and  me.  She  continued  a  pensive 
strolling.  Now,  I  could  see  plainly  that  here  fate  had 
arranged  for  some  kind  of  interview.  The  whole 
thing  was  set  like  a  scene  in  a  theatre.  I  was  un 
doubtedly  to  emerge  suddenly  from  the  summer-house ; 
the  lovely  maid  would  startle,  blush,  cast  down  her 

6 


82  THE     O'RUDDY 

eyes,  turn  away.  Then,  when  it  came  my  turn,  I 
would  doff  my  hat  to  the  earth  and  beg  pardon  for 
continuing  a  comparatively  futile  existence.  Then  she 
would  slyly  murmur  a  disclaimer  of  any  ability  to 
criticise  my  continuation  of  a  comparatively  futile 
existence,  adding  that  she  was  but  an  inexperienced 
girl.  The  ice  thus  being  broken,  we  would  travel 
by  easy  stages  into  more  intimate  talk. 

I  looked  down  carefully  at  my  apparel  and  flecked 
a  handkerchief  over  it.  I  tilted  my  hat;  I  set  my 
hip  against  my  harbour.  A  moment  of  indecision,  of 
weakness,  and  I  was  out  of  the  summer-house.  God 
knows  how  I  hoped  that  Lady  Mary  would  not  run 
away. 

But  the  moment  she  saw  me  she  came  swiftly  to 
me.  I  almost  lost  my  wits. 

"  'T  is  the  very  gentleman  I  wished  to  see,"  she 
cried.  She  was  blushing,  it  is  true,  but  it  was  evident 
she  intended  to  say  nothing  about  inexperience  or 

mere  weak  girls.  "  I  wished  to  see  you  because " 

she  hesitated  and  then  rapidly  said :  "  It  was  about  the 
papers.  I  wanted  to  thank  you  —  I  —  you  have  no 
notion  how  happy  the  possession  of  the  papers  has 
made  my  father.  It  seemed  to  have  given  him  new 
life.  I  —  I  saw  you  throw  your  sword  on  the  floor 
with  the  hilt  away  from  you.  And  —  and  then  you 
gave  me  the  papers.  I  knew  you  were  a  gallant 
gentleman." 

All  this  time,  I,  in  my  confusion,  was  bobbing  and 
murmuring  pledges  of  service.  But  if  I  was  con 
fused,  Lady  Mary  was  soon  cool  enough  in  the  pres 
ence  of  a  simple  bog-trotter  like  me.  Her  beautiful 
eyes  looked  at  me  reflectively. 


THE      O'RUDDY  83 

"  There  is  only  one  service  I  can  render  you,  sir," 
said  she  softly.  "  T  is  advice  which  would  have  been 
useful  in  saving  some  men's  lives  if  only  they  had 
received  it.  I  mean  —  don't  fight  with  Forister  in 
the  morning.  T  is  certain  death." 

It  was  now  my  turn  once  more.  I  drew  myself  up, 
and  for  the  first  time  I  looked  squarely  into  her 
bright  eyes. 

"  My  lady,"  said  I,  with  mournful  dignity,  "  I  was 
filled  with  pride  when  you  said  the  good  word  to  me. 
But  what  am  I  to  think  now?  Am  I,  after  all,  such 
a  poor  stick  that,  to  your  mind,  I  could  be  advised  to 
sell  my  honour  for  a  mere  fear  of  being  killed?" 

Even  then  I  remembered  my  one-time  decision  to 
run  away  from  the  duel  with  Forister;  but  we  will 
not  be  thinking  of  that  now. 

Tears  came  into  Lady  Mary's  eyes.  "  Ah,  now,  I 
have  blundered,"  she  said.  "  T  is  what  you  would 
say,  sir.  'T  is  what  you  would  do.  I  have  only  made 
matters  worse.  A  woman's  meddling  often  results  in 
the  destruction  of  those  she  —  those  she  don't  care  to 
have  killed." 

One  would  think  from  the  look  of  this  last  sentence, 
that  with  certain  reason  I  could  have  felt  somewhat 
elated  without  being  altogether  a  fool.  Lady  Mary 
meant  nothing  of  importance  by  her  speech,  but  it 
was  a  little  bit  for  a  man  who  was  hungry  to  have  her 
think  of  him.  But  here  I  was  assailed  by  a  very 
demon  of  jealousy  and  distrust.  This  beautiful  witch 
had  some  plan  in  her  head  which  did  not  concern  my 
welfare  at  all.  Why  should  she,  a  great  lady,  take 
any  trouble  for  a  poor  devil  who  was  living  at  an  inn 
on  money  borrowed  from  a  highwayman.  I  had  been 


84  THE      O'RUDDY 

highly  honoured  by  an  indifferent  consideration  born 
of  a  wish  to  be  polite  to  a  man  who  had  eased  the 
mind  of  her  father.  No ;  I  would  not  deceive  myself. 

But  her  tears !  Were  they  marking  indifferent  con 
sideration?  For  a  second  I  lost  myself  in  a  roseate 
impossible  dream.  I  dreamed  that  she  had  spoken  to 
me  because  she 

Oh,  what  folly!  Even  as  I  dreamed,  she  turned  to 
me  with  splendid  carriage,  and  remarked  coldly: 

"  I  did  not  wish  you  to  suppose  that  I  ever  failed 
to  pay  a  debt.  I  have  paid  this  one.  Proceed  now, 
sir,  in  your  glowing  stupidity.  I  have  done." 

When  I  recovered  myself  she  was  placidly  moving 
away  from  me  toward  the  door  of  the  inn. 


CHAPTER   IX 

I  HAD  better  be  getting  to  the  story  of  the  duel. 
I  have  been  hanging  back  with  it  long  enough, 
and  I  shall  tell  it  at  once.  I  remember  my  father 
saying  that  the  most  aggravating  creature  in  life  was 
one  who  would  be  keeping  back  the  best  part  of  a 
story  through  mere  reasons  of  trickery,  although  I 
have  seen  himself  dawdle  over  a  tale  until  his  friends 
wished  to  hurl  the  decanters  at  him.  However,  there 
can  be  no  doubting  of  the  wisdom  of  my  father's 
remark.  Indeed  there  can  be  little  doubting  of  the 
wisdom  of  anything  that  my  father  said  in  life,  for 
he  was  a  very  learned  man.  The  fact  that  my  father 
did  not  invariably  defer  to  his  own  opinions  does  not 
alter  the  truth  of  those  opinions  in  my  judgment,  since 
even  the  greatest  of  philosophers  is  more  likely  to  be 
living  a  life  based  on  the  temper  of  his  wife  and  the 
advice  of  his  physician  than  on  the  rules  laid  down  in 
his  books.  Nor  am  I  certain  that  my  father  was  in  a 
regular  habit  of  delaying  a  story.  I  only  remember 
this  one  incident,  wherein  he  was  recounting  a  stir 
ring  tale  of  a  fight  with  a  lancer,  and  just  as  the  lance 
was  within  an  inch  of  the  paternal  breast  my  father 
was  reminded,  by  a  sight  of  the  walnuts,  that  Mickey 
Clancy  was  not  serving  the  port  with  his  usual  rapid 
ity,  and  so  he  addressed  him.  I  remember  the  words 
well. 


86  THE     O'RUDDY 

"  Mickey,  you  spalpeen,"  said  my  father,  "  would 
you  be  leaving  the  gentlemen  as  dry  as  the  bottom  of 
Moses'  feet  when  he  crossed  the  Red  Sea?  Look  at 
O'Mahoney  there!  He  is  as  thirsty  as  a  fish  in  the 
top  of  a  tree.  And  Father  Donovan  has  had  but  two 
small  quarts,  and  he  never  takes  less  than  five.  Bad 
luck  to  you,  Mickey,  if  it  was  a  drink  for  your  own 
stomach,  you  would  be  moving  faster.  Are  you  wish 
ing  to  ruin  my  reputation  for  hospitality,  you  rogue 
you?" 

And  my  father  was  going  on  with  Mickey,  only  that 
he  looked  about  him  at  this  time  and  discovered  his 
guests  all  upon  their  feet,  one  with  the  tongs  and  one 
with  the  poker,  others  with  decanters  ready  to  throw. 

"What's  this?"   said  he. 

"  The  lance,"  said  they. 

"What  lance?"  said  he. 

"  The  lance  of  the  lancer,"  said  they. 

"And  why  shouldn't  he  have  a  lance?"  said  my 
father.  "  'Faith,  't  would  be  an  odd  lancer  without  a 
lance!" 

By  this  time  they  were  so  angry  that  Mickey,  seeing 
how  things  were  going,  and  I  being  a  mere  lad,  took 
me  from  the  room.  I  never  heard  precisely  what  hap 
pened  to  the  lancer,  but  he  must  have  had  the  worst 
of  it,  for  was  n't  my  father,  seated  there  at  the  table, 
telling  the  story  long  years  after? 

Well,  as  to  my  duel  with  Forister:  Colonel  Royale 
was  an  extremely  busy  man,  and  almost  tired  my  life 
out  with  a  quantity  of  needless  attentions.  For  my 
part,  I  thought  more  of  Lady  Mary  and  the  fact  that 
she  considered  me  no  more  than  if  I  had  been  a  spud. 
Colonel  Royale  fluttered  about  me.  I  would  have 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  87 

gruffly  sent  him  away  if  it  were  not  that  everything 
he  did  was  meant  in  kindliness  and  generous  feeling. 
I  was  already  believing  that  he  did  not  have  more  than 
one  brain  in  his  head,  but  I  could  not  be  ungrateful 
for  his  interest  and  enthusiasm  in  getting  me  out  to 
be  hurt  correctly.  I  understood,  long  years  afterward, 
that  he  and  Lord  Strepp  were  each  so  particular  in 
the  negotiations  that  no  less  than  eighteen  bottles  of 
wine  were  consumed. 

The  morning  for  the  duel  dawned  softly  warm, 
softly  wet,  softly  foggy.  The  Colonel  popped  into 
my  room  the  moment  I  was  dressed.  To  my  surprise, 
he  was  now  quite  mournful.  It  was  I,  now,  who  had 
to  do  the  cheering. 

"  Your  spirits  are  low,  Colonel?"  said  I  banter- 
ingly. 

"  Aye,  O'Ruddy,'  he  answered  with  an  effort,  "  I 
had  a  bad  night,  with  the  gout.  Heaven  help  this 
devil  from  getting  his  sword  into  your  bowels." 

He  had  made  the  appointment  with  Strepp,  of 
course,  and  as  we  walked  toward  the  ground  he  looked 
at  me  very  curiously  out  of  the  ends  of  his  eyes.  "  You 
know  —  ah,  you  have  the  honour  of  the  acquaintance 
of  Lady  Mary  Strepp,  O'Ruddy  ?  "  said  he  suddenly 
and  nervously. 

"  I  have,"  I  answered,  stiffening.  Then  I  said : 
"And  you?" 

"  Her  father  and  I  were  friends  before  either  of  you 
were  born,"  he  said  simply.  "  I  was  a  cornet  in  his 
old  regiment.  Little  Lady  Mary  played  at  the  knee 
of  the  poor  young  subaltern." 

"  Oh,"  said  I  meanly,  "  you  are,  then,  a  kind  of 
uncle." 


88  THE      O'RUDDY 

"  Aye,"  said  he,  "  a  kind  of  uncle.  So  much  of  an 
uncle,"  he  added  with  more  energy,  "  that  when  she 
gave  me  this  note  I  thought  much  of  acting  like  a  real 
uncle.  From  what  I  have  unfortunately  overheard,  I 
suspect  that  the  Earl  —  aw  —  disagrees  with  you  on 
certain  points." 

He  averted  his  face  as  he  handed  me  the  note,  and 
eagerly  I  tore  it  open.  It  was  unsigned.  It  contained 
but  three  words :  "  God  spare  you !  "  And  so  I 
marched  in  a  tumult  of  joy  to  a  duel  wherein  I  was 
expected  to  be  killed. 

I  glanced  at  the  Colonel.  His  countenance  was 
deeply  mournful.  "  'T  is  for  few  girls  I  would  be 
come  a  dove  to  carry  notes  between  lovers,"  he  said 
gloomily.  "  Damn  you  for  it,  O'Ruddy !  " 

"  Nay,  Colonel,"  said  I.  "  'T  is  no  missive  of  love. 
Look  you !  " 

But  still  he  kept  his  eyes  averted.  "  I  judge  it  was 
not  meant  for  my  eyes,"  he  said,  still  very  gloomy. 

But  here  I  flamed  up  in  wrath : 

"  And  would  the  eye  of  an  angel  be  allowed  to  rest 
upon  this  paper  if  it  were  not  fit  that  it  should  be 
so  ?  "  I  demanded  in  my  anger.  "  Colonel,  am  I  to 
hear  you  bleat  about  doves  and  lovers  when  a  glance 
of  your  eye  will  disabuse  you  ?  Read !  " 

He  read.  "  '  God  spare  you ! ' :  he  repeated  ten 
derly.  Then  he  addressed  me  with  fine  candor. 
"  Aye,  I  have  watched  her  these  many  years,  O'Ruddy. 
When  she  was  a  babe  I  have  seen  her  in  her  little  bath. 
When  she  was  a  small  girl  I  have  seen  her  asleep  with 
some  trinket  clasped  in  her  rosy  hand  on  the  coverlet. 

Since  she  has  been  a  beautiful  young  lady  I  have 

but  no  matter.  You  come  along,  named  nobody,  hail- 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  89 

ing  from  nowhere;  and  she she  sends  me  out  to 

deliver  her  prayer  that  God  may  spare  you !  " 

I  was  awed  by  this  middle-aged  sorrow.  But,  curse 
him !  when  she  was  a  babe  he  had  seen  her  in  her 
little  bath,  had  he  ?  Damn  his  eyes !  He  had  seen  the 
baby  naked  in  her  tiny  tub?  Damn  his  eyes  again! 
I  was  in  such  a  fury  that  I  longed  to  fight  Royale  on 
the  spot  and  kill  him,  running  my  sword  through  his 
memory  so  that  it  would  be  blotted  out  forever,  and 
never,  never  again,  even  in  Paradise,  could  he  recall 
the  image  in  the  little  tub. 

But  the  Colonel's  next  words  took  the  rage  out  of  me. 

"  Go  in,  O'Ruddy,"  he  cried  heartily.  "  There  is 
no  truer  man  could  win  her.  As  my  lady  says,  '  God 
spare  you !  ' 

"  And  if  Forister's  blade  be  not  too  brisk,  I  will 
manage  to  be  spared,"  I  rejoined. 

"  Oh,  there  is  another  thing  touching  the  matter," 
said  the  Colonel  suddenly.  *'  Forister  is  your  chief 
rival,  although  I  little  know  what  has  passed  between 
them.  Nothing  important,  I  think,  although  I  am  sure 
Forister  is  resolved  to  have  her  for  a  bride.  Of  that  I 
am  certain.  He  is  resolved." 

"Is  he  so?"   said  I. 

I  was  numb  and  cold  for  a  moment.  Then  I  slowly 
began  to  boil,  like  a  kettle  freshly  placed  on  the  fire. 
So  I  was  facing  a  rival  ?  Well,  and  he  would  get  such 
a  facing  as  few  men  had  received.  And  he  was  my 
rival  and  in  the  breast  of  my  coat  I  wore  a  note  — 
"  God  spare  you !  "  Ha,  ha !  He  little  knew  the  ad 
vantages  under  which  he  was  to  play.  Could  I  lose 
with  "  God  spare  you !  "  against  my  heart  ?  Not 
against  three  Foristers! 


90  THE     O'RUDDY 

But  hold!  might  it  not  be  that  the  gentle  Lady 
Mary,  deprecating  this  duel  and  filled  with  feelings 
of  humanity,  had  sent  us  each  a  note  with  this  fervid 
cry  for  God  to  spare  us?  I  was  forced  to  concede 
it  possible.  After  all,  I  perfectly  well  knew  that  to 
Lady  Mary  I  was  a  mere  nothing.  Royale's  words 
had  been  so  many  plumes  in  my  life's  helmet,  but  at 
bottom  I  knew  better  than  to  set  great  store  by  them. 
The  whole  thing  was  now  to  hurry  to  the  duelling- 
ground  and  see  if  I  could  discover  from  this  black 
Forister's  face  if  he  had  received  a  "  God  spare  you !  " 
I  took  the  Colonel's  arm  and  fairly  dragged  him. 

"Damme,  O'Ruddy!"  said  he,  puffing;  "this  can 
be  nought  but  genuine  eagerness." 

When  we  came  to  the  duelling-place  we  found  Lord 
Strepp  and  Forister  pacing  to  and  fro,  while  the  top 
of  a  near-by  wall  was  crowded  with  pleasant-minded 
spectators.  "  Aye,  you  've  come,  have  ye,  sirs  ?  "  called 
out  the  rabble.  Lord  Strepp  seemed  rather  annoyed, 
and  Colonel  Royale  grew  red  and  stepped  peremp 
torily  toward  the  wall,  but  Forister  and  I  had  eyes 
only  for  each  other.  His  eye  for  me  was  a  glad,  cruel 
eye.  I  have  a  dim  remembrance  of  seeing  the  Colonel 
take  his  scabbard  and  incontinently  beat  many  worthy 
citizens  of  Bristol;  indeed,  he  seemed  to  beat  every 
worthy  citizen  of  Bristol  who  had  not  legs  enough  to 
get  away.  I  could  hear  them  squeaking  out  protests 
while  I  keenly  studied  the  jubilant  Forister. 

Aye,  it  was  true.  He  too  had  a  "  God  spare  you !  " 
I  felt  my  blood  begin  to  run  hot.  My  eyes  suddenly 
cleared  as  if  I  had  been  empowered  with  miraculous 
vision.  My  arm  became  supple  as  a  whip.  I  decided 
upon  one  thing.  I  would  kill  Forister. 


THE     O'RUDDY  91 

I  thought  the  Colonel  never  would  give  over  chasing 
citizens,  but  at  last  he  returned  breathless,  having  scat 
tered  the  populace  over  a  wide  stretch  of  country.  The 
preliminaries  were  very  simple.  In  a  half-minute  For- 
ister  and  I,  in  our  shirts,  faced  each  other. 

And  now  I  passed  into  such  a  state  of  fury  that  I 
cannot  find  words  to  describe  it ;  but,  as  I  have  said, 
I  was  possessed  with  a  remarkable  clearness  of  vision 
and  strength  of  arm.  These  phenomena  amaze  me 
even  at  this  day.  I  was  so  airy  upon  my  feet  that  I 
might  have  been  a  spirit.  I  think  great  rages  work 
thus  upon  some  natures.  Their  competence  is  sud 
denly  made  manifold.  They  live,  for  a  brief  space,  the 
life  of  giants.  Rage  is  destruction  active.  Whenever 
anything  in  this  world  needs  to  be  destroyed,  nature 
makes  somebody  wrathful.  Another  thing  that  I  re 
call  is  that  I  had  not  the  slightest  doubt  of  my  ability 
to  kill  Forister.  There  were  no  more  misgivings :  no 
quakings.  I  thought  of  the  impending  duel  with 
delight. 

In  all  my  midnight  meditations  upon  the  fight  I  had 
pictured  myself  as  lying  strictly  upon  the  defensive 
and  seeking  a  chance  opportunity  to  damage  my  re 
doubtable  opponent.  But  the  moment  after  our  swords 
had  crossed  I  was  an  absolute  demon  of  attack.  My 
very  first  lunge  made  him  give  back  a  long  pace.  I 
saw  his  confident  face  change  to  a  look  of  fierce 
excitement. 

There  is  little  to  say  of  the  flying,  spinning  blades. 
It  is  only  necessary  to  remark  that  Forister  dropped 
almost  immediately  to  defensive  tactics  before  an  as 
sault  which  was  not  only  impetuous  but  exceedingly 
brilliant,  if  I  may  be  allowed  to  say  so.  And  I  know 


92  THE      O'RUDDY 

that  on  my  left  a  certain  Colonel  Royale  was  steadily 
growing  happier. 

The  end  came  with  an  almost  ridiculous  swiftness. 
The  feeling  of  an  ugly  quivering  wrench  communi 
cated  itself  from  the  point  of  my  sword  to  my  mind; 
I  heard  Strepp  and  Royale  cry  "  Hold !  "  I  saw  For- 
ister  fall ;  I  lowered  my  point  and  stood  dizzily  think 
ing.  My  sight  was  now  blurred ;  my  arm  was "  weak. 

My  sword  had  gone  deep  into  Foristers  left  shoul 
der,  and  the  bones  there  had  given  that  hideous  feeling 
of  a  quivering  wrench.  He  was  not  injured  beyond 
repair,  but  he  was  in  exquisite  agony.  Before  they 
could  reach  him  he  turned  over  on  his  elbows  and 
managed  in  some  way  to  fling  his  sword  at  me. 
"  Damn  your  soul !  "  he  cried,  and  he  gave  a  sort  of 
howl  as  Lord  Strepp,  grim  and  unceremonious,  bounced 
him  over  again  upon  his  back.  In  the  mean  time 
Colonel  Royale  was  helping  me  on  with  my  coat  and 
waistcoat,  although  I  hardly  knew  that  either  he  or 
the  coat  or  waistcoat  were  in  existence. 

I  had  my  usual  inclination  to  go  forward  and  ex 
plain  to  everybody  how  it  all  had  happened.  But 
Royale  took  me  forcibly  by  the  arm,  and  we  turned 
our  backs  on  Strepp  and  Forister  and  walked  toward 
the  inn. 

As  soon  as  we  were  out  of  their  sight,  Colonel 
Royale  clasped  my  hands  with  rapture.  "  My  boy," 
he  cried,  "  you  are  great !  You  are  renowned !  You 
are  illustrious!  What  a  game  you  could  give  Pon- 
sonby !  You  would  give  him  such  a  stir !  " 

"  Never  doubt  me,"  said  I.  "  But  I  am  now  your 
legitimate  grandfather,  and  I  should  be  treated  with 
great  respect." 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  93 

When  we  came  near  the  inn  I  began  to  glance  up  at 
the  windows.  I  surely  expected  to  see  a  face  at  one 
of  them.  Certainly  she  would  care  to  know  who  was 
slain  or  who  was  hurt.  She  would  be  watching,  I 
fondly  hoped,  to  see  who  returned  on  his  legs.  But 
the  front  of  the  inn  stared  at  us,  chilly  and  vacant, 
like  a  prison  wall. 

When  we  entered,  the  Colonel  bawled  lustily  for  an 
immediate  bottle  of  wine,  and  I  joined  him  in  its 
drinking,  for  I  knew  that  it  would  be  a  bellows  to 
my  flagging  spirits.  I  had  set  my  heart  upon  seeing 
a  face  at  the  window  of  the  inn. 


CHAPTER    X 

AND  now  I  found  out  what  it  was  to  be  a  famous 
swordsman.  All  that  day  the  inn  seemed  to 
hum  with  my  name.  I  could  not  step  down  a  corri 
dor  without  seeing  flocks  of  servants  taking  wing. 
They  fled  tumultuously.  A  silly  maid  coming  from 
a  chamber  with  a  bucket  saw  me  and  shrieked.  She 
dropped  her  bucket  and  fled  back  into  the  chamber. 
A  man-servant  saw  me,  gave  a  low  moan  of  terror, 
and  leaped  down  a  convenient  stairway.  All  attend 
ants  scuttled  aside. 

What  was  the  matter  with  me?  Had  I  grown  in 
stature  or  developed  a  ferocious  ugliness?  No;  I 
now  was  a  famous  swordsman.  That  was  all.  I  now 
was  expected  to  try  to  grab  the  maids  and  kiss  them 
wantonly.  I  now  was  expected  to  clout  the  grooms 
on  their  ears  if  they  so  much  as  showed  themselves 
in  my  sight.  In  fact,  I  was  now  a  great  blustering, 
overpowering,  preposterous  ass. 

There  was  a  crowd  of  people  in  the  coffee-room, 
but  the  buzz  of  talk  suddenly  ceased  as  I  entered. 

"  Is  this  your  chair,  sir  ? "  said  I  civilly  to  a 
gentleman. 

He  stepped  away  from  the  chair  as  if  it  had  tried 
to  bite  him. 

"  'T  is  at  your  service,  sir !  "   he  cried  hastily. 

"  No,"  said  I,  "  I  would  not  be  taking  it  if  it  be 
yours,  for  there  are  just  as  good  chairs  in  the  sea 


THE      O'RUDDY  95 

as  ever  were  caught,  and  it  would  ill  become  me  to 
deprive  a  gentleman  of  his  chair  when  by  exercising 
a  little  energy  I  can  gain  one  for  myself,  although  I 
am  willing  to  admit  that  I  have  a  slight  hunger  upon 
me.  T  is  a  fine  morning,  sir." 

He  had  turned  pale  and  was  edging  toward  the 
door.  "  T  is  at  your  service,  sir,"  he  repeated  in  a 
low  and  frightened  voice.  All  the  people  were  staring 
at  us. 

"  No,  good  sir,"  I  remonstrated,  stepping  forward 
to  explain.  "  I  would  not  be  having  you  think  that 
I  am  unable  to  get  a  chair  for  myself,  since  I  am 
above  everything  able  and  swift  with  my  hands,  and 
it  is  a  small  thing  to  get  a  chair  for  one's  self  and 
not  deprive  a  worthy  gentleman  of  his  own." 

"  I  did  not  think  to  deprive  you,  sir,"  he  ejaculated 
desperately.  '  The  chair  is  at  your  service,  sir !  " 

"  Plague  the  man !  "  I  cried,  stamping  my  foot 
impatiently ;  and  at  the  stamping  of  my  foot  a  waiter 
let  fall  a  dish,  some  women  screamed,  three  or  four 
people  disappeared  through  the  door,  and  a  venerable 
gentleman  arose  from  his  seat  in  a  corner  and  in 
a  tremulous  voice  said : 

"  Sir,  let  us  pray  you  that  there  be  no  bloodshed." 

"  You  are  an  old  fool,"  said  I  to  him.  "  How  could 
there  be  bloodshed  with  me  here  merely  despising  you 
all  for  not  knowing  what  I  mean  when  I  say  it." 

"  We  know  you  mean  what  you  say,  sir,"  responded 
the  old  gentleman.  "  Pray  God  you  mean  peaceably !  " 

"  Hoity-toity !  "  shouted  a  loud  voice,  and  I  saw  a 
great,  tall,  ugly  woman  bearing  down  upon  me  from 
the  doorway.  "  Out  of  my  way,"  she  thundered  at  a 
waiter.  The  man  gasped  out :  "  Yes,  your  ladyship !  " 


96  THE      O'RUDDY 

I  was  face  to  face  with  the  mother  of  my  lovely 
Mary. 

"  Hoky-toity !  "  she  shouted  at  me  again.  "  A 
brawler,  eh?  A  lively  swordster,  hey?  A  real  damn- 
my-eyes  swaggering  bully !  " 

Then  she  charged  upon  me.  "  How  dare  you 
brawl  with  these  inoffensive  people  under  the  same 
roof  which  shelters  me,  fellow  ?  By  my  word, 
I  would  have  pleasure  to  give  you  a  box  on  the 
ear!" 

"  Madam,"  I  protested  hurriedly.  But  I  saw  the 
futility  of  it.  Without  devoting  further  time  to  an 
appeal,  I  turned  and  fled.  I  dodged  behind  three 
chairs  and  moved  them  hastily  into  a  rampart. 

"  Madam,"  I  cried,  feeling  that  I  could  parley  from 
my  new  position,  "  you  labour  under  a  misappre 
hension." 

"  Misapprehend  me  no  misapprehensions,"  she  re 
torted  hotly.  "  How  dare  you  say  that  I  can  mis 
apprehend  anything,  wretch  ?  " 

She  attacked  each  flank  in  turn,  but  so  agile  was 
I  that  I  escaped  capture,  although  my  position  in 
regard  to  the  chairs  was  twice  reversed.  We  per 
formed  a  series  of  nimble  manoeuvres  which  were 
characterized  on  my  part  by  a  high  degree  of  strategy. 
But  I  found  the  rampart  of  chairs  an  untenable  place. 
I  was  again  obliged  hurriedly  to  retreat,  this  time 
taking  up  a  position  behind  a  large  table. 

"  Madam,"  I  said  desperately,  "  believe  me,  you  are 
suffering  under  a  grave  misapprehension." 

"  Again  he  talks  of  misapprehension !  " 

We  revolved  once  swiftly  around  the  table ;  she 
stopped,  panting. 


THE      O'RUDDY  97 

"  And  this  is  the  blusterer !  And  why  do  you  not 
stand  your  ground,  coward?" 

"  Madam,"  said  I  with  more  coolness  now  that  1 
saw  she  would  soon  be  losing  her  wind,  "  I  would 
esteem  it  very  ungallant  behaviour  if  I  endured  your 
attack  for  even  a  brief  moment.  My  forefathers  form 
a  brave  race  which  always  runs  away  from  the  ladies." 

After  this  speech  we  revolved  twice  around  the 
table.  I  must  in  all  candour  say  that  the  Countess 
used  language  which  would  not  at  all  suit  the  pages 
of  my  true  and  virtuous  chronicle ;  but  indeed  it  was 
no  worse  than  I  often  heard  afterward  from  the  great 
ladies  of  the  time.  However,  the  talk  was  not  always 
addressed  to  me,  thank  the  Saints ! 

After  we  had  made  the  two  revolutions,  I  spoke 
reasonably.  "  Madam,"  said  I,  "  if  we  go  spinning 
about  the  table  in  this  fashion  for  any  length  of  time, 
these  gawking  spectators  will  think  we  are  a  pair 
of  wheels." 

"  Spectators !  "  she  cried,  lifting  her  old  head  high. 
She  beheld  about  seventy-five  interested  people.  She 
called  out  loudly  to  them : 

"  And  is  there  no  gentleman  among  you  all  to  draw 
his  sword  and  beat  me  this  rascal  from  the  inn  ?  " 

Nobody  moved. 

"  Madam,"  said  I,  still  reasonable,  "  would  it  not 
be  better  to  avoid  a  possible  scandal  by  discontinuing 
these  movements,  as  the  tongues  of  men  are  not  al 
ways  fair,  and  it  might  be  said  by  some " 

Whereupon  we  revolved  twice  more  around  the 
table. 

When  the  old  pelican  stopped,  she  had  only  enough 
breath  left  to  impartially  abuse  all  the  sight-seers. 

7 


98  THE     O'RUDDY 

As  her  eye  fixed  upon  them,  The  O'Ruddy,  illustrious 
fighting-man,  saw  his  chance  and  bolted  like  a  hare. 
The  escape  must  have  formed  a  great  spectacle,  but 
I  had  no  time  for  appearances.  As  I  was  passing  out 
of  the  door,  the  Countess,  in  her  disappointed  rage, 
threw  a  heavy  ivory  fan  after  me,  which  struck  an 
innocent  bystander  in  the  eye,  for  which  he  apologized. 


CHAPTER    XI 

I  WASTED  no  time  in  the  vicinity  of  the  inn.  I 
decided  that  an  interval  spent  in  some  remote 
place  would  be  consistent  with  the  behaviour  of  a 
gentleman. 

But  the  agitations  of  the  day  were  not  yet  closed 
for  me.  Suddenly  I  came  upon  a  small,  slow-moving, 
and  solemn  company  of  men,  who  carried  among  them 
some  kind  of  a  pallet,  and  on  this  pallet  was  the  body 
of  Forister.  I  gazed  upon  his  ghastly  face;  I  saw 
the  large  blood  blotches  on  his  shirt;  as  they  drew 
nearer  I  saw  him  roll  his  eyes  and  heard  him  groan. 
Some  of  the  men  recognized  me,  and  I  saw  black  looks 
and  straight-pointing  fingers.  At  the  rear  walked 
Lord  Strepp  with  Forister's  sword  under  his  arm.  I 
turned  away  with  a  new  impression  of  the  pastime 
of  duelling.  Forister's  pallor,  the  show  of  bloody 
cloth,  his  groan,  the  dark  stares  of  men,  made  me 
see  my  victory  in  a  different  way,  and  I  even  wondered 
if  it  had  been  absolutely  necessary  to  work  this  mis 
chief  upon  a  fellow-being. 

I  spent  most  of  the  day  down  among  the  low  taverns 
of  the  sailors,  striving  to  interest  myself  in  a  thousand 
new  sights  brought  by  the  ships  from  foreign  parts. 

But  ever  my  mind  returned  to  Lady  Mary,  and  to 
my  misfortune  in  being  pursued  around  chairs  and 
tables  by  my  angel's  mother.  I  had  also  managed 
to  have  a  bitter  quarrel  with  the  noble  father  of  this 


100  THE     O'RUDDY 

lovely  creature.  It  was  hardly  possible  that  I  could 
be  joyous  over  my  prospects. 

At  noon  I  returned  to  the  inn,  approaching  with 
some  display  of  caution.  As  I  neared  it,  a  carriage 
followed  by  some  horsemen  whirled  speedily  from  the 
door.  I  knew  at  once  that  Lady  Mary  had  been  taken 
from  me.  She  was  gone  with  her  father  and  mother 
back  to  London.  I  recognized  Lord  Strepp  and 
Colonel  Royale  among  the  horsemen. 

I  walked  through  the  inn  to  the  garden,  and  looked 
at  the  parrot.  My  senses  were  all  numb.  I  stared 
at  the  bird  as  it  rolled  its  wicked  eye  at  me. 

"  Pretty  lady !  Pretty  lady !  "  it  called  in  coarse 
mockery. 

"  Plague  the  bird ! "  I  muttered,  as  I  turned  upon 
my  heel  and  entered  the  inn. 

"  My  bill,"  said  I.    "  A  horse  for  Bath !  "   said  I. 

Again  I  rode  forth  on  a  quest.  The  first  had  been 
after  my  papers.  The  second  was  after  my  love.  The 
second  was  the  hopeless  one,  and,  overcome  by  melan 
choly,  I  did  not  even  spur  my  horse  swiftly  on  my 
mission.  There  was  upon  me  the  deep-rooted  sadness 
which  balances  the  mirth  of  my  people,  —  the  Celtic 
aptitude  for  discouragement;  and  even  the  keening 
of  old  women  in  the  red  glow  of  the  peat  fire  could 
never  have  deepened  my  mood. 

And  if  I  should  succeed  in  reaching  London,  what 
then?  Would  the  wild  savage  from  the  rocky  shore 
of  Ireland  be  a  pleasing  sight  to  my  Lady  Mary  when 
once  more  amid  the  glamour  and  whirl  of  the  fashion 
able  town?  Besides,  I  could  no  longer  travel  on  the 
guineas  of  Jem  Bottles.  He  had  engaged  himself  and 
his  purse  in  my  service  because  I  had  told  him  of  a 


THE      O'RUDDY  101 

fortune  involved  in  the  regaining  of  certain  papers.  I 
had  regained  those  papers,  and  then  coolly  placed  them 
as  a  gift  in  a  certain  lovely  white  hand.  I  had  had  no 
more  thought  of  Jem  Bottles  and  his  five  guineas  than 
if  I  had  never  seen  them.  But  this  was  no  excuse  for 
a  gentleman.  When  I  was  arrived  at  tHe  rcnile?v£ms 
I  must  immediately  confess  to  Jem  Bottles,*  the  high 
wayman,  that  I  had  wronged  him.  I  did  not  vv.pect 
him  to  demand  satisfaction,  but  I  thought  he  might 
shoot  me  in  the  back  as  I  was  riding  away. 

But  Jem  was  not  at  the  appointed  place  under  the 
tree.  Not  puzzled  at  this  behaviour,  I  rode  on.  I 
saw  I  could  not  expect  the  man  to  stay  for  ever  under 
a  tree  while  I  was  away  in  Bristol  fighting  a  duel 
and  making  eyes  at  a  lady.  Still,  I  had  heard  that 
it  was  always  done. 

At  the  inn  where  Paddy  holed  Forister,  I  did  not 
dismount,  although  a  hostler  ran  out  busily.  "  No," 
said  I.  "  I  ride  on."  I  looked  at  the  man.  Small, 
sharp-eyed,  weazened,  he  was  as  likely  a  rascal  of  a 
hostler  as  ever  helped  a  highwayman  to  know  a  filled 
purse  from  a  man  who  was  riding  to  make  arrange 
ments  with  his  creditors. 

"  Do  you  remember  me  ?  "  said  I. 

"  No,  sir,"  he  said  with  great  promptitude. 

"  Very  good,"  said  I.  "  I  knew  you  did.  Now  I 
want  to  know  if  Master  Jem  Bottles  has  passed  this 
way  to-day.  A  shilling  for  the  truth  and  a  thrashing 
for  a  lie." 

The  man  came  close  to  my  stirrup.  "  Master,"  he 
said,  "  I  know  you  to  be  a  friend  of  him.  Well,  in 
day-time  he  don't  ride  past  our  door.  There  be  lanes. 
And  so  he  ain't  passed  here,  and  that 's  the  truth." 


102  THE      O'RUDDY 

I  flung  him  a  shilling.  "  Now,"  I  said,  "  what  of 
the  red  giant  ?  " 

The  man  opened  his  little  eyes  in  surprise.  "  He 
took  horse  with  you  gentlemen  and  rode  on  to  Bristol, 
or  I  don't  know." 

"Very,  good ;  now  I  see  two  very  fine  horses  champ 
ing  in  the  yard.    And  who  owns  them  ?  " 
;   .If  T  had, expected  to  catch  him  in  treachery  I  was 
wrong. 

"Them?"  said  he,  jerking  his  thumb.  He  still 
kept  his  voice  lowered.  "  They  belong  to  two  gentle 
men  who  rode  out  some  hours  agone  along  with  some 
great  man's  carriage.  The  officer  said  some  pin 
pricks  he  had  gotten  in  a  duel  had  stiffened  him,  and 
made  the  saddle  ill  of  ease  with  him,  and  the  young 
lord  said  that  he  would  stay  behind  as  a  companion. 
They  be  up  in  the  Colonel's  chamber,  drinking  vastly. 
But  mind  your  life,  sir,  if  you  would  halt  them  on 
the  road.  They  be  men  of  great  spirit.  This  inn 
seldom  sees  such  drinkers." 

And  so  Lord  Strepp  and  Colonel  Royale  were  rest 
ing  at  this  inn  while  the  carriage  of  the  Earl  had  gone 
on  toward  Bath?  I  had  a  mind  to  dismount  and  join 
the  two  in  their  roystering,  but  my  eyes  turned  wist 
fully  toward  Bath. 

As  I  rode  away  I  began  to  wonder  what  had  become 
of  Jem  Bottles  and  Paddy.  Here  was  a  fine  pair  to 
be  abroad  in  the  land.  Here  were  two  jewels  to  be 
rampaging  across  the  country.  Separately,  they  were 
villains  enough,  but  together  they  would  overturn 
England  and  get  themselves  hung  for  it  on  twin 
gibbets.  I  tried  to  imagine  the  particular  roguery 
to  which  they  would  first  give  their  attention. 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  103 

But  then  all  thought  of  the  rascals  faded  from  me 
as  my  mind  received  a  vision  of  Lady  Mary's  fair 
face,  her  figure,  her  foot.  It  would  not  be  me  to  be 
thinking  of  two  such  thieves  when  I  could  be  dream 
ing  of  Lady  Mary  with  her  soft  voice  and  the  clear 
depth  of  her  eyes.  My  horse  seemed  to  have  a  sym 
pathy  with  my  feeling  and  he  leaped  bravely  along 
the  road.  The  Celtic  melancholy  of  the  first  part  of 
the  journey  had  blown  away  like  a  sea-mist.  I  sped 
on  gallantly  toward  Bath  and  Lady  Mary. 

But  almost  at  the  end  of  the  day,  when  I  was 
within  a  few  miles  of  Bath,  my  horse  suddenly  pitched 
forward  onto  his  knees  and  nose.  There  was  a  flying 
spray  of  muddy  water.  I  was  flung  out  of  the  saddle, 
but  I  fell  without  any  serious  hurt  whatever.  We  had 
been  ambushed  by  some  kind  of  deep-sided  puddle. 
My  poor  horse  scrambled  out  and  stood  with  lowered 
head,  heaving  and  trembling.  His  soft  nose  had  been 
cut  between  his  teeth  and  the  far  edge  of  the  puddle. 
I  led  him  forward,  watching  his  legs.  He  was  lamed. 
I  looked  in  wrath  and  despair  back  at  the  puddle,  which 
was  as  plain  as  a  golden  guinea  on  a  platter.  I  do 
not  see  how  I  could  have  blundered  into  it,  for  the 
daylight  was  still  clear  and  strong.  I  had  been  gazing 
like  a  fool  in  the  direction  of  Bath.  And  my  Celtic 
melancholy  swept  down  upon  me  again,  and  even  my 
father's  bier  appeared  before  me  with  the  pale  candle- 
flames  swaying  in  the  gusty  room,  and  now  indeed 
my  ears  heard  the  loud  wailing  keen  of  the  old  women. 

"  Rubbish,"  said  I  suddenly  and  aloud,  "  and  is  it 
one  of  the  best  swordsmen  in  England  that  is  to  be 
beaten  by  a  lame  horse  ?  "  My  spirit  revived.  I  re 
solved  to  leave  my  horse  in  the  care  of  the  people  of 


104  THE      O'RUDDY 

the  nearest  house  and  proceed  at  once  on  foot  to  Bath. 
The  people  of  the  inn  could  be  sent  out  after  the  poor 
animal.  Wheeling  my  eyes,  I  saw  a  house  not  more 
than  two  fields  away,  with  honest  hospitable  smoke 
curling  from  the  chimneys.  I  led  my  beast  through 
a  hole  in  the  hedge,  and  I  slowly  made  my  way 
toward  it. 

Now  it  happened  that  my  way  led  me  near  a  hay 
cock,  and  as  I  neared  this  haycock  I  heard  voices 
from  the  other  side  of  it.  I  hastened  forward,  think 
ing  to  find  some  yokels.  But  as  I  drew  very  close  I 
suddenly  halted  and  silently  listened  to  the  voices  on 
the  other  side. 

"  Sure,  I  can  read,"  Paddy  was  saying.  "  And  why 
wouldn't  I  be  able?  If  we  couldn't  read  in  Ireland, 
we  would  be  after  being  cheated  in  our  rents,  but  we 
never  pay  them  any  how,  so  that 's  no  matter.  I 
would  be  having  you  to  know  we  are  a  highly  edu 
cated  people.  And  perhaps  you  would  be  reading  it 
yourself,  my  man?" 

"  No,"  said  Jem  Bottles,  "  I  be  not  a  great  scholar 
and  it  has  a  look  of  amazing  hardness.  And  I  mis 
doubt  me,"  he  added  in  a  morose  and  envious  voice, 
"  that  your  head  be  too  full  of  learning." 

"  Learning !  "  cried  Paddy.  "  Why  would  n't  I  be 
learned,  since  my  uncle  was  a  sexton  and  had  to  know 
one  grave  from  another  by  looking  at  the  stones  so 
as  never  to  mix  up  the  people  ?  Learning !  says  you  ? 
And  was  n't  there  a  convent  at  Ballygowagglycuddi, 
and  was  n't  Ballygowagglycuddi  only  ten  miles  from 
my  father's  house,  and  have  n't  I  seen  it  many  a 
time?" 

"  Aye,    well,    good    Master    Paddy,"    replied    Jem 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  V  105 

Bottles,  oppressed  and  sullen,  but  still  in  a  voice 
ironic  from  suspicion,  "  I  never  doubt  me  but  what  you 
are  a  regular  clerk  for  deep  learning,  but  you  have 
not  yet  read  a  line  from  the  paper,  and  I  have  been 
waiting  this  half-hour." 

"And  how  could  I  be  reading?"  cried  Paddy  in 
tones  of  indignation.  "  How  could  I  be  reading  with 
you  there  croaking  of  this  and  that  and  speaking  hard 
of  my  learning  ?  Bad  cess  to  the  paper,  I  will  be  after 
reading  it  to  myself  if  you  are  never  to  stop  your 
clatter,  Jem  Bottles." 

"  I  be  still  as  a  dead  rat,"  exclaimed  the  astonished 
highwayman. 

"Well,  then,"  said  Paddy.  "Listen  hard,  and 
you  will  hear  such  learning  as  would  be  making 
your  eyes  jump  from  your  head.  And  't  is  not  me 
either  that  cares  to  show  my  learning  before  people 
who  are  unable  to  tell  a  mile-post  from  a  church- 
tower." 

"  I  be  a-waiting,"  said  Jem  Bottles  with  a  new 
meekness  apparently  born  of  respect  for  Paddy's 
eloquence. 

"  Well,  then,"  said  Paddy,  pained  at  these  inter 
ruptions.  "  Listen  well,  and  maybe  you  will  gain 
some  learning  which  may  serve  you  all  your  life  in 
reading  chalk-marks  in  taprooms ;  for  I  see  that  they 
have  that  custom  in  this  country,  and  't  is  very  bad 
for  hard-drinking  men  who  have  no  learning." 

"If  you  would  read  from  the  paper "  began 

Jem  Bottles. 

"  Now,  will  you  be  still  ? "  cried  Paddy  in  vast 
exasperation. 

But  here  Jem  Bottles  spoke  with  angry  resolution. 


106  THE     O'RUDDY 

"  Come,  now !  Read !  'T  is  not  me  that  talks  too 
much,  and  the  day  wanes." 

"  Well,  well,  I  would  not  be  hurried,  and  that 's  the 
truth,"  said  Paddy  soothingly.  "  Listen  now."  I 
heard  a  rustling  of  paper.  "  Ahem !  "  said  Paddy, 
"  Ahem !  Are  ye  listening,  Jem  Bottles  ?  " 

"  I  be,"  replied  the  highwayman. 

"  Ahem !  "  said  Paddy.  "  Ahem !  Are  ye  listening, 
Jem  Bottles?" 

"  I  be,"  replied  the  highwayman. 

"  Then  here  's  for  it,"  said  Paddy  in  a  formidable 
voice.  There  was  another  rustling  of  paper.  Then 
to  my  surprise  I  heard  Paddy  intone,  without  punc 
tuation,  the  following  words: 

"  Dear  Sister  Mary  I  am  asking  the  good  father  to  write  this 
because  my  hand  is  lame  from  milking  the  cows  although  we 
only  have  one  and  we  sold  her  in  the  autumn  the  four  shillings 
you  owe  on  the  pig  we  would  like  if  convenient  to  pay  now 
owing  to  the  landlord  may  the  plague  take  him  how  did  your 
Mickey  find  the  fishing  when  you  see  Peggy  tell  her " 

Here  Jem  Bottles's  voice  arose  in  tones  of  incre 
dulity. 

"  And  these  be  the  papers  of  the  great  Earl !  "  he 
cried. 

Then  the  truth  flashed  across  my  vision  like  the 
lightning.  My  two  madmen  had  robbed  the  carriage 
of  the  Earl  of  Westport,  and  had  taken,  among  other 
things,  the  Earl's  papers  —  my  papers  —  Lady  Mary's 
papers.  I  strode  around  the  haycock. 

"  Wretches !  "    I  shouted.     "  Miserable  wretches !  " 

For  a  time  they  were  speechless.  Paddy  found  his 
tongue  first. 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  107 

"  Aye,  't  is  him !  T  is  nothing  but  little  black  men 
and  papers  with  him,  and  when  we  get  them  for  him 
he  calls  us  out  of  our  names  in  a  foreign  tongue.  T  is 
no  service  for  a  bright  man,"  he  concluded  mournfully. 

"  Give  me  the  papers,"  said  I. 

Paddy  obediently  handed  them.  I  knew  them.  They 
were  my  papers  —  Lady  Mary's  papers. 

"  And  now,"  said  I,  eyeing  the  pair,  "  what  mischief 
have  you  two  been  compassing  ?  " 

Paddy  only  mumbled  sulkily.  It  was  something 
on  the  difficulties  of  satisfying  me  on  the  subjects  of 
little  black  men  and  papers.  Jem  Bottles  was  also 
sulky,  but  he  grumbled  out  the  beginning  of  an  ex 
planation. 

"  Well,  master,  I  bided  under  the  tree  till  him  here 
came,  and  then  we  together  bided.  And  at  last  we 
thought,  with  the  time  so  heavy,  we  might  better  work 
to  handle  a  purse  or  two.  Thinking,"  he  said  deli 
cately,  "  our  gentleman  might  have  need  of  a  little 
gold.  Well,  and  as  we  were  riding,  a  good  lad  from 
the  —  your  worship  knows  where  —  tells  us  the  Earl's 
carriage  is  halting  there  for  a  time,  but  will  go  on 
later  without  its  escort  of  two  gentlemen;  only  with 
servants.  And,  thinking  to  do  our  gentleman  a  good 
deed,  I  brought  them  to  stand  on  the  highway,  and 
then  he  - 

"  And  then  I,"  broke  in  Paddy  proudly,  "  walks  up 
to  the  carriage-door  looking  like  a  king's  cruiser,  and 
says  I,  '  Pray  excuse  the  manners  of  a  self-opinionated 
man,  but  I  consider  your  purses  would  look  better  in 
my  pocket.'  And  then  there  was  a  great  trouble.  An 
old  owl  of  a  woman  screeched,  and  was  for  killing 
me  with  a  bottle  which  she  had  been  holding  against 


108  THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y 

her  nose.  But  she  never  dared.  And  with  that  an  old 
sick  man  lifted  himself  from  hundreds  of  cushions  and 
says  he,  '  What  do  you  want?  You  can't  have  them,' 
says  he,  and  he  keeps  clasping  his  breast.  '  First  of 
all,'  says  I,  '  I  want  what  you  have  there.  What  I 
want  else  I  '11  tell  you  at  my  leisure.'  And  he  was  all 
for  mouthing  and  fuming,  but  he  was  that  scared  he 
gave  me  these  papers  —  bad  luck  to  them."  Paddy 
cast  an  evil  eye  upon  the  papers  in  my  hand. 

"And  then?"   said  I. 

"  The  driver  he  tried  for  to  whip  up,"  interpolated 
Jem  Bottles.  "  He  was  a  game  one,  but  the  others 
were  like  wet  cats." 

"  And  says  I,"  continued  Paddy,  "  '  now  we  will 
have  the  gold,  if  it  please  you.'  And  out  it  came.  '  I 
bid  ye  a  good  journey,'  says  I,  and  I  thought  it  was 
over,  and  how  easy  it  was  highwaying,  and  I  liked  it 
well,  until  the  lady  on  the  front  seat  opens  her  hood 
and  shows  me  a  prettier  face  than  we  have  in  all 
Ireland.  She  clasps  two  white  hands.  '  Oh,  please 

Mister  Highwayman,  my  father's  papers '  And 

with  that  I  backs  away.  '  Let  them  go/  says  I  to  Jem 
Bottles,  and  sick  I  was  of  it,  and  I  would  be  buying 
masses  to-night  if  I  might  find  a  Christian  church. 
The  poor  lady !  " 

I  was  no  longer  angry  with  Paddy. 

"  Aye,"  said  Jem  Bottles,  "  the  poor  lady  was  that 
forlorn !  " 

I  was  no  longer  angry  with  Jem  Bottles. 

But  I  now  had  to  do  a  deal  of  thinking.  It  was  plain 
that  the  papers  were  of  supreme  importance  to  the 
Earl.  Although  I  had  given  them  to  Lady  Mary,  they 
had  returned  to  me.  It  was  fate.  My  father  had 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  109 

taught  me  to  respect  these  papers,  but  I  now  saw 
them  as  a  sign  in  the  sky. 

However,  it  was  hard  to  decide  what  to  do.  I  had 
given  the  papers  to  Lady  Mary,  and  they  had  fled 
back  to  me  swifter  than  cormorants.  Perhaps  it  was 
willed  that  I  should  keep  them.  And  then  there 
would  be  tears  in  the  eyes  of  Lady  Mary,  who  suf 
fered  through  the  suffering  of  her  father.  No ;  come 
good,  come  bad  for  me,  for  Jem  Bottles,  for  Paddy, 
I  would  stake  our  fortunes  on  the  act  of  returning 
the  papers  to  Lady  Mary. 

It  is  the  way  of  Irishmen.  We  are  all  of  us  true 
philanthropists.  That  is  why  we  have  nothing,  al 
though  in  other  countries  I  have  seen  philanthropists 
who  had  a  great  deal.  My  own  interest  in  the  papers 
I  staked,  mentally,  with  a  glad  mind ;  the  minor  in 
terests  of  Jem  Bottles  and  Paddy  I  staked,  mentally, 
without  thinking  of  them  at  all.  But  surely  it  would 
be  a  tribute  to  fate  to  give  anything  to  Lady  Mary. 

I  resolved  on  a  course  of  action.  When  I  aroused 
to  look  at  my  companions  I  found  them  seated  face 
to  face  on  the  ground  like  players  of  draughts.  Be 
tween  them  was  spread  a  handkerchief,  and  on  that 
handkerchief  was  a  heap  of  guineas.  Jem  Bottles  was 
saying,  "  Here  be  my  fingers  five  times  over  again." 
He  separated  a  smaller  heap.  "  Here  be  my  fingers 
five  times  over  again."  He  separated  another  little 
stack.  "  And  here  be  my  fingers  five  times  over  again 
and  two  more  yet.  Now  can  ye  understand  ?  " 

"  By  dad,"  said  Paddy  admiringly,  "  you  have  the 
learning  this  time,  Master  Bottles.  My  uncle  the 
sexton  could  not  have  done  it  better." 

"What  is  all  this?"   said  I. 


110  THE     O' RUDDY 

They  both  looked  at  me  deprecatingly.  "  5T  is,  your 
honour,"  began  Paddy ;  "  't  is  only  some  little  small 
sum  —  nothing  to  be  talked  of  —  belonging  to  the  old 
sick  man  in  the  carriage." 

"  Paddy  and  Jem  Bottles,"  said  I,  "  I  forgive  you 
the  taking  of  the  papers.  Ye  are  good  men  and  true. 
Now  we  will  do  great  deeds." 


CHAPTER    XII 

MY  plans  were  formed  quickly.  "  We  now  have 
a  treasure  chest  of  no  small  dimensions,"  said 
I,  very  complacent,  naturally.  "  We  can  conquer  Lon 
don  with  this.  Everything  is  before  us.  I  have  al 
ready  established  myself  as  the  grandest  swordsman 
in  the  whole  continent  of  England.  Lately  we  have 
gained  much  treasure.  And  also  I  have  the  papers. 
Paddy,  do  you  take  care  of  this  poor  horse.  Then 
follow  me  into  Bath.  Jem  Bottles,  do  you  mount  and 
ride  around  the  town,  for  I  fear  your  balladists.  Meet 
me  on  the  London  road.  Ride  slowly  on  the  highway 
to  London,  and  in  due  time  I  will  overtake  you.  I 
shall  pocket  a  few  of  those  guineas,  but  you  yourself 
shall  be  the  main  treasury.  Hold!  what  of  Paddy's 
hair?  Did  he  rob  the  Earl  with  that  great  flame 
showing?  He  dare  not  appear  in  Bath." 

"  T  is  small  tribute  to  my  wit,  sir,"  answered  Jem 
Bottles.  "  I  would  as  soon  go  poaching  in  company 
with  a  lighthouse  as  to  call  a  stand  on  the  road  with 
him  uncovered.  I  tied  him  in  cloth  until  he  looked 
no  more  like  himself  than  he  now  does  look  like  a 
parson." 

"  Aye,"  said  Paddy  in  some  bad  humour,  "  my  head 
was  tied  in  a  bag.  My  mother  would  not  have  known 
me  from  a  pig  going  to  market.  And  I  would  not  be 
for  liking  it  every  day.  My  hair  is  what  the  blessed 


112  THE     O  'RUDDY 

Saints  sent  me,  and  I  see  no  such  fine  hair  around  me 
that  people  are  free  to  throw  the  laugh  at  me." 

"Peace!"   said  I. 

Their  horses  were  tied  in  an  adjacent  thicket.  I 
sent  Paddy  off  with  my  lame  mount,  giving  him  full 
instructions  as  to  his  lies.  I  and  Jem  Bottles  took 
the  other  horses  and  rode  toward  Bath. 

Where  a  certain  lane  turned  off  from  the  highway 
I  parted  with  Jem  Bottles,  and  he  rode  away  between 
the  hedges.  I  cantered  into  Bath. 

The  best-known  inn  was  ablaze  with  fleeting  lights, 
and  people  were  shouting  within.  It  was  some  time 
before  I  could  gain  a  man  to  look  after  my  horse.  Of 
him  I  demanded  the  reason  of  the  disturbance.  "  The 
Earl  of  Westport's  carriage  has  been  robbed  on  the 
Bristol  road,  sir,"  he  cried  excitedly.  '  There  be  par 
ties  starting  out.  I  pray  they  catch  him." 

"  And  who  would  they  be  catching,  my  lad,"  said  I. 

"  Jem  Bottles,  damn  him,  sir,"  answered  the  man. 
"  But  't  is  a  fierce  time  they  will  have,  for  he  stands 
no  less  than  eight  feet  in  his  boots,  and  his  eyes  are 
no  human  eyes,  but  burn  blood-red  always.  His  hands 
are  adrip  with  blood,  and  't  is  said  that  he  eats  human 
flesh,  sir.  He  surely  is  a  devil,  sir." 

"  From  the  description  I  would  be  willing  to  believe 
it,"  said  I.  "  However,  he  will  be  easy  to  mark.  Such  a 
monster  can  hardly  be  mistaken  for  an  honest  man." 

I  entered  the  inn,  while  a  boy  staggered  under  my 
valises.  I  had  difficulty  in  finding  the  landlord.  But 
in  the  corridor  were  a  number  of  travellers,  and  evi 
dently  one  had  come  that  day  from  Bristol,  for  he 
suddenly  nudged  another  and  hurriedly  whispered : 

"  T  is  him !    The  great  Irish  swordsman !  " 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  113 

Then  the  news  spread  like  the  wind,  apparently, 
that  the  man  who  had  beaten  the  great  Forister  was 
arrived  in  good  health  at  the  inn.  There  were  mur 
murs,  and  a  great  deal  of  attention,  and  many  eyes. 
I  suddenly  caught  myself  swaggering  somewhat.  It 
is  hard  to  be  a  famous  person  and  not  show  a  great 
swollen  chicken-breast  to  the  people.  They  are  dis 
appointed  if  you  do  not  strut  and  step  high.  "  Show 
me  to  a  chamber,"  said  I  splendidly.  The  servants 
bowed  their  foreheads  to  the  floor. 

But  the  great  hubbub  over  the  Earl's  loss  continued 
without  abatement.  Gentlemen  clanked  down  in  their 
spurs ;  there  was  much  talk  of  dragoons ;  the  tumult 
was  extraordinary.  Upstairs  the  landlord  led  me  past 
the  door  of  a  kind  of  drawing-room.  I  glanced  within 
and  saw  the  Earl  of  Westport  gesturing  and  declaim 
ing  to  a  company  of  gentlemen.  He  was  propped  up 
in  a  great  armchair. 

"  And  why  would  he  be  waving  his  hands  that 
way  ? "  said  I  to  two  servants  who  stood  without. 

"  His  lordship  has  lost  many  valuable  papers  at  the 
hands  of  a  miscreant,  sir,"  answered  one. 

"  Is  it  so?  "  said  I.  "  Well,  then,  I  would  see  his 
lordship." 

But  here  this  valet  stiffened.  "  No  doubt  but  what 
his  lordship  would  be  happy  to  see  you,  sir,"  he  an 
swered  slowly.  "  Unfortunately,  however,  he  has  for 
bidden  me  to  present  strangers  to  his  presence." 

"  I  have  very  important  news.  Do  not  be  an  idiot," 
said  I.  "  Announce  me.  The  O'Ruddy." 

"The  O'Ruggy?"   said  he. 

"  The  O'Ruddy,"  said  I. 

"The  O'Rudgy?"   said  he. 
8 


114  THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y 

"  No,"  said  I,  and  I  told  him  again.  Finally  he  took 
two  paces  within  the  room  and  sung  out  in  a  loud 
voice : 

"  The  O'Rubby." 

I  heard  the  voice  of  the  sick  old  Earl  calling  out 
from  his  great  chair.  "  Why,  't  is  the  Irishman.  Bid 
him  enter.  I  am  glad  —  I  am  always  very  glad  — 
ahem ! " 

As  I  strode  into  the  room  I  was  aware  of  another 
buzz  of  talk.  Apparently  here,  too,  were  plenty  of 
people  who  knew  me  as  the  famous  swordsman.  The 
Earl  moved  his  jaw  and  mumbled. 

"Aye,"  said  he  at  last,  "here  is  The  O'Ruddy. 
And,  do  you  know,  Mr.  O'Ruddy,  I  have  been  foully 
robbed,  and,  among  other  things,  have  lost  your 
worthless  papers  ?  " 

"  I  heard  that  you  had  lost  them,"  I  answered  com 
posedly.  "  But  I  refuse  to  take  your  word  that  they 
are  worthless." 

Many  people  stared,  and  the  Earl  gave  me  a  firm 
scowl.  But  after  consideration  he  spoke  as  if  he 
thought  it  well  to  dissemble  a  great  dislike  of  me. 
The  many  candles  burned  very  brightly,  and  we  could 
all  see  each  other.  I  thought  it  better  to  back  casually 
toward  the  wall. 

"  You  never  accomplish  anything,"  coughed  the  sick 
Earl.  "  Yet  you  are  for  ever  prating  of  yourself.  I 
wish  my  son  were  here.  My  papers  are  gone.  I  shall 
never  recover  them." 

"  The  papers  are  in  the  breast  of  my  coat  at  this 
moment,"  said  I  coolly. 

There  was  a  great  tumult.  The  Earl  lost  his  head 
and  cried: 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  115 

"  Seize  him !  "  Two  or  three  young-  men  took  steps 
toward  me.  I  was  back  to  the  wall,  and  in  a  leisurely 
and  contemptuous  way  I  drew  my  sword. 

"  The  first  gentleman  who  advances  is  a  dead  man," 
said  I  pleasantly. 

Some  drew  away  quickly ;  some  hesitated,  and  then 
withdrew  subtlely.  In  the  mean  time  the  screeches  of 
the  Earl  mocked  them  all. 

"  Aye,  the  wild  Irishman  brings  you  up  to  a  stand, 
he  does !  Now  who  will  have  at  him  ?  In  all  Bath  I 
have  no  friend  with  a  stout  heart  ?  " 

After  looking  them  over  I  said : 

"  No,  my  Lord,  you  have  none." 

At  this  insult  the  aged  peer  arose  from  his  chair. 
"  Bring  me  my  sword,"  he  cried  to  his  valet.  A  hush 
fell  upon  us  all.  We  were  rendered  immovable  by  the 
solemn  dignity  of  this  proceeding. 

It  was  some  time  before  I  could  find  my  tongue. 

"  And  if  you  design  to  cross  blades  with  me,  you 
will  find  me  a  sad  renegade,"  said  I.  "  I  am  hold 
ing  the  papers  for  the  hands  of  their  true  owner." 

"And  their  true  owner?"   he  demanded. 

"  Lady  Mary  Strepp,"  said  I. 

He  sank  back  into  his  seat.  "  This  Irishman's  im 
pudence  is  beyond  measuring,"  he  exclaimed.  The 
hurrying  valet  arrived  at  that  moment  with  a  sword. 
"  Take  it  away !  Take  it  away !  "  he  cried.  "  Do  I 
wish  valets  to  be  handing  swords  to  me  at  any  time 
of  the  day  or  night  ?  " 

Here  a  belligerent  red-faced  man  disengaged  him 
self  abruptly  from  the  group  of  gentlemen  and  ad 
dressed  the  Earl.  "  Westport,"  said  he  flatly,  "  I  can 
ill  bear  your  taunt  concerning  your  Bath  friends,  and 


116  THE      O' RUDDY 

this  is  not  to  speak  of  the  insolence  of  the  person 
yonder." 

"  Oh,  ho !  "  said  I.  "  Well,  and  the  person  yonder 
remains  serene  in  his  insolence." 

The  Earl,  smiling  slightly,  regarded  the  new 
speaker. 

"  Sir  Edmund  Flixton  was  ever  a  dainty  swords 
man,  picking  and  choosing  like  a  lady  in  a  flower 
bed.  Perchance  he  is  anxious  to  fight  the  gentleman 
who  has  just  given  Reginald  Forister  something  he 
will  not  forget  ?  " 

At  this  Flixton  actually  turned  pale  and  drew  back. 
Evidently  he  had  not  yet  heard  the  news.  And,  mind 
you,  I  could  see  that  he  would  fight  me  the  next 
moment.  He  would  come  up  and  be  killed  like  a 
gentleman.  But  the  name  of  a  great  conqueror  had 
simply  appalled  him  and  smitten  him  back. 

The  Earl  was  gazing  at  me  with  an  entirely  new  ex 
pression.  He  had  cleverly  eliminated  all  dislike  from 
his  eyes.  He  covered  me  with  a  friendly  regard. 

"  O'Ruddy,"  he  said  softly,  "  I  would  have  some 
private  speech  with  you.  Come  into  my  chamber." 

The  Earl  leaned  on  the  shoulder  of  his  valet 
and  a  little  fat  doctor,  and  walked  painfully  into 
another  room.  I  followed,  knowing  that  I  was  now 
to  withstand  a  subtle,  wheedling,  gentle  attempt  to 
gain  the  papers  without  the  name  of  Lady  Mary 
being  mentioned. 

The  Earl  was  slowly  lowered  into  a  great  chair. 
After  a  gasp  of  relief  he  devoted  a  brightening  at 
tention  to  me.  "  You  are  not  a  bad  fellow,  O'Ruddy," 
he  observed.  "  You  remind  me  greatly  of  your  father. 
Aye,  he  was  a  rare  dog,  a  rare  dog !  " 


THE     O'RUDDY  117 

"  I  've  heard  him  say  so,  many  is  the  day,  sir,"  I 
answered. 

"Aye,  a  rare  dog!"  chuckled  the  old  man.  "I 
have  in  my  memory  some  brisk  pictures  of  your 
father  with  his  ready  tongue,  his  what-the-devil-does- 
it-matter-sir,  and  that  extraordinary  swordsmanship 
which  you  seem  to  have  inherited." 

"  My  father  told  me  you  were  great  friends  in 
France,"  I  answered  civilly,  "but  from  some  words  you 
let  drop  in  Bristol  I  judged  that  he  was  mistaken." 

"  Tut,"  said  the  Earl.  "  You  are  not  out  of  temper 
with  me,  are  you,  O'Ruddy?" 

"  With  me  happily  in  possession  of  the  papers,"  I 
rejoined,  "  I  am  in  good  temper  with  everybody.  T  is 
not  for  me  to  lose  my  good  nature  when  I  hold  all  the 
cards." 

The  Earl's  mouth  quickly  dropped  to  a  sour  expres 
sion,  but  almost  as  quickly  he  put  on  a  pleasant  smile. 
"  Aye,"  he  said,  nodding  his  sick  head.  "  Always 
jovial,  always  jovial.  Precisely  like  his  father.  In 
fact  it  brings  back  an  old  affection." 

"  If  the  old  affection  had  been  brought  back  a  little 
earlier,  sir,"  said  I,  "  we  all  would  have  had  less  bother. 
JT  was  you  who  in  the  beginning  drew  a  long  face 
and  set  a  square  chin  over  the  business.  I  am  now  in 
the  mood  to  be  rather  airy." 

Our  glances  blazed  across  each  other. 

"  But,"  said  the  Earl  in  the  gentlest  of  voices,  "  you 
have  my  papers,  O'Ruddy,  papers  entrusted  to  you  by 
your  dying  father  to  give  into  the  hands  of  his  old 
comrade.  Would  you  betray  such  a  sacred  trust? 
Could  you  wanton  yourself  to  the  base  practices  of 
mere  thievery?" 


118  THE      O' RUDDY 

"  'T  is  not  I  who  has  betrayed  any  trust,"  I  cried 
boldly.  "  I  brought  the  papers  and  wished  to  offer 
them.  They  arrived  in  your  possession,  and  you  cried 
'  Straw,  straw ! '  Did  you  not  ?  " 

"  T  was  an  expedient,  O'Ruddy,"  said  the  Earl. 

"  There  is  more  than  one  expedient  in  the  world/* 
said  I.  "  I  am  now  using  the  expedient  of  keeping 
the  papers." 

And  in  the  glance  which  he  gave  me  I  saw  that  I 
had  been  admitted  behind  a  certain  barrier.  He  was 
angry,  but  he  would  never  more  attempt  to  overbear 
me  with  grand  threats.  And  he  would  never  more 
attempt  to  undermine  me  with  cheap  flattery.  We 
had  measured  one  against  the  other,  and  he  had  not 
come  away  thinking  out  of  his  proportion.  After  a 
time  he  said: 

"  What  do  you  propose  to  do,  Mr.  O'Ruddy  ?  " 

I  could  not  help  but  grin  at  him.  "  I  propose 
nothing,"  said  I.  "  I  am  not  a  man  for  meaning  two 
things  when  I  say  one." 

"  You  Ve  said  one  thing,  I  suppose?  "  he  said  slowly. 

"  I  have,"  said  I. 

"  And  the  one  thing?  "  said  he. 

"  Your  memory  is  as  good  as  mine,"  said  I. 

He  mused  deeply  and  at  great  length.  "  You  have 
the  papers  ?  "  he  asked  finally. 

"  I  still  have  them,"  said  I. 

"  Then,"  he  cried  with  sudden  vehemence,  "  why 
did  n't  you  read  the  papers  and  find  out  the  truth  ?  " 

I  almost  ran  away. 

"Your  —  your  lordship,"  I  stammered,  "I  thought 
perhaps  in  London  —  in  London  perhaps  —  I  might 
get  a  —  I  would  try  to  get  a  tutor." 


CHAPTER    XIII 

that  is  the  way  of  it,  is  it?"  said  the  Earl, 
grinning.  "  And  why  did  you  not  take  it  to 
some  clerk  ?  " 

"  My  lord,"'  said  I  with  dignity,  "  the  papers  were 
with  me  in  trust  for  you.  A  man  may  be  a  gentle 
man  and  yet  not  know  how  to  read  and  write." 

"  'T  is  quite  true,"  answered  he. 

"  And  when  I  spoke  of  the  tutor  in  London  I  did  not 
mean  to  say  that  I  would  use  what  knowledge  he  im 
parted  to  read  your  papers.  I  was  merely  blushing  for 
the  defects  in  my  education,  although  Father  Donovan 
often  said  that  I  knew  half  as  much  as  he  did,  poor 
man,  and  him  a  holy  father.  If  you  care  to  so  direct 
me,  I  can  go  even  now  to  my  chamber  and  make  shift 
to  read  the  papers." 

"  The  Irish  possess  a  keen  sense  of  honour/'  said  he 
admiringly. 

"  We  do,"  said  I.  "  We  possess  more  integrity  and 
perfect  sense  of  honour  than  any  other  country  in  the 
world,  although  they  all  say  the  same  of  themselves, 
and  it  was  my  own  father  who  often  said  that  he  would 
trust  an  Irishman  as  far  as  he  could  see  him  and  no 
more,  but  for  a  foreigner  he  had  only  the  length  of  an 
eyelash." 

"  And  what  do  you  intend  with  the  papers  now, 
O'Ruddy?"  said  he. 


120  THE      O'RUDDY 

"  I  intend  as  I  intended/'  I  replied.  "  There  is  no 
change  in  me." 

"  And  your  intentions  ?  "   said  he. 

"  To  give  them  into  the  hands  of  Lady  Mary  Strepp 
and  no  other,"  said  I  boldly. 

I  looked  at  him.    He  looked  at  me. 

"  Lady  Mary  Strepp,  my  daughter,"  he  said  in  ironic 
musing.  "  Would  not  her  mother  do,  O'Ruddy?"  he 
asked  softly. 

I  gave  a  start. 

"  She  is  not  near?  "  I  demanded,  looking  from  here 
to  there. 

He  laughed. 

"  Aye,  she  is.  I  can  have  her  here  to  take  the  papers 
in  one  short  moment." 

I  held  up  my  hands. 

"No  — no " 

"  Peace,"  said  he  with  a  satanic  chuckle.  "  I  was 
only  testing  your  courage." 

"  My  lord,"  said  I  gravely,  "  seeing  a  bare  blade 
come  at  your  breast  is  one  thing,  and  running  around 
a  table  is  another,  and  besides  you  have  no  suitable 
table  in  this  chamber." 

The  old  villain  laughed  again. 

"  O'Ruddy,"  he  cried,  "  I  would  be  a  well  man  if 
you  were  always  near  me.  Will  I  have  a  table  fetched 
up  from  below  ?  —  't  would  be  easy." 

Here  I  stiffened. 

"  My  lord,  this  is  frivolity,"  I  declared.  "  I  came 
here  to  give  the  papers.  If  you  do  not  care  to  take 
them  in  the  only  way  in  which  I  will  give  them,  let 
us  have  it  said  quickly." 

"  They  seem  to  be  safe  in  your  hands  at  present," 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  121 

he  remarked.  "  Of  course  after  you  go  to  London 
and  get  a  tutor  —  ahem ! " 

"  I  will  be  starting  at  once,"  said  I,  "  although 
Father  Donovan  always  told  me  that  he  was  a  good 
tutor  as  tutors  went  at  the  time  in  Ireland.  And  I 
want  to  be  saying  now,  my  lord,  that  I  cannot  under 
stand  you.  At  one  moment  you  are  crying  one  thing 
of  the  papers ;  at  the  next  moment  you  are  crying 
another.  At  this  time  you  are  having  a  laugh  with 
me  over  them.  What  do  you  mean  ?  I  '11  not  stand 
this  shiver-shavering  any  longer,  I  '11  have  you  to 
know.  What  do  you  mean  ?  " 

He  raised  himself  among  his  cushions  and  fixed  me 
with  a  bony  finger. 

"What  do  I  mean?  I  '11  tell  you,  O'Ruddy,"  said 
he,  while  his  eyes  shone  brightly.  "  I  mean  that  I  can 
be  contemptuous  of  your  plot.  You  will  not  show 
these  papers  to  any  breathing  creature  because  you 
are  in  love  with  my  daughter.  Fool,  to  match  your 
lies  against  an  ex-minister  of  the  King." 

My  eyes  must  have  almost  dropped  from  my  head, 
but  as  soon  as  I  recovered  from  my  dumfounder- 
ment  I  grew  amazed  at  the  great  intellect  of  this 
man.  I  had  told  nobody,  and  yet  he  knew  all  about 
it.  Yes,  I  was  in  love  with  Lady  Mary,  and  he  was 
as  well  informed  of  it  as  if  he  had  had  spies  to 
watch  my  dreams.  And  I  saw  that  in  many  cases  a 
lover  was  a  kind  of  an  ostrich,  the  bird  which  buries 
its  head  in  the  sands  and  thinks  it  is  secure  from  de 
tection.  I  wished  that  my  father  had  told  me  more 
about  love,  for  I  have  no  doubt  he  knew  everything 
of  it,  he  had  lived  so  many  years  in  Paris.  Father 
Donovan,  of  course,  could  not  have  helped  me  in 


122  THE     O'RUDDY 

such  instruction.  I  resolved,  any  how,  to  be  more 
cautious  in  the  future,  although  I  did  not  exactly  see 
how  I  could  improve  myself.  The  Earl's  insight  was 
pure  mystery  to  me.  I  would  not  be  for  saying  that 
he  practised  black  magic,  but  any  how,  if  he  had  been 
at  Glandore,  I  would  have  had  him  chased  through 
three  parishes. 

However,  the  Earl  was  grinning  victoriously,  and  I 
saw  that  I  must  harden  my  face  to  a  brave  exterior. 

"  And  is  it  so?  "   said  I.    "  Is  it  so?  " 

"  Yes,"  he  said,  with  his  grin. 

"  And  what  then  ?  "   said  I  bluntly. 

In  his  enjoyment  he  had  been  back  again  among  his 
cushions. 

"  '  What  then?  What  then?  '  "  he  snarled,  rearing 
up  swiftly.  "  Why,  then  you  are  an  insolent  fool : 

Begone  from  me!  begone!  be "  Here  some 

spasm  overtook  him,  a  spasm  more  from  rage  than 
from  the  sickness.  He  fell  back  breathless,  although 
his  eyes  continued  to  burn  at  me. 

"  My  lord,"  said  I,  bowing,  "  I  will  go  no  poorer 
than  when  I  came,  save  that  I  have  lost  part  of  the 
respect  I  once  had  for  you." 

I  turned  and  left  his  chamber.  Some  few  gentle 
men  yet  remained  in  the  drawing-room  as  I  passed 
out  into  the  public  part  of  the  inn.  I  went  quietly  to 
a  chamber  and  sat  down  to  think.  I  was  for  ever 
going  to  chambers  and  sitting  down  to  think  after 
these  talks  with  the  Earl,  during  which  he  was  for 
ever  rearing  up  in  his  chair  and  then  falling  back 
among  the  cushions. 

But  here  was  another  tumble  over  the  cliffs,  if  you 
like!  Here  was  genuine  disaster.  I  laid  my  head  in 


THE      O'RUDDY  123 

my  hands  and  mused  before  my  lonely  fire,  drinking 
much  and  visioning  my  ruin.  What  the  Earl  said 
was  true.  There  was  trouble  in  the  papers  for  the 
old  nobleman.  That  he  knew.  That  I  knew.  And 
he  knew  with  his  devilish  wisdom  that  I  would  lose 
my  head  rather  than  see  her  in  sorrow.  Well,  I  could 
bide  a  time.  I  would  go  to  London  in  company  with 
Paddy  and  Jem  Bottles,  since  they  owned  all  the 
money,  and  if  three  such  rogues  could  not  devise 
something,  then  I  would  go  away  and  bury  myself 
in  a  war  in  foreign  parts,  occupying  myself  in  scal 
ing  fortresses  and  capturing  guns.  These  things  I 
know  I  could  have  performed  magnificently,  but  from 
the  Earl  I  had  learned  that  I  was  an  ill  man  to  con 
duct  an  affair  of  the  heart. 

I  do  not  know  how  long  I  meditated,  but  suddenly 
there  was  a  great  tumult  on  the  stairs  near  my  door. 
There  were  the  shouts  and  heavy  breathings  of  men, 
struggling,  and  over  all  rang  a  screech  as  from  some 
wild  bird.  I  ran  to  the  door  and  poked  my  head 
discreetly  out;  for  my  coat  and  waistcoat  were  off 
as  well  as  my  sword,  and  I  wished  to  see  the  manner 
of  tumult  at  a  distance  before  I  saw  it  close.  As  I 
thrust  forth  my  head  I  heard  a  familiar  voice: 

"  And  if  ye  come  closer,  ye  old  hell-cat,  't  is  me  will 
be  forgetting  respect  to  my  four  great-grandmothers 
and  braining  you.  Keep  off!  Am  I  not  giving  ye 
the  word?  Keep  off!  " 

Then  another  familiar  voice  answered  him  in  a  fine 
high  fury.  "  And  you  gallows-bird,  you  gallows-bird, 
you  gallows-bird !  You  answer  me,  do  you !  They  're 
coming,  all,  even  to  the  hangman !  You  '11  soon  know 
how  to  dance  without  a  fiddler!  Ah,  would  you? 
.Would  you?" 


124  THE      O'RUDDY 

If  I  had  been  afflicted  with  that  strange  malady  of 
the  body  which  sometimes  causes  men  to  fall  to  the 
ground  and  die  in  a  moment  without  a  word,  my  doom 
would  have  been  sealed.  It  was  Paddy  and  Hoity- 
Toity  engaged  in  animated  discussion. 

"  And  if  ye  don't  mind  your  eye,  ye  old  cormo 
rant  "  began  Paddy. 

"  And  you  would  be  a  highwayman,  would  you, 
gallows-bird "  began  the  Countess. 

"  Cow "  began  Paddy. 

Here  for  many  reasons  I  thought  it  time  to  interfere. 
"  Paddy !  "  I  cried.  He  gave  a  glance  at  my  door, 
recognized  my  face,  and,  turning  quickly,  ran  through 
into  my  chamber.  I  barred  the  door  even  as  Hoity- 
Toity's  fist  thundered  on  the  oak. 

"  It 's  a  she-wolf,"  gasped  Paddy,  his  chest  pressing 
in  and  out. 

"  And  what  did  you  do  to  her  ?  "   I  demanded. 

"  Nothing  but  try  to  run  away,  sure,"  said  Paddy. 

"  And  why  would  she  be  scratching  you  ?  " 

"  She  saw  me  for  one  of  the  highwaymen  robbing 
the  coach,  and  there  was  I,  devil  knowing  what  to  do, 
and  all  the  people  of  the  inn  trying  to  put  peace  upon 
her,  and  me  dodging,  and  then " 

"  Man,"  said  I,  grabbing  his  arm,  "  't  is  a  game  that 
ends  on  the " 

"  Never  a  bit,"  he  interrupted  composedly.  "Was  n't 
the  old  witch  drunk,  claws  and  all,  and  did  n't  even  the 
great  English  lord,  or  whatever,  send  his  servant  to 
bring  her  in,  and  did  n't  he,  the  big  man,  stand  in  the 
door  and  spit  on  the  floor  and  go  in  when  he  saw  she 
was  for  battering  all  the  servants  and  using  worse  talk 
than  the  sailors  I  heard  in  Bristol?  It  would  not  be 


THE     O'RUDDY  125 

me  they  were  after,  those  men  running.  It  would  be 
her.  And  small  power  to  them,  but  they  were  no  good 
at  it.  I  am  for  taking  a  stool  in  my  hand ' 

'*  Whist!  "  said  I.  "  In  England  they  would  not  be 
hitting  great  ladies  with  stools.  Let  us  hearken  to  the 
brawl.  She  is  fighting  them  finely." 

For  I  had  seen  that  Paddy  spoke  truth.  The  noble 
lady  was  engaged  in  battling  with  servants  who  had 
been  in  pursuit  of  her  when  she  was  in  pursuit  of 
Paddy.  Never  had  I  seen  even  my  own  father  so 
drunk  as  she  was  then.  But  the  heart-rending  thing 
was  the  humble  protests  of  the  servants.  "  Your  lady 
ship!  Oh,  your  ladyship!  "  —as  they  came  up  one  by 
one,  or  two  by  two,  obeying  orders  of  the  Earl,  to  be 
incontinently  boxed  on  the  ears  by  a  member  of  a 
profligate  aristocracy.  Probably  any  one  of  them  was 
strong  enough  to  throw  the  beldame  out  at  a  window. 
But  such  was  not  the  manner  of  the  time.  One  would 
think  they  would  retreat  upon  the  Earl  and  ask  to  be 
dismissed  from  his  service.  But  this  also  was  not  the 
manner  of  the  time.  No ;  they  marched  up  heroically 
and  took  their  cuffs  on  the  head  and  cried :  "  Oh,  your 
ladyship !  Please,  your  ladyship  !  "  They  were  only 
pretenders  in  their  attacks ;  all  they  could  do  was  to 
wait  until  she  was  tired,  and  then  humbly  escort  her 
to  where  she  belonged,  meanwhile  pulling  gently  at 
her  arms. 

"  She  was  after  recognizing  you  then  ?  "  said  I  to 
Paddy. 

"  Indeed  and  she  was,"  said  he.  He  had  dropped 
into  a  chair  and  was  looking  as  if  he  needed  a  doctor 
to  cure  him  of  exhaustion.  "  She  would  be  after  hav 
ing  eyes  like  a  sea-gull.  And  Jem  Bottles  was  all  for 


126  THE      O'RUDDY 

declaring  that  my  disguise  was  complete,  bad  luck  to 
the  little  man." 

"  Your  disguise  complete  ?  "  said  I.  "  You  could  n't 
disguise  yourself  unless  you  stood  your  head  in  a 
barrel.  What  talk  is  this  ?  " 

"  Sure  an'  I  looked  no  more  like  myself  than  I 
looked  like  a  wild  man  with  eight  rows  of  teeth  in 
his  head,"  said  Paddy  mournfully.  "  My  own  mother 
would  have  been  after  taking  me  for  a  horse.  'T  is 
that  old  creature  with  her  evil  eye  who  would  be  see 
ing  me  when  all  the  others  were  blind  as  bats.  I  could 
have  walked  down  the  big  street  in  Cork  without  a 
man  knowing  me." 

"  That  you  could  at  any  time,"  said  I.  The  Countess 
had  for  some  moments  ceased  to  hammer  on  my  door. 
"  Hearken !  I  think  they  are  managing  her." 

Either  Hoity-Toity  had  lost  heart,  or  the  servants 
had  gained  some  courage,  for  we  heard  them  drag 
ging  her  delicately  down  the  staircase.  Presently  there 
was  a  silence. 

After  I  had  waited  until  this  silence  grew  into  the 
higher  silence  which  seems  like  perfect  safety,  I  rang 
the  bell  and  ordered  food  and  drink.  Paddy  had  a 
royal  meal,  sitting  on  the  floor  by  the  fireplace  and 
holding  a  platter  on  his  knee.  From  time  to  time  I 
tossed  him  something  for  which  I  did  not  care.  He 
was  very  grateful  for  my  generosity.  He  ate  in  a 
barbaric  fashion,  crunching  bones  of  fowls  between 
his  great  white  teeth  and  swallowing  everything. 

I  had  a  mind  to  discourse  upon  manners  in  order 
that  Paddy  might  not  shame  me  when  we  came  to 
London ;  for  a  gentleman  is  known  by  the  ways  of 
his  servants.  If  people  of  quality  should  see  me  at- 


THE     O'RUDDY  127 

tended  by  such  a  savage  they  would  put  me  down 
small.  "  Paddy,"  said  I,  "  mend  your  ways  of 
eating." 

"'My  ways  of  eating,'  your  honour?"  said  he. 
"  And  am  I  not  eating  all  that  I  can  hold  ?  I  was 
known  to  be  a  good  man  at  platter  always.  Sure  I  Ve 
seen  no  man  in  England  eat  more  than  me.  But  thank 
you  kindly,  sir." 

"  You  misunderstand  me,"  said  I.  "  I  wish  to  im 
prove  your  manner  of  eating.  It  would  not  be  fine 
enough  for  the  sight  of  great  people.  You  eat,  with 
out  taking  breath,  pieces  as  big  as  a  block  of  turf." 

"  'T  is  the  custom  in  my  part  of  Ireland,"  answered 
Paddy. 

"  I  understand,"  said  I.  "  But  over  here  't  is  only 
very  low  people  who  fall  upon  their  meat  from  a  win 
dow  above." 

"  I  am  not  in  the  way  of  understanding  your 
honour,"  said  he.  "  But  any  how  a  man  may  be 
respectable  and  yet  have  a  good  hunger  on  him." 


CHAPTER   XIV 

IT  had  been  said  that  the  unexpected  often  happens, 
although  I  do  not  know  what  learned  man  of  the 
time  succeeded  in  thus  succinctly  expressing  a  great 
law  and  any  how  it  matters  little,  for  I  have  since  dis 
covered  that  these  learned  men  make  one  headful  of 
brains  go  a  long  way  by  dint  of  poaching  on  each 
other's  knowledge.  But  the  unexpected  happened  in 
this  case,  all  true  enough  whatever. 

I  was  giving  my  man  a  bit  of  a  warning. 

"  Paddy,"  said  I,  "  you  are  big,  and  you  are  red, 
and  you  are  Irish ;  but  by  the  same  token  you  are  not 
the  great  Fingal,  son  of  lightning.  I  would  strongly 
give  you  the  word.  When  you  see  that  old  woman 
you  start  for  the  open  moors." 

"  Devil  fear  me,  sir,"  answered  Paddy  promptly. 
"  I  '11  not  be  stopping.  I  would  be  swimming  to  Ire 
land  before  she  lays  a  claw  on  me." 

"  And  mind  you  exchange  no  words  with  her,"  said 
I,  "  for  't  is  that  which  seems  to  work  most  wrongfully 
upon  her." 

"  Never  a  word  out  of  me,"  said  he.  I  '11  be  that 
busy  getting  up  the  road." 

There  was  another  tumult  in  the  corridor,  with  the 
same  screeches  by  one  and  the  same  humble  protests 
by  a  multitude.  The  disturbance  neared  us  with  sur 
prising  speed.  Suddenly  I  recalled  that  when  the  ser 
vant  had  retired  after  bringing  food  and  drink  I  had 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  129 

neglected  to  again  bar  the  door.  I  rushed  for  it,  but 
I  was  all  too  late.  I  saw  the  latch  raise.  "  Paddy !  " 
I  shouted  wildly.  "Mind  yourself!"  And  with  that  I 
dropped  to  the  floor  and  slid  under  the  bed. 

Paddy  howled,  and  I  lifted  a  corner  of  the  valance 
to  see  what  was  transpiring.  The  door  had  been 
opened,  and  the  Countess  stood  looking  into  the  room. 
She  was  no  longer  in  a  fiery  rage;  she  was  cool, 
deadly  determined,  her  glittering  eye  fixed  on  Paddy. 
She  took  a  step  forward. 

Paddy,  in  his  anguish,  chanted  to  himself  an  Irish 
wail  in  which  he  described  his  unhappiness.  "  Oh, 
mother  of  me,  and  here  I  am  caught  again  by  the  old 
hell-cat,  and  sure  the  way  she  creeps  toward  me  is 
enough  to  put  the  fear  of  God  in  the  heart  of  a  hedge- 
robber,  the  murdering  old  witch.  And  it  was  me  was 
living  so  fine  and  grand  in  England  and  greatly  pleased 
with  myself.  Sorrow  the  day  I  left  Ireland;  it  is, 
indeed." 

She  was  now  close  to  him,  and  she  seemed  to  be 
preparing  for  one  stupendous  pounce  which  would 
mean  annihilation  to  Paddy.  Her  lean  hands  were 
thrust  out,  with  the  fingers  crooked,  and  it  seemed 
to  me  that  her  fingers  were  very  long.  In  despair 
Paddy  changed  his  tune  and  addressed  her. 

"  Ah,  now,  alanna.  Sure  the  kind  lady  would  be 
for  doing  no  harm?  Be  easy,  now,  acushla." 

But  these  tender  appeals  had  no  effect.  Suddenly 
she  pounced.  Paddy  roared,  and  sprang  backward 
with  splendid  agility.  He  seized  a  chair. 

Now  I  am  quite  sure  that  before  he  came  to  England 
Paddy  had  never  seen  a  chair,  although  it  is  true  that 
at  some  time  in  his  life  he  may  have  had  a  peep 

9 


130  THE      O'RUDDY 

through  a  window  into  an  Irish  gentleman's  house, 
where  there  might  be  a  chair  if  the  King's  officers  in 
the  neighbourhood  were  not  very  ambitious  and  power 
ful.  But  Paddy  handled  this  chair  as  if  he  had  seen 
many  of  them.  He  grasped  it  by  the  back  and  thrust 
it  out,  aiming  all  four  legs  at  the  Countess.  It  was  a 
fine  move.  I  have  seen  a  moderately  good  swords 
man  fairly  put  to  it  by  a  pack  of  scoundrelly  drawers 
who  assailed  him  at  all  points  in  this  manner. 

"  An  you  come  on  too  fast,"  quavered  Paddy,  "  ye 
can  grab  two  legs,  but  there  will  be  one  left  for  your 
eye  and  another  for  your  brisket." 

However  she  came  on,  sure  enough,  and  there  was 
a  moment  of  scuffling  near  the  end  of  the  bed  out  of 
my  sight.  I  wriggled  down  to  gain  another  view,  and 
when  I  cautiously  lifted  an  edge  of  the  valance  my 
eyes  met  the  strangest  sight  ever  seen  in  all  England. 
Paddy,  much  dishevelled  and  panting  like  a  hunt-dog, 
had  wedged  the  Countess  against  the  wall.  She  was 
pinioned  by  the  four  legs  of  the  chair,  and  Paddy,  by 
dint  of  sturdily  pushing  at  the  chair-back,  was  keep 
ing  her  in  a  fixed  position. 

In  a  flash  my  mind  was  made  up.  Here  was  the 
time  to  escape.  I  scrambled  quickly  from  under  the 
bed.  "  Bravo,  Paddy ! "  I  cried,  dashing  about  the  room 
after  my  sword,  coat,  waistcoat,  and  hat.  "  Devil  a 
fear  but  you  '11  hold  her,  my  bucko !  Push  hard,  my 
brave  lad,  and  mind  your  feet  don't  slip !  " 

"  If  your  honour  pleases,"  said  Paddy,  without  turn 
ing  his  eyes  from  his  conquest,  "  't  is  a  little  help  I 
would  be  wishing  here.  She  would  be  as  strong  in 
the  shoulder  as  a  good  plough-horse  and  I  am  not 
for  staying  here  for  ever." 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  131 

"  Bravo,  my  grand  lad !  "  I  cried,  at  last  rinding  my 
hat,  which  had  somehow  gotten  into  a  corner.  From 
the  door  I  again  addressed  Paddy  in  encouraging 
speech.  "  There  's  a  stout-hearted  boy  for  you !  Hold 
hard,  and  mind  your  feet  don't  slip !  " 

He  cast  a  quick  agonized  look  in  my  direction,  and, 
seeing  that  I  was  about  basely  to  desert  him,  he  gave 
a  cry,  dropped  the  chair,  and  bolted  after  me.  As  we 
ran  down  the  corridor  I  kept  well  in  advance,  think 
ing  it  the  best  place  in  case  the  pursuit  should  be 
energetic.  But  there  was  no  pursuit.  When  Paddy 
was  holding  the  Countess  prisoner  she  could  only 
choke  and  stammer,  and  I  had  no  doubt  that  she  now 
was  well  mastered  by  exhaustion. 

Curiously  there  was  little  hubbub  in  the  inn.  The 
fact  that  the  Countess  was  the  rioter  had  worked  in  a 
way  to  cause  people  to  seek  secluded  and  darkened 
nooks.  However,  the  landlord  raised  his  bleat  at  me. 
"  Oh,  sir,  such  a  misfortune  to  befall  my  house  just 
when  so  many  grand  ladies  and  gentlemen  are  here." 

I  took  him  quietly  by  the  throat  and  beat  his  head 
against  the  wall,  once,  twice,  thrice. 

"  And  you  allow  mad  ladies  to  molest  your  guests, 
do  you?  "  said  I. 

"  Sir,"  he  stuttered,  "  could  I  have  caused  her  to 
cease?" 

"  True,"  I  said,  releasing  him.  "  But  now  do  as  I 
bid  you  and  quickly.  I  am  away  to  London.  I  have 
had  my  plenty  of  you  and  your  mad  ladies." 

We  started  bravely  to  London,  but  we  only  went  to 
another  and  quieter  inn,  seeking  peace  and  the  absence 
of  fear.  I  may  say  we  found  it,  and,  in  a  chair  before 
a  good  fire,  I  again  took  my  comfort.  Paddy  sat  on 


132  THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y 

the  floor,  toasting  his  shins.  The  warmth  passed  him 
into  a  reflective  mood. 

"  And  I  know  all  I  need  of  grand  ladies,"  he  mut 
tered,  staring  into  the  fire.  "  I  thought  they  were  all 
for  riding  in  gold  coaches  and  smelling  of  beautiful 
flowers,  and  here  they  are  mad  to  be  chasing  Irishmen 
in  inns.  I  remember  old  Mag  Cooligan  fought  with  a 
whole  regiment  of  King's  troops  in  Bantry,  and  even 
the  drums  stopped  beating,  the  soldiers  were  that  much 
interested.  But,  sure,  everybody  would  be  knowing 
that  Mag  was  no  grand  lady,  although  Pat  Cooligan, 
her  brother,  was  pig-killer  to  half  the  country-side. 
I  am  thinking  we  were  knowing  little  about  grand 
ladies.  One  of  the  soldiers  had  his  head  broke  by  a 
musket  because  the  others  were  so  ambitious  to  de 
stroy  the  old  lady,  and  she  scratching  them  all.  'T  was 
long  remembered  in  Bantry." 

"  Hold  your  tongue  about  your  betters,"  said  I 
sharply.  "  Don't  be  comparing  this  Mag  Cooligan 
with  a  real  Countess." 

"  There  would  be  a  strange  similarity  any  how," 
said  he.  "  But,  sure,  Mag  never  fought  in  inns,  for 
the  reason  that  they  would  not  be  letting  her  inside." 

"  Remember  how  little  you  are  knowing  of  them, 
Paddy,"  said  I.  "  T  is  not  for  you  to  be  talking  of 
the  grand  ladies  when  you  have  seen  only  one,  and 
you  would  not  be  knowing  another  from  a  fish. 
Grand  ladies  are  eccentric,  I  would  have  you  to  know. 
They  have  their  ways  with  them  which  are  not  for 
omadhauns  like  you  to  understand." 

"Eccentric,  is  it?"  said  he.  "I  thought  it  would 
be  some  such  devilment." 

"  And  I  am  knowing,"  said  I  with  dignity,  "  of  one 


THE     t)'RUDDY  133 

lady  so  fine  that  if  you  don't  stop  talking  that  way  of 
ladies  I  will  break  your  thick  skull  for  you,  and  it 
would  matter  to  nobody." 

"  'T  is  an  ill  subject  for  discussion,  I  am  seeing 
that,"  said  Paddy.  "  But,  faith,  I  could  free  Ireland 
with  an  army  of  ladies  like  one  I  've  seen." 

"Will  you  be  holding  your  tongue?"  I  cried 
wrath  fully. 

Paddy  began  to  mumble  to  himself,  — "  Bedad, 
he  was  under  the  bed  fast  enough  without  offering 
her  a  stool  by  the  fire  and  a  small  drop  of  drink 
which  would  be  no  more  than  decent  with  him  so 
fond  of  her.  I  am  not  knowing  the  ways  of  these 
people." 

In  despair  of  his  long  tongue  I  made  try  to  change 
the  talking. 

"  We  are  off  for  London,  Paddy.  How  are  you 
for  it?" 

"  London,  is  it?  "  said  he  warily.  "  I  was  hearing 
there  are  many  fine  ladies  there." 

For  the  second  time  in  his  life  I  cuffed  him  soundly 
on  the  ear. 

"  Now,"  said  I,  "  be  ringing  the  bell.  I  am  for 
buying  you  a  bit  of  drink;  but  if  you  mention  the 
gentry  to  me  once  more  in  that  blackguard  way  I  '11 
lather  you  into  a  resemblance  to  your  grandfather's 
bones." 

After  a  pleasant  evening  I  retired  to  bed  leaving 
Paddy  snug  asleep  by  the  fire.  I  thought  much  of 
my  Lady  Mary,  but  with  her  mother  stalking  the 
corridors  and  her  knowing  father  with  his  eye  wide 
open,  I  knew  there  was  no  purpose  in  hanging  about 
a  Bath  inn.  I  would  go  to  London,  where  there  were 


134  THE      O'RUDDY 

gardens,  and  walks  in  the  park,  and  parties,  and  other 
useful  customs.    There  I  would  win  my  love. 

The  following  morning  I  started  with  Paddy  to 
meet  Jem  Bottles  and  travel  to  London.  Many  sur 
prising  adventures  were  in  store  for  us,  but  an  ac 
count  of  these  I  shall  leave  until  another  time,  since 
one  would  not  be  worrying  people  with  too  many 
words,  which  is  a  great  fault  in  a  man  who  is  re 
counting  his  own  affairs. 


CHAPTER    XV 

AS  we  ambled  our  way  agreeably  out  of  Bath, 
Paddy  and  I  employed  ourselves  in  worthy 
speech.  He  was  not  yet  a  notable  horseman,  but  his 
Irish  adaptability  was  so  great  that  he  was  already 
able  to  think  he  would  not  fall  off  so  long  as  the 
horse  was  old  and  tired. 

"  Paddy,"  said  I,  "  how  would  you  like  to  be  an 
Englishman?  Look  at  their  cities.  Sure,  Skibbereen 
is  a  mud-pond  to  them.  It  might  be  fine  to  be  an 
Englishman." 

"  I  would  not,  your  honour,"  said  Paddy.  "  I  would 

not  be  an  Englishman  while  these  grand But 

never  mind ;  't  is  many  proud  things  I  will  say  about 
the  English  considering  they  are  our  neighbours  in 
one  way ;  I  mean  they  are  near  enough  to  come  over 
and  harm  us  when  they  wish.  But  any  how  they  are 
a  remarkable  hard-headed  lot,  and  in  time  they  may 
come  to  something  good." 

"  And  is  a  hard  head  such  a  qualification  ?  "   said  I. 

Paddy  became  academic.  "  I  have  been  knowing  two 
kinds  of  hard  heads,"  he  said.  "  Mickey  McGovern 
had  such  a  hard  skull  on  him  no  stick  in  the  south  of 
Ireland  could  crack  it,  though  many  were  tried.  And 
what  happened  to  him  ?  He  died  poor  as  a  rat.  T  is 
not  the  kind  of  hard  head  I  am  meaning.  I  am  mean 
ing  the  kind  of  hard  head  which  believes  it  contains  all 


136  THE      O'RUDDY 

the  wisdom  and  honour  in  the  world.  'T  is  what  I 
mean.  If  you  have  a  head  like  that,  you  can  go  along 
blundering  into  ditches  and  tumbling  over  your  own 
shins,  and  still  hold  confidence  in  yourself.  'T  is  not 
very  handsome  for  other  men  to  see;  but  devil  a  bit 
care  you,  for  you  are  warm  inside  with  complacence." 

"  Here  is  a  philosopher,  in  God's  truth,"  I  cried. 
"  And  where  were  you  learning  all  this  ?  In 
Ireland  ?  " 

"  Your  honour,"  said  Paddy  firmly,  "  you  yourself 
are  an  Irishman.  You  are  not  for  saying  there  is  no 
education  in  Ireland,  for  it  educates  a  man  to  see 
burning  thatches  and  such  like.  One  of  them  was 
my  aunt's,  Heaven  rest  her !  " 

"Your  aunt?"  said  I.  "And  what  of  your  aunt? 
What  have  the  English  to  do  with  your  aunt  ?  " 

"  That 's  what  she  was  asking  them,"  said  Paddy ; 
"  but  they  burned  her  house  down  over  a  little  matter 
of  seventeen  years'  rent  she  owed  to  a  full-blooded 
Irishman,  may  the  devil  find  him !  " 

"  But  I  am  for  going  on  without  an  account  of  your 
burnt-thatch  education,"  said  I.  "  You  are  having 
more  than  two  opinions  about  the  English,  and  I  would 
be  hearing  them.  Seldom  have  I  seen  a  man  who 
could  gain  so  much  knowledge  in  so  short  a  space. 
You  are  interesting  me." 

Paddy  seemed  pleased.  "  Well,  your  honour,"  said 
he  confidentially,  "  't  is  true  for  you.  I  am  knowing 
the  English  down  to  their  toes." 

"  And  if  you  were  an  Englishman,  what  kind  of  an 
Englishman  would  you  like  to  be  ?  "  said  I. 

"  A  gentleman,"  he  answered  swiftly.  "  A  big 
gentleman ! "  Then  he  began  to  mimic  and  make 


THE     O'RUDDY  KJ7 

gestures  in  a  way  that  told  me  he  had  made  good 
use  of  his  eyes  and  of  the  society  of  underlings  in 
the  various  inns.  "  Where 's  me  man  ?  Send  me 
man  !  Oh,  here  you  are !  And  why  did  n't  you  know 
I  wanted  you?  What  right  have  you  to  think  I  don't 
want  you?  What?  A  servant  dead?  Pah!  Send  it 
down  the  back  staircase  at  once  and  get  rid  of  it. 
Bedad !  "  said  Paddy  enthusiastically,  "  I  could  do 
that  fine !  ''  And  to  prove  what  he  said  was  true,  he 
cried  <k  Pah !  "  several  times  in  a  lusty  voice. 

"  I  see  you  have  quickly  understood  many  customs 
of  the  time,"  said  I.  "  But  't  is  not  all  of  it.  There 
are  many  quite  decent  people  alive  now." 

"  Tis  strange  we  have  never  heard  tell  of  them," 
said  Paddy  musingly.  "  I  have  only  heard  of  great 
fighters,  blackguards,  and  beautiful  ladies,  but  sure, 
as  your  honour  says,  there  must  be  plenty  of  quiet 
decent  people  somewhere." 

"  There  is,"  said  I.  "  I  am  feeling  certain  of  it, 
although  I  am  not  knowing  exactly  where  to  lay  my 
hand  upon  them." 

"  Perhaps  they  would  be  always  at  mass,"  said 
Paddy,  "  and  in  that  case  your  honour  would  not  be 
likely  to  see  them." 

"  Masses !  "  said  I.  "  There  are  more  masses  said  in 
Ireland  in  one  hour  than  here  in  two  years." 

"  The  people  would  be  heathens,  then  ?  "  said  Paddy, 
aghast. 

"  Not  precisely,"  said  I.  "  But  they  have  reformed 
themselves  several  times,  and  a  number  of  adequate 
reformations  is  a  fine  thing  to  confuse  the  Church. 
In  Ireland  we  are  all  for  being  true  to  the  ancient 
faith ;  here  they  are  always  for  improving  matters, 


138  THE     O'RUDDY 

and  their  learned  men  study  the  Sacred  Book  solely 
with  a  view  to  making  needed  changes." 

"  'T  is  heathen  they  are,"  said  Paddy  with  convic 
tion.  "  I  was  knowing  it.  Sure,  I  will  be  telling 
Father  Corrigan  the  minute  I  put  a  foot  on  Ireland, 
for  nothing  pleases  him  so  much  as  a  good  obstinate 
heathen,  and  he  very  near  discourses  the  hair  off  their 
heads." 

"  I  would  not  be  talking  about  such  matters,"  said  I. 
"  It  merely  makes  my  head  grow  an  ache.  My  father 
was  knowing  all  about  it;  but  he  was  always  claim 
ing  that  if  a  heathen  did  his  duty  by  the  poor  he 
was  as  good  as  anybody,  and  that  view  I  could  never 
understand." 

"  Sure,  if  a  heathen  gives  to  the  poor,  't  is  poison 
to  them,"  said  Paddy.  "  If  it  is  food  and  they  eat  it, 
they  turn  black  all  over  and  die  the  day  after.  If  it 
is  money,  it  turns  red-hot  and  burns  a  hole  in  their 
hand,  and  the  devil  puts  a  chain  through  it  and  drags 
them  down  to  hell,  screeching." 

"  Say  no  more,"  said  I.  "  I  am  seeing  you  are  a 
true  theologian  of  the  time.  I  would  be  talking  on 
some  more  agreeable  topic,  something  about  which 
you  know  less." 

"  I  can  talk  of  fishing,"  he  answered  diffidently. 
"  For  I  am  a  great  fisherman,  sure.  And  then  there 
would  be  turf-cutting,  and  the  deadly  stings  given  to 
men  by  eels.  All  these  things  I  am  knowing  well." 

'T  is  a  grand  lot  to  know,"  said  I,  "  but  let  us 
be  talking  of  London.  Have  you  been  hearing  of 
London?" 

"  I  have  been  hearing  much  about  the  town,"  said 
Paddy.  "  Father  Corrigan  was  often  talking  of  it. 


THE      O'RUDDY  139 

He  was  claiming  it  to  be  full  of  loose  women,  and  sin, 
and  fighting  in  the  streets  during  mass." 

"  I  am  understanding  something  of  the  same,"  I 
replied.  "  It  must  be  an  evil  city.  I  am  fearing  some 
thing  may  happen  to  you,  Paddy, — you  with  your  red 
head  as  conspicuous  as  a  clock  in  a  tower.  The  gay 
people  will  be  setting  upon  you  and  carrying  you 
off.  Sure  there  has  never  been  anything  like  you 
in  London." 

"  I  am  knowing  how  to  be  dealing  with  them.  It 
will  be  all  a  matter  of  religious  up-bringing,  as  Father 
Corrigan  was  saying.  I  have  but  to  go  to  my  de 
votions,  and  the  devil  will  fly  away  with  them." 

"And  supposing  they  have  your  purse?"  said  I. 
"  The  devil  might  fly  away  with  them  to  an  ill  tune 
for  you." 

"  When  they  are  flying  away  with  my  purse,"  he 
replied  suggestively,  "  they  will  be  flying  away  with 
little  of  what  could  be  called  my  ancestral  wealth." 

"  You  are  natural  rogues,"  said  I,  "  you  and  Jem 
Bottles.  And  you  had  best  not  be  talking  of  religion." 

"  Sure  a  man  may  take  the  purse  of  an  ugly  old 
sick  monkey  like  him,  and  still  go  with  an  open  face 
to  confession,"  rejoined  Paddy,  "  and  I  would  not  be 
backward  if  Father  Corrigan's  church  was  a  mile 
beyond." 

"  And  are  you  meaning  that  Father  Corrigan  would 
approve  you  in  this  robbery  ?  "  I  cried. 

"  Devil  a  bit  he  would,  your  honour,"  answered 
Paddy  indignantly.  "  He  would  be  saying  to  me : 
'  Paddy,  you  limb  of  Satan,  and  how  much  did  you 
get  ? '  I  would  be  telling  him.  '  Give  fifteen  guineas 
to  the  Church,  you  mortal  sinner,  and  I  will  be  trying 


140  THE     O'RUDDY 

my  best  for  you/  he  would  be  saying.  And  I  would 
be  giving  them." 

"  You  are  saved  fifteen  guineas  by  being  in  Eng 
land,  then,"  said  I,  "  for  they  don't  do  that  here. 
And  I  am  thinking  you  are  traducing  your  clergy, 
you  vagabond." 

"  Traducing  ?  "  said  he.  "  That  would  mean  giving 
them  money.  Aye,  I  was  doing  it  often.  One  year 
I  gave  three  silver  shillings." 

"  You  're  wrong,"  said  I.  "  By  '  traducing  '  I  mean 
speaking  ill  of  your  priest." 

"  '  Speaking  ill  of  my  priest '  ?  "  cried  Paddy,  gasp 
ing  with  amazement.  "  Sure,  my  own  mother  never 
heard  a  word  out  of  me !  " 

"  However,"  said  I,  "  we  will  be  talking  of  other 
things.  The  English  land  seems  good." 

Paddy  cast  his  eye  over  the  rainy  landscape.  "  I  am 
seeing  no  turf  for  cutting,"  he  remarked  disapprov 
ingly,  "  and  the  potatoes  would  not  be  growing  well 
here.  'T  is  a  barren  country." 

At  nightfall  we  came  to  a  little  inn  which  was 
ablaze  with  light  and  ringing  with  exuberant  cries. 
We  gave  up  our  horses  and  entered.  To  the  left  was 
the  closed  door  of  the  taproom,  which  now  seemed 
to  furnish  all  the  noise.  I  asked  the  landlord  to  tell 
me  the  cause  of  the  excitement. 

"  Sir,"  he  answered,  "  I  am  greatly  honoured  to 
night.  Mr.  O'Ruddy,  the  celebrated  Irish  swordsman, 
is  within,  recounting  a  history  of  his  marvellous 
exploits." 

"Indeed!"  said  I. 

"Bedad!"   said  Paddy. 


CHAPTER   XVI 

PADDY  was  for  opening  his  mouth  wide  immedi 
ately,  but  I  checked  him.  "  I  would  see  this 
great  man,"  said  I  to  the  landlord,  "  but  I  am  so  timid 
by  nature  I  fear  to  meet  his  eagle  eye.  Is  there  no 
way  by  which  we  could  observe  him  in  secret  at  our 
leisure?" 

"  There  be  one  way,"  remarked  the  landlord  after 
deliberation.  I  had  passed  him  a  silver  coin.  He  led 
us  to  a  little  parlour  back  of  the  taproom.  Here  a 
door  opened  into  the  tap  itself,  and  in  this  door  was 
cut  a  large  square  window  so  that  the  good  man  of 
the  inn  could  sometimes  sit  at  his  ease  in  his  great 
chair  in  the  snug  parlour  and  observe  that  his  cus 
tomers  had  only  that  for  which  they  were  paying. 
It  is  a  very  good  plan,  for  I  have  seen  many  a 
worthy  man  become  a  rogue  merely  because  nobody 
was  watching  him.  My  father  often  was  saying  that 
if  he  had  not  been  narrowly  eyed  all  his  young  life, 
first  by  his  mother  and  then  by  his  wife,  he  had  little 
doubt  but  what  he  might  have  been  engaged  in  dis 
honest  practices  sooner  or  later. 

A  confident  voice  was  doing  some  high  talking  in  the 
taproom.  I  peered  through  the  window,  but  at  first 
I  saw  only  a  collection  of  gaping  yokels,  poor  bent 
men  with  faces  framed  in  straggly  whiskers.  Each 
had  a  pint  pot  clutched  with  a  certain  air  of  determi 
nation  in  his  right  hand. 


142  THE     O'RUDDY 

Suddenly  upon  our  line  of  vision  strode  the  superb 
form  of  Jem  Bottles.  A  short  pipe  was  in  his  mouth, 
and  he  gestured  splendidly  with  a  pint  pot.  "  More  of 
the  beer,  my  dear,"  said  he  to  a  buxom  maid.  "  We 
be  all  rich  in  Ireland.  And  four  of  them  set  upon 
me,"  he  cried  again  to  the  yokels.  "  All  noblemen, 
in  fine  clothes  and  with  sword-hilts  so  flaming  with 
jewels  an  ordinary  man  might  have  been  blinded. 
'  Stop ! '  said  I.  '  There  be  more  of  your  friends 
somewhere.  Call  them/  And  with  that " 

"  '  And  with  that '  ? "  said  I  myself,  opening  the 
door  and  stepping  in  upon  him.  "  '  And  with  that '  ?  " 
said  I  again.  Whereupon  I  smote  him  a  blow  which 
staggered  him  against  the  wall,  holding  his  crown 
with  both  hands  while  his  broken  beer-pot  rolled  on 
the  floor.  Paddy  was  dancing  with  delight  at  seeing 
some  other  man  cuffed,  but  the  landlord  and  the  yokels 
were  nearly  dead  of  terror.  But  they  made  no  sound ; 
only  the  buxom  girl  whimpered. 

"  There  is  no  cause  for  alarm,"  said  I  amiably. 
"  I  was  only  greeting  an  old  friend.  'T  is  a  way  I 
have.  And  how  wags  the  world  with  you,  O'Ruddy  ?  " 

"  I  am  not  sure  for  the  moment,"  replied  Jem  Bottles 
ruefully.  "  I  must  bide  till  it  stops  spinning." 

"  Truth,"  cried  I.  "  That  would  be  a  light  blow  to 
trouble  the  great  O'Ruddy.  Come  now;  let  us  have 
the  pots  filled  again,  and  O'Ruddy  shall  tell  us  more 
of  his  adventures.  What  say  you,  lads  ?  " 

The  yokels  had  now  recovered  some  of  their  senses, 
and  they  greeted  my  plan  with  hoarse  mutterings  of 
hasty  and  submissive  assent. 

"  Begin,"  said  I  sternly  to  the  highwayman.  He 
stood  miserably  on  one  foot.  He  looked  at  the  floor; 


THE     O    R  U  D  D  Y  143 

he  looked  at  the  wall ;  from  time  to  time  he  gave  me 
a  sheep's  glance.  "  Begin,"  said  I  again.  Paddy  was 
wild  with  glee.  "  Begin,"  said  I  for  the  third  time 
and  very  harshly. 

"  I "  gulped  out  the  wretched  man,  but  he 

could  get  no  further. 

"  I  am  seeing  I  must  help  you,"  said  I.  "  Come 
now,  when  did  you  learn  the  art  of  sticadoro  proderodo 
sliceriscum  fencing?" 

Bottles  rolled  the  eyes  of  despair  at  me,  but  I  took 
him  angrily  by  the  shoulder.  "  Come  now ;  when 
did  you  learn  the  art  of  sticadoro  proderodo  sliceriscum 
fencing?" 

Jem  Bottles  staggered,  but  at  last  he  choked  out: 
"  My  mother  taught  me."  Here  Paddy  retired  from 
the  room,  doubled  in  a  strong  but  soundless  con 
vulsion. 

"  Good,"  said  I.  "  Your  mother  taught  you.  We 
are  making  progress  any  how.  Your  mother  taught 
you.  And  now  tell  me  this:  When  you  slew  Cormac 
of  the  Cliffs,  what  passado  did  you  use?  Don't  be 
stuttering.  Come  now  ;  quick  with  you  ;  what  passado 
did  you  use?  What  passado?" 

With  a  heroism  born  of  a  conviction  that  in  any 
event  he  was  a  lost  man,  Jem  Bottles  answered :  "  A 
blue  one." 

"  Good,"  I  cried  cheerfully.  "  '  A  blue  one  '  !  We 
are  coming  on  fine.  He  killed  Cormac  with  a  blue 
passado.  And  now  I  would  be  asking  you " 

"  Master,"  interrupted  the  highwayman  with  sudden 
resolution.  "  I  will  say  no  more.  I  have  done.  You 
may  kill  me  an  it  pleases  you." 

Now  I  saw  that  enough  was  enough.     I  burst  into 


144  THE      O'RUDDY 

laughter  and  clapped  him  merrily  on  the  shoulder. 
"  Be  cheery,  O'Ruddy,"  I  cried.  "  Sure  an  Irishman 
like  you  ought  to  be  able  to  look  a  joke  in  the  face." 
He  gave  over  his  sulks  directly,  and  I  made  him 
buy  another  pint  each  for  the  yokels.  '  'T  was  dry 
work  listening  to  you  and  your  exploits,  O'Ruddy," 
said  I. 

Later  I  went  to  my  chamber,  attended  by  my  fol 
lowers,  having  ordered  roast  fowls  and  wine  to  be 
served  as  soon  as  possible.  Paddy  and  Jem  Bottles 
sat  on  stools  one  at  each  side  of  the  fireplace,  and 
I  occupied  a  chair  between  them. 

Looking  at  my  two  faithful  henchmen,  I  was  sud 
denly  struck  by  the  thought  that  they  were  not  very 
brisk  servants  for  a  gentleman  to  take  to  fashionable 
London.  I  had  taken  Paddy  out  of  his  finery  and 
dressed  him  in  a  suit  of  decent  brown;  but  his  hair 
was  still  unbarbered,  and  I  saw  that  unless  I  had  a 
care  his  appearance  would  greatly  surprise  and  please 
London.  I  resolved  to  have  him  shorn  at  the  first 
large  town. 

As  for  Jem  'Bottles,  his  clothes  were  well  enough, 
and  indeed  he  was  passable  in  most  ways  unless  it  was 
his  habit,  when  hearing  a  sudden  noise,  to  take  a  swift 
dark  look  to  the  right  and  to  the  left.  Then,  further, 
people  might  shrewdly  note  his  way  of  always  sitting 
with  his  back  to  the  wall  and  his  face  to  the  door. 
However,  I  had  no  doubt  of  my  ability  to  cure  him 
of  these  tricks  as  soon  as  he  was  far  enough  journeyed 
from  the  scenes  of  his  earlier  activity. 

But  the  idea  I  entertained  at  this  moment  was  more 
to  train  them  to  be  fine  grand  servants,  such  as  I  had 
seen  waiting  on  big  people  in  Bath.  They  were  both 


THE      O'RUDDY  145 

willing  enough,  but  the"y  had  no  style  to  them.  I  de 
cided  to  begin  at  once  and  see  what  I  could  teach  them. 

"  Paddy,"  said  I,  taking  off  my  sword  and  holding 
it  out  to  him.  "  My  sword !  " 

Paddy  looked  at  it.  "  It  is,  sir,"  he  answered  re 
spectfully. 

"  Bad  scran  to  you,  Paddy !  "  I  cried  angrily.  "  I 
am  teaching  you  your  duties.  Take  the  sword!  In 
both  hands,  mind  you!  Now  march  over  and  lay  it 
very  tenderly  on  the  stand  at  the  head  of  the  bed. 
There  now !  " 

I  now  turned  my  attention  to  Jem  Bottles. 

"  Bottles,"  said  I  peremptorily,  "  my  coat  and  waist 
coat." 

"  Yes,  sir,"  replied  Bottles  quickly,  profiting  by 
Paddy's  lesson. 

"  There  now,"  said  I,  as  Bottles  laid  the  coat  and 
waistcoat  on  a  dresser.  "  'T  is  a  good  beginning. 
When  supper  comes  I  shall  teach  you  other  duties." 

The  supper  came  in  due  course,  and  after  the  inn's 
man  had  gone  I  bid  Jem  and  Paddy  stand  one  on 
either  side  of  my  chair  and  a  little  way  back.  "  Now," 
said  I,  "  stand  square  on  your  feet,  and  hold  your 
heads  away  high,  and  stick  your  elbows  out  a  little, 
and  try  to  look  as  if  you  don't  know  enough  to  tell 
fire  from  water.  Jem  Bottles  has  it.  That 's  it ! 
Bedad !  look  at  the  ignorance  on  him !  He  's  the  man 
for  you,  Paddy !  Wake  up  now,  and  look  stupid.  Am 
I  not  telling  you  ?  " 

"Begor!"  said  Paddy  dejectedly,  "I  feel  like  the 
greatest  omadhaun  in  all  the  west  country,  and  if 
that  is  not  being  stupid  enough  for  your  honour  I  can 
do  no  better." 

10 


146  THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y 

"  Shame  to  you,  Paddy,  to  let  an  Englishman  beat 
you  so  easily,"  said  I.  "  Take  that  grin  off  your  face, 
you  scoundrel !  Now,"  I  added,  "  we  are  ready  to 
begin.  Wait,  now.  You  must  each  have  something 
to  hold  in  your  fist.  Let  me  be  thinking.  There  's 
only  one  plate  and  little  of  anything  else.  Ah,  I  have 
it !  A  bottle !  Paddy,  you  shall  hold  one  of  the  bottles. 
Put  your  right  hand  underneath  it,  and  with  your  left 
hand  hold  it  by  the  neck.  But  keep  your  elbows  out. 
Jem,  what  the  devil  am  I  to  give  you  to  hold?  Ah, 
I  have  it !  Another  bottle !  Hold  it  the  same  as  Paddy. 
Now!  Stand  square  on  your  feet,  and  hold  your 
heads  away  high,  and  stick  your  elbows  out  a  little, 
and  look  stupid.  I  am  going  to  eat  my  supper." 

I  finished  my  first  and  second  bottles  with  the 
silence  only  broken  by  the  sound  of  my  knife-play  and 
an  occasional  restless  creaking  of  boots  as  one  of  my 
men  slyly  shifted  his  position.  Wishing  to  call  for 
my  third  bottle,  I  turned  and  caught  them  exchanging 
a  glance  of  sympathetic  bewilderment.  As  my  eye 
flashed  upon  them,  they  stiffened  up  like  grenadier 
recruits. 

But  I  was  not  for  being  too  hard  on  them  at  first. 
"  T  is  enough  for  one  lesson,"  said  I.  "  Put  the 
bottles  by  me  and  take  your  ease." 

With  evident  feelings  of  relief  they  slunk  back  to 
the  stools  by  the  fire,  where  they  sat  recovering  their 
spirits. 

After  my  supper  I  sat  in  the  chair  toasting  my 
shins  and  lazily  listening  to  my  lads  finishing  the 
fowls.  They  seemed  much  more  like  themselves,  sit 
ting  there  grinding  away  at  the  bones  and  puffing 
with  joy.  In  the  red  firelight  it  was  such  a  scene 


THE      O    R  U  D  D  Y  147 

of  happiness  that  I  misdoubted  for  a  moment  the  wis 
dom  of  my  plan  to  make  them  into  fine  grand  num 
skulls. 

I  could  see  that  all  men  were  not  fitted  for  the 
work.  It  needed  a  beefy  person  with  fat  legs  and  a 
large  amount  of  inexplicable  dignity,  a  regular  God- 
knows-why  loftiness.  Truth,  in  those  days,  real  talent 
was  usually  engaged  in  some  form  of  rascality,  barring 
the  making  of  books  and  sermons.  When  one  re 
members  the  impenetrable  dulness  of  the  great  mass 
of  the  people,  the  frivolity  of  the  gentry,  the  arrogance 
and  wickedness  of  the  court,  one  ceases  to  wonder  that 
many  men  of  taste  took  to  the  highway  as  a  means 
of  recreation  and  livelihood.  And  there  I  had  been 
attempting  to  turn  my  two  frank  rascals  into  the  kind 
of  sheep-headed  rubbish  whom  you  could  knock  down 
a  great  staircase,  and  for  a  guinea  they  would  say  no 
more.  Unless  I  was  the  kicker,  I  think  Paddy  would 
have  returned  up  the  staircase  after  his  assailant. 
Jem  Bottles  probably  would  have  gone  away  nursing 
his  wrath  and  his  injury,  and  planning  to  waylay  the 
kicker  on  a  convenient  night.  But  neither  would  have 
taken  a  guinea  and  said  no  more.  Each  of  these 
simple-hearted  reprobates  was  too  spirited  to  take  a 
guinea  for  a  kick  down  a  staircase. 

Any  how  I  had  a  mind  that  I  could  be  a  gentleman 
true  enough  without  the  help  of  Jem  and  Paddy 
making  fools  of  themselves.  I  would  worry  them  no 
more. 

As  I  was  musing  thus  my  eyes  closed  from  a  sense 
of  contented  weariness,  but  I  was  aroused  a  moment 
later  by  hearing  Paddy  address  Jem  Bottles  in  a  low 
voice.  "  'T  is  you  who  are  the  cool  one,  Jem !  "  said 


148  THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y 

he  with  admiration,  "  trying  to  make  them  think  you 
were  him!"  Here  I  was  evidently  indicated  by  a 
sideways  bob  of  the  head.  "  Have  you  not  been  seeing 
the  fine  ways  of  him?  Sure,  be  looking  at  his  stride 
and  his  habit  of  slatting  people  over  the  head,  and  his 
grand  manners  with  his  food.  You  are  looking  more 
like  a  candlestick  than  you  are  looking  like  him.  I 
wonder  at  you." 

"  But  I  befooled  them,"  said  Bottles  proudly.  "  I 
befooled  them  well.  It  was  Mr.  O'Ruddy  here,  and 
Mr.  O'Ruddy  there,  and  the  handsome  wench  she  gave 
me  many  a  glance  of  her  eye,  she  did." 

"  Sorrow  the  day  for  her,  then,"  responded  Paddy, 
"  and  if  you  would  be  cozening  the  girls  in  the  name 
of  him  there,  he  will  be  cozening  you,  and  I  never 
doubt  it." 

"  'T  was  only  a  trick  to  make  the  time  go  easy,  it 
was,"  said  Bottles  gloomily.  "  If  you  remember, 
Master  Paddy,  I  have  spent  the  most  of  my  new 
service  waiting  under  oak-trees;  and  I  will  not  be 
saying  that  it  rained  always,  but  oft-times  it  did  rain 
most  accursedly." 


CHAPTER   XVII 

WE  rode  on  at  daybreak.  At  the  first  large 
village  I  bid  a  little  man  cut  Paddy's  hair, 
and  although  Paddy  was  all  for  killing  the  little  man, 
and  the  little  man  twice  ran  away,  the  work  was 
eventually  done,  for  I  stood  over  Paddy  and  threatened 
him.  Afterward  the  little  boys  were  not  so  anxious 
to  hoot  us  through  the  streets,  calling  us  Africans. 
For  it  must  be  recalled  that  at  this  time  there  was 
great  curiosity  in  the  provinces  over  the  Africans, 
because  it  was  known  that  in  London  people  of  fashion 
often  had  African  servants ;  and  although  London 
cared  nothing  for  the  provinces,  and  the  provinces 
cared  nothing  for  London,  still  the  rumour  of  the 
strange  man  interested  the  country  clodhopper  so 
greatly  that  he  called  Paddy  an  African  on  principle, 
in  order  that  he  might  blow  to  his  neighbours  that 
he  had  seen  the  fascinating  biped.  There  was  no 
general  understanding  that  the  African  was  a  man  of 
black  skin;  it  was  only  understood  that  he  was  a 
great  marvel.  Hence  the  urchins  in  these  far-away 
villages  often  ran  at  the  heels  of  Paddy's  horse, 
yelling. 

In  time  the  traffic  on  the  highway  became  greatly 
thickened,  and  several  times  we  thought  we  were 
entering  London  because  of  the  large  size  and  splen 
dour  of  the  towns  to  which  we  came.  Paddy  began 


150  THE      O 'RUDDY 

to  fear  the  people  had  been  deceiving  us  as  to  the 
road,  and  that  we  had  missed  London  entirely.  But 
finally  we  came  to  a  river  with  hundreds  of  boats 
upon  it,  and  there  was  a  magnificent  bridge,  and  on 
the  other  bank  was  a  roaring  city,  and  through  the 
fog  the  rain  came  down  thick  as  the  tears  of  the 
angels.  "  That 's  London,"  said  I. 

We  rode  out  upon  the  bridge,  all  much  interested, 
but  somewhat  fearful,  for  the  noise  of  the  city  was 
terrible.  But  if  it  was  terrible  as  we  approached  it,  I 
hesitate  to  say  what  it  was  to  us  when  we  were  once 
fairly  in  it.  "  Keep  close  to  me/'  I  yelled  to  Paddy 
and  Jem,  and  they  were  not  unwilling.  And  so  we 
rode  into  this  pandemonium,  not  having  the  least  idea 
where  we  were  going. 

As  we  progressed  I  soon  saw  what  occasioned  the 
major  part  of  the  noise.  Many  heavy  carts  thundered 
slowly  through  the  narrow,  echoing  streets,  bumping 
their  way  uproariously  over  a  miserable  pavement. 
Added  to  this,  of  course,  were  the  shrill  or  hoarse 
shouts  of  the  street  vendors  and  the  apprentices  at 
the  shop-doors.  To  the  sky  arose  an  odour  almost 
insupportable,  for  it  was  new  to  us  all. 

The  eaves  of  the  houses  streamed  with  so  much 
water  that  the  sidewalks  were  practically  untenable, 
although  here  and  there  a  hardy  wayfarer  strode  on 
regardless  of  a  drenched  cloak,  probably  being  too 
proud  to  take  to  the  street.  Once  our  travel  was 
entirely  blocked  by  a  fight.  A  butcher  in  a  bloody 
apron  had  dashed  out  of  his  shop  and  attacked  the 
driver  of  a  brewer's  sledge.  A  crowd  gathered  mirac 
ulously  and  cheered  on  this  spectacle;  women  ap 
peared  at  all  the  windows;  urchins  hooted;  mongrel 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  151 

dogs  barked.  When  the  butcher  had  been  worsted 
and  chased  back  into  his  shop  by  the  maddened  brewer 
we  were  allowed  to  pursue  our  journey. 

I  must  remark  that  neither  of  these  men  used  aught 
but  his  hands.  Mostly  their  fists  were  doubled,  and 
they  dealt  each  other  sounding,  swinging  blows;  but 
there  was  some  hair-pulling,  and  when  the  brewer  had 
the  butcher  down  I  believe  the  butcher  tried  to  bite 
his  opponent's  ear.  However  they  were  rather  high- 
class  for  their  condition.  I  found  out  later  that  at  this 
time  in  the  darker  parts  of  London  the  knife  was  a 
favourite  weapon  of  the  English  and  was  as  rampant 
as  ever  it  is  in  the  black  alleys  of  an  Italian  city.  It 
was  no  good  news  for  me,  for  the  Irish  had  long  been 
devoted  to  the  cudgel. 

When  I  wish  for  information  I  always  prefer  making 
the  request  to  a  gentleman.  To  have  speech  of  a  boor 
is  well  enough  if  he  would  not  first  study  you  over  to 
find,  if  he  can,  why  you  want  the  information,  and, 
after  a  prolonged  pause,  tell  you  wrong  entirely.  I 
perceived  a  young  gentleman  standing  in  under  a 
porch  and  ogling  a  window  on  the  opposite  side  of 
the  way.  "  Sir,"  said  I,  halting  my  horse  close  to  him, 
"  would  you  be  so  kind  as  to  point  to  a  stranger  the 
way  to  a  good  inn  ?  "  He  looked  me  full  in  the  face, 
spat  meaningly  in  the  gutter,  and,  turning  on  his  heel, 
walked  away.  And  I  will  give  oath  he  was  not  more 
than  sixteen  years  old. 

I  sat  stiff  in  the  saddle;  I  felt  my  face  going  hot 
and  cold.  This  new-feathered  bird  with  a  toy  sword ! 
But  to  save  me,  as  it  happened,  from  a  preposterous 
quarrel  with  this  infant,  another  man  came  along  the 
sidewalk.  He  was  an  older  man,  with  a  grave  mouth 


152  THE      O'RUDDY 

and  a  clean-cut  jowl.  I  resolved  to  hail  him.  "  And 
now  my  man,"  said  I  under  my  breath,  "  if  you  are 
as  bad  as  the  other,  by  the  mass,  I  '11  have  a  turnover 
here  with  you,  London  or  no  London." 

Then  I  addressed  him.  "  Sir "  I  began.  But 

here  a  cart  roared  on  my  other  side,  and  I  sat  with  my 
mouth  open,  looking  at  him.  He  smiled  a  little,  but 
waited  courteously  for  the  hideous  din  to  cease.  "  Sir," 
I  was  enabled  to  say  at  last,  "would -you  be  so  kind 
as  to  point  to  a  stranger  the  way  to  a  good  inn  ? " 
He  scanned  me  quietly,  in  order,  no  doubt,  to  gain  an 
idea  what  kind  of  inn  would  suit  my  condition.  "  Sir," 
he  answered,  coming  into  the  gutter  and  pointing, 
'  't  is  this  way  to  Bishopsgate  Street,  and  there  you 
will  see  the  sign  of  the  *  Pig  and  Turnip,'  where  there 
is  most  pleasurable  accommodation  for  man  and  beast, 
and  an  agreeable  host."  He  was  a  shop-keeper  of 
the  city  of  London,  of  the  calm,  steady  breed  that 
has  made  successive  kings  either  love  them  or  fear- 
ingly  hate  them,  —  the  bone  and  the  sinew  of  the 
great  town. 

I  thanked  him  heartily,  and  we  went  on  to  the 
"  Pig  and  Turnip."  As  we  clattered  into  the  inn 
yard  it  was  full  of  people  mounting  and  dismount 
ing,  but  there  seemed  a  thousand  stable-boys.  A 
dozen  flung  themselves  at  my  horse's  head.  They 
quite  lifted  me  out  of  the  saddle  in  their  great  care 
that  I  should  be  put  to  no  trouble.  At  the  door  of 
the  inn  a  smirking  landlord  met  me,  bowing  his  head 
on  the  floor  at  every  backward  pace,  and  humbly  be 
seeching  me  to  tell  how  he  could  best  serve  me.  I 
told  him,  and  at  once  there  was  a  most  pretentious 
hubbub.  Six  or  eight  servants  began  to  run  hither 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  153 

and  yon.  I  was  delighted  with  my  reception,  but 
several  days  later  I  discovered  they  had  mistaken 
me  for  a  nobleman  of  Italy  or  France,  and  I  was 
expected  to  pay  extravagantly  for  graceful  empty 
attentions  rather  than  for  sound  food  and  warm 
beds. 

This  inn  was  so  grand  that  I  saw  it  would  no  longer 
do  for  Paddy  and  Jem  to  be  sleeping  in  front  of  my 
fire  like  big  dogs,  so  I  nodded  assent  when  the  land 
lord  asked  if  he  should  provide  lodgings  for  my  two 
servants.  He  packed  them  off  somewhere,  and  I  was 
left  lonely  in  a  great  chamber.  I  had  some  fears  hav 
ing  Paddy  long  out  of  my  sight,  but  I  assured  myself 
that  London  had  such  terrors  for  him  he  would  not 
dare  any  Irish  mischief.  I  could  trust  Jem  Bottles  to 
be  discreet,  for  he  had  learned  discretion  in  a  notable 
school. 

Toward  the  close  of  the  afternoon,  the  rain  ceased, 
and,  attiring  myself  for  the  street  and  going  to  the 
landlord,  I  desired  him  to  tell  me  what  interesting  or 
amusing  walk  could  now  conveniently  be  taken  by  a 
gentleman  who  was  a  stranger  to  the  sights  of  London. 
The  man  wagged  his  head  in  disapproval. 

"  T  will  be  dark  presently,  sir,"  he  answered,  "  and 
I  would  be  an  ill  host  if  I  did  not  dissuade  a  perfect 
stranger  from  venturing  abroad  in  the  streets  of  Lon 
don  of  a  night-time." 

"  And  is  it  as  bad  as  that?  "   I  cried,  surprised. 

"  For  strangers,  yes,"  said  he.  "  For  they  be  for 
ever  wandering,  and  will  not  keep  to  the  three  or  four 
streets  which  be  as  safe  as  the  King's  palace.  But  if 
you  wish,  sir,  I  will  provide  one  man  with  a  lantern 
and  staff  to  go  before  you,  and  another  man  with  Ian- 


154  THE      O'RUDDY 

tern  and  staff  to  follow.  Then,  with  two  more  stout 
lads  and  your  own  servants,  I  would  venture " 

"  No,  no !  "  I  cried,  "  I  will  not  head  an  army  on  a 
night  march  when  I  intended  merely  an  evening  stroll. 
But  how,  pray  you,  am  I  to  be  entertained  otherwise 
than  by  going  forth  ?  " 

The  innkeeper  smiled  with  something  like  pity. 

"  Sir,  every  night  there  meets  here  such  a  company 
of  gay  gentlemen,  wits  and  poets,  as  would  dazzle  the 
world  did  it  but  hear  one  half  of  what  they  say  over 
their  pipes  and  their  punch.  I  serve  the  distinguished 
company  myself,  for  I  dare  trust  nobody's  care  in  a 
matter  so  important  to  my  house;  and  I  assure  you, 
sir,  I  have  at  times  been  so  doubled  with  mirth  there 
was  no  life  in  me.  Why,  sir,  Mr.  Fullbil  himself 
comes  here  at  times !  " 

"  Does  he,  indeed  ?  "  I  cried,  although  I  never  had 
heard  of  the  illustrious  man. 

"  Indeed  and  he  does,  sir,"  answered  the  innkeeper, 
pleased  at  my  quick  appreciation  of  this  matter.  "  And 
then  there  is  goings  on,  I  warrant  me.  Mr.  Bobbs  and 
the  other  gentlemen  will  be  in  spirits." 

"  I  never  doubt  you,"  said  I.  "  But  is  it  possible 
for  a  private  gentleman  of  no  wit  to  gain  admittance 
to  this  distinguished  company  ?  " 

"  Doth  require  a  little  managing,  sir,"  said  he,  full 
of  meaning. 

"  Pray  you  manage  it  then,"  said  I,  "  for  I  have 
nought  to  do  in  London  for  at  least  two  days,  and  I 
would  be  seeing  these  famous  men  with  whose  names 
my  country  rings." 

Early  in  the  evening  the  innkeeper  came  to  me, 
much  pleased.  "  Sir,  the  gentlemen  bid  me  bring  you 


THE     O'RUDDY  155 

their  compliments,  and  I  am  to  say  they  would  be 
happy  to  have  a  pleasure  in  the  honour  of  your  pres 
ence.  Mr.  Fullbil  himself  is  in  the  chair  to-night. 
You  are  very  fortunate,  sir." 

"  I  am,"  said  I.     "  Lead  away,  and  let  us  hope  to 
find  the  great  Fullbil  in  high  feather." 


CHAPTER   XVIII 

THE  innkeeper  led  me  down  to  a  large  room  the 
door  of  which  he  had  flung  open  with  a  flourish. 
"The  furrin'  gentleman,  may  it  "please  you,  sirs/'  he 
announced,  and  then  retired. 

The  room  was  so  full  of  smoke  that  at  first  I  could 
see  little,  but  soon  enough  I  made  out  a  long  table 
bordered  with  smoking  and  drinking  gentlemen.  A 
hoarse  voice,  away  at  the  head  of  the  board,  was 
growling  some  words  which  convulsed  most  of  the 
gentlemen  with  laughter.  Many  candles  burned  dimly 
in  the  haze. 

I  stood  for  a  moment,  doubtful  as  to  procedure,  but 
a  gentleman  near  the  foot  of  the  table  suddenly  arose 
and  came  toward  me  with  great  frankness  and  good 
nature.  "  Sir,"  he  whispered,  so  that  he  would  not 
interrupt  the  growls  at  the  farther  end  of  the  room, 
"  it  would  give  me  pleasure  if  you  would  accept  a 
chair  near  me." 

I  could  see  that  this  good  gentleman  was  moved 
solely  by  a  desire  to  be  kind  to  a  stranger,  and  I,  in 
another  whisper,  gave  my  thanks  and  assent  to  his 
plan.  He  placed  me  in  a  chair  next  his  own.  The 
voice  was  still  growling  from  the  head  of  the  table. 

Very  quickly  my  eyes  became  accustomed  to  the 
smoke,  especially  after  I  was  handed  a  filled  clay  pipe 
by  my  new  and  excellent  friend.  I  began  to  study 


THE      O'RUDDY  157 

the  room  and  the  people  in  it.  The  room  was  panelled 
in  new  oak,  and  the  chairs  and  table  were  all  of  new 
oak,  well  carved.  It  was  the  handsomest  room  I  had 
ever  been  in. 

Afterward  I  looked  toward  the  growl.  I  saw  a 
little  old  man  in  a  chair  much  too  big  for  him,  and  in 
a  wig  much  too  big  for  him.  His  head  was  bent  for 
ward  until  his  sharp  chin  touched  his  breast,  and  out 
from  under  his  darkling  brows  a  pair  of  little  eyes 
flashed  angrily  and  arrogantly.  All  faces  were  turned 
toward  him,  and  all  ears  were  open  to  his  growls.  He 
was  the  king;  it  was  Fullbil. 

His  speech  was  all  addressed  to  one  man,  and  T 
looked  at  the  latter.  He  was  a  young  man  with  a 
face  both  Roman  and  feminine;  with  that  type  of 
profile  which  is  possessed  by  most  of  the  popular 
actors  in  the  reign  of  His  Majesty  of  to-day.  He  had 
luxuriant  hair,  and,  stung  by  the  taunts  of  Fullbil,  he 
constantly  brushed  it  nervously  from  his  brow  while 
his  sensitive  mouth  quivered  with  held-in  retorts.  He 
was  Bobbs,  the  great  dramatist. 

And  as  Fullbil  growled,  it  was  a  curiously  mixed 
crowd  which  applauded  and  laughed.  There  were 
handsome  lordlings  from  the  very  top  of  London 
cheek  by  cheek  with  sober  men  who  seemed  to  have 
some  intellectual  occupation  in  life.  The  lordlings 
did  the  greater  part  of  the  sniggering.  In  the  mean 
time  everybody  smoked  hard  and  drank  punch  harder. 
During  occasional  short  pauses  in  Fullbil's  remarks, 
gentlemen  passed  ecstatic  comments  one  to  another. 

"  Ah,  this  is  indeed  a  mental  feast!  " "  Did 

ye  ever  hear  him  talk  more  wittily  ?  " "  Not  I, 

faith ;  he  surpasses  even  himself !  " "  Is  it  not  a 


158  THE      O'RUDDY 

blessing  to  sit  at  table  with  such  a  master  of  learning 
and  wit  ?  " "  Ah,  these  are  the  times  to  live  in !  " 

I  thought  it  was  now  opportune  to  say  something  of 
the  same  kind  to  my  amiable  friend,  and  so  I  did  it. 
"  The  old  corpse  seems  to  be  saying  a  prayer,"  I  re 
marked.  "Why  don't  he  sing  it?" 

My  new  friend  looked  at  me,  all  agape,  like  a  fish 
just  over  the  side  of  the  boat.  "  'T  is  Fullbil,  the 

great  literary  master '  he  began;  but  at  this 

moment  Fullbil,  having  recovered  from  a  slight  fit  of 
coughing,  resumed  his  growls,  and  my  friend  sub 
sided  again  into  a  worshipping  listener. 

For  my  part  I  could  not  follow  completely  the  words 
of  the  great  literary  master,  but  I  construed  that  he 
had  pounced  upon  the  drama  of  the  time  and  was 
tearing  its  ears  and  eyes  off. 

At  that  time  I  knew  little  of  the  drama,  having  never 
read  or  seen  a  play  in  my  life;  but  I  was  all  for  the 
drama  on  account  of  poor  Bobbs,  who  kept  chewing 
his  lip  and  making  nervous  movements  until  Fullbil 
finished,  a  thing  which  I  thought  was  not  likely  to 
happen  before  an  early  hour  of  the  morning.  But 
finish  he  did,  and  immediately  Bobbs,  much  impas 
sioned,  brought  his  glass  heavily  down  on  the  table 
in  a  demand  for  silence.  I  thought  he  would  get  little 
hearing,  but,  much  to  my  surprise,  I  heard  again  the 
ecstatic  murmur :  "  Ah,  now,  we  shall  hear  Bobbs 

reply  to  Fullbil !  " "  Are  we  not  fortunate?  " 

"  Faith,  this  will  be  over  half  London  to-morrow ! " 

Bobbs  waited  until  this  murmur  had  passed  away. 
Then  he  began,  nailing  an  impressive  forefinger  to 
the  table: 

"  Sir,  you  have  been  contending  at  some  length  that 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  159 

the  puzzling  situations  which  form  the  basis  of  our 
dramas  of  the  day  could  not  possibly  occur  in  real 
life  because  five  minutes  of  intelligent  explanation  be 
tween  the  persons  concerned  would  destroy  the  silly 
mystery  before  anything  at  all  could  happen.  Your 
originality,  sir,  is  famous  —  need  I  say  it  ?  —  and 
when  I  hear  you  champion  this  opinion  in  all  its 
majesty  of  venerable  age  and  general  acceptance  I 
feel  stunned  by  the  colossal  imbecile  strength  of  the 
whole  proposition.  Why,  sir,  you  may  recall  all  the 
mysterious  murders  which  occurred  in  England  since 
England  had  a  name.  The  truth  of  them  remains  in 
unfathomable  shadow.  But,  sir,  any  one  of  them  could 
be  cleared  up  in  five  minutes'  intelligent  explanation. 
Pontius  Pilate  could  have  been  saved  his  blunder  by 
far,  far,  far  less  than  five  minutes  of  intelligent  ex 
planation.  But  —  mark  ye !  —  but  who  has  ever  heard 
five  minutes  of  intelligent  explanation  ?  The  complex 
interwoven  mesh  of  life  constantly,  eternally,  prevents 
people  from  giving  intelligent  explanations.  You  sit 
in  the  theatre,  and  you  say  to  yourself :  '  Well,  I  could 
mount  the  stage,  and  in  a  short  talk  to  these  people  I 
could  anticipate  a  further  continuation  of  the  drama/ 
Yes,  you  could;  but  you  are  an  outsider.  You  have 
no  relations  with  these  characters.  You  arise  like  an 
angel.  Nobody  has  been  your  enemy ;  nobody  has 
been  your  mistress.  You  arise  and  give  the  five 
minutes'  intelligent  explanation ;  bah !  There  is  not 
a  situation  in  life  which  does  not  need  five  minutes' 
intelligent  explanation ;  but  it  does  not  get  it." 

It  could  now  be  seen  that  the  old  man  Fullbil  was 
simply  aflame  with  a  destructive  reply,  and  even 
Bobbs  paused  under  the  spell  of  this  anticipation  of 


160  THE     O'RUDDY 

a  gigantic  answering.  The  literary  master  began  very 
deliberately. 

"  My  good  friend  Bobbs,"  said  he,  "  I  see  your  nose 
gradually  is  turning  red." 

The  drama  immediately  pitched  into  oblivion.  The 
room  thundered  with  a  great  shout  of  laughter  that 
went  to  the  ceiling.  I  could  see  Bobbs  making  angry 
shouts  against  an  invulnerable  bank  of  uncontrolled 
merriment.  And  amid  his  victory  old  Fullbil  sat  with 
a  vain  smile  on  his  cracked  lips. 

My  excellent  and  adjacent  friend  turned  to  me  in  a 
burst  of  enthusiasm. 

"  And  did  you  ever  hear  a  thing  so  well  turned  ? 
Ha,  ha !  '  My  good  friend  Bobbs/  quoth  he,  '  I  see 
your  nose  gradually  is  turning  red/  Ha,  ha,  ha !  By 
my  King,  I  have  seldom  heard  a  wittier  answer/' 

"  Bedad !  "  said  I,  somewhat  bewildered,  but  re 
solved  to  appreciate  the  noted  master  of  wit,  "  it 
stamped  the  drama  down  into  the  ground.  Sure, 
never  another  play  will  be  delivered  in  England  after 
that  tremendous  overthrow." 

"  Aye,"  he  rejoined,  still  shuddering  with  mirth,  "  I 
fail  to  see  how  the  dramatists  can  survive  it.  It  was 
like  the  wit  of  a  new  Shakespeare.  It  subsided  Bobbs 
to  nothing.  I  would  not  be  surprised  at  all  if  Bobbs 
now  entirely  quit  the  writing  of  plays,  since  Fullbil's 
words  so  closely  hit  his  condition  in  the  dramatic 
world.  A  dangerous  dog  is  this  Fullbil." 

"  It  reminds  me  of  a  story  my  father  used  to 
tell "I  began. 

"  Sir,"  cried  my  new  friend  hastily,  "  I  beg  of  you ! 
May  I,  indeed,  insist?  Here  we  talk  only  of  the  very 
deepest  matters." 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  101 

"  Very  good,  sir,"  I  replied  amiably.  "  I  will  ap 
pear  better,  no  doubt,  as  a  listener;  but  if  my  father 
was  alive " 

"  Sir,"  beseeched  my  friend,  "  the  great  Fancher, 
the  immortal  critic,  is  about  to  speak." 

"  Let  him,"  said  I,  still  amiable. 

A  portly  gentleman  of  middle  age  now  addressed 
Bobbs  amid  a  general  and  respectful  silence. 

4'  Sir,"  he  remarked,  "  your  words  concerning  the 
great  age  of  what  I  shall  call  the  rive-minutes-intelli 
gent-explanation  theory  was  first  developed  by  the 
Chinese,  and  is  contemporaneous,  I  believe,  with  their 
adoption  of  the  custom  of  roasting  their  meat  instead 
of  eating  it  raw." 

"  Sir,  I  am  interested  and  instructed,"  rejoined 
Bobbs. 

Here  old  Fullbil  let  go  two  or  three  growls  of  scorn 
ful  disapproval. 

"  Fancher,"  said  he,'  "  my  delight  in  your  company 
is  sometimes  dimmed  by  my  appreciation  of  your  facil 
ities  for  being  entirely  wrong.  The  great  theory  of 
which  you  speak  so  confidently,  sir,  was  born  no  earlier 
than  seven  o'clock  on  the  morning  of  this  day.  I  was 
in  my  bed,  sir ;  the  maid  had  come  in  with  my  tea  and 
toast.  '  Stop,'  said  I,  sternly.  She  stopped.  And  in 
those  few  moments  of  undisturbed  reflection,  sir,  the 
thought  came  to  life,  the  thought  which  you  so  falsely 
attribute  to  the  Chinese,  a  savage  tribe  whose  sole  dis 
tinction  is  its  ability  to  fly  kites." 

After  the  murmurs  of  glee  had  died  away,  Fancher 
answered  with  spirit: 

"  Sir,  that  you  are  subject  to  periods  of  reflection  I 
will  not  deny,  I  cannot  deny.  Nor  can  I  say  honour- 

ii 


162  THE     O'RUDDY 

ably  that  I  give  my  support  to  our  dramatic  friend's 
defence  of  his  idea.  But,  sir,  when  you  refer  to  the 
Chinese  in  terms  which  I  cannot  but  regard  as  insult 
ing,  I  am  prepared,  sir,  to " 

There  were  loud  cries  of  "  Order !  Order !  Order ! " 
The  wrathful  Fancher  was  pulled  down  into  his  chair 
by  soothful  friends  and  neighbours,  to  whom  he  ges 
ticulated  and  cried  out  during  the  uproar. 

I  looked  toward  old  Fullbil,  expecting  to  see  him 
disturbed,  or  annoyed,  or  angry.  On  the  contrary  he 
seemed  pleased,  as  a  little  boy  who  had  somehow 
created  a  row. 

"  The  excellent  Fancher,"  said  he,  "  the  excellent 
Fancher  is  wroth.  Let  us  proceed,  gentlemen,  to  more 
friendly  topics.  You,  now,  Doctor  Chord,  with  what 
new  thing  in  chemics  are  you  ready  to  astound  us  ?  " 

The  speech  was  addressed  to  a  little  man  near  me, 
who  instantly  blushed  crimson,  mopping  his  brow  in 
much  agitation,  and  looked  at  the  table,  unable  for 
the  moment  to  raise  his  eyes  or  speak  a  word. 

"  One  of  the  greatest  scientists  of  the  time,"  said 
my  friend  in  my  ear. 

"  Sir,"  faltered  the  little  man  in  his  bashfulness, 
"  that  part  of  the  discourse  which  related  to  the  flying 
of  kites  has  interested  me  greatly,  and  I  am  ready  to 
contend  that  kites  fly,  not,  as  many  say,  through  the  in 
fluence  of  a  demon  or  spirit  which  inhabits  the  mate 
rials,  but  through  the  pressure  of  the  wind  itself." 

Fancher,  now  himself  again,  said : 

"  I  wish  to  ask  the  learned  doctor  whether  he  refers 
to  Chinese  kites  ?  " 

The  little  man  hurriedly  replied  that  he  had  not 
Chinese  kites  in  his  mind  at  all. 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  163 

"  Very  good,  then,"  said  the  great  critic.  "  Very 
good." 

"  But,  sir,"  said  Fullbil  to  little  Chord,  "  how  is  it 
that  kites  may  fly  without  the  aid  of  demons  or  spirits, 
if  they  are  made  by  man?  For  it  is  known,  sir, 
that  man  may  not  move  in  the  air  without  the  aid 
of  some  devilish  agency,  and  it  is  also  known  that 
he  may  not  send  aloft  things  formed  of  the  gross 
materials  of  the  earth.  How,  then,  can  these  kites 
fly  virtuously  ?  " 

There  was  a  general  murmur  of  approbation  of 
Fullbil's  speech,  and  the  little  doctor  cast  down  his 
eyes  and  blushed  again,  speechless. 

It  was  a  triumph  for  Fullbil,  and  he  received  the 
congratulations  of  his  friends  with  his  faint  vain 
smile  implying  that  it  was  really  nothing,  you  know, 
and  that  he  could  have  done  it  much  better  if  he  had 
thought  that  anybody  was  likely  to  heed  it. 

The  little  Doctor  Chord  was  so  downtrodden  that 
for  the  remainder  of  the  evening  he  hardly  dared  to 
raise  his  eyes  from  the  table,  but  I  was  glad  to  see 
him  apply  himself  industriously  to  the  punch. 

To  my  great  alarm  Fullbil  now  said :  "  Sirs,  I  fear 
we  have  suffered  ourselves  to  forget  we  have  with  us 
to-night  a  strange  gentleman  from  foreign  parts. 
Your  good  fortune,  sir,"  he  added,  bowing  to  me 
over  his  glass.  I  bowed  likewise,  but  I  saw  his  little 
piggish  eyes  looking  wickedly  at  me.  There  went  a 
titter  around  the  board,  and  I  understood  from  it  that 
I  was  the  next  victim  of  the  celebrated  Fullbil. 

"  Sir,"  said  he,  "  may  I  ask  from  what  part  of  Italy 
do  you  come  ?  " 

"  I  come  from  Ireland,  sir,"  I  answered  decently. 


164  THE      O'RUDDY 

He  frowned.  "  Ireland  is  not  in  Italy,  sir,"  said  he. 
"  Are  you  so  good  as  to  trifle  with  me,  sir?  " 

"  I  am  not,  sir,"  said  I. 

All  the  gentlemen  murmured;  some  looked  at 
me  with  pity,  some  with  contempt.  I  began  to  be 
frightened  until  I  remembered  that  if  I  once  drew 
my  sword  I  could  chase  the  whole  roomful  of  philos 
ophy  into  the  next  parish.  I  resolved  to  put  on  a 
bold  front. 

"  Probably,  sir,"  observed  Fullbil,  "  the  people  of 
Ireland  have  heard  so  much  of  me  that  I  may  expect 
many  visits  from  Irish  gentlemen  who  wish  to  hear 
what  my  poor  mind  may  develop  in  regard  to  the  only 
true  philosophy  of  life  ?  " 

"  Not  in  the  least,  sir,"  I  rejoined.  "  Over  there 
they  don't  know  you  are  alive,  and  they  are  not 
caring." 

Consternation  fell  upon  that  assembly  like  snow 
from  a  roof.  The  gentlemen  stared  at  me.  Old 
Fullbil  turned  purple  at  first,  but  his  grandeur  could 
not  be  made  to  suffer  long  or  seriously  from  my  im 
pudence.  Presently  he  smiled  at  me,  —  a  smile  con 
fident,  cruel,  deadly. 

"  Ireland  is  a  great  country,  sir,"  he  observed. 

"  'T  is  not  so  great  as  many  people's  ignorance  of  it," 
I  replied  bluntly,  for  I  was  being  stirred  somewhat. 

"  Indeed !  "  cried  Fullbil.  Then  he  triumphantly 
added :  "  Then,  sir,  we  are  proud  to  have  among  us 
one  so  manifestly  capable  of  giving  us  instruction." 

There  was  a  loud  shout  of  laughter  at  this  sally, 
and  I  was  very  uncomfortable  down  to  my  toes;  but 
I  resolved  to  hold  a  brave  face,  and  pretended  that 
I  was  not  minding  their  sneers.  However,  it  was 


THE     O'RUDDY  165 

plain  enough  that  old  Fullbil  had  made  me  the  butt 
of  the  evening. 

"  Sir,"  said  the  dramatist  Bobbs,  looking  at  me,  "  I 
understand  that  in  Ireland  pigs  sit  at  table  with  even 
the  best  families." 

"  Sir,"  said  the  critic,  Fancher,  looking  at  me,  "  I 
understand  that  in  Ireland  the  chastity  of  the  women 
is  so  great  that  no  child  is  born  without  a  birthmark 
in  the  shape  of  the  initials  of  the  legal  husband  and 
father." 

"  Sir,"  said  old  Fullbil,  "  I  understand  that  in  Ire 
land  people  go  naked  when  it  rains,  for  fear  of  wet 
ting  their  clothes." 

Amid  the  uproarious  merriment  provoked  by  their 
speeches  I  sat  in  silence.  Suddenly  the  embarrassed 
little  scientist,  Doctor  Chord,  looked  up  at  me  with 
a  fine  friendly  sympathy.  "  A  glass  with  you,  sir," 
he  said,  and  as  we  nodded  our  heads  solemnly  over 
the  rims  I  felt  that  there  had  come  to  my  help 
one  poor  little  frightened  friend.  As  for  my  first 
acquaintance,  he,  seeing  me  attacked  not  only  by 
the  redoubtable  Fullbil,  but  also  by  the  formidable 
Bobbs  and  the  dangerous  Fancher,  had  immediately 
begun  to  pretend  that  never  in  his  life  had  he 
spoken  to  me. 

Having  a  great  knowledge  of  Irish  character  I  could 
see  that  trouble  was  brewing  for  somebody,  but  I  re 
solved  to  be  very  backward,  for  I  hesitated  to  create 
a  genuine  disturbance  in  these  philosophical  circles. 
However,  I  was  saved  this  annoyance  in  a  strange 
manner.  The  door  opened,  and  a  newcomer  came  in, 
bowing  right  and  left  to  his  acquaintances,  and  finally 
taking  a  seat  near  Fullbil.  I  recognized  him  instantly ; 


166  THE     O'RUDDY 

he  was  Sir  Edmund  Flixton,  the  gentleman  who  had 
had  some  thought  of  fighting  me  in  Bath,  but  who 
had  refrained  from  it  upon  hearing  that  I  had  worsted 
Forister. 

However,  he  did  not  perceive  me  at  that  time.  He 
chattered  with  Fullbil,  telling  him  evidently  some  very 
exciting  news,  for  I  heard  the  old  man  ejaculate.  "  By 
my  soul,  can  it  be  possible  ?  "  Later  Fullbil  related 
some  amusing  things  to  Flixton,  and,  upon  an  inquiry 
from  Flixton,  I  was  pointed  out  to  him.  I  saw  Flix- 
ton's  face  change ;  he  spoke  hastily  to  old  Fullbil,  who 
turned  pale  as  death.  Swiftly  some  bit  of  information 
flashed  around  the  board,  and  I  saw  men's  eyes  open 
wide  and  white  as  they  looked  at  me. 

I  have  said  it  was  the  age  of  bullies.  It  was  the 
age  when  men  of  physical  prowess  walked  down  the 
street  shouldering  lesser  men  into  the  gutter,  and 
the  lesser  men  had  never  a  word  to  say  for  themselves. 
It  was  the  age  when  if  you  expressed  opinions  con 
trary  to  those  of  a  bully  he  was  confidently  expected 
to  kill  you  or  somehow  maltreat  you. 

Of  all  that  company  of  genius  there  now  seemed 
to  be  only  one  gentleman  who  was  not  a-tremble.  It 
was  the  little  scientist  Doctor  Chord.  He  looked  at 
me  with  a  bright  and  twinkling  eye;  suddenly  he 
grinned  broadly.  I  could  not  but  burst  into  laughter 
when  I  noted  the  appetite  with  which  he  enjoyed  the 
confusion  and  alarm  of  his  friends. 

"  Come,  Fullbil !  Come,  Bobbs !  Come,  Fancher ! 
Where  are  all  your  pretty  wits?"  he  cried;  for  this 
timid  little  man's  impudence  increased  mightily  amid 
all  this  helpless  distress.  "  Here 's  the  dignity  and 
power  of  learning  of  you,  in  God's  truth.  Here 's 


THE     O  '  11  U  D  D  Y  167 

knowledge  enthroned,  fearless,  great!  Have  ye  all 
lost  your  tongues  ?  " 

And  he  was  for  going  on  to  worry  them,  but  that 
I  called  out  to  him,  — 

"  Sir,"  said  I  mildly,  "  if  it  please  you,  I  would  not 
have  the  gentlemen  disturbed  over  any  little  misunder 
standing  of  a  pleasant  evening.  As  regards  quar 
relling,  I  am  all  milk  and  water  myself.  It  reminds 

me  of  an  occasion  in  Ireland  once  when "  Here 

I  recounted  a  story  which  Father  Donovan  always 
began  on  after  more  than  three  bottles,  and  to  my 
knowledge  he  had  never  succeeded  in  finishing  it. 
But  this  time  I  finished  it.  "  And,"  said  I,  "  the  fellow 
was  sitting  there  drinking  with  them,  and  they  had 
had  good  fun  with  him,  when  of  a  sudden  he  up  and 
spoke.  Says  he :  '  T  is  God's  truth  I  never  expected 
in  all  my  life  to  be  an  evening  in  the  company  of  such 
a  lot  of  scurvy  rat-eaters/  he  says  to  them.  '  And/ 
says  he,  '  I  have  only  one  word  for  that  squawking 
old  masquerading  peacock  that  sits  at  the  head  of  the 
table,'  says  he.  '  What  little  he  has  of  learning  I  could 
put  in  my  eye  without  going  blind/  says  he.  '  The 
old  curmudgeon !  '  says  he.  And  with  that  he  arose 
and  left  the  room,  afterward  becoming  the  King  of 
Galway  and  living  to  a  great  age." 

This  amusing  tale  created  a  sickly  burst  of  applause, 
in  the  midst  of  which  I  bowed  myself  from  the  room. 


CHAPTER    XIX 

ON  my  way  to  my  chamber  I  met  the  innkeeper 
and  casually  asked  him  after  Paddy  and  Jem. 
He  said  that  he  would  send  to  have  word  of  them  and 
inform  me  as  soon  as  possible.  Later  a  drawer  came 
to  my  door  and  told  me  that  Paddy  and  Jem,  with 
three  men-servants  of  gentlemen  sleeping  at  the  inn, 
had  sallied  out  to  a  mug-house. 

"  Mug-house  ?  "  said  I.  "  What  in  the  devil's  name 
is  a  mug-house  ?  " 

"  Mug-house,  sir  ?  "  said  the  man,  staring.  "  Mug- 
house  ?  Why,  sir,  't  is  —  't  is  a  form  of  amusement, 
sir." 

"It  is,  is  it?"  said  I.  "Very  good.  And  does 
any  one  here  know  to  what  mug-house  they  went  ?  " 

"  The  '  Red  Slipper/  I  think,  sir,"  said  the  man. 

"And  how  do  I  get  to  it?"  said  I. 

"  Oh,  sir,"  he  cried,  "  't  is  impossible!  " 

"  Is  it?  "  said  I.  "  And  why  is  it?  The  innkeeper 
said  the  same  to  me,  and  I  would  I'Vt  to  hear  all 
the  reasons." 

"  Sir,"  said  the  man,  "  when  it  becometh  dark  in 
London  there  walk  abroad  many  men  of  evil  minds 
who  are  no  respecters  of  persons,  but  fall  upon 
whomsoever  they,  may,  beating  them  sorely,  having 
no  regard  for  that  part  of  the  Holy  Book  in  which 
it  is  written " 

"  Let  go,"   said  I.     "  I  see  what  you  mean."     I 


THE      O'RUDDY  169 

then  bade  him  get  for  me  a  stout  lad  with  a  cudgel 
and  a  lantern  and  a  knowledge  of  the  whereabouts  of 
the  "Red  Slipper." 

I,  with  the  stout  lad,  had  not  been  long  in  the  street 
before  I  understood  what  the  landlord  and  the  waiter 
had  meant.  In  fact  we  were  scarce  out  of  the  cloor 
before  the  man  was  menacing  with  his  cudgel  two 
human  vultures  who  slunk  upon  us  out  of  the  shadow. 
I  saw  their  pale,  wicked,  snarling  faces  in  the  glow 
of  the  lantern. 

A  little  later  a  great  shindy  broke  out  in  the  dark 
ness,  and  I  heard  voices  calling  loudly  for  a  rally  in 
the  name  of  some  guild  or  society.  I  moved  closer, 
but  I  could  make  out  little  save  that  it  was  a  very 
pretty  fight  in  which  a  company  of  good  citizens  were 
trying  to  put  to  flight  a  band  of  roughs  and  law 
breakers.  There  was  a  merry  rattling  of  sticks.  Soon 
enough,  answering  shouts  could  be  heard  from  some 
of  the  houses,  and  with  a  great  slamming  of  doors 
men  rushed  out  to  do  battle  for  the  peace  of  the 
great  city.  Meanwhile  all  the  high  windows  had  been 
filled  with  night-capped  heads,  and  some  of  these 
people  even  went  so  far  as  to  pour  water  down  upon 
the  combatants.  They  also  sent  down  cat-calls  and 
phrases  of  w  -^  advice.  The  sticks  clattered  together 
furiously;  once  a  man  with  a  bloody  face  staggered 
past  us ;  he  seemed  to  have  been  whacked  directly  on 
the  ear  by  some  uneducated  person.  It  was  as  fine 
a  shindy  as  one  could  hope  to  witness,  and  I  was 
deeply  interested. 

Then  suddenly  a  man  called  out  hoarsely  that  he 
had  been  stabbed  —  murdered.  There  were  yells  from 
the  street  and  screams  from  the  windows.  My  lantern- 


170  THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y 

bearer  plucked  me  madly  by  the  sleeve.  I  understood 
him,  and  we  hastily  left  the  neighbourhood. 

I  may  tell  now  what  had  happened  and  what  fol 
lowed  this  affair  of  the  night.  A  worthy  citizen  had 
been  stabbed  to  death  indeed.  After  further  skir 
mishes  his  comrade  citizens  had  taken  several  wretches 
into  custody.  They  were  tried  for  the  murder  and  all 
acquitted  save  one.  Of  this  latter  it  was  proven  that 
the  brawl  had  started  through  his  attempt  to  gain  the 
purse  of  a  passing  citizen,  and  forthwith  he  was  sen 
tenced  to  be  hanged  for  murder.  His  companion 
rascals  were  sent  to  prison  for  long  terms  on  the  ex 
pectation  that  one  of  them  really  might  have  been 
the  murderer. 

We  passed  into  another  street,  where  each  well- 
lighted  window  framed  one  or  more  painted  hussies 
who  called  out  in  jocular  obscenity,  but  when  we 
marched  stiffly  on  without  replying  their  manner 
changed,  and  they  delivered  at  us  volley  after  volley 
of  language  incredibly  foul.  There  were  only  two 
of  these  creatures  who  paid  no  heed,  and  their  in 
difference  to  us  was  due  to  the  fact  that  they  were 
deeply  engaged  in  a  duel  of  words,  exchanging  the 
most  frightful,  blood-curdling  epithets.  Confident 
drunken  men  jostled  us  from  time  to  time,  and  fre 
quently  I  could  see  small,  ashy-faced,  ancient-eyed 
youths  dodging  here  and  there  with  food  and  wine. 
My  lantern-bearer  told  me  that  the  street  was  not 
quite  awake ;  it  was  waiting  for  the  outpourings  from 
the  taverns  and  mug-houses.  I  bade  him  nurry  me  to 
the  "  Red  Slipper "  as  soon  as  possible,  for  never 
have  I  had  any  stomach  for  these  tawdry  evils,  fit 
as  they  are  only  for  clerks  and  sailors. 


THE     O'RUDDY  171 

We  came  at  length  to  the  creaking  sign  of  the  "  Red 
Slipper."  A  great  noise  came  from  the  place.  A 
large  company  was  roaring  out  a  chorus.  Without 
many  words  I  was  introduced  into  the  room  in  which 
the  disturbance  was  proceeding.  It  was  blue  with 
smoke,  and  the  thundering  chorus  was  still  unfinished. 
I  sank  unnoticed  into  a  quiet  corner. 

I  was  astonished  at  the  appearance  of  the  company. 
There  were  many  men  who  looked  like  venerable 
prelates,  and  many  men  who  looked  like  the  heads  of 
old  and  noble  houses.  I  laughed  in  my  sleeve  when 
I  remembered  I  had  thought  to  find  Paddy  and  Jem 
here.  And  at  the  same  time  I  saw  them  up  near  the 
head  of  the  table,  if  it  please  you.  Paddy  had  his 
hand  on  the  shoulder  of  a  bishop,  and  Jem  was  telling 
some  tale  into  the  sympathetic  ear  of  a  marquis.  At 
least  this  is  the  way  matters  appeared  to  my  stupefied 
sense. 

The  singing  ceased,  and  a  distinguished  peer  at  my 
elbow  resumed  a  talk  which  evidently  had  been  broken 
by  the  chorus : 

"  And  so  the  Duke  spoke  with  somewhat  more  than 
his  accustomed  vigour,"  said  the  distinguished  peer. 

My  worst  suspicions  were  confirmed.  Here  was 
a  man  talking  of  what  had  been  said  by  a  duke.  I 
cast  my  eye  toward  my  happy  pair  of  rogues  and 
wondered  how  I  could  ever  extricate  them  from  their 
position. 

Suddenly  there  was  a  loud  pounding  upon  the  table, 
and  in  the  ensuing  quiet  the  grave  and  dignified  voice 
of  the  chairman  could  be  heard: 

"  Gentlemen,"  he  said,  "  we  crave  your  attention  to 
a  song  by  Mr.  John  Snowden." 


172  THE     O'RUDDY 

Whereupon  my  very  own  Jem  Bottles  arose  amid 
a  burst  of  applause,  and  began  to  sing  a  ballad  which 
had  been  written  in  Bristol  or  Bath  in  celebration  of 
the  notorious  scoundrel  Jem  Bottles. 

Here  I  could  see  that  if  impudence  could  serve  us 
we  would  not  lack  success  in  England.  The  ballad 
was  answered  with  wild  cheers  of  appreciation.  It 
was  the  great  thing  of  the  evening.  Jem  was  stren 
uously  pressed  to  sing  again,  but  he  buried  his  face 
in  his  mug  and  modestly  refused.  However,  they 
devoted  themselves  to  his  chorus  and  sang  it  over  and 
over  with  immense  delight.  I  had  never  imagined 
that  the  nobility  were  so  free  and  easy. 

During  the  excitement  over  Jem's  ballad  I  stole 
forward  to  Paddy.  "  Paddy,"  I  whispered,  "  come 
out  of  this  now.  'T  is  no  place  for  you  here  among 
all  these  reverend  fathers  and  gentlemen  of  title. 
Shame  on  you !  " 

He  saw  my  idea  in  a  flash. 

"  Whist,  sir,"  he  answered.  "  There  are  being  no 
reverend  fathers  or  gentlemen  of  title  here.  They 
are  all  after  being  footmen  and  valets." 

I  was  extremely  vexed  with  myself.  I  had  been 
in  London  only  a  brief  space ;  and  Paddy  had  been  in 
the  city  no  longer.  However,  he  had  already  man 
aged  his  instruction  so  well  that  he  could  at  once  tell 
a  member  of  the  gentry  from  a  servant.  I  admired 
Paddy's  cleverness,  but  at  the  same  time  I  felt  a  certain 
resentment  against  the  prelates  and  nobles  who  had  so 
imposed  upon  me. 

But,  to  be  truthful,  I  have  never  seen  a  finer  display 
of  manners.  These  menials  could  have  put  courtiers 
to  the  blush.  And  from  time  to  time  somebody  spoke 


THE     O'RUDDY  173 

out  loud  and  clear  an  opinion  pilfered  verbatim  from 
his  master.  They  seldom  spoke  their  own  thoughts  in 
their  own  way ;  they  sent  forth  as  their  own  whatever 
they  could  remember  from  the  talk  of  their  masters 
and  other  gentlemen.  There  was  one  man  who  seemed 
to  be  the  servant  of  some  noted  scholar,  and  when 
he  spoke  the  others  were  dum founded  into  quiet. 

"  The  loriot,"  said  he  with  a  learned  frown,  "  is 
a  bird.  If  it  is  looked  upon  by  one  who  has  the  yellow 
jaundice,  the  bird  straightway  dies,  but  the  sick  person 
becomes  well  instantly.  'T  is  said  that  lovage  is  used, 
but  I  would  be  luctuous  to  hear  of  anybody  using  this 
lothir  weed,  for  't  is  no  pentepharmacon,  but  a  mere 
simple  and  not  worth  a  caspatory." 

This  utterance  fairly  made  their  eyes  bulge,  and  they 
sat  in  stunned  silence.  But  I  must  say  that  there  was 
one  man  who  did  not  fear. 

"  Sir,"  said  Paddy  respectfully,  but  still  with  his 
own  dignity,  "  I  would  be  hearing  more  of  this  bird, 
and  we  all  would  be  feeling  honoured  for  a  short 
description." 

"  In  color  he  is  ningid,"  said  the  learned  valet. 

"  Bedad !  "  cried  Paddy.    "  That 's  strange !  " 

"  'T  is  a  question  full  of  tenebrosity,"  remarked  the 
other  leaning  back  in  his  chair.  "  We  poor  scholars 
grow  madarosis  reflecting  upon  it.  However,  I  may 
tell  you  that  the  bird  is  simous ;  yblent  in  the  sunlight, 
but  withal  strenuous-eyed ;  its  blood  inclined  to  in 
tumescence.  However,  I  must  be  breviloquent,  for  I 
require  an  enneadecaterides  to  enumerate  the  true 
qualities  of  the  loriot." 

"  By  gor!  "  said  Paddy,  "  I  '11  know  that  bird  if  I 
see  him  ten  years  from  now.  Thank  you  kindly,  sir. 


174  THE     O'RUDDY 

But  we  would  be  late  for  breakfast  if  you  took  the 
required  time ;    and  that 's  true  for  me." 

Afterward  I  reflected  that  I  had  attended  the  meet 
ings  of  two  scholarly  bodies  in  this  one  evening,  but 
for  the  life  of  me  I  could  n't  decide  which  knew  the 
least. 


CHAPTER   XX 

BY  the  following  Sunday  I  judged  that  the  Earl 
of  Westport  and  his  family  had  returned  to 
London,  and  so  I  walked  abroad  in  the  hopes  of  catch 
ing  a  glimpse  of  some  of  them  among  the  brilliant 
gentry  who  on  this  day  thronged  the  public  gardens. 
I  had  both  Jem  Bottles  and  Paddy  accompany  me,  for 
I  feared  that  they  would  get  into  mischief  if  I  left 
them  to  themselves.  The  innkeeper  had  told  me  that 
Kensington  Gardens  was  the  place  where  the  grand 
people  mostly  chose  to  walk  and  flirt  and  show  their 
clothes  on  a  clear  Sunday.  It  was  a  long  way  to  these 
Gardens,  but  we  footed  out  bravely,  although  we 
stopped  once  to  see  a  fight  between  five  drunken 
apprentices,  as  well  as  several  times  for  much-needed 
refreshment. 

I  had  no  idea  that  the  scene  at  the  Gardens  would 
be  so  splendid.  Outside,  the  road  was  a  block  of 
gleaming  chariots  and  coaches  with  servants  ablaze 
in  their  liveries.  Here  I  left  Paddy  and  Jem  to  amuse 
themselves  as  suited  them. 

But  the  array  of  carriages  had  been  only  a  forecast 
of  what  my  eyes  would  encounter  in  the  Garden  itself. 
I  was  involved  at  once  in  a  swarm  of  fashionable 
people.  My  eyes  were  dazzled  with  myriad  colours, 
and  my  nostrils,  trained  as  they  were  to  peat  smoke, 
were  saluted  by  a  hundred  delicious  perfumes.  Price 
less  silks  and  satins  swept  against  my  modest  stockings. 


176  THE     O'RUDDY 

I  suffered  from  my  usual  inclination  to  run  away, 
but  I  put  it  down  with  an  iron  will.  I  soon  found  a 
more  retired  spot  from  which  I  could  review  the 
assemblage  at  something  like  my  leisure.  All  the 
highly  fashionable  flock  knew  each  other  intimately, 
it  appeared,  and  they  kept  off  with  figurative  pikes 
attempts  of  a  certain  class  not  quite  so  high  and 
mighty,  who  seemed  for  ever  trying  to  edge  into 
situations  which  would  benefit  them  on  the  social 
ladder.  Their  failures  were  dismal,  but  not  so  dismal 
as  the  heroic  smiles  with  which  they  covered  their 
little  noiseless  defeats. 

I  saw  a  lady,  sumptuously  arrayed,  sweep  slowly 
along  with  her  daughter,  a  beautiful  girl  who  greatly 
wished  to  keep  her  eyes  fixed  on  the  ground.  The 
mother  glanced  everywhere  with  half-concealed  eager 
ness  and  anxiety.  Once  she  bowed  impressively  to 
a  dame  with  a  cold,  pale  aristocratic  face,  around 
whom  were  gathered  several  officers  in  the  uniform 
of  His  Majesty's  Guards.  The  grand  dame  lifted  her 
lorgnette  and  stared  coolly  at  that  impressive  bow; 
then  she  turned  and  said  something  amusing  to  one 
of  the  officers,  who  smilingly  answered.  The  mother, 
with  her  beautiful  daughter,  passed  on,  both  pairs  of 
eyes  now  on  the  ground. 

I  had  thought  the  rebuff  would  settle  this  poor 
misguided  creature,  but  in  the  course  of  an  hour  I 
saw  three  more  of  her  impressive  bows  thrown  away 
against  the  icy  faces  of  other  women.  But  as  they 
were  leaving  the  Gardens  they  received  attention  from 
members  of  the  very  best  society.  One  lordling  nudged 
another  lordling,  and  they  stared  into  the  face  of  the 
girl  as  if  she  had  been  a  creature  of  the  street.  Then 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  177 

they  leisurely  looked  her  up  and  down  from  head  to 
toe.  No  tailor  could  have  taken  her  measurements 
so  completely.  Afterward  they  grinned  at  each  other, 
and  one  spoke  behind  his  hand,  his  insolent  specu 
lative  eyes  fixed  on  the  retiring  form  of  the  girl.  This 
was  the  social  reward  of  the  ambitious  mother. 

It  has  always  been  clear  to  me  why  the  women 
turn  out  in  such  cohorts  to  any  sort  of  a  function. 
They  wish  to  see  the  frocks,  and  they  are  insistent 
that  their  own  frocks  shall  be  seen.  Moreover  they 
take  great  enjoyment  in  hating  such  of  their  enemies 
as  may  come  under  their  notice.  They  never  have  a 
really  good  time ;  but  of  this  fact  they  are  not  aware, 
since  women  are  so  constituted  that  they  are  able  to 
misinterpret  almost  every  one  of  their  emotions. 

The  men,  knowing  something  of  their  own  minds  at 
times,  stealthily  avoid  such  things  unless  there  are  very 
special  reasons.  In  my  own  modest  experience  I  have 
seen  many  a  popular  hostess  hunting  men  with  a  net. 
However  it  was  plain  why  so  many  men  came  to 
Kensington  Gardens  on  a  Sunday  afternoon.  It  was 
the  display  of  feminine  beauty.  And  when  I  say 
"  display  "  I  mean  it.  In  my  old  age  the  fashion  bal 
loons  a  lady  with  such  a  sweep  of  wires  and  trellises 
that  no  Irishman  could  marry  her  because  there  is 
never  a  door  in  all  Ireland  through  which  his  wife 
could  pass.  In  my  youth,  however,  the  fashion  re 
quired  all  dresses  to  be  cut  very  low,  and  all  skirts 
to  cling  so  that  if  a  four-legged  woman  entered  a 
drawing-room  everybody  would  know  it.  It  would 
be  so  easy  to  count  them.  At  present  a  woman  could 
have  eight  legs  and  nobody  be  the  wiser. 

It  was  small  wonder  that  the  men  came  to  ogle 

12 


178  THE      O 'RUDDY 

at  Kensington  Gardens  on  a  fine  Sunday  afternoon. 
Upon  my  word,  it  was  worth  any  young  gentleman's 
time.  Nor  did  the  beauties  blush  under  the  gaze  of 
banks  of  fastidious  beaus  who  surveyed  them  like  men 
about  to  bid  at  a  horse-fair.  I  thought  of  my  father 
and  how  he  would  have  enjoyed  the  scene.  I  wager 
he  would  have  been  a  gallant  with  the  best  of  them, 
bowing  and  scraping,  and  dodging  ladies'  skirts.  He 
would  have  been  in  his  very  element. 

But  as  for  me  I  had  come  to  gain  a  possible  glimpse 
of  Lady  Mary.  Beyond  that  I  had  no  warm  interest 
in  Kensington  Gardens.  The  crowd  was  too  high  and 
fine ;  many  of  the  people  were  altogether  too  well  bred. 
They  frightened  me. 

However,  I  turned  my  head  by  chance  to  the  left, 
and  saw  near  me  a  small  plain  man  who  did  not 
frighten  me  at  all.  It  was  Doctor  Chord,  the  little 
scientist.  He  was  alone  and  seemed  to  be  occupied  in 
studying  the  crowd.  I  moved  over  to  him. 

"  A  good  day  to  you,  sir,"  I  said,  extending  my 
hand. 

When  he  recognized  me,  his  face  broke  into  a  beam 
ing  smile. 

"  Why,  sir,"  he  cried,  "  I  am  very  glad  to  see  you, 
sir.  Perchance,  like  me,  you  have  come  here  for  an 
hour's  quiet  musing  on  fashionable  folly." 

"  That 's  it,  sir,"  said  I.    "  You  've  hit  it  exactly." 

I  have  said  that  he  was  a  bashful  man,  but  it  seemed 
that  his  timidity  was  likely  to  show  itself  only  in  the 
presence  of  other  great  philosophers  and  scientists.  At 
any  rate,  he  now  rattled  on  like  a  little  engine,  sur 
veying  the  people  keenly  and  discoursing  upon  their 
faults. 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  179 

"  There 's  the  old  Marquis  of  Stubblington,"  ob 
served  my  friend.  "  He  beats  his  wife  with  an  ebony 
stick.  T  is  said  she  always  carries  a  little  bottle  of 
liniment  in  the  pocket  of  her  skirt.  Poor  thing,  her 
only  pleasure  in  life  is  to  talk  scandal ;  but  this  she 
does  on  such  a  heroic  scale  that  it  occupies  her  time 
completely.  There  is  young  Lord  Gram  walking  again 
with  that  soap-boiler  and  candle-maker.  'Tis  disgrace 
ful!  The  poor  devil  lends  Gram  money,  and  Gram 
repays  him  by  allowing  him  to  be  seen  in  his  company. 
Gram  gambles  away  the  money,  but  I  don't  know  what 
the  soap-boiler  does  with  his  distinguished  honours. 
However,  you  can  see  that  the  poor  wretch  is  de 
lighted  with  his  bargain.  There  are  the  three  Banellie 
girls,  the  most  ill-tempered,  ugly  cats  in  England.  But 
each  will  have  a  large  marriage  portion,  so  they  have 
no  fears,  I  warrant  me.  I  wonder  the  elder  has  the 
effrontery  to  show  her  face  here  so  soon  if  it  is  true 
that  the  waiting-woman  died  of  her  injuries.  Little 
Wax  is  talking  to  them.  He  needs  one  of  those  mar 
riage  portions.  Aye,  he  needs  all  three,  what  with  his 
very  boot-maker  almost  inclined  to  be  insolent  to  him. 
I  see  that  foreign  count  is  talking  to  the  Honourable 
Mrs.  Trasky.  He  is  no  more  nor  less  than  a  gambler 
by  trade,  and  they  say  he  came  here  from  Paris  be 
cause  he  was  caught  cheating  there,  and  was  kicked  and 
caned  with  such  intense  publicity  that  he  was  forced 
to  leave  in  the  dead  of  night.  However,  he  found 
many  young  birds  here  eager  to  be  plucked  and  de 
voured.  T  is  little  they  care,  so  long  as  they  may 
play  till  dawn.  Did  you  hear  about  Lady  Prefent? 
She  went  after  her  son  to  the  Count's  rooms  at  night. 
In  her  younger  days  she  lived  rather  a  gay  life  herself, 


180  THE      O'RUDDY 

't  is  rumoured,  and  so  she  was  not  to  be  taken  by  her 
son's  lies  as  to  where  he  spent  his  evenings  and  his 
money.  Ha,  I  see  the  Countess  Cheer.  There  is  a 
citadel  of  virtue!  It  has  been  stormed  and  taken  so 
many  times  that  I  wonder  it  is  not  in  ruins,  and  yet 
here  it  is  defiant,  with  banners  flying.  Wonderful. 
She " 

"  Hold !  "  I  cried.  "  I  have  enough.  I  would  have 
leave  to  try  and  collect  my  wits.  But  one  thing  I 
would  know  at  once.  I  thought  you  were  a  shy 
scholar,  and  here  you  clatter  away  with  the  tongue  of  an 
old  rake.  You  amaze  me.  Tell  me  why  you  do  this? 
Why  do  you  use  your  brain  to  examine  this  muck  ?  " 

'  'T  is  my  recreation,"  he  answered  simply.  "  In  my 
boyhood  I  was  allowed  no  games,  and  in  the  greater 
part  of  my  manhood  I  have  been  too  busy.  Of  late 
years  I  have  more  leisure,  and  I  often  have  sought  here 
a  little  innocent  amusement,  something  to  take  one's 
mind  off  one's  own  affairs,  and  yet  not  of  such  an 
arduous  nature  as  would  make  one's  head  tired." 

"  By  my  faith,  it  would  make  my  head  tired,"  I 
said.  "  What  with  remembering  the  names  of  the 
people  and  all  the  different  crimes,  I  should  go  rav 
ing  mad."  But  what  still  amazed  me  was  the  fact 
that  this  little  man,  habitually  meek,  frightened  and 
easily  trodden  down  in  most  ordinary  matters,  should 
be  able  to  turn  himself  upon  occasion  into  a  fierce  and 
howling  wolf  of  scandal,  baying  his  betters,  waiting 
for  the  time  when  an  exhausted  one  fell  in  the  snow, 
and  then  burying  his  remorseless  teeth  in  him.  What 
a  quaint  little  Doctor  Chord. 

"  But  tell  me  truly,"  said  I.  "  Is  there  no  virtuous 
lady  or  honest  gentleman  in  all  this  great  crowd  ?  " 


THE     O 'RUDDY  181 

He  stared,  his  jaw  dropping.  "  Strap  me,  the  place 
is  full  of  them,"  he  ejaculated.  "  They  are  as  thick 
as  flies  in  a  fish-market." 

"  Well,  then,"  said  I,  "  let  us  talk  of  them.  T  is 
well  to  furbish  and  burnish  our  minds  with  tales  of 
rectitude  and  honour." 

But  the  little  Doctor  was  no  longer  happy.  '  There 
is  nought  to  say,"  he  answered  gloomily.  "  They  are 
as  quiet  as  Bibles.  They  make  no  recreation  for  me. 
I  have  scant  interest  in  them." 

"  Oh,  you  little  rogue,  you !  "  I  cried.  "  What  a 
precious  little  bunch  of  evil  it  is !  '  They  make  no 
recreation  for  me/  quoth  he.  Here  's  a  great,  bold, 
outspoken  monster.  But,  mark  you,  sir,  I  am  a 
younger  man,  but  I  too  have  a  bold  tongue  in  my 
head,  and  I  am  saying  that  I  have  friends  among 
ladies  in  London,  and  if  I  catch  you  so  much  as 
whispering  their  names  in  your  sleep,  I  '11  cut  off 
your  ears  and  eat  them.  I  speak  few  words,  as  you 
may  have  noted,  but  I  keep  my  engagements,  you 
little  brew  of  trouble,  you !  " 

"  Strap  me,"  whimpered  the  little  Doctor,  plucking 
feverishly  at  the  buttons  of  his  coat,  rolling  his  eyes 
wildly,  not  knowing  at  all  what  he  did.  "  The  man  's 
mad  !  The  man  's  mad !  " 

"  No,"  said  I,  "  my  blood  is  cold,  very  cold." 

The  little  Doctor  looked  at  me  with  the  light  of  a  des 
perate  inspiration  in  his  eye.  "  If  your  blood  is  cold, 
sir,"  said  he,  "  I  can  recommend  a  gill  of  port  wine." 

I  needs  must  laugh.  "  Good,"  I  cried,  "  and  you 
will  join  me." 


CHAPTER    XXI 

I  DON'T  know  if  it  was  the  gill  of  comforting  port, 
but  at  any  rate  I  was  soon  enough  convinced  that 
there  was  no  reason  for  speaking  harshly  to  Doctor 
Chord.  It  served  no  purpose;  it  accomplished  noth 
ing.  The  little  old  villain  was  really  as  innocent  as  a 
lamb.  He  had  no  dream  of  wronging  people.  His 
prattle  was  the  prattle  of  an  unsophisticated  maiden 
lady.  He  did  not  know  what  he  was  talking.  These 
direful  intelligences  ran  as  easily  off  his  tongue  as 
water  runs  off  the  falling  wheel.  When  I  had  indi 
rectly  informed  him  that  he  was  more  or  less  of  a 
dangerous  scandal-monger,  he  had  cried :  "  The  man 
is  mad !  "  Yes ;  he  was  an  innocent  old  thing. 

But  then  it  is  the  innocent  old  scandal-mongers, 
poor  placid-minded  well-protected  hens,  who  are  often 
the  most  harmful.  The  vicious  gabblers  defeat  them 
selves  very  often.  I  remember  my  father  once  going 
to  a  fair  and  kissing  some  girls  there.  He  kissed 
them  all  turn  by  turn,  as  was  his  right  and  his  duty, 
and  then  he  returned  to  a  girl  near  the  head  of  the 
list  and  kissed  her  five  times  more  because  she  was 
the  prettiest  girl  in  all  Ireland,  and  there  is  no  shame 
to  him  there.  However,  there  was  a  great  hullabaloo. 
The  girls  who  had  been  kissed  only  once  led  a  regu 
lar  crusade  against  the  character  of  this  other  girl, 
and  before  long  she  had  a  bad  name,  and  the  odious 
sly  lads  with  no  hair  on  their  throats  winked  as  she 


T  HE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  183 

passed  them,  and  numerous  mothers  thanked  God  that 
their  daughters  were  not  fancied  by  the  lord  of  that 
region.  In  time  these  tales  came  to  the  ears  of  my 
father,  and  he  called  some  of  his  head  men  to  meet 
him  in  the  dining-room. 

"  I  '11  have  no  trifling,"  said  he.  "  The  girl  is  a 
good  girl  for  all  I  know,  and  I  have  never  seen  her 
before  or  since.  If  I  can  trace  a  bad  word  to  any 
man's  mouth,  I  '11  flog  him  till  he  can't  move.  'T  is 
a  shame  taking  away  the  girl's  name  for  a  few  kisses 
by  the  squire  at  a  fair  with  everybody  looking  on  and 
laughing.  What  do  you  blackguards  mean?" 

Every  man  in  the  dining-room  took  oath  he  had 
never  said  a  word,  and  they  all  spoke  truth.  But  the 
women  clamoured  on  without  pausing  for  wind,  and 
refused  to  take  word  of  the  men-folk,  who  were  gifted 
with  the  power  of  reason.  However,  the  vicious  people 
defeated  themselves  in  time.  People  began  to  say  to 
a  lass  who  had  been  kissed  only  once :  "  Ah,  now, 
you  would  be  angry  because  you  were  not  getting  the 
other  five.''  Everything  seemed  to  grow  quiet,  and 
my  father  thought  no  more  about  it,  having  thought 
very  little  about  it  in  the  first  place  save  enough  to 
speak  a  few  sharp  words.  But,  would  you  believe  it, 
there  was  an  old  woman  living  in  a  hovel  not  a  mile 
from  the  castle,  who  kept  up  the  scandal  for  twelve 
more  months.  She  had  never  been  married,  and,  as 
far  as  any  one  knew,  she  had  never  wished  to  be.  She 
had  never  moved  beyond  Father  Donovan's  church  in 
one  direction  and  a  little  peat-heap  in  the  other  direc 
tion.  All  her  days  she  had  seen  nothing  but  the  wind 
swept  moors,  and  heard  nothing  but  the  sea  lashing 
the  black  rocks.  I  am  mistaken ;  once  she  came  to  the 


184  THE      O'RUDDY 

castle,  hearing  that  my  mother  was  ill.  She  had  a 
remedy  with  her,  poor  soul,  and  they  poured  it  in  the 
ashes  when  her  back  was  turned.  My  mother  bade 
them  give  her  some  hot  porridge  and  an  old  cloth 
gown  of  her  own  to  take  home.  I  remember  the  time 
distinctly.  Well,  this  poor  thing  could  n't  tell  between 
a  real  sin  and  an  alligator.  Bony,  withered,  aged,  this 
crone  might  have  been  one  of  the  highest  types  of 
human  perfection.  She  wronged  nobody ;  she  had  no 
power  to  wrong.  Nobody  wronged  her ;  it  was  never 
worth  it.  She  really  was  at  peace  with  all  the  world. 
This  obeys  the  most  exalted  injunctions.  Every  pre 
cept  is  kept  here.  But  this  tale  of  the  Squire  and  the 
girl  took  root  in  her  head.  She  must  have  been  dazzled 
by  the  immensity  of  the  event.  It  probably  appealed 
to  her  as  would  a  grand  picture  of  the  burning  of 
Rome  or  a  vivid  statue  of  Lot's  wife  turning  to  look 
back.  It  reached  the  dimensions  of  great  history. 
And  so  this  old  woman,  who  had  always  lived  the 
life  of  a  nun,  dreamed  of  nothing  but  the  colossal 
wrong  which  had  come  within  her  stunted  range  of 
vision.  Before  and  after  church  she  talked  of  no  other 
thing  for  almost  eighteen  months.  Finally  my  father 
in  despair  rode  down  to  her  little  cottage. 

"  Mollie,"  said  he,  calling  from  the  road,  "  Mollie, 
come  out."  She  came  out. 

"Mollie,"  said  my  father,  "you  know  me?" 

"  Ay,"  said  she,  "  you  are  The  O'Ruddy,  and  you 
are  a  rogue/' 

"  True  for  you,  Mollie,"  said  my  father  pleasantly. 
"  You  know  it  and  I  know  it.  I  am  indeed  a  grand 
rogue.  But  why  would  you  be  tearing  to  tatters  the 
name  of  that  poor  girl  in  Ballygoway  ?  " 


THE     O'RUDDY  185 

"  'T  is  not  me  that  has  said  more  than  three  words," 
she  cried,  astonished,  "  and  before  I  speak  ill  of  any 
body  I  hope  the  devil  flies  away  with  me." 

Well,  my  father  palavered  on  for  a  long  time,  tell 
ing  her  that  he  would  take  away  the  pension  of  twenty- 
five  shillings  a  year  which  he  had  given  her  because 
he  by  accident  had  shot  her  second  cousin  in  the  leg 
twelve  years  before  that  time.  She  steadfastly  an 
swered  that  she  would  never  speak  ill  of  anybody; 
but  the  girl  was  a  brazen-faced  wench,  and  he  was  no 
better.  My  father  came  away,  and  I  have  no  doubt 
the  scandal  would  still  be  alive  if  the  old  woman  had 
not  died,  may  the  saints  rest  her! 

And  so  I  was  no  longer  angry  with  Doctor  Chord, 
but  spoke  to  him  pleasantly. 

"  Come,"  said  I,  "  I  would  have  you  point  me  out 
the  great  swordsmen,  if  it  pleases  you.  I  am  eager 
to  see  them,  and  the  talk  will  be  cleanly,  also." 

"  Aye,"  said  my  friend.  "  Nothing  could  give  me 
more  pleasure.  And  now,  look  you !  The  tall,  straight, 
grave  young  man  there  is  Ponsonby,  who  flashes  the 
wisest  blade  in  England  unless  Reginald  Forister  is 
better.  Any  how,  Forister  is  not  here  to-day.  At  least 
I  don't  see  him.  Ponsonby  fought  his  last  duel  with 
a  gentleman  named  Vellum  because  Vellum  said  flatly 
that  Mrs.  Catherine  Wainescorte  was  a " 

"  Stop  there,"  said  I,  "  and  get  to  the  tale  of  the 
fighting." 

"  Well,  Ponsonby  won  without  difficulty,"  said  the 
Doctor ;  "  but  it  is  said  that  he  took  an  unfair  ad 
vantage  " 

"  Stop  again  !  "  I  cried.  "  Stop  again !  We  will 
talk  no  more  of  swordsmen.  Somehow  I  have  lost 


186  THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y 

my  interest.  I  am  put  to  it  to  think  of  a  subject  for 
talk,  and  we  may  have  to  do  with  a  period  of  silence, 
but  that  will  do  your  jaw  no  injury  at  any  rate." 

But  I  was  mistaken  in  thinking  that  the  little  man 
could  forego  his  recreation  for  more  than  a  moment. 
Suddenly  he  burst  out  with  a  great  spleen : 

"  Titles  !  "  he  cried.  "  Empty  titles !  husks,  husks, 
husks !  'T  is  all  they  care  for,  this  mob !  Honourable 
manhood  goes  a-begging  while  the  world  worships  at 
the  feet  of  pimply  lords !  Pah !  Lovely  girls,  he 
making  of  fine  wives  and  mothers,  grow  old  while 
the  world  worships  at  the  feet  of  some  old  horse- 
headed  duchess!  Pah!  Look  at  those  pick-thanks 
and  flatterers,  cringing  at  the  boots  of  the  people  of 
fashion.  Upon  my  life,  before  I  would  so  demean 

myself,  I "  he  ceased  suddenly,  his  eye  having 

caught  sight  of  some  people  in  the  crowd.  "  Ah," 
said  he,  while  a  singularly  vain  and  fatuous  smile 
settled  upon  his  countenance.  "  Ah,  the  Countess  of 
Westport  and  her  charming  daughter,  the  Lady  Mary, 
have  arrived.  I  must  go  and  speak  to  them."  My 
eye  had  followed  his  glance  quickly  enough  you  may 
be  sure.  There,  true  enough,  was  the  formidable 
figure  of  the  old  Countess,  and  at  her  side  was  the 
beautiful  Lady  Mary. 

With  an  absent-minded  murmur  of  apology,  Doctor 
Chord  went  mincing  toward  them,  his  face  still  spread 
with  its  idiotic  smile. 

He  cantered  up  to  them  with  the  grace  of  a  hobbled 
cow.  I  expected  him  to  get  a  rebuff  that  would 
stun  him  into  the  need  of  a  surgeon,  but  to  my  sur 
prise  the  Countess  received  him  affably,  bending  her 
head  to  say  some  gracious  words.  However,  I  had 


T  H  E     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  187 

more  eyes   for   Lady   Mary   than   for  the  capers   of 
little  Chord. 

It  was  a  great  joy  to  be  able  to  look  at  her.  I  suf 
fered  from  a  delicious  trembling,  and  frequently  my 
vision  became  dim  purely  from  the  excitement.  But 
later  I  was  moved  by  another  profound  emotion.  I 
was  looking  at  her;  I  must  have  her  look  at  me.  I 
must  learn  if  her  eye  would  light,  if  her  expression 
would  change,  when  she  saw  me.  All  this  sounds 
very  boyish,  but  it  is  not  necessary  to  leave  it  out  for 
that  reason,  because,  as  my  father  often  said,  every 
Irishman  is  a  boy  until  he  has  grandchildren.  I  do 
not  know  if  he  was  perfectly  right  in  this  matter,  but 
it  is  a  certain  advantage  in  a  love  affair  to  have  the 
true  boyish  ardour  which  is  able  to  enshrine  a  woman 
in  one's  heart  to  the  exclusion  of  everything,  believ 
ing  her  to  be  perfection  and  believing  life  without  her 
a  hell  of  suffering  and  woe.  No  man  of  middle-aged 
experience  can  ever  be  in  love.  He  may  have  his  illu 
sions.  He  may  think  he  is  in  love.  A  woman  may 
gain  the  power  to  bind  him  hand  and  foot  and  drag 
him  wherever  she  listeth,  but  he  is  not  in  love.  That 
is  his  mistaken  idea.  He  is  only  misinterpreting  his 
feelings.  But,  as  my  father  said,  it  is  very  different 
with  Irishmen,  who  are  able  to  remain  in  love  to  a 
very  great  age.  If  you  will  note,  too,  climatic  condi 
tions  and  other  unpleasant  matters  have  practically 
no  effect  upon  them ;  so  little,  indeed,  that  you  may 
find  streets  named  after  the  main  Italian  cities,  and 
many  little  German  children  speak  with  a  slight 
brogue.  My  father  often  said  that  one  great  reason 
for  an  Irishman's  successes  with  the  ladies  was  his 
perfect  willingness  to  get  married.  He  was  seldom 


188  THE      O'RUDDY 

to  be  seen  scouting  for  advantages  in  intrigue.  If  the 
girl  be  willing,  be  she  brown,  yellow,  or  white,  he  was 
always  for  the  priest  and  the  solemn  words.  My 
father  also  contended  that  in  every  marriage  con 
tracted  on  the  face  of  the  earth  in  which  neither  maid 
nor  man  could  understand  the  other's  national  speech, 
the  bridegroom  was  an  Irishman.  He  was  the  only 
man  who  was  able  to  make  delightful  love  with  the 
aid  of  mere  signals. 

However  I  must  be  going  on  with  my  story,  al 
though  it  is  a  great  pleasure  to  talk  of  my  country 
men.  They  possess  a  singular  fascination  for  me.  I 
cannot  forget  that  I  too  am  an  Irishman. 

The  little  Doctor  was  still  saying  agreeable  things; 
Lady  Mary  was  smiling  in  gentle  amusement.  As  I 
moved  out  to  catch  Lady  Mary's  eye,  I  did  not  at  all 
lose  sight  of  the  fact  that  if  the  pugnacious  mother  of 
my  innamorata  took  one  glimpse  of  me  there  might 
result  a  scene  which  could  end  in  nothing  but  my 
ignominious  flight.  I  edged  toward  the  group,  ad 
vancing  on  the  Countess's  port  quarter  as  she  was 
talking  animately  over  her  starboard  bow  at  the  en 
tranced  little  Doctor.  At  times  Lady  Mary  looked 
about  her,  still  smiling  her  smile,  which  no  doubt 
was  born  of  the  ridiculous  performances  of  Chord. 
Once  I  thought  she  looked  squarely  at  me,  and 
my  heart  beat  like  a  drum  so  loudly  that  I  thought 
people  must  hear.  But  her  glance  wandered  on 
casually  over  the  throng,  and  then  I  felt  truly  insigni 
ficant,  like  a  man  who  could  hide  behind  the  nail  of 
his  own  thumb. 

Perceiving  that  I  was  so  insignificant,  I  judged  it 
prudent  as  well  as  advantageous  to  advance  much 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  I)  V  189 

closer.  Suddenly  Lady  Mary's  clear  virgin  eye  met 
mine,  —  met  it  fully. 

Now,  I  don't  know  what  was  in  this  glance  we  ex 
changed.  I  have  stopped  myself  just  on  the  verge  of 
a  full  explanation  of  the  thrills,  quivers,  hopes,  fears, 
and  dreams  which  assailed  me  as  I  looked  back  into 
the  beautiful  face  of  Lady  Mary.  I  was  also  going  to 
explain  how  the  whole  scene  appeared.  But  I  can  see 
soon  enough  that  my  language  would  not  be  appro 
priate  to  the  occasion.  But  any  how  we  looked  each 
other  point-blank  in  the  eye.  It  was  a  moment  in 
which  that  very  circling  of  the  earth  halted,  and  all 
the  suns  of  the  universe  poised,  ready  to  tumble  or 
to  rise.  Then  Lady  Mary  lowered  her  glance,  and  a 
pink  blush  suffused  her  neck  and  cheek. 

The  Countess,  Lady  Mary,  and  Doctor  Chord  moved 
slowly  on  through  the  throng,  and  I  followed.  The 
great  question  now  was  whether  Lady  Mary  would 
look  back.  If  she  looked  back,  I  would  feel  that  I 
was  making  grand  way  with  her.  If  she  did  not  look 
back,  I  would  know  myself  as  a  lost  man.  One  can 
imagine  how  eagerly  I  watched  her.  For  a  long  time 
it  was  plain  that  she  had  no  intention  whatever  of 
looking  back.  I  lugubriously  arranged  my  complete 
downfall.  Then,  at  the  very  moment  of  my  despair, 
she  gazed  studiously  off  to  her  extreme  left  for  a  cer 
tain  time,  and  then  suddenly  cast  one  short  glance 
behind  her.  Only  heaven  knows  what  value  I  placed 
upon  this  brief  look.  It  appeared  for  the  moment  to 
me  that  I  had  won  her,  won  everything.  I  bravely 
forged  ahead  until  I  was  quite  insistently  under  the 
eye  of  Lady  Mary,  and  then  she  again  looked 
toward  me,  but  it  was  a  look  so  repelling  and  frigid 


190  THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y 

that  it  went  through  me  as  if  I  had  been  a  paper 
ring  in  the  circus.  I  slunk  away  through  the  crowd, 
my  thoughts  busy  with  trying  to  find  out  what  had 
happened  to  me. 

For  three  minutes  I  was  a  miserable  human  being. 
At  the  end  of  that  time  I  took  heart  again.  I  decided 
that  Lady  Mary  had  frowned  at  me  because  she  was 
afraid  that  she  had  been  too  good  to  me  with  her  look 
and  smile.  You  know  what  I  mean.  I  have  seen  a 
young  girl  give  a  young  man  a  flower,  and  at  the 
very  next  moment  be  seemingly  willing  to  give  her 
heart's  blood  to  get  that  flower  back,  overcome  with 
panic  terror  that  she  had  passed  —  in  his  opinion, 
mind  you  —  beyond  the  lines  of  best  behaviour.  Well 
I  said  to  myself  that  Lady  Mary  had  given  me  the 
hard  look  for  similar  reasons.  It  was  rational  to  make 
this  judgment,  for  certainly  she  had  no  cause  for  an 
active  dislike.  I  had  never  been  even  so  much  as  a 
nuisance  to  her. 

Fortified  with  these  philosophic  decisions,  I  again 
followed  the  trio,  and  I  was  just  in  time  to  find 
Chord  handing  them  into  a  splendid  chariot.  I  stood 
out  boldly,  for  I  knew  if  I  could  not  get  one  more 
look  from  Lady  Mary  I  would  die. 

Seated  beside  her  mother,  her  eye  wandered  eagerly 
over  the  crowd.  I  was  right,  by  the  saints !  She  was 
looking  for  me. 

And  now  here  come  the  stupid  laws  of  convention. 
Could  I  yell?  Could  I  even  throw  my  hat  in  the  air 
to  guide  her  eye  aright  ?  No !  I  was  doomed  to  stand 
there  as  still  as  a  bottle  on  a  shelf. 

But  she  saw  me!  It  was  at  the  very  last  moment. 
There  was  no  time  for  coquetry.  She  allowed  her 


THE     O'RUDDY  191 

glance  to  linger,  and  God  knows  what  we  said  to  each 
other  in  this  subtle  communication  through  all  the 
noise  and  hubbub  of  the  entrance  place.  Then  sud 
denly  the  coachman's  reins  tightened  ;  there  were  some 
last  bows ;  the  chariot  whirled  away. 


CHAPTER   XXII 

CHORD  ambled  back,  very  proud  indeed,  and  still 
wearing  his  fatuous  smile.  He  was  bursting 
with  a  sense  of  social  value,  and  to  everybody  he 
seemed  to  be  saying,  "  Did  you  see  me?"  He  was 
overjoyed  to  find  me  waiting  for  him.  He  needed  a 
good  listener  at  once.  Otherwise  he  would  surely  fly 
to  pieces. 

"  I  have  been  talking  to  the  Countess  of  Westport 
and  her  daughter,  Lady  Mary  Strepp,"  he  said  pom 
pously.  "  The  Countess  tells  that  the  Earl  has  been 
extremely  indisposed  during  their  late  journey  in  the 
West." 

He  spoke  of  the  Earl's  illness  with  an  air  of  great 
concern,  as  if  the  news  had  much  upset  him.  He  pre 
tended  that  the  day  was  quite  over-gloomed  for  him. 
Dear,  dear!  I  doubted  if  he  would  be  able  to  eat  any 
supper. 

"  Have  a  drop  of  something,  old  friend,"  said  I 
sympathetically.  "  You  can't  really  go  on  this  way. 
'T  will  ruin  your  nerves.  I  am  surprised  that  the 
Countess  did  not  break  the  news  to  you  more  gently. 
She  was  very  inconsiderate,  I  am  sure." 

"  No,  no,  don't  blame  the  poor  lady,"  cried  Chord. 
"  She  herself  was  quite  distracted.  The  moment  she 
saw  me  she  ran  to  me  —  did  you  see  her  run  to 
me?" 


THE      O'RUDDY  193 

"  I  did  that,"  said  I  with  emphasis. 

"  Aye,  she  ran  to  me,"  said  the  little  fool,  "  and  says 
she,  '  Oh,  my  dear  Doctor,  I  must  tell  you  at  once  the 
condition  of  the  Earl.'  And  when  1  heard  everything 
I  was  naturally  cut  up,  as  you  remarked,  being  an  old 
friend  of  the  family,  ahem !  —  yes,  an  old  friend  of 
the  family." 

He  rattled  on  with  his  nonsensical  lies,  and  in  the 
mean  time  I  made  up  my  mind  to  speak  plainly  to  him, 
as  I  intended  to  make  him  of  great  service  to  me. 

"  Stop  a  moment,"  said  I  good-naturedly.  "  I  will 
hear  no  more  of  this  rubbish  from  you,  you  impudent 
little  impostor.  You  care  no  more  for  the  Earl  of 
Westport's  illness  than  you  do  for  telling  the  truth, 
and  I  know  how  much  you  care  for  that.  Listen  to 
me,  and  I  '11  see  if  I  can't  knock  some  sense  into  your 
little  addled  head.  In  the  first  place  the  Earl  of  West- 
port  and  my  father  were  old  friends  and  companions- 
in-arms  in  the  service  of  the  French  king,  and  I  came 
over  from  Ireland  especially  to  take  a  dying  message 
and  a  token  from  my  father  to  the  Earl.  That  is  all 
you  need  know  about  that;  but  I  would  have  you 
leave  off  your  prate  of  your  friend  the  Earl  of  West- 
port,  for  I  understand  full  well  you  could  n't  distin 
guish  between  him  and  a  church  door,  although  't  is 
scandalously  little  you  know  of  church  doors.  So  we 
will  stop  there  on  that  point.  Then  I  will  go  on  to 
the  next  point.  The  next  point  is  that  I  am  going  to 
marry  Lady  Mary  Strepp." 

The  little  Doctor  had  been  choking  and  stuttering 
in  a  great  spasm,  but  my  last  point  bid  fair  to  flatten 
him  out  on  the  floor.  I  took  the  overpowered  phi 
losopher  and  led  or  carried  him  to  another  drink. 

'3 


194  THE      O'RUDDY 

"  Stap  me !  "  he  cried  again  and  again.  "  The  man 
is  mad !  " 

I  surveyed  him  with  a  bland  smile. 

"  Let  it  sink  into  you,"  said  I  soothingly.  "  Don't 
snarl  and  wrangle  at  it.  It  is  all  heaven's  truth,  and 
in  time  you  will  come  to  your  senses  and  see  what  I 
am  telling  you." 

Well,  as  soon  as  he  had  fully  recovered  his  wind, 
he  fell  upon  me  with  thousands  of  questions ;  for  one 
may  see  that  he  would  have  plenty  of  interest  in  the 
matter  as  soon  as  he  was  assured  that  there  was  much 
veracity  involved  in  one  way  or  another  in  my  early 
statement.  His  questions  I  answered  as  it  pleased  me, 
but  I  made  clear  enough  to  him  that,  although  Lady 
Mary  was  well  disposed  toward  me,  neither  her  father 
nor  her  mother  would  even  so  much  as  look  at  me  if 
I  applied  for  a  position  as  under-footman,  I  was  that 
low  in  their  estimate. 

"  However,"  said  I,  "  I  can  rearrange  all  that  very 
easily.  And  now,  my  bucko,  here  is  where  your  for 
tune  meets  mine.  You  are  fitted  by  nature  more  to 
attend  other  people's  affairs  than  to  take  a  strict  in 
terest  in  your  own.  All  kinds  of  meddling  and  inter 
ference  come  easily  to  you.  Well,  then,  here  is  a 
chance  to  exercise  your  gifts  inoffensively,  and  yet 
in  a  way  which  may  make  two  people  happy  for  life. 
I  will  tell  you  now  that  I  don't  even  know  where  is 
the  Earl's  town  house.  There  is  where  your  import 
ance  appears  at  once.  You  must  show  me  the  house. 
That  is  the  first  thing.  After  that  we  will  arrange  all 
the  details  about  ladders  and  garden  walls,  and,  may 
hap,  carrier  doves.  As  for  your  reward,  it  will  appear 
finally  in  the  shape  of  a  bowing  recognition  by  people 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  195 

of  fashion,  which  is  what  you  most  desire  in  the  world, 
you  funny  little  man." 

Again  I  had  stunned  him.  For  a  time  I  could  see 
his  brain  swimming  in  a  perfect  sea  of  bewilderment. 
But,  as  before,  sense  gradually  came  to  him,  and  he 
again  volleyed  questions  at  me.  But  what  stuck  in 
his  crop  was  the  thought  that  Lady  Mary  could  prefer 
me.  He  tried  his  best  to  believe  it,  but  he  would  always 
end  up  by  saying :  "  Well,  if  Lady  Mary  cares  for 
you,  the  affair  is  not  too  difficult."  Or,  "Well,  if 

you  are  sure  Lady  Mary  loves  you "  I  could 

have  broken  his  head  a  thousand  times. 

"  Bad  luck  to  you,  Doctor,"  I  cried.  "  Don't  you 
know  such  croaking  would  spoil  the  peace  of  any  true 
lover  ?  Is  ever  any  worthy  man  able  not  to  be  anxious 
in  such  matters  ?  'T  is  only  foppery  coxcombs  who 
have  great  confidence,  and  they  are  usually  misled, 
thank  the  Lord !  Be  quiet,  now,  and  try  to  take  every 
thing  for  granted." 

Then  the  spirit  of  the  adventure  came  upon  him, 
and  he  was  all  for  it,  heels  over  head.  As  I  told  him, 
this  sort  of  meddling  was  his  proper  vocation.  He 
who  as  a  recreation  revelled  in  the  mere  shadows  of 
the  intrigues  of  people  of  quality  was  now  really  part 
of  one,  an  actor  in  it,  the  repository  of  its  deep  secret. 
I  had  to  curb  his  enthusiasm.  He  had  such  a  sense  of 
the  importance  of  my  news,  and  of  his  distinction  in 
having  heard  it,  that  I  think  he  wanted  to  tell  the  secret 
to  the  entire  world. 

As  soon  as  the  afternoon  grew  late  I  suggested  a 
walk  to  that  part  of  London  in  which  was  situated  the 
Earl's  town  house.  I  did  not  see  why  we  should  not 
be  moving  at  once  on  the  campaign.  The  Doctor  as- 


196  THE      O'RUDDY 

sented,  and  we  went  forth  to  look  for  Paddy  and  Jem 
Bottles.  We  found  them  at  an  ale-house  which  was 
the  resort  of  the  chairmen,  footmen,  and  coachmen  of 
the  grand  people.  The  two  rogues  had  evidently 
passed  a  pleasant  afternoon.  Jem  Bottles  was  still 
making  love  to  a  very  pretty  girl,  some  part  of  whose 
easy  affection  or  interest  he  had  won;  and  Paddy,  it 
seems,  had  had  a  rip-roaring  fight  with  two  lackeys, 
worsted  them  with  despatch,  and  even  pursued  them 
some  distance.  To  my  stern  interrogation  in  regard 
to  the  pretty  girl,  Jem  Bottles  stoutly  rejoined  that 
she  was  his  second  cousin  whom  he  had  not  seen  for 
many  years.  To  this  I  made  no  reply,  for  it  does  no 
good  to  disturb  the  balance  of  a  good  liar.  If  at  times 
he  is  led  to  tell  the  truth;  he  becomes  very  puzzling. 
In  all  the  years  Jem  Bottles  has  been  in  my  service  I 
have  never  reprimanded  him  for  lying.  I  would  con 
fuse  matters  to  no  purpose,  inasmuch  as  I  understand 
him  perfectly. 

"  And  how,"  said  I  to  Paddy,  "  did  you  come  to 
engage  in  this  disgraceful  brawl  of  a  Sunday  ?  " 

"  Your  honour,"  answered  Paddy,  "  there  was  two 
of  these  men  with  fat  legs  came  here,  and  says 
one,  looking  hard  at  me,  '  Here 's  a  furriner,'  he 
says.  '  Furriner  yourself,  you  fish-faced  ditch-lurker/ 
says  I,  and  with  that  he  takes  up  his  fists  and 
hits  me  a  knock.  There  was  a  little  shindy,  and  after 
ward  they  ran  away  bawling,  and  I  was  pursuing 
them,  only  I  feared  to  lose  my  way  in  these  strange 
parts." 

The  walk  to  Lord  Westport's  house  was  a  long  one. 
It  seemed  that  he  had  built  a  great  new  mansion  at  a 
place  outside  of  the  old  city  gates,  where  other  nobles 


THE     O    R  U  D  D  Y  197 

and  great  brewers  had  built  fine  houses,  surrounding 
them  all  with  splendid  gardens. 

One  must  not  suppose  that  I  had  any  idea  of  taking 
the  mansion  by  storm.  My  first  idea  was  to  dream  a 
lover's  dream  as  I  gazed  upon  the  abode  of  my  treas 
ure.  This,  I  believe,  is  a  legitimate  proceeding  in  all 
careers.  Every  lover  worthy  of  the  name  is  certain 
to  pilgrimage,  muffled  in  his  cloak,  to  moon  over  the 
home  of  his  adored  one.  Otherwise  there  can  be  no 
real  attachment. 

In  the  second  place  I  wished  to  develop  certain  plans 
for  gaining  speech  of  Lady  Mary.  I  will  not  deny  that 
I  purposed  on  a  near  day  to  scale  the  garden  wall  and 
hold  speech  of  my  sweetheart  as  she  walked  alone 
among  the  flowers.  For  my  success  I  depended  upon 
the  absolute  conventionality  of  the  idea.  In  all  history 
no  lover  has  even  been  chased  out  of  a  garden  by  an 
under-gardener  with  a  hoe. 

When  we  arrived  at  the  house  I  found  that  it  was 
indeed  a  gorgeous  mansion.  It  was  surrounded  on  all 
sides  by  high  brick  walls,  but  through  the  elaborate 
tracery  of  one  of  the  iron-work  gates  I  saw  Lady 
Mary's  home  standing  among  sweeping  green  lawns. 

We  reconnoitred  all  sides,  and  at  the  back  I  found 
a  lonely  avenue  lined  with  oaks.  Here  a  small  door 
pierced  the  wall  for  the  use  apparently  of  the  gar 
deners  or  grooms.  I  resolved  that  here  I  would  make 
my  attack. 

As  we  passed  the  iron  gates  on  our  way  back  to 
town,  we  saw  window  after  window  light  up  with  a 
golden  radiance.  I  wondered  which  part  of  that  vast 
edifice  hid  the  form  of  my  Mary. 

I  had  asked  Doctor  Chord  to  sup  with  me  at  the 


198  THE      O'RUDDY 

inn,  and  on  the  way  thither  he  proved  somewhat 
loquacious. 

"  I  see  in  you,  sir,"  said  he,  "  a  certain  instinct  of 
true  romance  which  is  infrequently  encountered  in  this 
humdrum  commercial  age.  Allow  me  to  express  to 
you,  sir,  my  warm  admiration.  I  did  not  think  that 
a  gallant  of  this  humdrum  commercial  age  could 
prove  such  a  free  spirit.  In  this  humdrum  commer 
cial  age " 

"  I  am  an  Irishman,"  said  I,  "  and  in  Ireland  we  are 
always  humdrum,  but  we  are  never  commarcial,  for 
the  reason  that  we  have  not  the  tools." 

"  Aye,"  said  he,  "  you  must  be  a  great  people. 
Strangely  enough,  you  are  the  first  Irishman  I  have 
ever  seen,  although  I  have  seen  many  blackamoors. 
However,  I  am  edified  to  find  you  a  gentleman  of 
great  learning  and  experience.  In  this  humdrum  com 
mercial  age " 

"  Let  go,"  said  I.  "  I  can  do  very  well  without 
your  opinion  as  to  my  learning  and  experience.  In 
regard  to  this  being  a  humdrum  commercial  age  you 
will  find  that  all  ages  say  the  same  thing  of  them 
selves.  I  am  more  interested  in  the  winning  of  Lady 
Mary." 

'  'T  was  to  that  subject  I  was  just  about  to  turn  the 
talk/'  said  the  Doctor.  "  I  need  not  express  again  to 
you  the  interest  I  feel;  and  if  it  is  true,  as  you  say, 
that  Lady  Mary  really  loves  you " 

"  May  the  devil  fly  away  with  you,"  I  cried  in  a 
great  rage.  "  Are  you  never  to  have  done  ?  You  are 
an  old  frog.  I  asked  you  to  help  me,  and  you  do 
nothing  but  dispirit  me  with  these  doubts.  I  '11  not 
put  up  with  it." 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  199 

"  I  am  very  sorry  to  displease  you,  sir,"  answered 
my  friend.  "If  you  examine  my  intentions  with  a 
dispassionate  eye,  sir,  I  am  convinced  you  will  have 
found  nothing  in  me  which  should  properly  cause 
these  outbursts  of  disapprobation.  When  I  say,  '  If 
Lady  Mary  really  loves  you,'  I  am  referring  to  the 
strange  mishaps  and  misconstructions  which  attend 
human  thought  at  all  times,  and  when  I  say ' 

"  Let  go  again,"  I  cried.  "  When  I  misunderstand 
you,  don't  enlighten  me ;  for  I  find  these  explanations 
very  hard  to  bear." 

To  my  surprise  the  little  man  answered  with  great 
spirit :  "  I  am  unable  to  gain  any  approval  for  my  deep 
interest  in  your  affairs,  sir,"  he  cried.  "  Perchance,  it 
would  be  better  if  I  could  affect  a  profound  indiffer 
ence.  I  am  certainly  at  a  loss  for  words  when  each 
sentence  of  mine  is  made  the  subject  of  wrathful 
objection." 

"  You  are  right,"  said  I.  "  But  you  will  understand 
how  ten  thousand  emotions  beset  and  haggle  a  lover, 
and  I  believe  he  always  revenges  himself  upon  his 
dearest  friends.  Forgive  me !  " 

"  With  all  my  heart !  "  answered  the  little  Doctor. 
"  I  am  aware,  sir,  that  at  the  present  time  you  are  in 
many  ways  like  a  highly-tightened  fiddle,  which  any 
breeze  frets  into  murmurings.  Now,  being  abso 
lutely  certain  of  the  devotion  of  your  beloved,  you 
naturally " 

"  By  the  ten  lame  pipers  of  Ballydehob,"  I  shouted, 
"  let  go  of  that  talk.  I  can't  be  having  it.  I  warn  ye. 
'T  is  either  a  grave  for  me,  or  quiet  for  you,  and  I  am 
thinking  it  is  quiet  for  you." 

"  Inasmuch,"  said  the  Doctor,  "  as  my  most  judi- 


200  THE      O'RUDDY 

cious  speeches  seem  to  inflame  your  passions,  sir,  I 
am  of  the  opinion  that  a  perfect  silence  on  my  part 
becomes  almost  necessary,  and,  to  further  this  end,  I 
would  recommend  that  you  refrain  from  making  in 
terrogations,  or  otherwise  promulgating  opportunities, 
when  an  expression  of  candid  opinion  seems  expected 
and  desired." 

"  You  've  hit  it,"  said  I.  "  We  will  have  no  more 
interrogations.  However,  I  would  much  like  to  know 
how  you  became  so  intimate  with  Lord  Westport's 
family." 

Doctor  Chord  blushed  with  something  of  his  earlier 
manner.  "  'T  is  a  matter  which  I  did  not  expect  to 
have  leap  at  me  out  of  the  darkness  in  this  fashion," 
he  said  bashfully.  "  However,  I  am  convinced  of  how 
well  you  know  these  people,  and  I  will  traffic  no  more 
with  hollow  pretence.  As  you  know,  I  deal  much  in 
chemical  knowledge,  which  I  am  able  to  spread  to 
almost  every  branch  of  human  use  and  need." 

"Tis  an  ill  work,"  said  I  slowly.  "I  doubt  if 
Father  Donovan  would  care  to  hear  you  be  speaking 
in  this  way.  He  always  objected  to  scientific  improve 
ments  as  things  which  do  harm  to  the  Church." 

"  In  regard  to  the  estimable  friend  you  mention," 
said  the  Doctor,  "  I  unhesitatingly  state  my  profound 
assurances  of  respect." 

"  Quite  so,"  I  answered.  "  He  will  be  pleased  to 
hear  of  it.  And  now  we  will  return  to  the  other 
matter." 

"  I  will  obediently  proceed,"  said  he.  "  Five  years 
back  the  Countess  of  Westport  was  thrown  from  her 
carriage.  Physicians  rushed  to  her  rescue.  I  too  ap 
peared,  being  for  the  time  out  for  a  walk.  They 


T  H  E     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  201 

wished  to  immediately  bleed  her,  but  I  waved  them 
aside  and,  recognizing  me  as  a  figure  in  the  street 
world  of  science,  they  fell  back  abashed.  I  prescribed 
a  small  drink  of  hot  rum.  The  lady  took  it.  Almost 
immediately  she  recovered.  She  offered  me  a  guinea. 
I  refused  curtly.  She  inquired  here  and  there  for  my 
condition.  Afterward  she  apologized  to  me  for  not 
offering  me  more  than  a  guinea.  Since  that  time  we 
have  been  warm  friends.  She  knows  me  as  a  great 
scientist  who  came  to  her  assistance  in  time  of  trouble 
when  numerous  quacks  wished  to  bleed  her,  and  I 
overpowered  them  and  gave  her  a  drink  of  rum. 
'T  is  true  that  after  she  reached  her  own  bed  the 
Earl's  physician  bled  her,  but  she  did  not  seem  to 
appreciate  it  although  he  drew  twenty-five  ounces,  I 
think.  But  she  has  remained  always  grateful  for  the 
hot  rum." 


CHAPTER   XXIII 

AT  supper  that  evening  Doctor  Chord  amplified 
some  of  his  views  "  A  few  staunch  retainers 
could  quickly  aid  you  to  scale  the  walls  of  the  castle," 
said  he.  "  But  I  have  forgotten,"  he  added  blankly. 
"  T  is  not  a  castle.  T  is  a  house." 

"  If  you  would  take  some  of  these  ancient  ideas  and 
bury  them  in  the  garden,"  said  I,  "  they  might  grow 
in  time  to  be  some  kind  of  turnip  or  other  valuable 
food.  But  at  the  present  moment  they  do  not  seem  to 
me  to  serve  much  purpose.  Supposing  that  the  house 
is  not  a  castle?  What  of  that?  " 

"Castles-  -"  said  he.  "Castles  lend  them 
selves  " 

"Castles!"  I  cried.  "Have  done  with  castles! 
All  castles  may  be  Jews,  as  you  say.  But  this  is  a 
house." 

"  I  remarked  that  it  was  a  house,"  he  answered 
gently.  "  It  was  that  point  that  I  was  making." 

"  Very  good,"  said  I.  "  We  will  now  proceed  to 
define  matters.  Do  you  know  if  Lady  Mary  walks  in 
the  garden  ?  It  is  absolutely  necessary  that  Lady  Mary 
should  walk  in  the  garden." 

"  She  does,"  he  replied  at  once.  "  At  this  season  of 
the  year  Lady  Mary  walks  in  the  garden  on  every  fine 
day  at  ten  of  the  clock." 

"  Then,"  I  cried,  smiting  the  table,  "  our  course  is 
clear;  I  feel  elate.  My  only  regret  is  that  my  father 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  203 

is  not  here  to  give  me  a  word  now  and  then,  for  't  is 
a  game  he  would  know  down  to  the  ground." 

"  Although  I  am  not  your  father,"  said  Doctor 
Chord  modestly,  "  I  may  be  able  to  suggest  some 
expedient  way  of  gaining  entrance  to  the  castle." 

"  House,"  said  I. 

"  House,"  said  he. 

"  However,"  said  I,  "  we  must  lower  ourselves  to  ex 
tremely  practical  matters.  Can  you  climb  a  tree?" 

"  A  tree  ?  "   said  he.    "  Climb  a  tree  ?    Strap  me !  " 

"  'T  is  all  very  well  to  strap  yourself  in  this  fashion," 
said  I  rather  warmly ;  "  but  the  climbing  of  trees  ap 
pears  here  as  an  important  matter.  In  my  part  of 
Ireland  there  are  few  trees,  and  so  climbing  trees  did 
not  enter  into  my  education.  However,  I  am  willing 
to  attempt  the  climbing  of  a  tree  for  the  sake  of  my 

true  love,  and  if  I  fall how  high  is  this  wall  ?    Do 

you  remember?" 

"  vT  was  at  least  ten  feet,"  answered  the  Doctor. 
"  And  there  is  a  murderous  row  of  spikes  at  the  top. 
But,"  he  added,  "  the  more  spikes  and  all  that  make 
them  the  more  convinced  that  the  garden  is  perfectly 
safe  from  intrusion." 

"  That 's  a  world  of  sense  out  of  you,"  I  cried. 
"  The  spikes  convince  them  the  garden  is  safe  from 
intrusion,  and  so  they  give  over  their  watchfulness. 
So  now  in  the  morning  we  will  go  there,  and  I  will 

climb  one  of  the  oak-trees  bordering  the  wall may 

the  saints  aid  me !  " 

"  You  were  asking  if  I  could  climb  a  tree,"  remarked 
the  Doctor.  "  I  will  point  out  to  you  that  it  is  a  ques 
tion  of  no  importance.  It  is  you  yourself  who  must 
climb  the  tree ;  for  even  if  I  succeeded  in  the  arduous 


204  THE      O'RUDDY 

and  painful  task  I  could  not  pay  your  vows  to  Lady 
Mary,  and  for  such  purpose  primarily  the  tree  is  to 
be  climbed." 

"  True  for  you,  Doctor,"  I  answered  with  a  sigh. 
"  True  for  you.  I  must  climb  the  tree.  I  can  see 
that.  I  had  some  thought  of  making  Paddy  climb  it, 
but,  as  you  say,  a  man  must  do  his  own  love-making, 
and  by  the  same  token  I  would  break  the  head  of  any 
one  who  tried  to  do  it  for  me.  I  would  that !  In  this 
world  people  must  climb  their  own  trees.  Now  that 
I  think  of  it  seriously,  it  was  ridiculous  in  me  to  plan 
that  Paddy  should  climb  the  tree." 

"  '  Second  thoughts  are  always  best,'  "  said  the  little 
Doctor  piously.  "  'T  is  a  phrase  from  one  of  the 
greatest  writers  of  the  day.  And  at  any  rate  I  my 
self,  because  of  age  and  debility,  would  not  be  able 
to  climb  a  tree." 

"  Let  us  say  no  more  of  it,"  said  I.  "  I  see  my 
mistake.  But  tell  me  one  thing.  I  know  you  are  a 
man  with  a  great  deal  on  your  mind.  Can  you  spare 
the  time  for  this  adventure  ?  " 

But  on  this  point  the  Doctor  was  very  clear  and 
emphatic.  I  think  if  I  had  said  he  could  not  have  a 
place  in  the  plot  he  would  have  died  immediately  of  a 
broken  heart. 

"  'T  is  true  I  have  not  yet  finished  my  treatise  prov 
ing  that  the  touchstone  is  fallible,"  he  cried  eagerly; 
"  but  it  would  give  me  pleasure  to  delay  the  work  in 
definitely  if  in  the  meantime  I  can  be  of  assistance." 

"  That  is  a  man's  talk,"  I  said.  "  Well,  then,  in  the 
morning  we  will  go  forth  to  do  or  die.  And  now  a 
glass  to  success." 

That  night  I  slept  very  heartily,  for  some  of  my 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  205 

father's  soldier  training  is  in  my  veins,  and  on  the 
eve  of  a  hard  or  precarious  work  I  am  always  able 
to  get  sound  rest.  My  father  often  said  that  on  the 
night  before  a  battle  in  which  he  would  stand  seventy- 
seven  chances  of  being  killed  he  always  slept  like  a 
dog  in  front  of  the  fire. 

At  dawn  I  was  up  and  ready.  My  first  move  was 
to  have  Paddy  and  Jem  sent  to  me,  and  to  give  them 
such  information  as  would  lead  them  to  an  intelligent 
performance  of  their  duties  during  the  day.  "  Mind 
ye  now,"  said  I,  "  here  's  where  the  whole  thing  may 
be  won  or  lost.  There  is  a  lovely  lady  inside  the  walls 
of  that  garden  which  I  was  showing  you  yesterday. 
She  lives  in  the  big  house.  She  is  the  lady  who  made 

you  feel  ashamed  when  you  took  the  old  Earl's 

well,  never  mind!  I  hope  we  are  all  properly  repent 
ant  over  it.  However,  I  had  better  be  getting  on 
with  the  matter  in  hand.  She  lives  there,  and  if  I  can 
find  no  way  to  gain  speech  of  her  we  all  three  of  us 
will  have  to  take  to  the  thickets,  and  that 's  the 
truth." 

"  If  I  could  but  lay  my  fingers  on  her  throttle," 
said  Jem  Bottles  in  a  blood-curdling  voice,  "  she  soon 
enough  would " 

"  Stop !  "   I  cried.     "  You  misunderstood  me !  " 

"  Aye,  he  does,"  spoke  in  Paddy.  "  But  I  know 
what  your  honour  is  meaning.  You  are  meaning  that 

the  young  lady aye,  did  n't  I  see  her,  and  did  n't 

she  give  me  a  look  of  her  eye?  Aye,  I  know  what 
your  honour  is  meaning." 

"  You  are  knowing  it  precisely,"  said  I.  '  The 
young  lady  is  more  to  me  than  three  Irelands.  You 
understand  ?  Well,  then,  in  the  first  place  I  must  gain 


206  THE      O'RUDDY 

speech  of  her.  To-day  we  march  out  and  see  what  I 
can  accomplish  by  climbing  trees.  In  the  meantime 
you  two  are  to  lay  in  waiting  and  assist  me  when 
necessary." 

"  I  am  foreseeing  that  everything  will  be  easy," 
cried  Paddy  jubilantly. 

"  You  are  an  Irishman,"  I  responded  in  anger. 

"  Aye,"  he  replied  bitterly,  "  and  another  is  within 
reach  of  my  stick  if  it  were  n't  for  my  respect  for  my 
betters,  although  such  a  thing  never  could  happen, 
please  God!" 

"  No  bold  talk,"  said  I.  "  You  may  do  that  after." 
I  bade  Jem  Bottles  load  his  pistols  and  carry  them 
handy,  but  to  keep  them  well  concealed.  Paddy  pre 
ferred  to  campaign  with  only  a  stout  stick.  I  took 
one  pistol,  and  of  course  my  sword. 

These  preparations  deeply  stirred  Jem  Bottles  and 
Paddy. 

"  Your  honour,"  said  Paddy,  "  if  I  see  a  man  pull 
ing  you  by  the  leg  when  you  would  be  climbing  the 
tree,  may  I  hit  him  one  lick  ?  " 

"  Aye,"  growled  Jem  Bottles,  "  and  if  I  get  a  pistol 
against  his  head,  he  '11  find  out  the  difference  between 
gunpowder  and  sand." 

"  Stop,"  I  cried.  "  You  have  the  wrong  idea  en 
tirely.  This  talk  of  carnage  startles  me  and  alarms 
me.  Remember  we  are  in  London.  In  London  even 
the  smallest  massacre  arouses  great  excitement.  There 
are  to  be  no  killings,  and  even  no  sound  thrashings. 
It  is  all  to  be  done  with  dainty  gloves.  Neither  one 
of  the  pair  of  you  looks  fitted  for  the  work,  but  I  am 
obliged  to  make  you  serve  by  hook  or  crook.  'T  is 
too  late  to  scour  the  country  looking  for  good  com- 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  207 

rades.  I  must  put  up  with  you,  since  I  can  get  no 
better." 

They  were  well  pleased  at  the  prospect  of  spirited 
adventures,  although  Paddy  made  some  complaints 
because  there  was  no  chance  of  a  great  ogre  whom 
he  could  assail.  He  wished  to  destroy  a  few  giants 
in  order  to  prove  his  loyalty  to  the  cause.  How 
ever,  I  soothed  him  out  of  this  mood,  showing  him 
where  he  was  mistaken,  and  presently  we  were  all 
prepared  and  only  waited  for  the  coming  of  Doctor 
Chord. 

When  the  little  philosopher  appeared,  however,  I 
must  truly  say  that  I  fell  back  a-gasping.  He  had 
tied  some  sort  of  a  red  turban  about  his  head,  and 
pulled  a  black  cocked  hat  down  over  it  until  his  left 
eye  was  wickedly  shaded.  From  beneath  his  sombre 
cloak  a  heavy  scabbard  protruded.  "  I  have  come ; 
I  am  ready,"  said  he  in  a  deep  voice. 

"  Bedad,  you  have!  "  cried  I,  sinking  into  a  chair. 
"  And  why  did  n't  a  mob  hang  you  on  the  road,  little 
man?  How  did  you  reach  here  safely?  London 
surely  never  could  stand  two  glimpses  of  such  a 
dangerous-looking  pirate.  You  would  give  a  sedan- 
chair  the  vapours." 

He  looked  himself  over  ruefully.  "  'T  is  a  garb 
befitting  the  dangerous  adventure  upon  which  I  en 
gaged,"  said  he,  somewhat  stiff  in  the  lip. 

"  But  let  me  make  known  to  you,"  I  cried,  "  that 
when  a  man  wears  a  garb  befitting  his  adventure  he 
fails  surely.  He  should  wear  something  extraneous. 
When  you  wish  to  do  something  evil,  you  put  on  the 
coat  of  a  parson.  That  is  the  clever  way.  But  here 
you  are  looking  like  a  gallows-bird  of  the  greatest 


208  THE      O'RUDDY 

claim  for  the  rope.  Stop  it;  take  off  the  red  thing, 
tilt  your  hat  until  you  look  like  a  gentleman,  and  let 
us  go  to  our  adventure  respectably." 

"  I  was  never  more  surprised  in  my  life,"  said  he 
sincerely.  "  I  thought  I  was  doing  a  right  thing  in 
thus  arraying  myself  for  an  experience  which  cannot 
fail  to  be  thrilling  and  mayhap  deadly.  However,  I 
see  you  in  your  accustomed  attire,  and  in  the  apparel 
of  your  men-servants  I  see  no  great  change  from  yes 
terday.  May  I  again  suggest  to  you  that  the  adven 
ture  upon  which  we  proceed  may  be  fraught  with 
much  danger  ?  " 

"  A  red  rag  around  your  temples  marks  no  improve 
ment  in  our  risks,"  said  I.  "  We  will  sally  out  as  if 
we  were  off  to  a  tea-party.  When  my  father  led  the 
forlorn  hope  at  the  storming  of  Wiirstenhausenstaffen- 
berg,  he  wore  a  lace  collar,  and  he  was  a  man  who 
understood  these  matters.  And  I  may  say  that  I  wish 
he  was  here.  He  would  be  a  great  help." 

In  time  the  Doctor  removed  his  red  turban  and 
gradually  and  sadly  emerged  from  the  more  sanguine 
part  of  his  paraphernalia  and  appeared  as  a  simple 
little  philosopher.  Personally  I  have  no  objection  to 
a  man  looking  like  a  brigand,  but  my  father  always 
contended  that  clothes  serve  no  purpose  in  real  war 
fare.  Thus  I  felt  I  had  committed  no  great  injustice 
in  depriving  Chord  of  his  red  turban. 

We  set  out.  I  put  much  faith  in  the  fact  that  we 
had  no  definite  plans,  but  to  my  great  consternation 
Doctor  Chord  almost  at  once  began  to  develop  well- 
laid  schemes.  As  we  moved  toward  the  scene  of  our 
adventure  he  remarked  them  to  me. 

"  First   of  all,"   said   he,    "  a  strong  party   should 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  209 

be  stationed  at  the  iron  gates,  not  only  to  pre 
vent  a  sally  of  the  garrison,  but  to  prevent  an  in 
trepid  retainer  from  escaping  and  alarming  the  city. 
Furthermore " 

"  My  gallant  warrior,"  said  I,  interrupting  him, 
"  we  will  drop  this  question  to  the  level  of  a  hum 
drum  commercial  age.  I  will  try  to  compass  my  pur 
pose  by  the  simple  climbing  of  a  tree,  and  to  that 
end  all  I  could  need  from  you  is  a  stout  lift  and  a 
good  word.  Then  we  proceed  in  the  established  way 
of  making  signs  over  a  wall.  All  this  I  explained 
to  you  fully.  I  would  not  have  you  think  I  am  about 
to  bombard  my  lady-love's  house." 

With  a  countenance  of  great  mournfulness  he 
grumbled :  "  No  fascines  have  been  prepared." 

"  Very  good,"  said  I.  "  I  will  climb  the  tree  with 
out  the  aid  of  fascines." 

As  luck  would  have  it,  there  was  a  little  inn  not 
very  far  from  the  Earl's  house  and  on  the  lonely 
avenue  lined  with  oaks.  Here  I  temporarily  left  Jem 
Bottles  and  Paddy,  for  I  feared  their  earnestness, 
which  was  becoming  more  terrible  every  minute.  In 
order  to  keep  them  pacified  I  gave  instructions  that 
they  should  keep  a  strict  watch  up  the  avenue,  and  if 
they  saw  any  signs  of  trouble  they  were  to  come  a- 
running  and  do  whatever  I  told  them.  These  orders 
suggested  serious  business  to  their  minds,  and  so  they 
were  quite  content.  Their  great  point  was  that  if  a 
shindy  was  coming  they  had  a  moral  right  to  be 
mixed  up  in  it. 

Doctor  Chord  and  I  strolled  carelessly  under  the 
oaks.  It  was  still  too  early  for  Lady  Mary's  walk  in 
the  garden,  and  there  was  an  hour's  waiting  to  be 

M 


210  THE     O'RUDDY 

worn  out.  In  the  mean  time  I  was  moved  to  express 
some  of  my  reflections. 

"  'T  is  possible  —  nay,  probable  —  that  this  is  a 
bootless  quest,"  said  I  dejectedly.  "  What  shadow 
of  an  assurance  have  I  that  Lady  Mary  will  walk  in 
the  garden  on  this  particular  morning?  This  whole 
thing  is  absolute  folly." 

"  At  any  rate,"  said  the  Doctor,  "  now  that  you 
already  have  walked  this  great  distance,  it  will  be 
little  additional  trouble  to  climb  a  tree." 

He  had  encouraged  me  to  my  work  at  exactly  the 
proper  moment. 

"  You  are  right,"  said  I,  taking  him  warmly  by  the 
hand,  "  I  will  climb  the  tree  in  any  case." 

As  the  hour  approached  we  began  to  cast  about  for 
the  proper  oak.  I  am  sure  they  were  all  the  same  to 
me,  but  Doctor  Chord  was  very  particular. 

"  'T  is  logical  to  contend,"  said  he,  "  that  the  ques 
tion  of  the  girth  of  the  tree  will  enter  importantly 
into  our  devices.  For  example,  if  a  tree  be  so  huge 
that  your  hands  may  not  meet  on  the  far  side  of  it, 
a  successful  ascension  will  be  impossible.  On  the 
other  hand,  a  very  slim  tree  is  like  to  bend  beneath 
your  weight,  and  even  precipitate  you  heavily  to  the 
ground,  which  disaster  might  retard  events  for  an 
indefinite  period." 

"  Science  your  science,  then,"  said  I.  "  And  tell 
me  what  manner  of  tree  best  suits  the  purpose  of  a 
true  lover." 

"  A  tree,"  said  the  Doctor,  "  is  a  large  vegetable 
arising  with  one  woody  stem  to  a  considerable  height. 
As  to  the  appearance  and  quality  of  a  tree,  there  are 
many  diversifications,  and  this  fact  in  itself  consti- 


THE     O'RUDDY  211 

tutes  the  chief  reason  for  this  vegetable  being  of  such 
great  use  to  the  human  family.  Ships  are  made  of 
nought  but  trees,  and  if  it  were  not  for  ships  we 
would  know  but  little  of  the  great  world  of  which 
these  English  islands  form  less  than  a  half.  Asia 
itself  is  slightly  larger  than  all  Scotland,  and  if  it 
were  not  for  the  ships  we  would  be  like  to  delude 
ourselves  with  the  idea  that  we  and  our  neighbours 
formed  the  major  part  of  the  world." 

With  such  wise  harangues  the  Doctor  entertained 
my  impatience  until  it  was  time  for  me  to  climb  a 
tree.  And  when  this  time  came  I  went  at  my  work 
without  discussion  or  delay. 

"  There,"  said  I  resolutely,  "  I  will  climb  this  one 
if  it  kills  me." 

I  seized  the  tree;  I  climbed.  I  will  not  say  there 
was  no  groaning  and  puffing,  but  any  how  I  at  last 
found  myself  astride  of  a  branch  and  looking  over 
the  wall  into  the  Earl  of  Westport's  garden. 

But  I  might  have  made  myself  less  labour  and  care 
by  having  somebody  paint  me  a  large  landscape  of 
this  garden  and  surveyed  it  at  my  leisure.  There  I 
was  high  in  a  tree,  dangling  my  legs,  and  staring  at 
smooth  lawns,  ornamental  copses,  and  brilliant  flower 
beds  without  even  so  much  as  a  dog  to  enliven  the 
scene.  "  O'Ruddy,"  said  I  to  myself  after  a  long 
time,  "  you  've  hung  yourself  here  in  mid-air  like  a 
bacon  to  a  rafter,  and  I  '11  not  say  much  to  you  now. 
But  if  you  ever  reach  the  ground  without  breaking 
your  neck,  I  '11  have  a  word  with  you,  for  my  feel 
ings  are  sorely  stirred." 

I  do  not  know  how  long  I  sat  in  the  tree  engaged  in 
my  bitter  meditation.  But  finally  I  heard  a  great 


212  THE     O'RUDDY 

scudding  of  feet  near  the  foot  of  the  tree,  and  I  then 
saw  the  little  Doctor  bolting  down  the  road  like  a 
madman,  his  hat  gone,  his  hair  flying,  while  his  two 
coat-tails  stuck  out  behind  him  straight  as  boards. 

My  excitement  and  interest  in  my  ally's  flight  was 
so  great  that  I  near  fell  from  my  perch.  It  was  in 
comprehensible  that  my  little  friend  could  dust  the 
road  at  such  speed.  He  seemed  only  to  touch  the 
ground  from  time  to  time.  In  a  moment  or  two  he 
was  literally  gone,  like  an  arrow  shot  from  the  bow. 

But  upon  casting  my  bewildered  glance  downward 
I  found  myself  staring  squarely  into  the  mouth  of  a 
blunderbuss.  The  mouth  of  this  blunderbuss,  I  may 
say,  was  of  about  the  width  of  a  fair-sized  water- 
pitcher  ;  in  colour  it  was  bright  and  steely.  Its  ap 
pearance  attracted  me  to  such  an  extent  that  I  lost  all 
idea  of  the  man  behind  the  gun.  But  presently  I 
heard  a  grim,  slow  voice  say,  — 

"  Climb  down,  ye  thief." 

The  reason  for  little  Doctor  Chord's  hasty  self-re 
moval  from  the  vicinity  was  now  quite  clear,  and  my 
interest  in  his  departure  was  no  longer  speculative. 


CHAPTER    XXIV 

LIMB  down,  ye  thief,"  said  the  grim,  slow 
voice  again.  I  looked  once  more  into  the 
mouth  of  the  blunderbuss.  I  decided  to  climb.  If  I 
had  had  my  two  feet  square  on  the  ground,  I  would 
have  taken  a  turn  with  this  man,  artillery  or  no  ar 
tillery,  to  see  if  I  could  get  the  upper  hand  of  him. 
But  neither  I  nor  any  of  my  ancestors  could  ever  fight 
well  in  trees.  Foliage  incommodes  us.  We  like  a 
clear  sweep  for  the  arm,  and  everything  on  a  level 
space,  and  neither  man  in  a  tree.  However,  a  sensible 
man  holds  no  long  discussions  with  a  blunderbuss.  I 
slid  to  the  ground,  arriving  in  a  somewhat  lacerated 
state.  I  thereupon  found  that  the  man  behind  the  gun 
was  evidently  some  kind  of  keeper  or  gardener.  He 
had  a  sour  face  deeply  chiselled  with  mean  lines,  but 
his  eyes  were  very  bright,  the  lighter  parts  of  them 
being  steely  blue,  and  he  rolled  the  pair  of  them  from 
behind  his  awful  weapon. 

"  And  for  whom  have  you  mistaken  me,  rascal  ?  " 
I  cried  as  soon  as  I  had  come  ungracefully  to  the 
ground  and  found  with  whom  I  had  to  deal. 

"  Have  mistaken  ye  for  naught,"  replied  the  man 
proudly.  "  Ye  be  the  thief  of  the  French  pears,  ye 
be." 

"  French  pears  —  French  —  French  what  ?  "  I  cried. 

"  Ay,  ye  know  full  well,"  said  he,  "  and  now  ye  '11 
just  march." 


214  THE      O'RUDDY 

Seeing  now  plainly  that  I  was  in  the  hands  of  one 
of  Lord  Westport's  gardeners,  who  had  mistaken  me 
for  some  garden-thief  for  whom  he  had  been  on  the 
lookout,  I  began  to  expostulate  very  pointedly.  But 
always  this  man  stolidly  faced  me  with  the  yawning 
mouth  of  the  blunderbuss. 

"  And  now  ye  '11  march,"  said  he,  and  despite  every 
thing  I  marched.  I  marched  myself  through  the  little 
door  in  the  wall,  and  into  the  gardens  of  the  Earl  of 
Westport.  And  the  infernal  weapon  was  clamped 
against  the  small  of  my  back. 

But  still  my  luck  came  to  me  even  then,  like  basket 
falling  out  of  a  blue  sky.  As,  in  obedience  to  my 
captor's  orders,  I  rounded  a  bit  of  shrubbery,  I  came 
face  to  face  with  Lady  Mary.  I  stopped  so  abruptly 
that  the  rim  of  the  on-coming  blunderbuss  must  have 
printed  a  fine  pink  ring  on  my  back.  I  lost  all  intelli 
gence.  I  could  not  speak.  I  only  knew  that  I  stood 
before  the  woman  I  loved,  while  a  man  firmly  pressed 
the  muzzle  of  a  deadly  firearm  between  my  shoulder- 
blades.  I  flushed  with  shame,  as  if  I  really  had  been 
guilty  of  stealing  the  French  pears. 

Lady  Mary's  first  look  upon  me  was  one  of  pure 
astonishment.  Then  she  quickly  recognized  the  quaint 
threat  expressed  in  the  attitude  of  the  blunderbuss. 

"  Strammers,"  she  cried,  rushing  forward,  "  what 
would  you  be  doing  to  the  gentleman  ?  " 

"  'T  is  no  gentleman,  your  la' ship,"  answered  the 
man  confidently.  "  He  be  a  low-born  thief  o'  pears, 
he  be." 

"  Strammers ! "  she  cried  again,  and  wrested  the 
blunderbuss  from  his  hands.  I  will  confess  that  my 
back  immediately  felt  easier. 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  215 

"  And  now,  sir,"  she  said,  turning  to  me  haughtily, 
"  you  will  please  grant  me  an  explanation  of  to  what 
my  father  is  indebted  for  this  visit  to  his  private 
grounds  ?  " 

But  she  knew  ;  no  fool  of  a  gardener  and  a  flounder 
ing  Irishman  could  keep  pace  with  the  nimble  wits  of 
a  real  woman.  I  saw  the  pink  steal  over  her  face,  and 
she  plainly  appeared  not  to  care  for  an  answer  to  her 
peremptory  question.  However,  I  made  a  grave  reply 
which  did  not  involve  the  main  situation. 

"  Madam  may  have  noticed  a  certain  deluded  man 
with  a  bell-mouthed  howitzer,"  said  I.  "  His  per 
suasions  were  so  pointed  and  emphatic  that  I  was  in 
duced  to  invade  these  gardens,  wherein  I  have  been 
so  unfortunate  as  to  disturb  a  lady's  privacy,  —  a  thing 
which  only  causes  me  the  deepest  regret." 

"  He  be  a  pear-thief,"  grumbled  Strammers  from  a 
distance.  "  Don't  ye  take  no  word  o'  his,  your  la'ship, 
after  me  bringing  'im  down  from  out  a  tree." 

"  From  out  a  tree  ? "  said  Lady  Mary,  and  she 
looked  at  me,  and  I  looked  at  her. 

"  The  man  is  right,  Lady  Mary,"  said  I  significantly. 
"  I  was  in  a  tree  looking  over  the  garden  wall." 

"  Strammers,"  said  she  with  decision,  "  wait  for  me 
in  the  rose-garden,  and  speak  no  single  word  to  any 
body  until  I  see  you  again.  You  have  made  a  great 
mistake." 

The  man  obediently  retired,  after  saluting  me  with 
an  air  of  slightly  dubious  apology.  He  was  not  yet 
convinced  that  I  had  not  been  after  his  wretched 
French  pears. 

But  with  the  withdrawal  of  this  Strammers  Lady 
Mary's  manner  changed.  She  became  frightened  and 


216  THE     O'RUDDY 

backed  away  from  me,  still  holding  the  gardener's 
blunderbuss. 

"  O  sir,"  she  cried  in  a  beautiful  agitation,  "  I  beg 
of  you  to  leave  at  once.  Oh,  please!  " 

But  here  I  saw  it  was  necessary  to  treat  the  subject 
in  a  bold  Irish  way. 

"  I  '11  not  leave,  Lady  Mary,"  I  answered.  "  I  was 
brought  here  by  force,  and  only  force  can  make  me 
withdraw." 

A  glimmer  of  a  smile  came  to  her  face,  and  she 
raised  the  blunderbuss,  pointing  it  full  at  my  breast. 
The  mouth  was  still  the  width  of  a  water- jug,  and  in 
the  fair  inexperienced  hands  of  Lady  Mary  it  was  like 
to  go  off  at  any  moment  and  blow  a  hole  in  me  as 
big  as  a  platter. 

"  Charming  mistress,"  said  I,  "  shoot !  " 

For  answer  she  suddenly  flung  the  weapon  to  the 
grass,  and,  burying  her  face  in  her  hands,  began 
to  weep.  "  I  'm  afraid  it 's  1-1-loaded,"  she  sobbed 
out. 

In  an  instant  I  was  upon  my  knees  at  her  side  and 
had  taken  her  hand.  Her  fingers  resisted  little,  but 
she  turned  away  her  head. 

"  Lady  Mary,"  said  I  softly,  "  I  'm  a  poor  devil  of 
an  Irish  adventurer,  but  —  I  love  you !  I  love  you  so 
that  if  I  was  dead  you  could  bid  me  rise !  I  am  a 
worthless  fellow ;  I  have  no  money,  and  my  estate 
you  can  hardly  see  for  the  mortgages  and  trouble 
upon  it ;  I  am  no  fine  suitor,  but  I  love  you  more 
than  them  all ;  I  do,  upon  my  life !  " 

"  Here  approaches  Strammers  in  quest  of  his  blun 
derbuss,"  she  answered  calmly.  "  Perhaps  we  had 
better  give  it  to  him." 


THE      O'RUDDY  217 

I  sprang  to  my  feet,  and,  sure  enough,  the  thick 
headed  ninepin  of  a  gardener  was  nearing  us. 

"  Don't  ye  trust  'im,  your  la'ship !  "  he  cried.  "  I 
caught  'im  in  a  tree,  I  did,  and  he  be  a  bad  lot !  " 

Lady  Mary  quelled  him,  and  he  at  once  went  away 
with  his  blunderbuss,  still  muttering  his  many  doubts. 
But  still  one  cannot  drop  a  love  declaration  and  pick 
it  up  again  with  the  facility  of  a  tailor  resuming  his 
work  on  a  waistcoat.  One  can't  say :  "  Where  was  I  ? 
How  far  had  I  gone  before  this  miserable  interruption 
came?"  In  a  word  I  found  mysef  stammering  and 
stuttering  and  wasting  moments  too  precious  for  words. 

"  Lady  Mary "  I  began.  "  Lady  Mary I 

love  you,  Lady  Mary !  Lady  Mary " 

It  was  impossible  for  me  to  depart  from  this  rig 
marole  and  express  the  many  things  with  which  my 
heart  was  full.  It  was  a  maddening  tongue-tie.  The 
moments  seemed  for  me  the  crisis  of  my  existence, 
and  yet  I  could  only  say,  "  Lady  Mary,  I  love  you !  " 
I  know  that  in  many  cases  this  statement  has  seemed 
to  be  sufficient,  but  as  a  matter  of  fact  I  was  full  of 
things  to  say,  and  it  was  plain  to  me  that  I  was  losing 
everything  through  the  fact  that  my  silly  tongue  clung 
to  the  roof  of  my  mouth. 

I  do  not  know  how  long  the  agony  endured,  but 
at  any  rate  it  was  ended  by  a  thunderous  hammering 
upon  the  little  door  in  the  garden-wall.  A  high  Irish 
voice  could  be  heard : 

"  And  if  ye  be  not  leaving  him  out  immediately,  we 
will  be  coming  over  the  wall  if  it  is  ten  thousand  feet 
high,  ye  murdering  rogues." 

Lady  Mary  turned  deadly  pale.  "  Oh,  we  are  lost," 
she  cried. 


218  THE      O'RUDDY 

I  saw  at  once  that  the  interview  was  ended.  If  I 
remained  doughtily  I  remained  stupidly.  I  could  come 
back  some  other  day.  I  clutched  Lady  Mary's  hand 
and  kissed  it.  Then  I  ran  for  the  door  in  the  garden 
wall.  In  a  moment  I  was  out,  and  I  heard  her  fran 
tically  bolting  the  door  behind  me. 

I  confronted  Paddy  and  Jem.  Jem  had  in  his  hands 
a  brace  of  pistols  which  he  was  waving  determinedly. 
Paddy  was  wetting  his  palms  and  resolutely  swinging 
a  club.  But  when  they  saw  me  their  ferocity  gave 
way  to  an  outburst  of  affectionate  emotion.  I  had  to 
assert  all  my  mastership  to  keep  Paddy  from  singing. 
He  would  sing.  Sure,  if  they  had  never  heard  an  Irish 
song  it  was  time  they  did. 

"  Paddy,"  said  I,  "  my  troubles  are  on  me.  I  wish 
to  be  thinking.  Remain  quiet." 

Presently  we  reached  the  little  inn,  and  from  there 
the  little  Doctor  Chord  flew  out  like  a  hawk  at  a 
sparrow. 

"  I  thought  you  were  dead,"  he  shouted  wildly.  "  I 
thought  you  were  dead." 

"  No,"  said  I,  "  I  am  not  dead,  but  I  am  very 
thirsty."  And,  although  they  were  murmuring  this 
thing  and  that  thing,  I  would  have  no  word  with 
them  until  I  was  led  to  the  parlour  of  the  inn  and 
given  a  glass. 

"  Now,"  said  I,  "  I  penetrated  to  the  garden  and 
afterwards  I  came  away  and  I  can  say  no  more." 

The  little  Doctor  was  very  happy  and  proud. 

"  When  I  saw  the  man  with  the  blunderbuss,"  he  re 
counted,  "  I  said  boldly :  '  Sirrah,  remove  that  weapon ! 
Exclude  it  from  the  scene !  Eliminate  it  from  the  sit 
uation  ! '  But  his  behaviour  was  extraordinary.  He 


THE     O'RUDDY  219 

trained  the  weapon  in  such  a  manner  that  I  myself 
was  in  danger  of  being  eliminated  from  the  situation. 
I  instantly  concluded  that  I  would  be  of  more  benefit 
to  the  cause  if  I  temporarily  abandoned  the  vicinity 
and  withdrew  to  a  place  where  the  climatic  conditions 
were  more  favourable  to  prolonged  terms  of  human 
existence." 

"  I  saw  you  abandoning  the  vicinity,"  said  I,  "  and 
I  am  free  to  declare  that  I  never  saw  a  vicinity  aban 
doned  with  more  spirit  and  finish." 

"  I  thank  you  for  your  appreciation,"  said  the  Doctor 
simply.  Then  he  leaned  to  my  ear  and  whispered, 
barring  his  words  from  Jem  and  Paddy,  who  stood 
respectfully  near  our  chairs.  "  And  the  main  object 
of  the  expedition  ?  "  he  asked.  "  Was  there  heavy 
firing  and  the  beating  down  of  doors?  And  I  hope 
you  took  occasion  to  slay  the  hideous  monster  who 
flourished  the  blunderbuss?  Imagine  my  excitement 
after  I  had  successfully  abandoned  the  vicinity!  I 
was  trembling  with  anxiety  for  you.  Still,  I  could 
adopt  no  steps  which  would  not  involve  such  oppor 
tunities  for  instant  destruction  that  the  thought  of 
them  brought  to  mind  the  most  horrible  ideas.  I 
pictured  myself  lying  butchered,  blown  to  atoms  by 
a  gardener's  blunderbuss.  Then  the  spirit  of  self- 
sacrifice  arose  in  me,  and,  as  you  know,  I  sent  your 
two  servants  to  your  rescue." 

The  little  man  was  looking  through  the  window  at 
this  moment.  Suddenly  he  started  back,  flinging  up 
his  hands. 

"  My  soul,  he  is  again  upon  us,"  he  cried. 

I  hastily  followed  his  glance,  and  saw  the  man 
Strammers  making  peaceful  way  toward  the  inn. 


220  THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y 

Apparently  he  was  going  to  the  taproom  for  an  early 
pint.  The  Doctor  flurried  and  dove  until  I  checked 
him  in  fear  that  he  would  stand  on  his  head  in  the 
fireplace. 

"  No,"  said  I,  "  calm  yourself.  There  will  be  no 
blunderbusses.  On  the  other  hand,  I  see  here  a  great 
chance  for  a  master-stroke.  Be  quiet  now,  and  try  to 
hold  yourself  in  a  chair  and  see  me  deal  with  the  situ 
ation.  When  it  comes  to  a  thing  like  this,  it  is  all 
child's  play  for  me.  Paddy,"  said  I.  "  Jem,"  said  I, 
"  there  is  a  gardener  in  the  taproom.  Go  and  become 
his  warm  friends.  You  know  what  I  mean.  A  tup 
pence  here  and  there  won't  matter.  But,  of  course, 
always  treat  him  with  the  profound  consideration 
which  is  due  to  so  distinguished  a  gardener." 

They  understood  me  at  once  and  grinned.  But  even 
then  I  was  struck  with  their  peculiar  reasons  for  un 
derstanding  at  once.  Jem  Bottles  understood  at  once 
because  he  had  been  a  highwayman ;  Paddy  under 
stood  at  once  because  he  was  an  Irishman.  One  had 
been  all  his  life  a  rogue ;  the  other  had  been  born  on 
an  intelligent  island.  And  so  they  comprehended  me 
with  equal  facility. 

They  departed  on  their  errand,  and  when  I  turned 
I  found  myself  in  the  clutches  of  a  maddened  Doctor 
Chord. 

"  Monster,"  he  screamed,  "  you  have  ordered  him 
to  be  killed !  " 

"  Whist,"  said  I,  "  it  would  never  do  to  order  him 
to  be  killed.  He  is  too  valuable." 


CHAPTER    XXV 

"  "\7"OU  appear  more  at  your  ease  when  you  are 
JL  calm,"  said  I  to  the  Doctor  as  I  squashed  him 
into  a  chair.  "  Your  ideas  of  murder  are  juvenile. 
Gardeners  are  murdered  only  by  other  gardeners,  over 
some  question  of  a  magnolia-tree.  Gentlemen  of  posi 
tion  never  murder  gardeners." 

"  You  are  right,  sir,"  he  responded  frankly.  "  I  see 
my  mistake.  But  really,  I  was  convinced  that  some 
thing  dreadful  was  about  to  happen.  I  am  not  familiar 
with  the  ways  of  your  nationality,  sir,  and  when  you 
gave  the  resolute  directions  to  your  men  it  was  ac 
cording  to  my  education  to  believe  that  something  sin 
ister  was  at  hand,  although  no  one  could  regret  more 
than  I  that  I  have  made  this  foolish  mistake." 

"  No,"  said  I,  "  you  are  not  familiar  with  the  ways 
of  my  nationality,  and  it  will  require  an  indefinite 
number  of  centuries  to  make  your  countrymen  under 
stand  the  ways  of  my  nationality;  and  when  they  do 
they  will  only  pretend  that  after  great  research  they 
have  discovered  something  very  evil  indeed.  How 
ever,  in  this  detail,  I  am  able  to  instruct  you  fully. 
The  gardener  will  not  be  murdered.  His  fluency  with 
a  blunderbuss  was  very  annoying,  but  in  my  opinion 
it  was  not  so  fluent  as  to  merit  death." 

"  I  confess,"  said  Doctor  Chord,  "  that  all  peoples 
save  my  own  are  great  rascals  and  natural  seducers. 


222  THE      O'RUDDY 

I  cannot  change  this  national  conviction,  for  I  have 
studied  politics  as  they  are  known  in  the  King's  Par 
liament,  and  it  has  been  thus  proved  to  me." 

"  However,  the  gardener  is  not  to  be  murdered," 
said  I,  "  and  although  I  am  willing  to  cure  you  in 
that  particular  ignorance  I  am  not  willing  to  take 
up  your  general  cure  as  a  life  work.  A  glass  of  wine 
with  you." 

After  we  had  adjusted  this  slight  misunderstanding 
we  occupied  our  seats  comfortably  before  the  fire.  I 
wished  to  give  Paddy  and  Jem  plenty  of  time  to  con 
ciliate  Strammers,  but  I  must  say  that  the  wait  grew 
irksome.  Finally  I  arose  and  went  into  the  corridor 
and  peered  into  the  taproom.  There  were  Paddy  and 
Jem  with  their  victim,  the  three  of  them  seated  affec 
tionately  in  a  row  on  a  bench,  drinking  from  quart 
pots  of  ale.  Paddy  was  clapping  the  gardener  on  the 
shoulder. 

"  Strammers,"  he  cried,  "  I  am  thinking  more  of 
you  than  of  my  cousin  Mickey,  who  was  that  gay  and 
that  gallant  it  would  make  you  wonder,  although  I  am 
truthful  in  saying  they  killed  him  for  the  peace  of  the 
parish.  But  he  had  the  same  bold  air  with  him,  and 
devil  the  girl  in  the  country-side  but  did  n't  know  who 
was  the  lad  for  her." 

Strammers  seemed  greatly  pleased,  but  Jem  Bottles 
evinced  deep  disapproval  of  Paddy's  Celtic  methods. 

"  Let  Master  Strammers  be,"  said  he.  "  He  be  a- 
wanting  a  quiet  draught.  Let  him  have  his  ale  with 
no  talking  here  and  there." 

"  Ay,"  said  Strammers,  now  convinced  that  he  was 
a  great  man  and  a  philosopher,  "  a  quiet  draught  o' 
old  ale  be  a  good  thing." 


THE      O'RUDDY  223 

"  True  for  you,  Master  Strammers,"  cried  Paddy 
enthusiastically.  "  It  is  in  the  way  of  being  a  good 
thing.  There  you  are  now.  Ay,  that 's  it.  A  good 
thing!  Sure." 

"  Ay,"  said  Strammers,  deeply  moved  by  this  ap 
preciation,  which  he  had  believed  should  always  have 
existed.  "  Ay,  I  spoke  well." 

"  Well  would  be  no  name  for  it,"  responded  Paddy 
fervidly.  "  By  gor,  and  I  wish  you  were  knowing 
Father  Corrigan.  He  would  be  the  only  man  to  near 
match  you.  '  A  quiet  draught  o'  old  ale  is  a  good 
thing/  says  you,  and  by  the  piper  'tis  hard  to  say 
Father  Corrigan  could  have  done  it  that  handily.  T  is 
you  that  are  a  wonderful  man." 

"  I  have  a  small  way  o'  my  own,"  said  Strammers, 
"  which  even  some  of  the  best  gardeners  has  accounted 
most  wise  and  humorous.  The  power  o'  good  speech 
be  a  great  gift."  Whereupon  the  complacent  Stram 
mers  lifted  his  arm  and  buried  more  than  half  his 
face  in  his  quart  pot. 

"  It  is,"  said  Paddy  earnestly.  "  And  I  'm  doubting 
if  even  the  best  gardeners  would  be  able  to  improve 
it.  And  says  you :  '  A  quiet  draught  o'  old  ale  is  a 
good  thing.'  'T  would  take  a  grand  gardener  to  beat 
that  word." 

"  And  besides  the  brisk  way  of  giving  a  word  now 
and  then,"  continued  the  deluded  Strammers,  "  I  am 
a  great  man  with  flowers.  Some  of  the  finest  beds  in 
London  are  there  in  my  master's  park." 

"Are  they  so?"  said  Paddy.  "I  would  be  liking 
to  see  them." 

"And  ye  shall,"  cried  the  gardener  with  an  out 
burst  of  generous  feeling.  "  So  ye  shall.  On  a  Sun- 


224  THE      O'RUDDY 

day  we  may  stroll  quietly  and  decently  in  the  gardens, 
and  ye  shall  see." 

Seeing  that  Paddy  and  Jem  were  getting  on  well 
with  the  man,  I  returned  to  Doctor  Chord. 

"  T  is  all  right,"  said  I.  "  They  have  him  in  hand. 
We  have  only  to  sit  still,  and  the  whole  thing  is 
managed." 

Later  I  saw  the  three  men  in  the  road,  Paddy  and 
Jem  embracing  the  almost  tearful  Strammers.  These 
farewells  were  touching.  Afterward  my  rogues  ap 
peared  before  me,  each  with  a  wide  grin. 

"  We  have  him,"  said  Paddy,  "  and  't  is  us  that  has 
an  invitation  to  come  inside  the  wall  next  Sunday.  '  I 
have  some  fine  flowers  in  the  gardens,'  said  he.  '  Have 
you  so  ? '  said  I.  '  Well,  then,  't  is  myself  will  be 
breaking  your  head  if  you  don't  leave  us  inside  to  see 
them.'  '  Master  Paddy,'  said  he,  '  you  are  a  gentle 
man,  or  if  not  you  are  very  like  one,  and  you  and 
your  handsome  friend,  Master  Jem,  as  well  as  another 
friend  or  two,  is  welcome  to  see  the  gardens  whenever 
I  can  make  certain  the  master  and  mistress  is  out.' 
And  with  that  I  told  him  he  could  go  home." 

"  You  are  doing  well,"  I  said,  letting  the  scoundrel 
see  in  my  face  that  I  believed  his  pleasant  tale,  and  he 
was  so  pleased  that  he  was  for  going  on  and  making 
a  regular  book  out  of  it.  But  I  checked  him.  "  No," 
said  I.  "  I  am  fearing  that  I  would  become  too  much 
interested  and  excited.  I  am  satisfied  with  what  you  've 
been  telling  me.  'T  was  more  to  my  mind  to  have 
beaten  that  glass-eyed  man,  but  we  have  taken  the 
right  course.  And  now  we  will  be  returning  to  where 
we  lodge." 

During  the  walk  back  to  the  "  Pig  and  Turnip  " 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  225 

Doctor  Chord  took  it  upon  himself  to  discourse  in  his 
usual  style  upon  the  recent  events.  "  Of  course,  sir, 
I  would  care  to  hear  of  the  tragic  scenes  which  must 
have  transpired  soon  after  I  —  I  - 

"  Abandoned  the  vicinity?  "   said  I. 

"  Precisely,"  he  responded.  "  Although  I  was  not 
in  the  exact  neighbourhood  during  what  must  have 
been  a  most  tempestuous  part  of  your  adventure,  I 
can  assure  you  I  had  lost  none  of  my  former  interest 
in  the  affair." 

"  I  am  believing  you,"  said  I ;  "  but  let  us  talk 
now  more  of  the  future.  I  am  much  absorbed  in  the 
future.  It  appears  to  me  that  it  will  move  at  a  rapid 
pace." 

I  did  not  tell  him  about  my  meeting  with  Lady 
Mary,  because  I  knew,  if  occasion  arose,  he  would 
spread  the  news  over  half  London.  No  consideration 
would  have  been  great  enough  to  bridle  the  tongue 
of  the  little  gossip  from  use  of  the  first  bit  of  news 
which  he  had  ever  received  warm  from  the  fire.  Be 
sides,  after  his  behaviour  in  front  of  the  enemy,  I  was 
quite  certain  that  an  imparting  of  my  news  could  do 
nothing  in  the  way  of  impairing  his  inefficiency.  Con 
sequently  it  was  not  necessary  to  trouble  him  with 
dramatic  details. 

"  As  to  the  part  of  the  adventure  which  took  place 
in  the  garden,  you  are  consistently  silent,  I  observe, 
sir,"  said  the  Doctor. 

"  I  am,"  said  I.  "  I  come  of  a  long  line  of  silent 
ancestors.  My  father  was  particularly  notable  in  this 
respect." 

"  And  yet,  sir,"  rejoined  the  Doctor,  "  I  had  gained 
an  impression  that  your  father  was  quite  willing  to 

'5 


226  THE      O'RUDDY 

express  himself  in  a  lofty  and  noble  manner  on  such 
affairs  as  attracted  his  especial  notice." 

"  He  was  that,"  said  I,  pleased.  "  He  was  indeed. 
I  am  only  wishing  I  had  his  talent  for  saying  all  that 
was  in  his  mind  so  fast  that  even  the  priest  could  not 
keep  up  with  him,  and  goodness  knows  Father  Don 
ovan  was  no  small  talker." 

"  You  prove  to  me  the  limitations  of  science,  sir," 
said  he.  "  Although  I  think  I  may  boast  of  some 
small  education  of  a  scientific  nature,  I  think  I  will 
require  some  time  for  meditation  and  study  before  I 
will  be  able  to  reconcile  your  last  two  statements." 

"  'T  is  no  matter,"  I  cried  amiably.     "  Let  it    pass." 

For  the  rest  of  that  week  there  was  conference  fol 
lowing  conference  at  the  "  Pig  and  Turnip  "  and  else 
where.  My  three  companions  were  now  as  eager  as 
myself  for  the  advent  of  the  critical  Sunday  when  I, 
with  Paddy  and  Jem,  were  to  attempt  our  visit  to 
Strammers's  flower-gardens.  I  had  no  difficulty  in 
persuading  the  Doctor  that  his  services  would  be  in 
valuable  at  another  place;  for  the  memory  of  the 
blunderbuss  seemed  to  linger  with  him.  I  had  re 
solved  to  disguise  myself  slightly,  for  I  had  no  mind 
to  have  complications  arising  from  this  gardener's 
eyes.  I  think  a  little  disguise  is  plenty  unless  one 
stalks  mysteriously  and  stops  and  peers  here  and 
there.  A  little  unostentatious  minding  of  one's  own 
affairs  is  a  good  way  to  remain  undiscovered.  Then 
nobody  looks  at  you  and  demands :  "  Who  is  this 
fellow  ?  "  My  father  always  said  that  when  he  wished 
to  disguise  himself  he  dressed  as  a  common  man,  and 
although  this  gained  him  many  a  hard  knock  of  the 
fist  and  blow  of  the  stick  from  people  who  were  really 


THE      O'RUDDY  227 

his  inferiors,  he  found  his  disguise  was  perfection. 
However,  my  father  only  disguised  when  on  some 
secret  mission  from  King  Louis,  for  it  does  not  be 
come  a  gentleman  to  accept  a  box  on  the  ears  from 
anybody  unless  it  is  in  the  service  of  his  sovereign. 

I  remember  my  father  saying  also  these  tours  as  a 
common  man  taught  him  he  must  ever  afterward  ride 
carefully  through  the  streets  of  villages  and  towns. 
He  was  deeply  impressed  by  the  way  in  which  men, 
women,  and  children  had  to  scud  for  their  lives  to 
keep  from  under  the  hoofs  of  the  chargers  of  these 
devil-may-care  gentlemen  who  came  like  whirlwinds 
through  narrow  crowded  streets.  He  himself  often 
had  to  scramble  for  his  life,  he  said. 

However,  that  was  many  years  back,  and  I  did  not 
fear  any  such  adventures  in  my  prospective  expedition. 
In  such  a  case  I  would  have  trembled  for  what  might 
happen.  I  have  no  such  philosophy  of  temper  as  had 
my  father.  I  might  take  the  heel  of  a  gay  cavalier 
and  throw  him  out  of  the  saddle,  and  then  there  would 
be  a  fine  uproar.  However,  I  am  quite  convinced  that 
it  is  always  best  to  dodge.  A  good  dodger  seldom  gets 
into  trouble  in  this  world,  and  lives  to  a  green  old  age, 
while  the  noble  patriot  and  others  of  his  kind  die  in 
dungeons.  I  remember  an  honest  man  who  set  out  to 
reform  the  parish  in  the  matter  of  drink.  They  took 

him  and but,  no  matter ;  I  must  be  getting  on 

with  the  main  tale. 


CHAPTER    XXVI 

ON  Saturday  night  I  called  the  lads  to  my  room 
and  gave  them  their  final  instructions. 

"  Now,  you  rogues,"  said  I  to  them,  "  let  there  be  no 
drinking  this  night,  and  no  trapesing  of  the  streets, 
getting  your  heads  broke  just  at  the  critical  moment; 
for,  as  my  father  used  to  say,  although  a  broken  head 
is  merrily  come  by,  a  clear  head  's  worth  two  of  it 
when  business  is  to  be  transacted.  So  go  to  your  beds 
at  once,  the  two  of  you,  if  there  's  any  drinking  to  be 
done,  troth  it 's  myself  that  '11  attend  to  it." 

With  that  I  drove  them  out  and  sat  down  to  an 
exhilarating  bottle,  without  ever  a  thought  of  where 
the  money  was  to  come  from  to  pay  for  it.  It  is  one 
of  the  advantages  of  a  public  house  frequented  by  the 
nobility  that  if  you  come  to  it  with  a  bold  front,  and 
one  or  two  servants  behind  your  back,  you  have  at 
least  a  clear  week  ahead  before  they  flutter  the  show 
of  a  bill  at  you  and  ask  to  see  the  colour  of  your  gold 
in  exchange  for  their  ink  and  paper. 

My  father  used  to  say  that  a  gentleman  with  money 
in  his  pocket  might  economize  and  no  disgrace  to  him ; 
but  when  stomach  and  purse  are  both  empty,  go  to 
the  best  house  in  the  town,  where  they  will  feed  you, 
and  lodge  you,  and  drink  you,  before  asking  questions. 
Indeed  I  never  shed  many  salt  tears  over  the  losses  of 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  229 

a  publican,  for  he  shears  so  closely  those  sheep  that 
have  plenty  of  wool  that  he  may  well  take  care  of  an 
innocent  lamb  like  myself,  on  which  the  crop  is  not 
yet  grown. 

I  was  drinking  quietly  and  thinking  deeply  on  the 
wisdom  of  my  father,  who  knew  the  world  better  than 
ever  his  son  will  know  it,  when  there  was  an  unex 
pected  knock  at  the  door,  and  in  walked  Doctor  Chord. 
1  was  not  too  pleased  to  see  the  little  man,  for  I  had 
feared  he  had  changed  his  mind  and  wanted  to  come 
with  us  in  the  morning,  and  his  company  was  some 
thing  I  had  no  desire  for.  He  was  a  coward  in  a 
pinch,  and  a  distrustful  man  in  peace,  ever  casting 
doubt  on  the  affection  I  was  sure  sometimes  that  Lady 
Mary  held  for  me ;  and  if  he  was  n't  talking  about 
that,  sure  he  went  rambling  on,  —  great  discourses  on 
science  which  held  little  interest  for  a  young  man  so 
deeply  in  love  as  I  was.  The  proper  study  of  mankind 
is  womankind,  said  a  philosopher  that  my  father  used 
to  quote  with  approval,  but  whose  name  I  'm  forgetting 
at  this  moment.  Nevertheless  I  welcomed  the  little 
Doctor  and  said  to  him : 

"  Draw  you  up  a  chair,  and  I  '11  draw  out  a  cork." 

The  little  man  sat  him  down,  and  I  placed  an  open 
bottle  nice  and  convenient  to  his  elbow. 

Whether  it  was  the  prospect  of  good  wine,  or  the 
delight  of  better  company,  or  the  thought  of  what  was 
going  to  happen  on  the  morrow,  I  could  not  tell ;  but 
it  seemed  to  me  the  little  Doctor  laboured  under  a  great 
deal  of  excitement,  and  I  became  more  and  more  afraid 
that  he  would  insist  on  bearing  us  company  while  the 
Earl  and  the  Countess  were  away  at  church.  Now  it 
was  enough  to  have  on  my  hands  two  such  models  of 


230  THE     O'RUDDY 

stupidity  as  Paddy  and  Jem  without  having  to  look 
after  Doctor  Chord  as  well,  and  him  glancing  his  eyes 
this  way  and  that  in  apprehension  of  a  blunderbuss. 

"  Have  you  made  all  your  plans,  O'Ruddy?  "  he  in 
quired,  setting  down  his  cup  a  good  deal  emptier  than 
when  he  lifted  it. 

"  I  have,"  said  I. 

"  Are  you  entirely  satisfied  with  them  ? "  he  con 
tinued. 

"  My  plans  are  always  perfect  plans/'  I  replied  to 
him,  "  and  trouble  only  comes  in  the  working  of  them. 
When  you  have  to  work  with  such  raw  material  as  I 
have  to  put  up  with,  the  best  of  plans  have  the  unlucky 
habit  of  turning  round  and  hitting  you  in  the  eye." 

"  Do  you  expect  to  be  hit  in  the  eye  to-morrow  ?  " 
asked  the  Doctor,  very  excited,  which  was  shown 
by  the  rattle  of  the  bottle  against  the  lip  of  his 
cup. 

"  I  'm  only  sure  of  one  thing  for  to-morrow,"  said 
I,  "  and  that  is  the  certainty  that  if  there  's  blunder  to 
be  made  one  or  other  of  my  following  will  make  it. 
Still,  I  'm  not  complaining,  for  it 's  good  to  be  certain 
of  something." 

"  What 's  to  be  your  mode  of  procedure  ?  "  said  the 
Doctor,  giving  me  a  touch  of  his  fine  language. 

"  We  wait  in  the  lane  till  the  church  bells  have 
stopped  ringing,  then  Paddy  and  Jem  go  up  to  the 
little  door  in  the  wall,  and  Paddy  knocks  nice  and 
quietly,  in  the  expectation  that  the  door  will  be  opened 
as  quietly  by  Strammers,  and  thereupon  Jem  and 
Paddy  will  be  let  in." 

"  But  won't  ye  go  in  with  them  ?  "  inquired  the  little 
Doctor  very  hurriedly. 


THE     O'RUDDY  231 

"  Doctor  Chord,"  said  I,  lifting  up  my  cup,  "  I  have 
the  honour  to  drink  wine  with  you,  and  to  inform  you 
that  it 's  myself  that 's  outlining  the  plan." 

"  I  beg  your  pardon  for  interrupting,"  said  the 
Doctor;  then  he  nodded  to  me  as  he  drank. 

"  My  two  villains  will  go  in  alone  with  Strammers, 
and  when  the  door  is  bolted,  and  they  have  passed  the 
time  of  day  with  each  other,  Paddy  will  look  around  the 
garden  and  exclaim  how  it  excels  all  the  gardens  that 
ever  was,  including  that  of  Eden ;  and  then  Jem  will 
say  what  a  pity  it  was  they  could  n't  have  their  young 
friend  outside  to  see  the  beauty  of  it.  It  is  my  ex 
pectation  that  Strammers  will  rise  to  this,  and  request 
the  pleasure  of  their  young  friend's  company ;  but 
if  he  hesitates  Paddy  will  say  that  the  young  friend 
outside  is  a  free-handed  Irishman  who  would  no  more 
mind  a  shilling  going  from  his  pocket  into  that  of 
another  man  than  he  would  the  crooking  of  an  elbow 
when  a  good  drink  is  to  be  had.  But  be  that  as  it 
may,  they  Ye  to  work  me  in  through  the  little  door  by 
the  united  diplomacy  of  England  and  Ireland,  and, 
once  inside  of  the  walls,  it  is  my  hope  that  I  can  slip 
away  from  them  and  see  something  of  the  inside  of 
the  house  as  well." 

"  And  you  have  the  hope  that  you  '11  find  Lady  Mary 
in  the  withdrawing-room,"  said  the  Doctor. 

"  I  '11  find  her,"  says  I,  "  if  she  's  in  the  house ;  for 
I  'm  going  from  room  to  room  on  a  tour  of  inspection 
to  see  whether  I  '11  buy  the  mansion  or  not." 

"  It 's  a  very  good  plan,"  said  the  Doctor,  drawing 
the  back  of  his  hand  across  his  lips.  "  It 's  a  very 
good  plan,"  he  repeated,  nodding  his  head  several 
times. 


232  THE     O'RUDDY 

"  Now,  by  the  Old  Head  of  Kinsale,  little  man,"  said 
I,  "  what  do  you  mean  by  that  remark  and  that  mo 
tion  of  the  head?  What's  wrong  with  the  plan?" 

"  The  plan  's  a  good  one,  as  I  have  said,"  reiter 
ated  the  Doctor.  But  I  saw  there  was  something  on 
his  mind,  and  told  him  so,  urging  him  to  be  out 
with  it. 

"  Do  you  think,"  said  I,  "  that  Lady  Mary  will  be 
in  church  with  her  father  and  mother?  " 

"  I  do  not,"  muttered  the  Doctor,  cautiously  bringing 
his  voice  down  to  a  whisper ;  "  but  I  want  to  warn 
you  that  there  's  danger  here  in  this  room  while  you  're 
lurking  around  my  Earl's  palace." 

"  How  can  danger  harm  me  here  when  I  am  some 
where  else  ?  "  I  asked. 

A  very  mysterious  manner  fell  upon  the  little  man, 
and  he  glanced,  one  after  the  other,  at  the  four  cor 
ners  of  the  room,  as  if  he  heard  a  mouse  moving  and 
wanted  to  detect  it.  Then  he  looked  sternly  at  the 
door,  and  I  thought  he  was  going  to  peer  up  the  chim 
ney,  but  instead  he  leaned  across  the  table  and  said 
huskily,  — 

"  The  papers !  " 

"  What  papers  ?  "  I  asked,  astonished. 

"  Your  thoughts  are  so  intent  on  the  young  lady  that 
you  forget  everything  else.  Have  you  no  recollection 
of  the  papers  the  Earl  of  Westport  is  so  anxious  to 
put  himself  in  possession  of  ?  " 

I  leaned  back  in  my  chair  and  gazed  steadily  at 
Chord;  but  his  eyes  would  not  bring  themselves 
to  meet  mine,  and  so  he  made  some  pother  about 
filling  up  his  cup  again,  with  the  neck  of  the  bottle 
trembling  on  the  edge,  as  if  its  teeth  were  chattering. 


THE      O'RUDDY  233 

Now  my  father  used  to  say  when  a  man  is  afraid 
to  meet  your  eye,  be  prepared  to  have  him  meet  your 
fist.  I  disremembered  saying  anything  to  the  Doctor 
about  these  same  papers,  which,  truth  to  tell,  I  had 
given  but  little  thought  to  recently,  with  other  things 
of  more  importance  to  crowd  them  out  of  mind. 

"  How  come  you  to  know  anything  about  the  pa 
pers?  "  I  said  at  last. 

"  Oh,  your  memory  is  clean  leaving  you !  "  cried 
the  little  Doctor,  as  if  the  cup  of  wine  he  drank 
had  brought  back  his  courage  to  him.  "  You  told  me 
all  about  the  papers  when  we  were  in  Kensington 
Gardens." 

"  If  I  did,"  says  I,  "  then  I  must  have  further  in 
formed  you  that  I  gave  them  as  a  present  to  Lady 
Mary  herself.  Surely  I  told  you  that?" 

"  You  told  me  that,  of  course ;  but  I  thought  you 
said  they  had  come  back  into  your  possession  again. 
If  I  'm  wrong,  it 's  no  matter  at  all,  and  there  's  nothing 
to  be  said  about  them.  I  'm  merely  speaking  to  you 
by  way  of  a  friend,  and  I  thought  if  you  had  the  papers 
here  in  your  room  it  was  very  unsafe  to  leave  them 
unprotected  by  yourself  or  some  one  you  can  trust. 
I  was  just  speaking  as  your  well-wisher,  for  I  don't 
want  to  hear  you  crying  you  are  robbed,  and  us 
at  our  wit's  end  not  getting  either  the  thief  or  the 
booty." 

He  spoke  with  great  candour  and  good  humour, 
and  the  only  thing  that  made  me  suspicious  at  first 
was  that  for  the  life  of  me  I  could  not  ever  remember 
mentioning  the  papers  to  him,  yet  it  was  very  likely 
that  I  did ;  for,  as  my  father  used  to  say,  an  Irishman 
talks  more  than  the  recording  angel  can  set  down  in 


234  THE     O'RUDDY 

his  busiest  day,  and  therefore  it  is  lucky  that  every 
thing  he  says  is  not  held  against  him.  It  seemed  to 
me  that  we  talked  more  of  scandal  than  of  papers  in 
the  park,  but  still  I  might  be  mistaken. 

"  Very  good,  Doctor,"  I  cried,  genially.  "  The  pa 
pers  it  is,  and,  true  for  you,  the  Earl  would  like  to  get 
his  old  claws  on  them.  Have  you  any  suggestions  to 
make?" 

"  Well,  it  seems  to  me,  O'Ruddy,  that  if  the  Earl 
got  wind  of  them  it  would  be  the  easiest  thing  in 
the  world  to  have  your  apartment  rifled  during  your 
absence." 

"  That  is  true  enough,"  I  agreed,  "  so  what  would 
you  do  about  the  papers  if  you  were  in  my  boots  ?  " 

"  If  I  had  a  friend  I  could  trust,"  said  Doctor  Chord 
slowly,  "  I  would  give  the  papers  to  him  and  tell  him 
to  take  good  care  of  them." 

"  But  why  not  carry  them  about  in  my  own  pocket  ?  " 
I  asked. 

"  It  seemed  to  me  they  were  not  any  too  safe  last 
time  they  were  there,"  said  the  Doctor,  pleasantly 
enough.  "  You  see,  O'Ruddy,  you  're  a  marked  man 
if  once  the  Earl  gets  wind  of  your  being  in  town.  To 
carry  the  papers  about  on  your  own  person  would  be 
the  unsafest  thing  you  could  do,  ensuring  you  a  stab 
in  the  back,  so  that  little  use  you  'd  have  for  the  papers 
ever  after.  I  have  no  desire  to  be  mixed  further  in 
your  affairs  than  I  am  at  the  present  moment,  but 
nevertheless  I  could  easily  take  charge  of  the  packet 
for  you ;  then  you  would  know  where  it  was." 

"  But  would  I  be  sure  to  know  where  you  were  ?  " 
said  I,  my  first  suspicion  of  him  returning  to  me. 

The  little  Doctor  laughed. 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  235 

"  I  am  always  very  easily  found,"  he  said ;  "  but 
when  I  offered  to  take  the  papers  it  was  merely  in 
case  a  stranger  like  yourself  should  not  have  a  faster 
friend  beside  him  than  I  am.  If  you  have  any  such, 
then  I  advise  you  to  give  custody  of  the  papers  to 
him." 

"  I  have  no  real  friend  in  London  that  I  know  of," 
said  I,  "but  Paddy." 

"  The  very  thing,"  cried  the  Doctor,  joyously,  at 
once  putting  to  rest  all  my  doubts  concerning  him. 
"  The  very  thing.  I  would  give  the  papers  to  Paddy 
and  tell  him  to  protect  them  with  his  life.  I  'm  sure 
he  '11  do  it,  and  you  '11  know  where  to  find  both  them 
and  him  when  you  want  them.  But  to  go  away  from 
the  '  Pig  and  Turnip '  right  across  to  the  other  end  of 
the  town,  taking  your  two  servants  with  you,  leaving 
nobody  to  guard  papers  that  are  of  importance  to  you, 
strikes  me  as  the  height  of  folly.  I  '11  just  fill  up 
another  cup,  and  so  bid  you  good-night,  and  good  luck 
for  the  morrow." 

And  with  that  the  little  man  drained  the  bottle, 
taking  his  leave  with  great  effusion,  and  begging  my 
pardon  for  even  so  much  as  mentioning  the  papers, 
saying  they  had  been  on  his  mind  for  the  last  day  or 
two,  and,  feeling  friendly  toward  me,  he  wished  to 
warn  me  not  to  leave  them  carelessly  about. 

After  he  left  I  thought  a  good  deal  about  what  the 
Doctor  had  said,  and  I  wondered  at  myself  that  I  had 
ever  misdoubted  him ;  for,  although  he  was  a  man 
given  greatly  to  talk,  yet  he  had  been  exceedingly 
friendly  with  me  from  the  very  first  night  I  had  met 
him,  and  I  thought  shame  of  myself  that  I  was  losing 
trust  in  my  fellow  man  here  in  this  great  city  of  Lon- 


236  THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y 

don,  because  in  Ireland  we  trust  each  other  entirely; 
and  indeed  we  are  under  some  compulsion  in  that  same 
matter,  for  there  is  so  little  money  about  that  if  you  do 
not  take  a  man's  word  now  and  then  there  's  nothing 
else  for  you  to  take. 


CHAPTER   XXVII 

I  SLEPT  well  that  night,  and  it  was  broad  daylight 
when  I  awoke.  A  most  beautiful  morning  it 
seemed  to  me,  and  just  the  time  for  a  lonely  stroll  in 
the  beautiful  gardens,  so  long  as  there  was  some  one 
with  you  that  you  thought  a  great  deal  of.  I  made 
a  good  breakfast,  and  then  took  out  the  papers  and 
placed  them  on  the  table  before  me.  They  were  all 
safe  so  far.  I  could  not  comprehend  how  the  Earl 
would  know  anything  of  my  being  in  London,  unless, 
indeed,  he  caught  sight  of  me  walking  in  his  own 
gardens  with  his  own  daughter,  and  then,  belike,  he 
was  so  jealous  a  man  that  he  would  maybe  come  to 
the  conclusion  I  was  in  London  as  well  as  himself. 

After  breakfast  Paddy  and  Jem  came  in,  looking  as 
bold  as  Blarney  Castle;  and  when  I  eyed  them  both 
I  saw  that  neither  one  nor  the  other  was  a  fit  custodian 
for  papers  that  might  make  the  proudest  Earl  in  Eng 
land  a  poor  man  or  a  rich  man,  depending  which  way 
they  went.  So  I  put  the  documents  in  my  own  pocket 
without  more  ado,  and  gave  up  my  thoughts  to  a 
pleasanter  subject.  I  changed  my  mind  about  a  dis 
guise,  and  put  on  my  back  the  best  clothes  that  I  had 
to  wear.  I  wished  I  had  the  new  suits  I  had  been 
measured  for,  but  the  spalpeen  of  a  tailor  would  not 


238  THE     O'RUDDY 

let  me  have  them  unless  I  paid  him  some  of  the  money 
they  cost.  When  I  came  to  think  over  it  I  saw  that 
Strammers  would  surely  never  recognize  me  as  a  gay 
spark  of  fashion  when  he  had  merely  seen  me  once 
before,  torn  and  ragged,  coming  down  from  a  tree 
on  top  of  his  blunderbuss.  So  I  instructed  Paddy  to 
say  that  he  and  Jem  were  servants  of  the  best  master 
in  the  world,  who  was  a  great  lover  of  gardens ;  that  he 
was  of  immense  generosity,  and  if  Strammers  allowed 
him  to  come  into  the  gardens  by  the  little  door  he  would 
be  a  richer  man  when  the  door  was  opened  than  he 
would  be  if  he  kept  it  shut.  I  had  been  long  enough 
in  London  to  learn  the  golden  method  of  persuasion; 
any  how  I  could  not  bring  myself  to  the  chance  of 
meeting  with  my  lady,  and  me  dressed  worse  than  one 
of  her  own  servants. 

We  were  all  in  the  lane  when  the  church  bells 
ceased  to  ring,  and  if  any  one  had  seen  us  he  would 
simply  have  met  a  comely  young  Irish  gentleman 
taking  the  air  of  a  Sunday  morning  with  two  faithful 
servants  at  his  heels.  I  allowed  something  like  ten 
impatient  minutes  to  crawl  past  me,  and  then,  as  the 
lane  was  clear  and  every  one  for  the  church  within 
its  walls,  I  tipped  a  nod  to  Paddy,  and  he,  with  Jem 
by  his  side,  tapped  lightly  at  the  door,  while  I  stood 
behind  the  trunk  of  the  tree  up  which  I  had  climbed 
before.  There  was  no  sign  of  Doctor  Chord  in  the 
vicinity,  and  for  that  I  was  thankful,  because  up 
to  the  last  moment  I  feared  the  little  man  could  not 
help  intruding  himself  on  what  was  somebody  else's 
business. 

The  door  was  opened  with  some  caution,  letting 
Paddy  and  Jem  enter ;  then  it  was  closed,  and  I  heard 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  239 

the  bolts  shot  into  their  places.  But  I  was  speedily 
to  hear  more  than  bolts  that  Sunday  morning.  There 
was  a  sound  of  thumping  sticks,  and  I  heard  a  yell 
that  might  well  have  penetrated  to  the  "  Pig  and 
Turnip  "  itself,  although  it  was  miles  away.  I  knew 
Paddy's  cry,  and  next  there  came  some  good  English 
cursing  from  Jem  Bottles,  while  a  shrill  voice  called 
out:  — 

"  Catch  the  red-haired  one ;  he 's  the  villain  we 
want !  " 

In  the  midst  of  various  exclamations,  maledictions, 
and  other  constructions  of  speech,  mingled,  I  thought, 
with  laughter,  I  flung  my  shoulder  against  the  door, 
but  I  might  as  well  have  tried  to  batter  down  the 
wall  itself.  The  door  was  as  firm  as  Macgillicuddy 
Reeks.  I  know  when  I  am  beat  as  well  as  the  next 
man,  and,  losing  no  more  time  there,  I  ran  as  fast  as 
I  could  along  the  wall,  out  of  the  lane,  and  so  to  the 
front  of  the  house.  The  main  entrance  was  protected 
by  great  gates  of  wrought  iron,  which  were  opened 
on  occasion  by  a  man  in  a  little  cubby  of  a  cabin  that 
stood  for  a  porter's  lodge.  The  man  was  n't  there, 
and  the  gates  were  locked;  but  part  of  one  of  the 
huge  wings  of  wrought  iron  was  a  little  gate  that 
stood  ajar.  This  I  pushed  open,  and,  unmolested, 
stepped  inside. 

The  trees  and  shrubbery  hid  from  me  the  scene 
that  was  taking  place  inside  the  little  wooden  door. 
I  dashed  through  the  underbrush  and  came  to  the  edge 
of  a  broad  lawn,  and  there  was  going  on  as  fine  a 
scrimmage  as  any  man  could  wish  to  see.  Jem  Bottles 
had  his  back  against  the  wooden  door,  and  was  laying 
about  him  with  a  stout  stick ;  half  a  dozen  tall  fellows 


240  THE     O'RUDDY 

in  livery  making  a  great  show  of  attack,  but  keeping 
well  out  of  range  of  his  weapon.  Poor  Paddy  had 
the  broad  of  his  back  on  the  turf,  and  it  looked  like 
they  were  trying  to  tear  the  clothes  off  him,  for 
another  half-dozen  were  on  top  of  him ;  but  I  can 
say  this  in  his  favour,  Paddy  was  using  his  big  feet 
and  doing  great  execution  with  them.  Every  now 
and  then  he  planted  a  boot  in  the  well-fed  front  of  a 
footman  or  under-gardener,  and  sent  him  flying.  The 
whole  household  seemed  to  be  present,  and  one  could 
hardly  believe  there  was  such  a  mob  in  a  single  man 
sion.  The  Earl  of  Westport  was  there,  and  who  stood 
beside  him  but  that  little  villain,  Doctor  Chord. 

But  it  was  the  Countess  herself  that  was  directing 
operations.  She  had  an  ebony  stick  in  her  hands,  and 
when  Paddy  kicked  one  of  her  underlings  the  vigor 
ous  old  lady  smote  the  overturned  servant  to  make 
him  to  the  fray  again.  It  was  an  exciting  scene,  and 
Donnybrook  was  nothing  to  it.  Their  backs  were  all 
toward  me,  and  I  was  just  bubbling  with  joy  to  think 
what  a  surprise  I  was  about  to  give  them,  —  for  I 
drew  my  sword  and  had  a  yell  of  defiance  on  my 
lips,  —  when  a  cry  that  nobody  paid  the  least  atten 
tion  to  turned  my  mind  in  another  direction  entirely. 

One  of  the  first-floor  windows  was  open,  and  over 
the  sill  leaned  Lady  Mary  herself,  her  face  aflush  with 
anger. 

"  Father !  Mother !  "  she  cried.  "  Are  not  you 
ashamed  of  yourselves,  making  this  commotion  on  a 
Sunday  morning  ?  Call  the  servants  away  from  there ! 
Let  the  two  poor  men  go!  Oh,  shame,  shame  upon 
you." 

She  wrung  her  hands,  but,  as  I  was  saying,  nobody 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y          241 

paid  the  slightest  heed  to  her,  and  I  doubt  if  any  of 
them  heard  her,  for  Paddy  was  not  keeping  silence 
by  any  manner  of  means.  He  was  taking  the  worst 
of  all  the  blows  that  fell  on  him  in  a  vigorous  outcry. 

"  Murther !  murther !  "  he  shouted.  "  Let  me  on 
me  feet,  an'  I  '11  knock  yez  all  into  the  middle  of  county 
Clare." 

No  one,  however,  took  advantage  of  this  generous 
offer,  but  they  kept  as  clear  as  they  could  of  his  mis 
cellaneous  feet,  and  the  Countess  poked  him  in  the 
ribs  with  the  point  of  her  ebony  stick  whenever  she 
was  n't  laying  it  over  the  backs  of  her  servants. 

Now,  no  man  can  ever  say  that  I  was  a  laggard 
when  a  good  old-fashioned  contest  was  going  on,  and 
the  less  indolence  was  observable  on  my  own  part  when 
friends  of  mine  were  engaged  in  the  fray.  Sure  I  was 
always  eager  enough,  even  when  it  was  a  stranger's 
debate,  and  I  wonder  what  my  father  would  think  of 
me  now,  to  see  me  veer  from  the  straight  course  of 
battle  and  thrust  my  unstruck  sword  once  more  into 
its  scabbard.  It  was  the  face  in  the  window  that  made 
me  forget  friend  and  foe  alike.  Lady  Mary  was  the 
only  member  of  the  household  that  was  not  on  the 
lawn,  and  was  protesting  unheard  against  the  violence 
to  two  poor  men  who  were  there  because  they  had  been 
invited  to  come  by  the  under-gardener. 

I  saw  in  the  twinkling  of  an  eye  that  the  house  had 
been  deserted  on  the  first  outcry.  Doors  were  left  wide 
open  for  the  whole  world  to  enter.  I  dodged  behind 
the  trees,  scuttled  up  the  gravelled  driveway,  leaped 
the  stone  steps  three  at  a  time,  and  before  you  could 
say  "  Ballymuggins  "  I  was  in  the  most  superb  hall 
in  which  I  ever  set  my  foot.  It  was  a  square  house 

16 


242  THE     O'RUDDY 

with  the  stairway  in  the  middle.  I  kept  in  my  mind's 
eye  the  direction  of  the  window  in  which  Lady  Mary 
had  appeared.  Quick  as  a  bog-trotter  responds  to  an 
invitation  to  drink,  I  mounted  that  grand  stairway, 
turned  to  my  right,  and  came  to  a  door  opposite  which 
I  surmised  was  the  window  through  which  Lady  Mary 
was  leaning.  Against  this  door  I  rapped  my  knuckles, 
and  speedily  I  heard  the  sweet  voice  of  the  most 
charming  girl  in  all  the  world  demand  with  something 
like  consternation  in  its  tones,  — 

"Who  is  there?" 

"It's  me,  Lady  Mary!"  said  I.  "The  O'Ruddy, 
who  begs  the  privilege  of  a  word  with  you." 

I  heard  the  slam  of  a  window  being  shut,  then  the 
sound  of  a  light  step  across  the  floor,  and  after  that 
she  said  with  a  catch  in  her  voice,  — 

"  1 11  be  pleased  you  should  come  in,  Mr.  O'Ruddy." 

I  tried  the  door,  but  found  it  locked. 

"  How  can  I  come  in,  Lady  Mary,"  says  I,  "  if 
you  've  got  bolts  held  against  me  ?  " 

"  There  are  no  bolts,"  said  Lady  Mary ;  "  the  key 
should  be  on  the  outside.  I  am  locked  in.  Look  for 
the  key  and  open  the  door." 

Was  ever  a  more  delightful  sentence  spoken  to  a 
man?  My  heart  was  in  my  throat  with  joy.  I  glanced 
down,  and  there,  sure  enough,  stuck  the  key.  I  turned 
it  at  once,  then  pulled  it  out  of  the  lock  and  opened 
the  door. 

"  Lady  Mary,"  says  I,  "  with  your  permission,  it 
seems  to  me  a  door  should  be  locked  from  the  inside." 

With  that  I  thrust  the  key  through  the  far  side  of 
the  door,  closed  it,  and  locked  it.  Then  I  turned  round 
to  face  her. 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  243 

The  room,  it  was  plain  to  be  seen,  was  the  parlour 
of  a  lady,  —  a  boudoir,  as  they  call  it  in  France,  a 
word  that  my  father  was  very  fond  of  using,  having 
caught  it  when  he  was  on  the  campaign  in  that  de 
lightful  country.  The  boudoir  was  full  of  confections 
and  charming  little  dainties  in  the  way  of  lace,  and 
easy  chairs,  and  bookcases,  and  little  writing-desks, 
and  a  work-basket  here  and  there ;  but  the  finest  orna 
ment  it  possessed  was  the  girl  who  now  stood  in  the 
middle  of  the  floor  with  a  frown  on  her  brow  that 
was  most  becoming.  Yes,  there  was  a  frown  on  her 
brow,  although  I  expected  a  smile  on  her  lips  because 
of  the  cordial  invitation  she  had  given  me  to  come  in. 

It  would  seem  to  either  you  or  me  that  if  a  lady 
suffered  the  indignity  of  being  locked  in  her  room, 
just  as  if  she  was  a  child  of  six  years  old,  she  would 
welcome  with  joy  the  person  who  came  and  released 
her.  Now,  my  father,  who  was  the  wisest  man  since 
Solomon,  —  and  indeed,  as  I  listened  to  him,  I  've 
often  thought  that  Solomon  was  overpraised,  —  my 
father  used  to  say  there  was  no  mystery  at  all  about 
women.  "  You  just  think,"  he  would  say,  "  of  what 
a  sensible  man  would  do  on  a  certain  occasion ;  then 
configure  out  in  your  mind  the  very  opposite,  and 
that 's  what  a  woman  will  do."  A  man  who  had  been 
imprisoned  would  have  held  out  his  hand  and  have 
said,  "  God  bless  you,  O'Ruddy ;  but  I  'm  glad  to  see 
you."  And  here  stood  this  fine  lady  in  the  middle  of 
her  room,  looking  at  me  as  if  I  were  the  dirt  beneath 
her  feet,  and  had  forced  my  way  into  her  presence, 
instead  of  being  invited  like  a  man  of  honour  to 
enter. 

"  Well,  Mr.  O'Ruddy,"  she  said,  throwing  back  her 


244  THE     O'RUDDY 

head,  haughty-like,  "  Why  do  you  stand  dallying  in 
a  lady's  bower  when  your  followers  are  being  beaten 
on  the  lawn  outside  ?  " 

I  cannot  give  you  Lady  Mary's  exact  words,  for  I 
was  so  astonished  at  their  utterance;  but  I  give  you 
a  very  good  purport  of  them. 

"Is  it  the  beating  of  my  men?"  I  said.  "Troth, 
that 's  what  I  pay  them  for.  And  whoever  gives  them 
a  good  drubbing  saves  me  the  trouble.  I  saw  they  had 
Paddy  down  on  the  turf,  but  he  's  a  son  of  the  ould 
sod,  and  little  he  '11  mind  being  thrown  on  his  mother. 
But  if  it 's  Jem  Bottles  you  're  anxious  about,  truth 
to  tell  I  'm  more  sorry  for  those  that  come  within 
range  of  his  stick  than  for  Jem  with  his  back  to  the 
wall.  Bottles  can  take  care  of  himself  in  any  com 
pany,  for  he  's  a  highwayman  in  an  excellent  way  of 
business." 

I  always  like  to  mention  anything  that 's  in  favour 
of  a  man,  and  so  I  told  her  what  profession  Bottles 
followed.  She  gave  a  toss  of  her  head,  and  gave  me 
a  look  that  had  something  like  contempt  in  it,  which 
was  far  from  being  pleasant  to  endure.  Then  she 
began  walking  up  and  down  the  room,  and  it  was 
plain  to  see  that  my  Lady  was  far  from  being  pleased 
with  me. 

"  Poor  fellows !  Poor  faithful  fellows !  That 's 
what  comes  of  having  a  fool  for  a  master." 

"  Indeed,  your  ladyship,"  said  I,  drawing  myself  up 
to  my  full  height,  which  was  n't  so  very  much  short 
of  the  door  itself,  "  there  are  worse  things  than  blows 
from  a  good  honest  cudgel.  You  might  better  say, 
'  This  is  what  comes  to  a  master  with  two  fools  for 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  245 

"And  what  comes  to  a  master?"  she  demanded. 
"  Sure  no  one  asks  you  to  be  here." 

"  That  shows  how  short  your  ladyship's  memory 
is,"  said  I  with  some  irritation.  "  Father  Donovan 
used  to  tell  me  that  the  shortest  thing  in  the  world 
was  the  interval  between  an  insult  and  a  blow  in 
Ireland,  but  I  think  a  lady's  memory  is  shorter  still. 
'  Turn  the  key  and  come  in,'  says  you.  What  is  that, 
I  would  like  to  know,  but  an  invitation." 

It  appeared  to  me  that  she  softened  a  bit,  but  she 
continued  her  walk  up  and  down  the  room  and  was 
seemingly  in  great  agitation.  The  cries  outside  had 
stopped,  but  whether  they  had  murdered  both  Jem 
Bottles  and  Paddy  I  had  no  means  at  that  moment 
of  knowing,  and  I  hope  the  two  will  forgive  me  when 
I  say  that  my  thoughts  were  far  from  them. 

"  You  will  understand,"  said  Lady  Mary,  speaking 
still  with  resentment  in  her  voice,  "  that  the  papers 
you  held  are  the  key  to  the  situation.  Have  you  no 
more  sense  than  to  trust  them  to  the  care  of  a  red 
headed  clown  from  whom  they  can  be  taken  as  easy 
as  if  they  were  picked  up  off  the  street?" 

"  Indeed,  believe  me,  Lady  Mary,  that  no  red-headed 
clown  has  any  papers  of  mine." 

"  Indeed,  and  I  think  you  speak  the  true  word  there. 
The  papers  are  now  in  my  father's  possession,  and  he 
will  know  how  to  take  care  of  them." 

"Well,  he  didn't  know  that  the  last  time  he  had 
them,"  I  cried,  feeling  angry  at  these  unjust  accusa 
tions,  and  not  being  able  to  bear  the  compliment  to 
the  old  man,  even  if  he  was  an  Earl.  "  The  papers," 
said  I,  "  are  as  easily  picked  from  me  as  from  the 
street,  like  you  were  saying  just  now ;  but  it  is  n't  a 


246  THE      O'RUDDY 

pack  of  overfed  flunkeys  that  will  lift  them  from  me. 
Lady  Mary,  on  a  previous  occasion  I  placed  the  papers 
in  your  hands;  now,  with  your  kind  permission,  I 
lay  them  at  your  feet,"  —  and,  saying  this  with  the 
most  courteous  obeisance,  I  knelt  with  one  knee  on  the 
floor  and  placed  the  packet  of  papers  where  I  said  I 
would  place  them. 

Now,  ever  since  that,  the  Lady  Mary  denies  that 
she  kicked  them  to  the  other  end  of  the  room.  She 
says  that  as  she  was  walking  to  and  fro  the  toe  of 
her  foot  touched  the  packet  and  sent  it  spinning ;  and, 
as  no  real  Irishman  ever  yet  contradicted  a  lady,  all 
I  will  say  is  that  the  precious  bundle  went  hurtling 
to  the  other  end  of  the  room,  and  it  is  very  likely 
that  Lady  Mary  thought  the  gesture  of  her  foot  a 
trifle  too  much  resembled  an  action  of  her  mother, 
the  Countess,  for  her  manner  changed  in  the  twink 
ling  of  an  eye,  and  she  laughed  like  her  old  self  again. 

"  Mr.  O'Ruddy,"  she  said,  "  you  put  me  out  of  all 
patience.  You  're  as  simple  as  if  you  came  out  of 
Ireland  yesterday." 

"  It 's  tolerably  well  known,"  said  I,  "  by  some  of 
your  expert  swordsmen,  that  I  came  out  the  day 
before." 

Again  Lady  Mary  laughed. 

"  You  're  not  very  wise  in  the  choice  of  your 
friends,"  she  said. 

"  I  am,  if  I  can  count  you  as  one  of  them,"  I  re 
turned. 

She  made  no  direct  reply  to  this,  but  continued: 

"  Can't  you  see  that  that  little  Doctor  Chord  is  a 
traitor?  He  has  been  telling  my  father  all  you  have 
been  doing  and  all  you  have  been  planning,  and  he 


THE     O  '  11  U  1)  1)  Y  247 

says  you  are  almost  simple  enough  to  have  given  the 
papers  into  his  own  keeping  no  longer  ago  than  last 
night." 

"  Now,  look  you,  Lady  Mary,  how  much  you  mis 
judged  me.  The  little  villain  asked  for  the  papers, 
but  he  did  n't  get  them ;  then  he  advised  me  to  give 
them  to  a  man  I  could  trust,  and  when  I  said  the 
only  man  I  could  trust  was  red-headed  Paddy  out  yon 
der,  he  was  delighted  to  think  I  was  to  leave  them  in 
his  custody.  But  you  can  see  for  yourself  I  did  noth 
ing  of  the  kind,  and  if  your  people  thought  they  could 
get  anything  out  of  Paddy  by  bad  language  and  heroic 
kicks  they  were  mistaken." 

At  that  moment  we  had  an  interruption  that  brought 
our  conversation  to  a  standstill  and  Lady  Mary  to  the 
door,  outside  which  her  mother  was  crying,  — 

"Mary,  Mary!     where 's  the  key?" 

"  Where  should  it  be  ?  "  said  Lady  Mary,  "  but  in 
the  door." 

"  It  is  not  in  the  door,"  said  the  Countess  wrath- 
fully,  shaking  it  as  if  she  would  tear  it  down. 

"  It  is  in  the  door,"  said  Lady  Mary  positively ;  and 
quite  right  she  was,  for  both  of  us  were  looking 
at  it. 

"  It  is  not  in  the  door,"  shouted  her  mother.  "  Some 
of  the  servants  have  taken  it  away." 

Then  we  heard  her  calling  over  the  banisters  to 
find  out  who  had  taken  away  the  key  of  Lady  Mary's 
room.  There  was  a  twinkle  in  Mary's  eye,  and  a 
quiver  in  the  corners  of  her  pretty  mouth  that  made 
me  feel  she  would  burst  out  laughing,  and  indeed  I 
had  some  ado  to  keep  silence  myself. 

"  What  have  you  done  with  those  two  poor  wretches 


248  THE      O'RUDDY 

you  were  maltreating  out  in  the  garden  ?  "  asked  Lady 
Mary. 

"  Oh,  don't  speak  of  them,"  cried  the  Countess,  evi 
dently  in  no  good  humour.  "  It  was  all  a  scandal  for 
nothing.  The  red-headed  beast  did  not  have  the  pa 
pers.  That  little  fool,  Chord,  has  misled  both  your 
father  and  me.  I  could  wring  his  neck  for  him,  and 
now  he  is  palavering  your  father  in  the  library  and 
saying  he  will  get  the  papers  himself  or  die  in  the 
attempt.  It  serves  us  right  for  paying  attention  to 
a  babbling  idiot  like  him.  I  said  in  the  first  place 
that  that  Irish  baboon  of  an  O'Ruddy  was  not  likely 
to  give  them  to  the  ape  that  follows  him/' 

"  Tare-an-ounds !  "  I  cried,  clenching  my  fists  and 
making  for  the  door;  but  Lady  Mary  rattled  it  so  I 
could  not  be  heard,  and  the  next  instant  she  placed 
her  snow-flake  hand  across  my  mouth,  which  was  as 
pleasant  a  way  of  stopping  an  injudicious  utterance 
as  ever  I  had  been  acquainted  with. 

"  Mary,"  said  the  Countess,  "  your  father  is  very 
much  agitated  and  disappointed,  so  I  'm  taking  him 
out  for  a  drive.  I  have  told  the  butler  to  look  out  for 
the  key,  and  when  he  finds  it  he  will  let  you  out. 
You  've  only  yourself  to  blame  for  being  locked  in, 
because  we  expected  the  baboon  himself  and  could  n't 
trust  you  in  his  presence." 

It  was  now  Lady  Mary's  turn  to  show  confusion  at 
the  old  termagant's  talk,  and  she  coloured  as  red  as 
a  sunset  on  the  coast  of  Kerry.  I  forgave  the  old  hag 
her  discourteous  appellation  of  "  baboon  "  because  of 
the  joyful  intimation  she  gave  me  through  the  door 
that  Lady  Mary  was  not  to  be  trusted  when  I  was 
near  by.  My  father  used  to  say  that  if  you  are  present 


THE      O'RUDDY  249 

when  an  embarrassment  comes  to  a  lady  it  is  well  not 
to  notice  it,  else  the  embarrassment  will  be  transferred 
to  yourself.  Remembering  this,  I  pretended  not  to 
see  Lady  Mary's  flaming  cheeks,  and,  begging  her 
pardon,  walked  up  the  room  and  picked  from  the  cor 
ner  the  bundle  of  papers  which  had,  somehow  or  other 
come  there,  whether  kicked  or  not.  I  came  back 
to  where  she  was  standing  and  offered  them  to  her 
most  respectfully,  as  if  they,  and  not  herself,  were 
the  subject  of  discussion. 

"  Hush,"  said  Lady  Mary  in  a  whisper;  "  sit  down 
yonder  and  see  how  long  you  can  keep  quiet." 

She  pointed  to  a  chair  that  stood  beside  a  beautifully 
polished  table  of  foreign  wood,  the  like  of  which  I  had 
never  seen  before,  and  I,  wishing  very  much  to  please 
her,  sat  down  where  she  told  me  and  placed  the  bundle 
of  papers  on  the  table.  Lady  Mary  tiptoed  over,  as 
light-footed  as  a  canary-bird,  and  sat  down  on  the 
opposite  side  of  the  table,  resting  her  elbows  on  the 
polished  wood,  and,  with  her  chin  in  her  hands,  gazed 
across  at  me,  and  a  most  bewildering  scrutiny  I  found 
it,  rendering  it  difficult  for  me  to  keep  quiet  and  seated, 
as  she  had  requested.  In  a  minute  or  two  we  heard 
the  crunch  of  wheels  on  the  gravel  in  front,  then  the 
carriage  drove  off,  and  the  big  gates  clanked  together. 

Still  Lady  Mary  poured  the  sunshine  of  her  eyes 
upon  me,  and  I  hope  and  trust  she  found  me  a  pre 
sentable  young  man,  for  under  the  warmth  of  her  look 
my  heart  began  to  bubble  up  like  a  pot  of  potatoes  on 
a  strong  fire. 

"  You  make  me  a  present  of  the  papers,  then  ?  " 
said  Lady  Mary  at  last. 

"  Indeed  and  I  do,  and  of  myself  as  well,  if  you  '11 


250  THE      O'RUDDY 

have  me.  And  this  latter  is  a  thing  I  Ve  been  trying 
to  say  to  you  every  time  I  met  you,  Mary  acushla, 
and  no  sooner  do  the  words  come  to  my  lips  than 
some  doddering  fool  interrupts  us;  but  now,  my  dar 
ling,  we  are  alone  together,  in  that  lover's  paradise 
which  is  always  typified  by  a  locked  door,  and  at  last 
I  can  say  the  things " 

Just  here,  as  I  mentioned  the  word  "  door,"  there 
came  a  rap  at  it,  and  Lady  Mary  started  as  if  some 
one  had  fired  a  gun. 

"  Your  ladyship,"  said  the  butler,  "  I  cannot  find 
the  key.  Shall  I  send  for  a  locksmith  ?  " 

"  Oh,  no,"  said  Lady  Mary,  "  do  not  take  the  trou 
ble.  I  have  letters  to  write,  and  do  not  wish  to  be 
disturbed  until  my  mother  returns." 

"  Very  good,  your  ladyship,"  returned  the  butler, 
and  he  walked  away. 

"  A  locksmith !  "  said  Lady  Mary,  looking  across 
the  table  at  me. 

"  Love  laughs  at  them,"  said  I. 

Lady  Mary  smiled  very  sweetly,  but  shook  her  head. 

"  This  is  not  a  time  for  laughter,"  she  said,  "  but 
for  seriousness.  Now,  I  cannot  risk  your  staying  here 
longer,  so  will  tell  you  what  I  have  to  say  as  quickly 
as  possible.  Your  repeatedly  interrupted  declaration 
I  take  for  truth,  because  the  course  of  true  love  never 
did  run  smooth.  Therefore,  if  you  want  me,  you  must 
keep  the  papers." 

At  this  I  hastily  took  the  bundle  from  the  table  and 
thrust  it  in  my  pocket,  which  action  made  Lady  Mary 
smile  again. 

"  Have  you  read  them  ?  "  she  asked. 

"  I  have  not." 


THE      O'RUDDY  251 

"  Do  you  mean  to  say  you  have  carried  these  papers 
about  for  so  long  and  have  not  read  them  ?  " 

"  I  had  no  curiosity  concerning  them,"  I  replied. 
"  I  have  something  better  to  look  at,"  I  went  on,  gaz 
ing  across  at  her ;  "  and  when  that  is  not  with  me 
the  memory  of  it  is,  and  it 's  little  I  care  for  a  pack 
of  musty  papers  and  what 's  in  them.'' 

"  Then  I  will  tell  you  what  they  are,"  said  Lady 
Mary.  "  There  are  in  that  packet  the  title-deeds  to 
great  estates,  the  fairest  length  of  land  that  lies  under 
the  sun  in  Sussex.  There  is  also  a  letter  written  by  my 
father's  own  hand,  giving  the  property  to  your  father." 

"  But  he  did  not  mean  my  father  to  keep  it,"  said  I. 

"  No,  he  did  not.  He  feared  capture,  and  knew  the 
ransom  would  be  heavy  if  they  found  evidence  of 
property  upon  him.  Now  all  these  years  he  has  been 
saying  nothing,  but  collecting  the  revenues  of  this 
estate  and  using  them,  while  another  man  had  the 
legal  right  to  it." 

"  Still  he  has  but  taken  what  was  his  own,"  said  I, 
"  and  my  father  never  disputed  that,  always  intending 
to  come  over  to  England  and  return  the  papers  to  the 
Earl;  but  he  got  lazy-like,  by  sitting  at  his  own  fire 
side,  and  seldom  went  farther  abroad  than  to  the 
house  of  the  priest ;  but  his  last  injunctions  to  me  were 
to  see  that  the  Earl  got  his  papers,  and  indeed  he 
would  have  had  them  long  since  if  he  had  but  treated 
me  like  the  son  of  an  old  friend." 

"  Did  your  father  mention  that  the  Earl  would  give 
you  any  reward  for  returning  his  property  to  him  ?  " 

"  He  did  not,"  I  replied  with  indignation.  "  In 
Ireland,  when  a  friend  does  a  friend's  part,  he  does  n't 
expect  to  be  paid  for  it." 


252  THE     O'RUDDY 

"  But  don't  you  expect  a  reward  for  returning 
them?" 

"  Lady  Mary,"  said  I,  "  do  you  mean  to  be  after 
insulting  me?  These  papers  are  not  mine,  but  the 
Earl  of  Westport's,  and  he  can  have  them  without  say 
ing  as  much  as  '  Thank  you  kindly '  for  them." 

Lady  Mary  leaned  back  in  her  chair  and  looked  at 
me  with  half-closed  eyes,  then  she  stretched  forth  her 
hand  and  said: 

"  Give  me  the  papers." 

"  But  it 's  only  a  minute  since,"  I  cried,  perplexed, 
"  that  you  held  them  to  be  the  key  of  the  situation, 
and  said  if  I  did  n't  keep  them  I  would  never  get  you." 

"  Did  I  say  that  ?  "  asked  Lady  Mary  with  the  inno 
cence  of  a  three-year-old  child.  "  I  had  no  idea  we 
had  come  to  such  a  conclusion.  Now  do  you  want 
a  little  advice  about  those  same  papers  ?  " 

"  As  long  as  the  advice  comes  from  you,  Mary  dar 
ling,  I  want  it  on  any  subject." 

"  You  have  come  into  England  brawling,  sword- 
playing,  cudgel-flinging,  and  never  till  this  moment 
have  you  given  a  thought  to  what  the  papers  are  for. 
These  papers  represent  the  law." 

"  Bad  cess  to  it,"  said  I.  "  My  father  used  to  say, 
have  as  little  to  do  with  the  law  as  possible,  for  what 's 
the  use  of  bringing  your  man  into  the  courts  when  a 
good  shillelah  is  speedier  and  more  satisfactory  to  all 
concerned." 

"  That  may  be  true  in  Ireland,  but  it  is  not  true  in 
England.  Now,  here  is  my  advice.  You  know  my 
father  and  mother,  and  if  you  '11  just  quit  staring  your 
eyes  out  at  me,  and  think  for  a  minute,  you  may  be 
able  to  tell  when  you  will  get  their  consent  to  pay 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  253 

your  addresses  to  me  without  interruption."  Here 
she  blushed  and  looked  down. 

"  Indeed,"  said  I,  "  I  don't  need  to  take  my  eyes 
from  you  to  answer  that  question.  It  '11  be  the  after 
noon  following  the  Day  of  Judgment." 

"  Very  well.  You  must  then  stand  on  your  rights. 
I  will  give  you  a  letter  to  a  man  in  the  Temple, 
learned  in  the  law.  He  was  legal  adviser  to  my  aunt, 
who  left  me  all  her  property,  and  she  told  me  that  if 
I  ever  was  in  trouble  I  was  to  go  to  him ;  but  instead 
of  that  I  '11  send  my  trouble  to  him  with  a  letter  of 
introduction.  I  advise  you  to  take  possession  of  the 
estate  at  Brede,  and  think  no  more  of  giving  up  the 
papers  to  my  father  until  he  is  willing  to  give  you 
something  in  return.  You  may  then  ask  what  you  like 
of  him ;  money,  goods,  or  a  farm,"  —  and  again  a 
bright  red  colour  flooded  her  cheeks.  With  that  she 
drew  toward  her  pen  and  paper  and  dashed  off  a  letter 
which  she  gave  to  me. 

"  I  think,"  she  said,  "  it  would  be  well  if  you  left 
the  papers  with  the  man  in  the  Temple ;  he  will  keep 
them  safely,  and  no  one  will  suspect  where  they  are; 
while,  if  you  need  money,  which  is  likely,  he  will  be 
able  to  advance  you  what  you  want  on  the  security 
of  the  documents  you  leave  with  him." 

"Is  it  money?"  said  I,  "sure  I  couldn't  think  of 
drawing  money  on  property  that  belongs  to  your  good 
father,  the  Earl." 

"  As  I  read  the  papers,"  replied  Lady  Mary,  very 
demurely,  casting  down  her  eyes  once  more,  "  the 
property  does  not  belong  to  my  good  father,  the 
Earl,  but  to  the  good-for-nothing  young  man  named 
O'Ruddy.  I  think  that  my  father,  the  Earl,  will  find 


254  THE     O'RUDDY 

that  he  needs  your  signature  before  he  can  call  the 
estate  his  own  once  more.  It  may  be  I  am  wrong, 
and  that  your  father,  by  leaving  possession  so  long  in 
the  hands  of  the  Earl,  may  have  forfeited  his  claim. 
Mr.  Josiah  Brooks  will  tell  you  all  about  that  when 
you  meet  him  in  the  Temple.  You  may  depend  upon 
it  that  if  he  advances  you  money  your  claim  is  good, 
and,  your  claim  being  good,  you  may  make  terms  with 
even  so  obstreperous  a  man  as  my  father." 

"  And  if  I  make  terms  with  the  father,"  I  cried, 
"  do  you  think  his  comely  daughter  will  ratify  the 
bargain  ?  " 

Lady  Mary  smiled  very  sweetly,  and  gave  me  the 
swiftest  and  shyest  of  glances  across  the  table  from 
her  speaking  eyes,  which  next  instant  were  hidden 
from  me. 

"  May  be,"  she  said,  "  the  lawyer  could  answer  that 
question." 

"  Troth,"  I  said,  springing  to  my  feet,  "  I  know  a 
better  one  to  ask  it  of  than  any  old  curmudgeon  poring 
over  dry  law-books,  and  the  answer  I  'm  going  to 
have  from  your  own  lips." 

Then,  with  a  boldness  that  has  ever  characterized 
the  O'Ruddys,  I  swung  out  my  arms  and  had  her 
inside  o'  them  before  you  could  say  Ballymoyle.  She 
made  a  bit  of  a  struggle  and  cried  breathlessly : 

"  I  '11  answer,  if  you  '11  sit  in  that  chair  again." 

"  It 's  not  words,"  says  I,  "  I  want  from  your  lips, 
but  this,"  —  and  I  smothered  a  little  shriek  with  one 
of  the  heartiest  kisses  that  ever  took  place  out  of 
Ireland  itself,  and  it  seemed  to  me  that  her  struggle 
ceased,  or,  as  one  might  say,  faded  away,  as  my  lips 
came  in  contact  with  hers ;  for  she  suddenly  weakened 


THE      O'RUDDY  255 

in  my  arms  so  that  I  had  to  hold  her  close  to  me,  for 
I  thought  she  would  sink  to  the  floor  if  I  did  but 
leave  go,  and  in  the  excitement  of  the  moment  my 
own  head  was  swimming  in  a  way  that  the  richest  of 
wine  had  never  made  it  swim  before.  Then  Lady 
Mary  buried  her  face  in  my  shoulder  with  a  little  sigh 
of  content,  and  I  knew  she  was  mine  in  spite  of  all 
the  Earls  and  Countesses  in  the  kingdom,  or  estates 
either,  so  far  as  that  went.  At  last  she  straightened 
up  and  made  as  though  she  would  push  me  from  her, 
but  held  me  thus  at  arms'  length,  while  her  limpid 
eyes  looked  like  twin  lakes  of  Killarney  on  a  dreamy 
misty  morning  when  there  's  no  wind  blowing. 

"  O'Ruddy,"  she  said,  solemnly,  with  a  little  catch 
in  her  voice,  "  you  're  a  bold  man,  and  I  think  you  've 
no  doubt  of  your  answer;  but  what  has  happened 
makes  me  the  more  anxious  for  your  success  in  deal 
ing  with  those  who  will  oppose  both  your  wishes  and 
mine.  My  dear  lover,  is  what  I  call  you  now;  you 
have  come  over  in  tempestuous  fashion,  with  a  sword 
in  your  hand,  striving  against  every  one  who  would 
stand  up  before  you.  After  this  morning,  all  that 
should  be  changed,  for  life  seems  to  have  become 
serious  and  momentous.  O'Ruddy,  I  want  your 
actions  to  be  guided,  not  by  a  drawn  sword,  but  by 
religion  and  by  law." 

"  Troth,  Mary  acushla,  an  Irishman  takes  to  reli 
gion  of  his  own  nature,  but  I  much  misdoubt  me  if 
it  comes  natural  to  take  to  the  law." 

"  How  often  have  you  been  to  mass  since  you  came 
to  England,  O'Ruddy?" 

"  How  often  ?  "  says  I,  wrinkling  my  brow,  "  indeed 
you  mean,  how  many  times  ?  " 


256  THE      O'RUDDY 

"  Yes ;   how  many  times  ?  " 

"  Now,  Mary,  how  could  you  expect  me  to  be  keep 
ing  count  of  them?" 

"  Has  your  attendance,  then,  been  so  regular  ?  " 

"  Ah,  Mary,  darling ;  it 's  not  me  that  has  the  face 
to  tell  you  a  lie,  and  yet  I  'm  ashamed  to  say  that 
I  Ve  never  set  foot  in  a  church  since  I  crossed  the 
channel,  and  the  best  of  luck  it  is  for  me  that  good 
old  Father  Donovan  does  n't  hear  these  same  words." 

"  Then  you  will  go  to  church  this  very  day  and 
pray  for  heaven's  blessing  on  both  of  us." 

"  It 's  too  late  for  the  mass  this  Sunday,  Mary,  but 
the  churches  are  open,  and  the  first  one  I  come  to 
will  have  me  inside  of  it." 

With  that  she  drew  me  gently  to  her,  and  herself 
kissed  me,  meeting  none  of  that  resistance  which  I 
had  encountered  but  a  short  time  before;  and  then, 
as  bitter  ill  luck  would  have  it,  at  this  delicious  mo 
ment  we  were  startled  by  the  sound  of  carriage-wheels 
on  the  gravel  outside. 

*'  Oh !  "  cried  Lady  Mary  in  a  panic ;  "  how  time 
has  flown!" 

"  Indeed,"  said  I,  "  I  never  knew  it  so  fast  before." 

And  she,  without  wasting  further  time  in  talking, 
unlocked  the  door,  whipped  out  the  key,  and  placed 
it  where  I  had  found  it  in  the  beginning.  She  seemed 
to  think  of  everything  in  a  moment,  and  I  would  have 
left  her  letter  and  the  papers  on  the  table  if  it  had  n't 
been  for  that  cleverest  of  all  girls,  who,  besides  her 
lips  of  honey,  had  an  alert  mind,  which  is  one  of  the 
things  appreciated  in  Ireland.  I  then  followed  her 
quickly  down  a  narrow  back  stairway  and  out  into 
a  glass  house,  where  a  little  door  at  the  end  led  us 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  257 

into  a  deliciously  shaded  walk,  free  from  all  observa 
tion,  with  a  thick  screen  of  trees  on  the  right  hand 
and  the  old  stone  wall  on  the  left. 

Here  I  sprang  quickly  to  overtake  her,  but  she 
danced  away  like  a  fairy  in  the  moonlight,  throwing 
a  glance  of  mischief  over  her  shoulder  at  me,  with 
her  finger  on  her  lips.  It  seemed  to  me  a  pity  that 
so  sylvan  a  dell  should  merely  be  used  for  the  pur 
poses  of  speed,  but  in  a  jiffy  Mary  was  at  the  little 
door  in  the  wall  and  had  the  bolts  drawn  back,  and 
I  was  outside  before  I  understood  what  had  happened, 
listening  to  bolts  being  thrust  back  again,  and  my 
only  consolation  was  the  remembrance  of  a  little  dab 
at  my  lips  as  I  passed  through,  as  brief  and  unsatis 
factory  as  the  peck  of  a  sparrow. 


CHAPTER   XXVIII 

IT  was  a  beautiful  day,  as  lovely  as  any  an  indul 
gent  Providence  had  ever  bestowed  upon  an  un 
thankful  generation. 

Although  I  wished  I  had  had  an  hour  or  two  to 
spend  with  Mary  wandering  up  and  down  that  green 
alley  through  which  we  had  rushed  with  such  inde 
cent  haste,  all  because  two  aged  and  angry  members 
of  the  nobility  might  have  come  upon  us,  yet  I  walked 
through  the  streets  of  London  as  if  I  trod  on  the  air, 
and  not  on  the  rough  cobble-stones  of  the  causeway. 
It  seemed  as  if  I  had  suddenly  become  a  boy  again, 
and  yet  with  all  the  strength  and  vigour  of  a  man, 
and  I  was  hard  put  to  it  not  to  shout  aloud  in  the 
sunlight,  or  to  slap  on  the  back  the  slow  and  solemn 
Englishmen  I  met,  who  looked  as  if  they  had  never 
laughed  in  their  lives.  Sure  it 's  a  very  serious  coun 
try,  this  same  land  of  England,  where  their  dignity 
is  so  oppressive  that  it  bows  down  head  and  shoulders 
with  thinking  how  grand  they  are ;  and  yet  I  '11  say 
nothing  against  them,  for  it  was  an  Englishwoman 
that  made  me  feel  like  a  balloon.  Pondering  over  the 
sobriety  of  the  nation,  I  found  myself  in  the  shadow 
of  a  great  church,  and,  remembering  what  my  dear 
Mary  had  said,  I  turned  and  went  in  through  the  open 


THE      O'RUDDY  259 

door,  with  my  hat  in  my  hand.  It  was  a  great  con 
trast  to  the  bright  sunlight  I  had  left,  and  to  the  busy 
streets  with  their  holiday-making  people.  There  were 
only  a  few  scattered  here  and  there  in  the  dim  silence 
of  the  church,  some  on  their  knees,  some  walking 
slowly  about  on  tiptoe,  and  some  seated  meditating 
in  chairs.  No  service  was  going  forward,  so  I  knelt 
down  in  the  chapel  of  Saint  Patrick  himself ;  I  bowed 
my  head  and  thanked  God  for  the  day  and  for  the 
blessing  that  had  come  with  it.  As  I  said,  I  was  like 
a  boy  again,  and  to  my  lips,  too  long  held  from  them, 
came  the  prayers  that  had  been  taught  me.  I  was 
glad  I  had  not  forgotten  them,  and  I  said  them  over 
and  over  with  joy  in  my  heart.  As  I  raised  my  head, 
I  saw  standing  and  looking  at  me  a  priest,  and,  rising 
to  my  feet,  I  made  my  bow  to  him,  and  he  came  for 
ward,  recognizing  me  before  I  recognized  him. 

"  O'Ruddy,"  he  said,  "  if  you  knew  the  joy  it  gives 
to  my  old  heart  to  meet  you  in  this  sacred  place  and 
in  that  devout  attitude,  it  would  bring  some  corres 
ponding  happiness  to  yourself." 

"  Now  by  the  piper  that  played  before  Moses,  Father 
Donovan,  and  is  this  yourself?  Sure  I  disrecognized 
you,  coming  into  the  darkness,  and  me  just  out  of 
the  glare  beyond,"  —  and  I  took  his  hand  in  both  of 
mine  and  shook  it  with  a  heartiness  he  had  not  met 
since  he  left  the  old  turf.  "  Sure  and  there  's  no  one 
I  'd  rather  meet  this  day  than  yourself,"  -  -  and  with 
that  I  dropped  on  one  knee  and  asked  for  his  blessing 
on  me  and  mine. 

As  we  walked  out  of  the  church  together,  his  hand 
resting  on  my  shoulder,  I  asked  how  such  a  marvel 
came  to  pass  as  Father  Donovan,  who  never  thought 


260  THE      O'RUDDY 

to  leave  Ireland,  being  here  in  London.  The  old  man 
said  nothing  till  we  were  down  the  steps,  and  then  he 
told  me  what  had  happened. 

"  You  remember  Patsy  O'Gorman,"  he  said. 

"I  do  that,"  I  replied,  "and  an  old  thief  of  the 
world  and  a  tight-fisted  miser  he  is." 

"  Whist,"  said  Father  Donovan,  quietly  crossing 
himself.  "  O'Gorman  is  dead  and  buried." 

"  Do  you  tell  me  that !  "  said  I,  "  then  rest  his  soul. 
He  would  be  a  warm  man  and  leave  more  money 
than  my  father  did,  I  'm  thinking." 

"  Yes,  he  left  some  money,  and  to  me  he  left  three 
hundred  pounds,  with  the  request  that  I  should  ac 
complish  the  desire  of  my  life  and  take  the  pilgrimage 
to  Rome." 

"  The  crafty  old  chap,  that  same  bit  of  bequestration 
will  help  him  over  many  a  rough  mile  in  purgatory." 

"  Ah,  O'Ruddy,  it 's  not  our  place  to  judge.  They 
gave  a  harder  name  to  O'Gorman  than  he  deserved. 
Just  look  at  your  own  case.  The  stories  that  have 
come  back  to  Ireland,  O'Ruddy,  just  made  me  shiver. 
I  heard  that  you  were  fighting  and  brawling  through 
England,  ready  to  run  through  any  man  that  looked 
cross-eyed  at  you.  They  said  that  you  had  taken  up 
with  a  highwayman;  that  you  spent  your  nights  in 
drink  and  breathing  out  smoke ;  and  here  I  find  you, 
a  proper  young  man,  doing  credit  to  your  country, 
meeting  you,  not  in  a  tavern,  but  on  your  knees  with 
bowed  head  in  the  chapel  of  Saint  Patrick,  giving 
the  lie  to  the  slanderer's  tongue." 

The  good  old  man  stopped  in  our  walk,  and  with 
tears  in  his  eyes  shook  hands  with  me  again,  and  I 
had  not  the  heart  to  tell  him  the  truth. 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  261 

"  Ah  well,"  I  said,  "  Father  Donovan,  I  suppose  no 
body,  except  yourself,  is  quite  as  good  as  he  thinks, 
and  nobody,  including  myself,  is  as  bad  as  he  appears 
to  be.  And  now,  Father  Donovan,  where  are  you 
stopping,  and  how  long  will  you  be  in  London  ?  " 

"  I  am  stopping  with  an  old  college  friend,  who  is 
a  priest  in  the  church  where  I  found  you.  I  expect 
to  leave  in  a  few  days'  time  and  journey  down  to  the 
seaport  of  Rye,  where  I  am  to  take  ship  that  will  land 
me  either  in  Dunkirk  or  in  Calais.  From  there  I  am 
to  make  my  way  to  Rome  as  best  I  can." 

"  And  are  you  travelling  alone  ?  " 

"  I  am  that,  although,  by  the  blessing  of  God,  I 
have  made  many  friends  on  the  journey,  and  every 
one  I  met  has  been  good  to  me." 

"  Ah,  Father  Donovan,  you  could  n't  meet  a  bad  man 
if  you  travelled  the  world  over.  Sure  there  's  some 
that  carry  such  an  air  of  blessedness  with  them  that 
every  one  they  meet  must,  for  very  shame,  show  the 
best  of  his  character.  With  me  it 's  different,  for  it 
seems  that  where  there  's  contention  I  am  in  the  middle 
of  it,  though,  God  knows,  I  'm  a  man  of  peace,  as  my 
father  was  before  me." 

"  Well,"  said  Father  Donovan  slowly,  but  with  a 
sweet  smile  on  his  lip,  "  I  suppose  the  O'Ruddys  were 
always  men  of  peace,  for  I  've  known  them  before 
now  to  fight  hard  enough  to  get  it." 

The  good  father  spoke  a  little  doubtfully,  as  if  he 
were  not  quite  approving  of  our  family  methods,  but 
he  was  a  kindly  man  who  always  took  the  most  lenient 
view  of  things.  He  walked  far  with  me,  and  then  I 
turned  and  escorted  him  to  the  place  where  he  resided, 
and,  bidding  good-bye,  got  a  promise  from  him  that 


262  THE      O'RUDDY 

he  would  come  to  the  "  Pig  and  Turnip  "  a  day  later 
and  have  a  bite  and  sup  with  me,  for  I  thought  with 
the  assistance  of  the  landlord  I  could  put  a  very 
creditable  meal  before  him,  and  Father  Donovan  was 
always  one  that  relished  his  meals,  and  he  enjoyed  his 
drink  too,  although  he  was  set  against  too  much  of  it. 
He  used  to  say,  "  It 's  a  wise  drinker  that  knows  when 
geniality  ends  and  hostility  begins,  and  its  just  as 
well  to  stop  before  you  come  to  the  line." 

With  this  walking  to  and  fro  the  day  was  near 
done  with  when  I  got  back  to  the  "  Pig  and  Turnip  " 
and  remembered  that  neither  a  bit  of  pig  nor  a  bit  of 
turnip  had  I  had  all  that  long  day,  and  now  I  was 
ravenous.  I  never  knew  anything  make  me  forget  my 
appetite  before;  but  here  had  I  missed  my  noonday 
meal,  and  not  in  all  my  life  could  I  overtake  it  again. 
Sure  there  was  many  an  experience  crowded  together 
in  that  beautiful  Sunday,  so,  as  I  passed  through  the 
entrance  to  the  inn  I  said  to  the  obsequious  landlord: 

"  For  the  love  of  Heaven,  get  placed  on  my  table 
all  you  have  in  the  house  that 's  fit  to  eat,  and  a  trifle 
of  a  bottle  or  two,  to  wash  it  down  with." 

So  saying,  I  passed  up  the  creaking  old  oaken  stair 
and  came  to  my  room,  where  I  instantly  remembered 
there  was  something  else  I  had  forgotten.  As  I 
opened  the  door  there  came  a  dismal  groan  from 
Paddy,  and  something  that  sounded  like  a  wicked 
oath  from  Jem  Bottles.  Poor  lads !  that  had  taken 
such  a  beating  that  day,  such  a  cudgelling  for  my 
sake;  and  here  I  stood  at  my  own  door  in  a  wonder 
of  amazement,  and  something  of  fright,  thinking 
I  had  heard  a  banshee  wail.  The  two  misused  lads 
had  slipped  out  of  my  memory  as  completely  as  the 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  263 

devil  slipped  off  Macgillicuddy  Reeks  into  the  pond 
beneath  when  Saint  Patrick  had  sent  the  holy  words 
after  him. 

"Paddy,"  said  I,  "are  you  hurted?  Where  is  it 
you  're  sore  ?  " 

"Is  it  sore?"  he  groaned.  "Except  the  soles  of 
my  feet,  which  they  could  n't  hit  with  me  kickin'  them, 
there  is  n't  an  inch  of  me  that  does  n't  think  it 's  worse 
hurted  than  the  rest." 

"  It 's  sorry  I  am  to  hear  that,"  I  replied,  quite 
truthfully,  "and  you,  Jem,  how  did  you  come  off?" 

"  Well,  I  gave  a  better  account  of  myself  than  Paddy 
here,  for  I  made  most  of  them  keep  their  distance 
from  me;  but  him  they  got  on  the  turf  before  you 
could  say  Watch  me  eye,  and  the  whole  boiling  of 
them  was  on  top  of  him  in  the  twinkling  of  the  same." 

"  The  whole  boiling  of  them  ?  "  said  I,  as  if  I  knew 
nothing  of  the  occurrence,  "  then  there  was  more  than 
Strammers  to  receive  you  ?  " 

"  More !  "  shouted  Jem  Bottles,  "  there  was  forty 
if  there  was  one." 

Paddy  groaned  again  at  the  remembrance,  and 
moaned  out: 

"  The  whole  population  of  London  was  there,  and 
half  of  it  on  top  of  me  before  I  could  wink.  I  thought 
they  would  strip  the  clothes  off  me,  and  they  nearly 
did  it." 

"  And  have  you  been  here  alone  ever  since  ?  Have 
you  had  nothing  to  eat  or  drink  since  you  got  back?" 

"  Oh,"  said  Jem,  "  we  had  too  much  attention  in 
the  morning,  and  too  little  as  the  day  went  on.  We 
were  expecting  you  home,  and  so  took  the  liberty  of 
coming  up  here  and  waiting  for  you,  thinking  you 


264  THE      O'RUDDY 

might  be  good  enough  to  send  out  for  some  one  who 
would  dress  our  wounds ;  but  luckily  that 's  not 
needed  now." 

"  Why  is  it  not  needed?  "  I  asked.  "  I  '11  send  at 
once." 

"  Oh,  no,"  moaned  Paddy,  "  there  was  one  good 
friend  that  did  not  forget  us." 

"  Well,"  said  Jem,  "  he  seemed  mighty  afeerd  of 
coming  in.  I  suppose  he  thought  it  was  on  his  advice 
that  we  went  where  we  did,  and  he  was  afeerd  we 
thought  badly  of  him  for  it;  but  of  course  we  had 
no  blame  to  put  on  the  poor  little  man." 

"  In  Heaven's  name,  who  are  you  talking  of  ? " 
said  I. 

"  Doctor  Chord,"  answered  Jem.  "  He  put  his 
head  inside  the  door  and  inquired  for  us,  and  inquired 
specially  where  you  were;  but  that,  of  course,  we 
could  n't  tell  him.  He  was  very  much  put  out  to 
find  us  mis-handled,  and  he  sent  us  some  tankards  of 
beer,  which  are  now  empty,  and  we  're  waiting  for 
him  because  he  promised  to  come  back  and  attend  to 
our  injuries." 

"  Then  you  did  n't  see  Doctor  Chord  in  the 
gardens  ?  " 

"  In  what  gardens  ?  "  asked  Bottles. 

"  You  did  n't  see  him  among  that  mob  that  set  on 
you?" 

"  No  fear,"  said  Jem,  "  wherever  there  's  a  scrim 
mage  Doctor  Chord  will  keep  away  from  it." 

"  Indeed  and  in  that  you  're  wrong,"  said  I.  "  Doc 
tor  Chord  has  been  the  instigator  of  everything  that 
has  happened,  and  he  stood  in  the  background  and 
helped  to  set  them  on." 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  265 

Paddy  sat  up  with  wild  alarm  in  his  eyes. 

"  Sure,  master,"  says  he,  "  how  could  you  see 
through  so  thick  a  wall  as  that  ?  " 

"  I  did  not  see  through  the  wall  at  all ;  I  was  in 
the  house.  When  you  went  through  the  back  door, 
I  went  through  the  front  gate,  and  what  I  am  telling 
you  is  true.  Doctor  Chord  is  the  cause  of  the  whole 
commotion.  That 's  why  he  was  afraid  to  come  in 
the  room.  He  thought  perhaps  you  had  seen  him,  and, 
finding  you  had  not,  he  '11  be  back  here  again  when 
everything  is  over.  Doctor  Chord  is  a  traitor,  and 
you  may  take  my  word  for  that." 

Paddy  rose  slowly  to  his  feet,  every  red  hair  in  his 
head  bristling  with  scorn  and  indignation;  but  as 
he  stood  erect  he  put  his  hand  to  his  side  and  gave 
a  howl  as  he  limped  a  step  or  two  over  the  floor. 

"  The  black-hearted  villain,"  he  muttered  through 
his  teeth.  "  I  '11  have  his  life." 

"You'll  have  nothing  of  the  sort,"  said  I,  "and 
we  '11  get  some  good  attendance  out  of  him,  for  he  's 
a  skillful  man.  When  he  has  done  his  duty  in  re 
pairing  what  he  has  inflicted  upon  you,  then  you  can 
give  him  a  piece  of  your  mind." 

"  I  '11  give  him  a  piece  of  my  boot ;  all  that 's  left 
of  it,"  growled  Jem  Bottles,  scowling. 

"  You  may  take  your  will  of  him  after  he  has  put 
some  embrocation  on  your  bruises,"  said  I ;  and  as  I 
was  speaking  there  came  a  timorous  little  knock  at 
the  door. 

"  Come  in,"  I  cried,  and  after  some  hesitation  the 
door  opened,  and  there  stood  little  Doctor  Chord  with 
a  big  bottle  under  his  arm.  I  was  glad  there  was  no 
supper  yet  on  the  table,  for  if  there  had  been  I  must 


266  THE      O'RUDDY 

have  asked  the  little  man  to  sit  down  with  me,  and 
that  he  would  do  without  a  second's  hesitation,  so 
I  could  not  rightly  see  him  maltreated  who  had  broken 
a  crust  with  me. 

He  paid  no  attention  to  Jem  or  Paddy  at  first,  but 
kept  his  cunning  little  eye  on  me. 

"And  where  have  you  been  to-day,  O'Ruddy?"  he 
asked. 

"  Oh,"  said  I,  "  I  accompanied  these  two  to  the  door 
in  the  wall,  and  when  they  got  through  I  heard  yells 
fit  to  make  a  hero  out  of  a  nigger ;  but  you  know  how 
stout  the  bolts  are  and  I  couldn't  get  to  them,  so  I 
had  just  to  go  out  of  hearing  of  their  bellowings. 
On  the  way  back  I  happened  to  meet  an  old  friend  of 
mine,  Father  Donovan,  and " 

Here  Paddy,  forgetting  his  good  manners,  shouted 
out: 

"  Thank  God  there  's  a  holy  father  in  this  hole  of 
perdition ;  for  I  know  I  'm  goin'  t'  die  to-morrow  at 
the  latest." 

"  Stop  your  nonsense,"  said  I.  "  You  '11  have  to 
hold  on  to  life  at  least  a  day  longer ;  for  the  good  father 
is  not  coming  here  until  two  days  are  past.  You  're 
more  frightened  than  hurt,  and  the  Doctor  here  has 
a  lotion  that  will  make  you  meet  the  priest  as  a  friend 
and  not  as  a  last  counsellor." 

"  As  I  was  saying,  Doctor  Chord,  I  met  Father 
Donovan,  and  we  strolled  about  the  town,  so  that  I 
have  only  now  just  come  in.  The  father  is  a  stranger 
in  London,  on  a  pilgrimage  to  Rome.  And  sure  I  had 
to  show  him  the  sights." 

"  It  was  a  kindly  action  of  you,"  said  Doctor  Chord, 
pulling  the  cork  of  the  medicine-bottle.  "  Get  those 


THE      O'RUDDY  267 

rags  off,"  he  called  to  Paddy,  "  and  I  '11  rub  you  down 
as  if  you  were  the  finest  horse  that  ever  followed  the 
hounds." 

There  was  a  great  smell  of  medicine  in  the  air  as  he 
lubricated  Paddy  over  the  bruised  places;  then  Jem 
Bottles  came  under  his  hands,  and  either  he  was  not 
so  much  hurt  as  Paddy  was,  or  he  made  less  fuss  about 
it,  for  he  glared  at  the  Doctor  all  the  time  he  was 
attending  him,  and  said  nothing. 

It  seemed  an  inhospitable  thing  to  misuse  a  man 
who  had  acted  the  good  Samaritan  so  arduously  as  the 
little  Doctor  with  three  quarters  of  his  bottle  gone, 
but  as  he  slapped  the  cork  in  it  again  I  stepped  to  the 
door  and  turned  the  key.  Paddy  was  scowling  now 
and  then,  and  groaning  now  and  again,  when  the 
cheerful  Doctor  said  to  him,  as  is  the  way  with  physi 
cians  when  they  wish  to  encourage  a  patient: 

"  Oh,  you  're  not  hurt  nearly  as  bad  as  you  think 
you  are.  You  '11  be  a  little  sore  and  stiff  in  the  morn 
ing,  that 's  all,  and  I  '11  leave  the  bottle  with  you." 

"  You  've  never  rubbed  me  at  all  on  the  worst  place," 
said  Paddy  angrily. 

"  Where  was  that?  "  asked  Doctor  Chord,  —  and  the 
words  were  hardly  out  of  his  mouth  when  Paddy  hit 
him  one  in  the  right  eye  that  sent  him  staggering  across 
the  room. 

"  There  's  where  I  got  the  blow  that  knocked  me 
down,"  cried  Paddy. 

Doctor  Chord  threw  a  wild  glance  at  the  door,  when 
Jem  Bottles,  with  a  little  run  and  a  lift  of  his  foot, 
gave  him  one  behind  that  caused  the  Doctor  to  turn 
a  somersault. 

"  Take  that,  you  thief,"  said  Jem ;  "  and  now  you  Ve 


268  THE      O'RUDDY 

something  that  neither  of  us  got,  because  we  kept  our 
faces  to  the  villains  that  set  on  us." 

Paddy  made  a  rush,  but  I  cried: 

"  Don't  touch  the  man  when  he  's  down." 

"  Sure,"  says  Paddy,  "  that 's  when  they  all  fell  on 
me." 

"  Never  strike  a  man  when  he  's  down,"  I  cried. 

"  Do  ye  mean  to  say  we  should  n't  hit  a  man  when 
he's  down?"  asked  Jem  Bottles. 

"  You  knew  very  well  you  should  n't,"  I  told  him. 
"  Sure  you  Ve  been  in  the  ring  before  now." 

"  That  I  have,"  shouted  Bottles,  pouncing  on  the 
unfortunate  Doctor.  He  grabbed  him  by  the  scruff 
of  the  neck  and  flung  him  to  his  feet,  then  gave  him 
a  bat  on  the  side  of  the  head  that  sent  him  reeling  up 
toward  the  ceiling  again. 

"  That 's  enough,  Jem,"  I  cautioned  him. 

"  I  'm  not  only  following  the  Doctor,"  said  Jem, 
"  but  I  'm  following  the  Doctor's  advice.  He  told  us 
to  take  a  little  gentle  exercise  and  it  would  allay  the 
soreness." 

"  The  exercise  you  're  taking  will  not  allay  the  sore 
ness  on  the  Doctor's  part.  Stop  it,  Jem!  Now  leave 
him  alone,  Paddy ;  he  's  had  enough  to  remember  you 
by,  and  to  learn  that  the  way  of  the  traitor  is  the 
rocky  road  to  Dublin.  Come  now,  Doctor,  the  door 
is  open ;  get  out  into  the  passage  as  quick  as  you  can, 
and  I  hope  you  have  another  bottle  of  that  excellent 
lotion  at  home." 

The  threatening  attitude  of  both  Jem  and  Paddy 
seemed  to  paralyse  the  little  man  with  fear,  and  he 
lay  on  the  boards  glaring  up  at  them  with  terror  in 
his  eyes. 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  269 

"  I  'm  holding  the  door  open  for  you,"  said  I,  "  and 
remember  I  may  not  be  able  to  hold  Paddy  and  Jem  as 
easily  as  I  hold  the  door ;  so  make  your  escape  before 
they  get  into  action  again." 

Doctor  Chord  rolled  himself  over  quickly,  but,  not 
daring  to  get  on  his  feet,  trotted  out  into  the  passage 
like  a  big  dog  on  his  hands  and  knees ;  and  just  then  a 
waiter,  coming  up  with  a  tray  and  not  counting  on 
this  sudden  apparition  in  the  hallway,  fell  over  him ; 
and  if  it  were  not  for  my  customary  agility  and  pres 
ence  of  mind  in  grasping  the  broad  metal  server,  a 
good  part  of  my  supper  would  have  been  on  the  floor. 
The  waiter  luckily  leaned  forward  when  he  found  him 
self  falling,  holding  the  tray  high  over  his  head,  and 
so,  seizing  it,  I  saved  the  situation  and  the  supper. 

"  What  are  ye  grovelling  down  there  for,  ye  drunken 
beast  ?  "  shouted  the  angry  waiter,  as  he  came  down 
with  a  thud.  "  \Yhy  don't  you  walk  on  your  two  feet 
like  a  Christian  ?  " 

Doctor  Chord  took  the  hint  and  his  departure,  run 
ning  along  the  passage  and  stumbling  down  the  stair 
way  like  a  man  demented.  When  he  got  down  into 
the  courtyard  he  shook  his  fist  at  my  window  and 
swore  he  would  have  the  law  of  us ;  but  I  never 
saw  the  little  man  again,  although  Paddy  and  Jem 
were  destined  to  meet  him  once  more,  as  I  shall  tell 
later  on. 

The  supper  being  now  laid,  I  fell  at  it  and  I  dis- 
remember  having  ever  enjoyed  a  meal  more  in  my  life. 
I  sent  Paddy  and  Jem  to  their  quarters  with  food  and 
a  bottle  of  good  wine  to  keep  them  company,  and  I 
think  they  deserved  it,  for  they  said  the  lotion  the 
Doctor  had  put  on  the  outside  of  them  was  stinging, 


270  THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y 

so  they  thought  there  should  be  something  in  the  inside 
to  counteract  the  inconvenience. 

I  went  to  sleep  the  moment  I  touched  the  pillow, 
and  dreamed  I  was  in  the  most  umbrageous  lover's 
walk  that  ever  was,  overhung  with  green  branches 
through  which  the  sunlight  flickered,  and  closed  in 
with  shrubbery.  There  I  chased  a  flying  nymph  that 
always  just  eluded  me,  laughing  at  me  over  her  shoul 
der  and  putting  her  finger  to  her  lips,  and  at  last,  when 
I  caught  her,  it  turned  out  to  be  Doctor  Chord,  where 
upon  I  threw  him  indignantly  into  the  bushes,  and 
then  saw  to  my  dismay  it  was  the  Countess.  She  began 
giving  her  opinion  of  me  so  vigorously  that  I  awoke 
and  found  it  broad  daylight. 


CHAPTER   XXIX 

AFTER  a  comforting  and  sustaining  breakfast  I 
sent  for  Paddy  and  Jem,  both  of  whom  came  in 
limping. 

"  Are  you  no  better  this  morning?"  I  asked  them. 

"  Troth,  we  Ye  worse,"  said  Paddy  with  a  most 
dismal  look  on  his  face. 

"  I  'm  sorry  to  hear  it,"  said  I ;  "  but  I  think  the 
trouble  will  wear  off  to-day  if  you  lie  snug  and  quiet 
in  the  inn.  Here  's  this  bottle  of  embrocation,  or  what 
is  left  of  it,  so  you  may  take  it  with  you  and  divide  it 
fairly  between  you,  remembering  that  one  good  rub 
deserves  another,  and  that  our  chief  duty  on  this  earth 
is  to  help  our  fellow  man  ;  and  as  there  's  nothing  like 
easy  employment  for  making  a  man  forget  his  tribu 
lations,  Jem  will  rub  Paddy,  and  Paddy  will  rub  Jem, 
and  thus,  God  blessing  you  both,  you  will  pass  the  time 
to  your  mutual  benefit." 

"  Yer  honour,"  sniffed  Jem  Bottles,  "  I  like  your 
own  prescriptions  better  than  Doctor  Chord's.  I  have 
but  small  faith  in  the  liniment ;  the  bottle  of  wine  you 
gave  us  last  night  —  and  I  wish  it  had  been  as  double 
as  it  made  us  see  —  was  far  better  for  our  trouble 
than  this  stuff." 

"  I  doubt  it,  Jem,"  said  I,  "  for  you  're  worse  this 
morning  than  you  were  last  night ;  so  I  '11  change  the 


272  THE     O'RUDDY 

treatment  and  go  back  to  Doctor  Chord's  remedy,  for 
sure  the  Doctor  is  a  physician  held  in  high  esteem  by 
the  nobility  of  London.  But  you  're  welcome  to  a 
double  mug  of  beer  at  my  expense,  only  see  that  you 
don't  take  too  much  of  that." 

"  Yer  honour,"  said  Jem,  "  it 's  only  when  we  're 
sober  that  we  fall  upon  affliction.  We  had  not  a  drop 
to  drink  yesterday  morning,  and  see  what  happened  us." 

"  It  would  have  made  no  differ,"  I  said,  "  if  you  had 
been  as  tipsy  as  the  Earl  himself  is  when  dinner  's  over. 
Trust  in  Providence,  Jem,  and  rub  hard  with  the  lini 
ment,  and  you  '11  be  a  new  man  by  the  morrow  morn." 

With  this  I  took  my  papers  and  the  letter  of  intro 
duction,  and  set  out  as  brave  as  you  please  to  find  the 
Temple,  which  I  thought  would  be  a  sort  of  a  church, 
but  which  I  found  to  be  a  most  sober  and  respectable 
place  very  difficult  for  a  stranger  to  find  his  way  about 
in.  But  at  last  I  came  to  the  place  where  Mr.  Josiah 
Brooks  dispensed  the  law  for  a  consideration  to  igno 
rant  spalpeens  like  myself,  that  was  less  familiar  with 
the  head  that  had  a  gray  wig  on  than  with  cracking 
heads  by  help  of  a  good  shillelah  that  did  n't  know 
what  a  wig  was.  As  it  was  earlier  in  the  morning 
than  Mr.  Brooks's  usual  hour  I  had  to  sit  kicking  my 
heels  in  a  dismal  panelled  anteroom  till  the  great 
lawyer  came  in.  He  was  a  smooth-faced  serious- 
looking  man,  rather  elderly,  and  he  passed  through 
the  anteroom  without  so  much  as  casting  a  look  at  me, 
and  was  followed  by  a  melancholy  man  in  rusty  black 
who  had  told  me  to  take  a  chair,  holding  in  his  hand 
the  letter  Lady  Mary  had  written.  After  a  short  time 
the  man  came  out  again,  and,  treating  me  with  more 
deference  than  when  he  bade  me  be  seated,  asked  me 


THE     O  '  II  U  D  D  Y  273 

kindly  if  I  would  step  this  way  and  Mr.  Brooks  would 
see  me. 

"  You  are  Mr.  O'Ruddy,  I  take  it,"  he  said  in  a  tone 
which  I  think  he  thought  was  affable. 

"  I  am." 

"  Have  you  brought  with  you  the  papers  referred 
to  in  this  letter?" 

"  I  have." 

And  with  that  I  slammed  them  down  on  the  table 
before  him.  He  untied  the  bundle  and  sorted  out  the 
different  documents,  apparently  placing  them  in  their 
right  order.  After  this  he  adjusted  his  glasses  more 
to  his  liking  and  glanced  over  the  papers  rapidly  until 
he  came  to  one  that  was  smaller  than  the  rest,  and  this 
he  read  through  twice  very  carefully.  Then  he  piled 
them  up  together  at  his  right  hand  very  neatly,  for  he 
seemed  to  have  a  habit  of  old  maid's  precision  about 
him.  He  removed  his  glasses  and  looked  across  the 
table  at  me. 

"  Are  you  the  son  of  the  O'Ruddy  here  mentioned  ?  " 

"  I  am." 

"His  eldest  son?" 

"  His  only  son." 

"  You  can  prove  that,  I  suppose  ?  " 

"  Troth,  it  was  never  disputed." 

"  I  mean  there  would  be  no  difficulty  in  getting 
legal  and  documentary  proof." 

"  I  think  not,  for  my  father  said  after  my  first  fight, 
that  it  might  be  questioned  whether  I  was  my  mother's 
son  or  no,  —  there  was  no  doubt  that  I  was  his." 

The  legal  man  drew  down  his  brows  at  this,  but 
made  no  comment  as,  in  tones  that  betrayed  little  inter 
est  in  the  affair,  he  demanded: 

18 


274  THE      O'RUDDY 

"  Why  did  your  father  not  claim  this  property  during 
his  lifetime?" 

"  Well,  you  see,  Mr.  Brooks,  my  father  was  an 
honest  man,  and  he  never  pretended  the  property  was 
his.  From  what  I  remember  of  his  conversation  on 
the  subject  the  Earl  and  him  was  in  a  tight  place  after 
a  battle  in  France,  and  it  was  thought  they  would  both 
be  made  prisoners.  The  Earl  had  his  deeds  with  him, 
and  if  he  were  caught  the  enemy  would  demand  a 
large  ransom  for  him,  for  these  would  show  him  to  be 
a  man  of  property.  So  he  made  the  estate  over  to  my 
father,  and  my  father  ran  the  risk  of  being  captured 
and  taken  for  the  Earl  of  Westport.  Now  that  I  have 
been  made  happy  by  the  acquaintance  of  his  lordship, 
I  'm  thinking  that  if  my  father  had  fallen  into  the  hands 
of  the  enemy  he  might  have  remained  there  till  this 
day  without  the  Earl  raising  a  hand  to  help  him. 
Nobody  in  England  would  have  disputed  the  Earl's 
ownership  of  his  own  place,  which  I  understand 
has  been  in  his  family  for  hundreds  of  years,  so 
they  might  very  well  have  got  on  without  the  deeds, 
as  in  fact  they  have  done.  That 's  all  I  know 
about  it." 

"  Then,  sir,"  said  Mr.  Brooks,  "  do  you  intend  to 
contest  the  ownership  of  the  property  on  the  strength 
of  these  documents  ?  " 

"  I  do,"  said  I  firmly. 

"  Very  well.  You  must  leave  them  with  me  for  a 
few  days  until  I  get  opinion  upon  them.  I  may  say 
I  have  grave  doubts  of  your  succeeding  in  such  liti 
gation  unless  you  can  prove  that  your  father  gave 
reasonable  consideration  for  the  property  made  over 
to  him." 


THE     O    R  U  D  D  Y  275 

"  Troth,  he  'd  no  consideration  to  give  except  his 
own  freedom  and  the  loan  of  a  pair  of  breeches,  and  it 
seems  that  the  Earl  never  troubled  his  head  whether  he 
gave  the  first-named  or  not.  He  might  have  given  his 
life  for  all  the  thanks  his  son  got  from  my  Lord  of 
Westport." 

"  From  a  rapid  glance  at  these  instruments  I  can 
see  that  they  may  be  of  great  value  to  his  lordship,  but 
I  doubt  their  being  of  any  value  at  all  to  you ;  in  fact 
you  might  find  the  tables  turned  upon  you,  and  be  put 
in  the  position  of  a  fraudulent  claimant  or  a  levier  of 
blackmail." 

"  It 's  not  blackmail  I  'm  going  to  levy  at  all,"  cried 
I,  "  but  the  whitest  of  white  mail.  I  have  not  the 
slightest  intention  of  going  into  the  courts  of  law ; 
but,  to  tell  you  the  plain  truth  about  it,  Lady  Mary 
and  me  are  going  to  get  married  in  spite  of  all  the 
Earls  that  ever  drank,  or  all  the  Countesses  that  ever 
scolded.  Now  this  dear  girl  has  a  great  confidence 
in  you,  and  she  has  sent  me  to  you  to  find  what 's  best 
to  be  done.  I  want  nothing  of  this  property  at  all. 
Sure  I  've  estates  enough  of  my  own  in  Ireland,  and 
a  good  castle  forby,  save  that  the  roof  leaks  a  little  in 
places ;  but  a  bundle  of  straw  will  soon  set  that  to 
rights,  only  old  Patsy  is  so  lazy  through  not  getting 
his  money  regular.  Now  it  struck  me  that  if  I  went 
boldly  to  Brede  Castle,  or  whatever  it  is,  and  took 
possession  of  it,  there  would  first  be  the  finest  scrim 
mage  any  man  ever  saw  outside  of  Ireland,  and  after 
that  his  lordship  the  Earl  would  say  to  me,  — 

" '  O'Ruddy,  my  boy,  my  limbs  are  sore ;  can't  we 
crack  a  bottle  instead  of  our  heads  over  this,  and  make 
a  compromise? ' 


276  THE      O'RUDDY 

"  '  Earl  of  Westport,'  I  '11  say  to  him,  '  a  bottle  will 
be  but  the  beginning  of  it.  We  '11  sit  down  at  a 
table  and  settle  this  debate  in  ten  minutes  if  you  're 
reasonable.' 

"  He  '11  not  be  reasonable,  of  course,  but  you  see 
what  I  have  in  my  mind." 

"  Brede  Place,"  said  the  lawyer  slowly,  "  is  not 
exactly  a  castle,  but  it 's  a  very  strong  house  and  might 
be  held  by  a  dozen  determined  men  against  an  army." 

"  Then  once  let  me  get  legally  inside,  and  I  '11  hold 
it  till  the  Earl  gets  more  sense  in  his  head  than  is 
there  at  the  present  moment." 

"  Possession,"  said  Mr.  Brooks,  "  is  nine  points  of 
the  law." 

"  It  is  with  a  woman,"  said  I,  thinking  of  something 
else. 

"  It  is  with  an  estate,"  answered  Josiah  severely. 

"  True  for  you,"  I  admitted,  coming  back  to  the 
point  at  issue,  for  it  was  curious,  in  spite  of  the  im 
portance  of  the  interview,  how  my  mind  kept  wander 
ing  away  to  a  locked  room  in  the  Earl  of  .Westport Js 
house,  and  to  a  shady  path  that  ran  around  the  edge 
of  his  garden. 

"  I  intend  to  get  possession  of  the  Brede  estate  if 
I  have  to  crack  the  crown  of  every  man  at  present  upon 
it.  But  I  am  an  Irishman,  and  therefore  a  person  of 
peace,  and  I  wish  to  crack  the  crowns  in  accordance 
with  the  law  of  England,  so  I  come  to  you  for  direc 
tions  how  it  should  be  done." 

"  It  is  not  my  place,"  said  Brooks,  looking  very  sour, 
"  to  counsel  a  man  to  break  either  heads  or  the  law.  In 
fact  it  is  altogether  illegal  to  assault  another  unless 
you  are  in  danger  of  your  own  life." 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  277 

"  The  blessing  of  all  the  Saints  be  upon  you,"  said 
I,  "  yet,  ever  since  I  set  foot  in  this  land,  coming  across 
the  boiling  seas,  entirely  to  do  a  kindness  to  the  Earl 
of  Westport,  I  have  gone  about  in  fear  of  my  life." 

"  You  have  surely  not  been  assaulted  ?  "  demanded 
Mr.  Brooks,  raising  his  eyebrows  in  surprise. 

"  Assaulted,  is  it  ?  I  have  been  set  upon  in  every 
manner  that  is  possible  for  a  peace-lover  to  be  inter 
fered  with.  To  tell  you  the  truth,  no  longer  ago  than 
yesterday  morning,  as  quiet  and  decent  a  Sunday  as 
ever  came  down  on  London,  my  two  innocent  servants, 
garrulous  creatures  that  would  n't  hurt  a  fly,  were 
lured  into  the  high  walled  garden  of  the  Earl  of  West- 
port  to  see  the  flowers  which  both  of  them  love,  and 
there  they  were  pounced  upon  by  the  whole  body 
guard  of  my  lord  the  Earl,  while  himself  and  his  quiet- 
mannered  Countess  were  there  to  urge  them  on. 
Doctor  Chord,  a  little  snobbish  creature,  basking  in 
the  smiles  of  their  noble  countenances,  stood  by  and 
gave  medical  advice  showing  where  best  to  hit  the 
poor  innocent  unfortunates  that  had  fallen  into  their 
hands." 

"  Tut,  tut !  "  said  Josiah  Brooks,  his  face  frowning 
like  a  storm-cloud  over  the  hills  of  Donegal.  "  If  such 
is  indeed  the  case,  an  action  would  lie " 

"  Oh,  well  and  as  far  as  that  goes,  so  would  Doctor 
Chord,  and  all  the  rest  that  was  there.  My  poor  lads 
lie  now,  bruised  and  sore,  in  the  upper  rooms  of  the 
stable  at  the  '  Pig  and  Turnip/  They  want  no  more 
action,  I  can  tell  you,  nor  lying  either." 

"  You  can  prove,  then,"  said  the  lawyer,  "  that  you 
have  suffered  violence  from  the  outset." 

"  Indeed  and  I  could." 


278  THE      O'RUDDY 

"  Well,  well,  we  must  look  into  the  matter.  You 
recite  a  most  curious  accumulation  of  offences,  each 
of  which  bears  a  serious  penalty  according  to  the  law 
of  England.  But  there  is  another  matter  mentioned 
in  Lady  Mary's  letter  which  is  even  more  grave  than 
any  yet  alluded  to." 

"And  what  is  that?"  I  asked  in  surprise. 

"  She  says  that  she  wishes  to  have  advanced  to  you, 
upon  the  security  of  these  papers,  five  hundred  golden 
guineas." 

"  Do  you  tell  me  that  now  ?  "  I  cried  with  delight. 
"  Sure  I  have  always  said  that  Mary  was  the  most 
sensible  girl  within  the  boundaries  of  this  realm." 

"  That  may  all  be ;  but  women,  you  see,  know  little 
of  money  or  the  methods  of  obtaining  it." 

"  You  're  right  in  that,"  I  admitted.  "  It 's  the  other 
end  of  the  stick  they  hold ;  they  know  a  good  deal  of 
the  way  of  spending  it." 

"  You  will  understand,"  went  on  Mr.  Brooks,  "  that 
if  money  is  to  be  raised  on  the  security  of  these  docu 
ments,  your  rights  in  possessing  them  must  be  severely 
scrutinized,  while  —  you  will  pardon  my  saying  so  — 
the  security  of  your  estates  in  Ireland  might  be  looked 
at  askance  by  the  money-lenders  of  London." 

"  Oh,  don't  let  the  estates  in  Ireland  trouble  you, 
for  the  money-lenders  of  Dublin  have  already  mort 
gaged  them  a  foot  deep.  You  can  raise  little  on  my 
estates  in  Ireland  but  the  best  turf  you  ever  burned, 
and  that 's  raised  with  a  spade." 

"  Very  well,"  said  Josiah  Brooks,  gathering  up  the 
papers  and  tying  them  together  with  a  bit  of  red 
ribbon  which  he  took  out  of  his  drawer,  ignoring  the 
Irish  cord  that  had  held  them  through  all  their  emer- 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  279 

gencies.  "  Very  well,  I  shall  seek  advice  and  let  you 
know  the  result." 

"  Seek  advice,"  I  cried.  "  Sure  a  man  of  your 
attainments  does  n't  need  to  seek  advice  of  any  one. 
Are  n't  you  learned  in  the  law  yourself  ?  " 

"  I  must  have  counsel's  opinion,"  said  Josiah  sol 
emnly,  as  if  he  were  speaking  of  the  decisions  of 
Providence. 

"  Well,  you  astonish  me,  Mr.  Brooks,  for  I  thought 
you  knew  it  all,  and  that 's  why  I  came  to  you ;  but 
perhaps  it 's  only  your  own  modesty  that  makes  you 
reluctant  to  speak  of  your  attainments,  though  I  sup 
pose  what  you  really  mean  is  that  you  want  to  take  a 
pipe  in  your  mouth  and  a  glass  of  good  liquor  at  your 
elbow  and  read  the  papers  at  your  leisure." 

Mr.  Josiah  Brooks  was  a  solemn  man,  and  he  did 
not  appear  to  relish  the  picture  I  so  graphically  drew 
of  him,  when  in  truth  I  was  thinking  only  of  his  own 
comfort ;  so  I  changed  the  subject  with  an  alert 
ness  of  mind  which  perhaps  he  was  incapable  of 
appreciating. 

"How  far  from  London  is  this  estate  of  Brede?" 
I  asked,  "  and  how  do  you  get  to  it  ?  " 

"  It  is  fifty  or  sixty  miles  away,"  he  said,  "  and 
lies  in  the  county  of  Sussex,  close  to  the  sea,  but  not 
on  it.  If  you  wish  to  visit  Brede  estate,"  he  went  on, 
as  if  I  had  not  been  telling  him  I  was  going  to  do  that 
very  thing  in  force,  "  if  you  wish  to  visit  Brede  estate, 
the  best  plan  is  to  go  to  Rye  and  there  engage  a  guide 
who  will  lead  you  to  it." 

"  Rye,"  said  I  in  astonishment,  wondering  where 
I  had  heard  the  name  before;  then,  suddenly  remem 
bering,  I  said: 


280  THE     O'RUDDY 

"  Rye  is  a  seaport  town,  is  it  not  ?  " 

"  It  is,"  agreed  Mr.  Brooks. 

"  Rye  is  the  spot,"  rejoined  I,  "  where  Father 
Donovan  will  embark  on  his  pilgrimage  to  Rome. 
Sure,  and  I  'm  glad  to  hear  that,  for  the  good  old  man 
and  I  will  travel  there  together,  and  the  blessing  of 
Providence  will  surround  me,  which  I  hope  will  be 
helpful  if  the  Earl's  cut-throats  bar  the  way,  as  is  more 
than  likely." 

"  Very  well,  Mr.  O'Ruddy,  as  you  are  doubtless 
impatient  to  know  the  result,  you  may  call  upon  me 
to-morrow  afternoon  at  four  o'clock,  and  I  may  be  in 
a  position  to  give  you  more  information  than  I  can 
offer  at  present." 

I  took  that  as  a  dismissal,  and,  getting  up,  shook 
him  warmly  by  the  hand,  although  his  arm  was  as 
stiff  as  a  pump  handle,  and  he  seemed  to  take  little 
pleasure  in  the  farewell.  And  so  I  left  the  Temple, 
that  was  as  lonely  as  the  road  between  Innishannon 
and  the  sea,  and  trudged  out  into  Fleet  Street,  which 
was  as  lively  as  Skibbereen  Fair.  I  was  so  overjoyed 
to  find  that  my  journey  lay  in  the  same  direction  as 
Father  Donovan's  that  I  tramped  on  westward  till 
after  some  trouble  I  found  the  priest's  house  in  which 
he  was  stopping,  to  tell  the  good  father  that  I  would 
go  part  of  the  way  to  Rome  with  him.  He  was  indeed 
delighted  to  see  me,  and  introduced  me  to  his  host, 
Father  Kilnane,  nearly  as  fine  a  man  and  as  good  a 
priest  as  Father  Donovan  himself. 

We  had  dinner  there  all  together  at  mid-day,  and  I 
invited  Father  Donovan  to  come  out  and  see  the  town 
with  me,  which  he  did.  The  peaceful  father  clung  to 
my  arm  in  a  kind  of  terror  at  what  he  was  witnessing, 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  281 

for  he  was  as  innocent  of  the  ways  of  a  big  town  as 
if  he  had  been  a  gossoon  from  a  hedge-school  in  Ire 
land.  Yet  he  was  mightily  interested  in  all  he  saw, 
and  asked  me  many  thousand  questions  that  day,  and 
if  I  did  not  know  the  correct  answer  to  them,  it  made 
no  differ  to  Father  Donovan,  for  he  did  not  know  the 
answer  himself  and  took  any  explanation  as  if  it  was 
as  true  as  the  gospels  he  studied  and  preached. 

Daylight  was  gone  before  we  got  back  to  the  house 
he  lodged  in,  and  nothing  would  do  but  I  must  come 
in  and  have  a  bit  of  supper,  although  I  told  him  that 
supper  would  be  waiting  for  me  at  the  "  Pig  and 
Turnip."  It  had  been  agreed  between  us  that  we 
would  travel  together  as  far  as  Rye,  and  that  there  I 
should  see  him  off  on  his  tempestuous  voyage  to  Dun 
kirk  or  Calais,  as  the  case  might  be.  The  old  man  was 
mightily  delighted  to  find  that  our  ways  lay  together 
through  the  south  of  England.  He  was  pleased  to 
hear  that  I  had  determined  on  my  rights  through  the 
courts  of  law,  with  no  more  sword-playing  and  vio 
lence,  which,  to  tell  the  truth,  until  it  reached  its  height, 
the  old  man  was  always  against ;  although,  when  a 
quarrel  came  to  its  utmost  interesting  point,  I  have 
seen  Father  Donovan  fidget  in  his  cassock,  and  his 
eyes  sparkle  with  the  glow  of  battle,  although  up  till 
then  he  had  done  his  best  to  prevent  the  conflict. 

It  was  getting  late  when  I  neared  the  "  Pig  and 
Turnip,"  and  there  was  a  good  deal  of  turmoil  in  the 
streets.  I  saw  one  or  two  pretty  debates,  but,  remem 
bering  my  new  resolution  to  abide  by  law  and  order, 
I  came  safely  past  them  and  turned  up  the  less-fre 
quented  street  that  held  my  inn,  when  at  the  corner, 
under  the  big  lamp,  a  young  man  with  something 


282  THE      O'RUDDY 

of  a  swagger  about  him,  in  spite  of  the  meanness  of 
his  dress,  came  out  from  the  shadow  of  the  wall  and 
looked  me  hard  in  the  face. 

"  Could  you  direct  me,  sir,  to  a  hostelry  they  call 
the  '  Pig  and  Turnip  '  ?  "  he  asked  with  great  civility. 

"  If  you  will  come  with  me,"  said  I,  "  I  '11  bring  you 
to  the  place  itself,  for  that 's  where  I  'm  stopping." 

"  Is  it  possible,"  he  said,  "  that  I  have  the  honour 
of  addressing  The  O'Ruddy  ?  " 

*  That  great  privilege  is  yours,"  said  I,  coming  to 
a  standstill  in  the  middle  of  the  street,  as  I  saw  the 
young  man  had  his  sword  drawn  and  pressed  close 
against  his  side  to  allay  suspicion.  I  forgot  all  about 
law  and  order,  and  had  my  own  blade  free  of  the 
scabbard  on  the  instant;  but  the  young  man  spoke 
smoothly  and  made  no  motion  of  attack,  which  was 
very  wise  of  him. 

"  Mr.  O'Ruddy,"  he  says,  "  we  are  both  men  of  the 
world  and  sensible  men  and  men  of  peace.  Where  two 
gentlemen,  one  down  on  his  luck  and  the  other  in  pros 
perity,  have  a  private  matter  to  discuss  between  them, 
I  think  this  discussion  should  take  place  quietly  and  in 
even  tones  of  voice." 

"  Sir,"  said  I,  giving  my  sword-hand  a  little  shake, 
so  that  the  weapon  settled  down  into  its  place,  "  Sir, 
you  express  my  sentiments  exactly,  and  as  you  are  a 
stranger  to  me  perhaps  you  will  be  good  enough  to 
announce  the  subject  that  concerns  us." 

"  I  may  say  at  the  outset,"  he  remarked  almost  in 
a  whisper,  so  polite  he  was,  "  that  I  have  eight  good 
swordsmen  at  my  back,  who  are  not  visible  until  I  give 
the  signal;  therefore  you  see,  sir,  that  your  chances 
are  of  the  slightest  if  I  should  be  compelled  to  call 


THE     O'RUDDY 

upon  them.  I  know  the  fame  of  The  O'Ruddy  as  a 
swordsman,  and  you  may  take  it  as  a  compliment,  sir, 
that  I  should  hesitate  to  meet  you  alone.  So  much  for 
saving  my  own  skin,  but  I  am  a  kindly  man  and  would 
like  to  save  your  skin  as  well.  Therefore  if  you  will 
be  kind  enough  to  hand  to  me  the  papers  which  you 
carry  in  your  pocket,  you  will  put  me  under  strong 
obligations,  and  at  the  same  time  sleep  peaceably  to 
night  at  the  '  Pig  and  Turnip  '  instead  of  here  in  the 
gutter,  to  be  picked  up  by  the  watch,  for  I  can  assure 
you,  sir,  as  a  man  that  knows  the  town,  the  watch  will 
not  be  here  to  save  you  whatever  outcry  you  may 
make." 

"  I  am  obliged  to  you,  sir,  for  your  discourse  and 
your  warning,  to  both  of  which  I  have  paid  strict 
attention ;  and  in  the  interests  of  that  peace  which  we 
are  each  of  us  so  loath  to  break  I  may  announce  to 
you  that  the  papers  you  speak  of  are  not  in  my 
possession." 

"  Pardon  me,  sir,  but  they  must  be ;  for  we  have 
searched  your  room  thoroughly,  and  we  have  also 
searched  your  servants." 

"  A  thief  of  the  night,"  cried  I  with  mighty  indig 
nation,  "  may  easily  search  an  honest  man's  room ; 
and  his  poor  servants,  beaten  and  bruised  by  your 
master's  orders,  would  fall  easy  victims  to  the  strength 
and  numbers  of  your  ruffians ;  but  you  will  find  it  a 
difficult  matter  to  search  me." 

"  Sir,"  he  replied,  bowing  as  polite  as  Palermo,  "  I 
grieve  to  state  that  you  are  in  error.  The  searching 
of  both  your  servants  and  your  rooms  was  accom 
plished,  not  through  the  employment  of  force,  but  by 
the  power  of  money.  Your  servants  insisted  they  had 


284  THE      O 'RUDDY 

nothing  on  their  persons  but  liniment,  and  they  ac 
cepted  one  gold  piece  each  to  allow  me  to  verify  their 
statements.  Another  gold  piece  gave  me,  for  a  time, 
the  freedom  of  your  room.  If  you  have  not  the  papers 
upon  you,  then  there  is  no  harm  in  allowing  me  to 
run  my  hand  over  your  clothes,  because  the  package 
is  a  bulky  one  and  I  will  speedily  corroborate  your 
statement." 

"  Sir,"  said  I,  not  to  be  outdone  in  courtesy  by  this 
gentleman  of  the  gutter,  "  I  will  tell  you  truthfully 
that  I  have  nothing  on  me  but  my  sword,  and  to  that 
you  are  quite  welcome  if  you  leave  to  me  the  choice 
of  which  end  I  hold  and  which  I  present  to  you,"  — 
and  with  that  I  sprang  with  my  back  to  the  wall, 
under  the  lamp,  leaving  myself  partially  in  shadow, 
but  having  spread  in  front  of  me  a  semicircle  of  light 
which  any  assailant  attacking  must  cross,  or  indeed 
remain  in  its  effulgence  if  he  would  keep  free  of  the 
point  of  my  blade. 

"  It  grieves  me  to  find  that  you  are  a  man  of  vio 
lence,"  replied  the  scoundrel  in  the  mildest  of  tones, 
"  and  you  will  bear  witness  afterward  that  I  did  my 
best  to  keep  you  from  harm." 

"  I  freely  acknowledge  it  now,"  said  I.  "  Bring  on 
your  men." 

To  tell  the  truth,  I  had  no  belief  at  all  in  the  ex 
istence  of  his  force,  and  thought  he  was  playing  a 
game  on  me,  hoping  to  take  me  unawares;  for  if  the 
man  knew  anything  at  all  he  must  have  known  what 
a  swordsman  I  was,  and  it  was  no  charge  of  cowardice 
against  him  that  he  was  loath  to  come  to  close  quarters 
with  me.  I  speedily  discovered,  however,  that  all  he 
said  was  true;  for  he  gave  a  low  whistle,  and  out 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  285 

of  the  darkness  instantly  sprang  seven  or  eight  as 
malicious-looking  villains  as  a  man  would  care  to  see, 
each  one  with  a  sword  in  his  hand. 

As  many  erroneous  and  exaggerated  accounts  of 
this  encounter  have  been  given  in  the  coffee-houses, 
and  even  in  the  public  prints,  it  is  well  that  I  should 
now  tell  the  truth  about  it.  No  man  that  has  the 
hang  of  his  blade  need  fear  the  onset  of  a  mob  ex 
cept  in  one  case,  and  that  is  this,  —  if  the  whole  eight 
set  upon  me  at  once  with  every  sword  extended,  there 
was  a  chance  that  though  I  might,  by  great  expertness, 
disable  half  of  them,  the  other  half  would  run  me 
through.  But  it  should  never  be  forgotten  that  these 
men  were  fighting  for  money,  and  I  was  fighting  for 
my  life,  and  that  makes  all  the  difference  in  the  world. 
Each  man  makes  a  show  of  attack,  but  he  holds  off, 
hoping  that  one  of  the  others  will  dare  to  thrust. 
This  is  fatal  to  success,  but  not  necessarily  fatal  to 
their  intended  victim.  An  active  man  with  a  wall  at 
his  back  can  generally  account  for  all  that  comes  in 
front  of  him  if  he  is  deeply  in  earnest  and  has  not 
too  much  liquor  in  him.  It  astonished  London  that 
I  was  able  to  defeat  eight  men,  each  one  of  whom  was 
armed  as  efficiently  as  myself;  but,  as  my  father  used 
to  say,  if  you  are  not  wholly  taken  up  with  the  deter 
mination  to  have  a  man's  life,  you  may  pink  him  in 
what  spot  you  choose  if  you  give  a  little  thought  to 
the  matter.  The  great  object  is  the  disarming  of  the 
enemy.  Now,  if  you  give  a  man  a  jab  in  the  knuckles, 
or  if  you  run  your  blade  delicately  up  his  arm  from 
the  wrist  to  the  elbow,  this  is  what  happens.  The 
man  involuntarily  yells  out,  and  as  involuntarily  drops 
his  sword  on  the  flags.  If  you  prick  a  man  on  the 


286  THE      O'RUDDY 

knuckle-bone,  he  will  leave  go  his  sword  before  he  has 
time  to  think,  it  being  an  action  entirely  unconscious 
on  his  part,  just  like  winking  your  eye  or  drawing 
your  breath;  yet  I  have  seen  men  run  through  the 
body  who  kept  sword  in  hand  and  made  a  beautiful 
lunge  with  it  even  as  they  staggered  across  the  thres 
hold  of  death's  door. 

Now  I  had  no  desire  for  any  of  these  men's  lives, 
but  I  determined  to  have  their  swords.  I  glittered  my 
own  shining  blade  before  their  eyes,  flourishing  a 
semicircle  with  it,  and  making  it  dart  here  and  there 
like  the  tongue  of  an  angry  snake;  and  instantly 
every  man  in  front  of  me  felt  uncomfortable,  not 
knowing  where  the  snake  was  going  to  sting,  and 
then,  as  I  said  before,  they  were  fighting  for  money 
and  not  for  honour.  When  I  had  dazzled  their  eyes 
for  a  moment  with  this  sword-play  and  bewildered 
their  dull  brains,  I  suddenly  changed  my  tactics  and 
thrust  forward  quicker  than  you  can  count  one,  two, 
three,  four,  five,  six,  seven,  eight,  —  and  each  man 
was  holding  a  bleeding  fist  to  his  mouth,  while  the 
swords  clattered  on  the  cobbles  like  hail  on  the  copper 
roof  of  a  cathedral.  It  was  the  most  beautiful  and 
complete  thing  I  ever  saw.  I  then  swept  the  unarmed 
men  back  a  pace  or  two  with  a  flirt  of  my  weapon, 
and  walked  up  the  pavement,  kicking  the  swords  to 
gether  till  they  lay  in  a  heap  at  my  feet.  The  chief 
ruffian  stood  there  dazed,  with  his  sword  still  in  his 
hand,  for  he  had  stepped  outside  the  circle,  he  acting 
as  captain,  and  depending  on  the  men  to  do  the  work. 

"  Drop  that,"  I  shouted,  turning  on  him,  and  he 
flung  his  sword  in  the  street  as  if  it  was  red  hot. 

"  Sir,"  said  I  to  him,  "  a  sword  in  your  hand  is 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  287 

merely  an  inconvenience  to  you ;  see  if  you  don't  look 
better  with  an  armful  of  them.  Pick  up  these  nine 
blades  in  a  bundle  and  walk  on  before  me  to  the  '  Pig 
and  Turnip.'  When  we  come  into  the  courtyard  of 
that  tavern,  you  are  to  turn  round  and  make  me  the 
lowest  bow  you  can  without  rubbing  your  nose  against 
the  pavement.  Then  you  will  say,  as  gracefully  as 
the  words  can  be  uttered: 

" '  Mr.  O'Ruddy,'  you  say,  '  these  swords  are  yours 
by  right  of  conquest.  You  have  defeated  nine  armed 
men  to-night  in  less  than  as  many  minutes,  so  I  pre 
sent  you  with  the  spoil.'  Then  you  will  bow  to  the 
people  assembled  in  the  courtyard,  —  for  there  is 
aways  a  mob  of  them  there,  late  and  early,  —  and 
you  will  make  another  low  obeisance  to  me.  If  you 
do  all  this  acceptably  to  my  sense  of  politeness,  I  will 
let  you  go  unmolested ;  but  if  you  do  otherwise,  I 
will  split  your  gullet  for  you." 

"  Sir,"  said  the  captain,  "  I  accept  your  terms." 

With  that  he  stooped  and  picked  up  the  bundle  of 
weapons,  marching  on  stolidly  before  me  till  he  came 
to  the  "  Pig  and  Turnip."  All  the  rest  had  disap 
peared  in  the  darkness,  and  had  gone  to  their  dens, 
very  likely  to  nurse  sore  knuckles  and  regret  the  loss 
of  good  stout  blades. 

Our  coming  to  the  tavern  caused  a  commotion,  as 
you  may  well  imagine;  and  although  I  don't  make 
too  much  of  the  encounter,  yet  it  is  my  belief  that 
such  an  incident  never  happened  in  London  before. 
The  captain  carried  out  his  part  of  the  presentation 
with  an  air  of  deference  and  a  choice  of  good  lan 
guage  that  charmed  me;  then  he  backed  out  under 
the  archway  to  the  street,  bowing  six  or  seven  times 


288  THE      O'RUDDY 

as  he  went.  I  had  never  any  fault  to  find  with  the 
man's  manner.  Paddy  and  Jem,  now  seemingly  quite 
recovered  from  their  misusagc  of  Sunday,  stood  back 
of  the  group  with  eyes  and  mouths  open,  gazing  upon 
me  with  an  admiration  I  could  not  but  appreciate. 

"  Come  out  of  that,"  said  I,  "  and  take  this  cutlery 
up  to  my  room,"  and  they  did. 

I  sat  down  at  the  table  and  wrote  a  letter  to  Mr. 
Brooks. 

"  Sir,"  said  I  in  it,  "  I  don't  know  whether  I  am 
plaintiff  or  defendant  in  the  suit  that 's  coming  on,  but 
whichever  it  is  here  's  a  bundle  of  legal  evidence  for 
your  use.  You  mentioned  the  word  '  violence '  to  me 
when  I  had  the  pleasure  of  calling  on  you.  This  night 
I  was  set  upon  by  nine  ruffians,  who  demanded  from 
me  the  papers  now  in  your  possession.  I  took  their 
knives  from  them,  so  they  would  not  hurt  themselves 
or  other  people,  and  I  send  you  these  knives  to  be 
filed  for  reference." 

I  tied  up  the  swords  in  two  bundles,  and  in  the 
morning  sent  Paddy  and  Jem  off  with  them  and  the 
letter  to  the  Temple,  which  caused  great  commotion 
in  that  peaceable  quarter  of  the  city,  and  sent  forth 
the  rumour  that  all  the  lawyers  were  to  be  at  each 
other's  throats  next  day. 


CHAPTER   XXX 

IN  the  afternoon  I  went  slowly  to  the  Temple, 
thinking  a  good  deal  on  the  way.  It 's  truth  I 
tell,  that  in  spite  of  the  victory  of  the  night  before 
I  walked  to  the  Temple  rather  downhearted.  Whether 
Josiah  Brooks  was  an  attorney,  or  a  barrister,  or  a 
solicitor,  or  a  plain  lawyer,  I  don't  know  to  this  day, 
and  I  never  could  get  my  mind  to  grasp  the  distinc 
tion  that  lies  between  those  names  in  that  trade;  but 
whichever  it  was  it  seemed  to  me  he  was  a  cold, 
unenthusiastic  man,  and  that  he  thought  very  little 
indeed  of  my  game.  There  is  small  pleasure  in  litiga 
tion  in  England  as  compared  with  the  delight  of  the 
law  in  the  old  Ark.  If  I  had  gone  to  see  a  lawyer 
in  Dublin  or  Cork  he  would  have  been  wild  with 
excitement  before  I  had  got  half  through  my  story. 
He  would  have  slapped  me  on  the  back  and  shook 
me  by  the  hand,  and  cried  "  Whurroo  "  at  the  pros 
pect  of  a  contest.  My  quarrel  would  have  been  his 
before  I  had  been  ten  minutes  in  his  presence,  and  he 
would  have  entered  into  the  spirit  of  the  fight  as  if 
he  were  the  principal  in  it  instead  of  merely  acting 
for  him ;  but  in  this  gloomy  country  of  England, 
where  they  engage  upon  a  lawsuit,  not  with  delight, 
but  as  if  they  were  preparing  for  a  funeral ;  there  is 

19 


290  THEO'RUDDY 

no  enjoyment  in  the  courts  at  all  at  all.  I  wished  I 
could  transfer  the  case  to  the  old  turf,  where  there 
is  more  joy  in  being  defeated  than  there  is  in  winning 
in  England;  for  I  have  seen  the  opposing  lawyers 
rise  from  the  most  gentlemanly  and  elegant  language 
you  ever  heard  to  a  heated  debate;  then  fling  books 
at  each  other,  and  finally  clench,  while  the  judge  stood 
up  and  saw  fair  play.  But  this  man  Brooks  was  so 
calm  and  collected  and  uninterested  that  he  fairly  dis 
couraged  me,  and  I  saw  that  I  was  going  to  get 
neither  the  money  I  needed  nor  the  support  I  ex 
pected  from  him. 

As  I  went  up  his  dark  stairway  in  the  Temple  and 
came  to  the  passage  that  led  to  the  outer  room,  I  saw 
standing  in  a  corner  the  two  bundles  of  swords  I  had 
sent  him,  as  if  he  had  cast  them  out,  which  indeed 
he  had  done.  After  some  delay  in  the  outer  room, 
the  melancholy  man  in  rusty  black  asked  me,  would 
I  go  in,  and  there  sat  Josiah  Brooks  at  his  table  as  if 
he  had  never  left  it  since  I  took  my  departure  the  day 
before.  He  looked  across  at  me  with  a  scrutiny  which 
seemed  to  be  mingled  with  dislike  and  disapproval. 

"  Mr.  O'Ruddy,"  he  said,  quiet-like,  "  it  is  not  cus 
tomary  to  send  to  a  law  office  a  number  of  swords, 
which  are  entirely  out  of  place  in  such  rooms.  They 
have  been  counted  and  are  found  to  number  nine.  I 
shall  be  obliged  if  you  sign  this  receipt  for  them, 
accept  delivery  of  the  same,  and  remove  them  from 
the  premises  at  your  earliest  convenience." 

So  I  signed  the  receipt  without  a  word  and  handed 
it  back  to  him.  Then  I  said,  — 

"  I  will  send  my  servant  for  the  swords  as  soon  as 
I  return  to  the  inn." 


THE     O'RUDDY  291 

He  inclined  his  head  the  merest  trifle,  drew  some 
papers  toward  him,  and  adjusted  his  glasses. 

"  It  is  my  duty  to  tell  you,  Mr.  O'Ruddy,  that  if 
you  go  into  the  courts  with  this  case  you  will  assuredly 
be  defeated,  and  the  costs  will  follow.  There  is  also 
a  possibility  that  when  the  civil  proceedings  are 
determined  a  criminal  action  against  yourself  may 
ensue." 

"  I  told  you,  sir,"  said  I,  with  my  heart  sinking,  "  I 
had  no  intention  of  troubling  the  courts  at  all  at  all. 
In  the  land  I  come  from  we  are  more  inclined  to 
settle  a  case  with  a  good  stout  blackthorn  than  with 
the  aid  of  a  lawyer's  wig.  These  papers  say  in  black 
and  white  that  I  am  the  owner  of  Brede  estate,  and 
I  intend  to  take  possession  of  it." 

"  It  is  only  right  to  add,"  continued  Brooks,  with 
that  great  air  of  calm  I  found  so  exasperating,  "  it  is 
only  right  to  add  that  you  are  in  a  position  to  cause 
great  annoyance  to  the  Earl  of  Westport.  You  can 
at  least  cast  doubt  on  his  title  to  the  estate;  and  he 
stands  this  jeopardy,  that  if  contrary  to  opinion  your 
cause  should  prove  successful,  —  and  we  must  never 
forget  that  the  law  is  very  uncertain,  —  the  Earl 
would  have  to  account  for  the  moneys  he  has  drawn 
from  the  estate,  which  would  run  into  many  thousands 
of  pounds,  and,  together  with  the  loss  of  the  property, 
would  confront  his  lordship  with  a  most  serious  sit 
uation.  Your  case,  therefore,  though  weak  from  a 
strictly  legal  point  of  view,  is  exceptionally  strong  as 
a  basis  for  compromise." 

These  words  cheered  me  more  than  I  can  say,  and 
it  is  an  extraordinary  fact  that  his  frozen,  even  tone, 
and  his  lack  of  all  interest  in  the  proceedings  had  an 


292  THE      O'RUDDY 

elevating  effect  upon  my  spirits  which  I  could  not  have 
believed  possible. 

"  As  it  is  a  compromise  that  I  'm  after,"  said  I, 
"  what  better  case  can  we  want  ?  " 

"  Quite  so,"  he  resumed ;  "  but  as  there  is  no  en 
couragement  in  the  strictly  legal  aspect  of  the  plea, 
you  will  understand  that  no  money-lender  in  London 
will  advance  a  farthing  on  such  unstable  security. 
Even  though  I  am  acting  in  your  interests,  I  could 
not  take  the  responsibility  of  advising  any  capitalist 
to  advance  money  on  such  uncertain  tenure." 

This  threw  me  into  the  depths  again;  for,  although 
I  never  care  to  meet  trouble  half  way,  I  could  not 
conceal  from  myself  the  fact  that  my  bill  at  the 
"  Pig  and  Turnip  "  had  already  reached  proportions 
which  left  me  no  alternative  but  to  slip  quietly  away 
in  liquidation  of  the  account.  This  was  a  thing  I 
never  liked  to  do ;  and  when  I  am  compelled  to  make 
that  settlement  I  always  take  note  of  the  amount,  so 
that  I  may  pay  it  if  I  am  ever  that  way  again  and 
have  more  money  than  I  need  at  the  moment.  Even 
if  I  succeeded  in  getting  away  from  the  inn,  what 
could  I  do  at  Brede  with  no  money  at  all  ?  —  for  in 
that  part  of  the  country  they  would  certainly  look  upon 
the  Earl  of  Westport  as  the  real  owner  of  the  property, 
and  on  me  as  a  mere  interloper ;  and  if  I  could  not 
get  money  on  the  documents  in  London,  there  was 
little  chance  of  getting  credit  even  for  food  at  Brede. 

"  It  is  rather  a  blue  look-out  then,"  said  I  as  cheer 
fully  as  I  could. 

"  From  a  legal  standpoint  it  is,"  concurred  Mr. 
Brooks,  as  unconcerned  as  if  his  own  payment  did 
not  depend  on  my  raising  the  wind  with  these  papers. 


THE      O'RUDDY  293 

"  However,  I  have  been  instructed  by  a  person  who 
need  not  be  named,  who  has  indeed  stipulated  that  no 
name  shall  be  mentioned,  to  advance  you  the  sum  of 
five  hundred  guineas,  which  I  have  here  in  my  drawer, 
and  which  I  will  now  proceed  to  count  out  to  you  if 
you,  in  the  mean  time,  will  sign  this  receipt,  which 
acquits  me  of  all  responsibility  and  certifies  that  I 
have  handed  the  money  over  to  you  without  rebate 
or  reduction." 

And  with  that  the  man  pulled  open  a  drawer  and 
began  to  count  out  the  glittering  gold. 

I  sprang  to  my  feet  and  brought  my  fist  down  on 
the  table  with  a  thump.  "  Now,  by  the  Great  Book 
of  Kells,  what  do  you  mean  by  chopping  and  changing 
like  a  rudderless  lugger  in  a  ten-knot  breeze?  If  the 
expedition  is  possible,  and  you  had  the  money  in  your 
drawer  all  the  time,  why  could  n't  you  have  spoken  it 
out  like  a  man,  without  raising  me  to  the  roof  and 
dropping  me  into  the  cellar  in  the  way  you  Ve  done  ?  " 

The  man  looked  unruffled  across  the  table  at  me. 
He  pushed  a  paper  a  little  farther  from  him,  and 
said  without  any  trace  of  emotion : 

"  Will  you  sign  that  receipt  at  the  bottom,  if  you 
please?" 

I  sat  down  and  signed  it,  but  I  would  rather  have 
jabbed  a  pen  between  his  close-set  lips  to  give  him  a 
taste  of  his  own  ink.  Then  I  sat  quiet  and  watched 
him  count  the  gold,  placing  it  all  in  neat  little  pillars 
before  him.  When  it  was  finished,  he  said: 

"  Will  you  check  the  amount  ?  " 

"  Is  that  gold  mine  ?  "  I  asked  him. 

"  It  is,"  he  replied. 

So  I  rose  up  without  more  ado  and  shovelled  it 


294  THE     O'RUDDY 

into  my  pockets,  and  he  put  the  receipt  into  the  drawer 
after  reading  it  over  carefully,  and  arched  his  eye 
brows  without  saying  anything  when  he  saw  me 
pocket  the  coins  uncounted. 

"  I  wish  you  good  afternoon,"  said  I. 

"  I  have  to  detain  you  one  moment  longer,"  he 
replied.  "  I  have  it  on  the  most  trustworthy  informa 
tion  that  the  Earl  of  Westport  is  already  aware  of 
your  intention  to  proceed  to  the  country  estate  alleged 
to  be  owned  by  him.  Your  outgoings  and  incomings 
are  watched,  and  I  have  to  inform  you  that  unless 
you  proceed  to  Rye  with  extreme  caution  there  is 
likelihood  that  you  may  be  waylaid,  and  perchance 
violence  offered  to  you." 

"  In  that  case  I  will  reap  a  few  more  swords ;  but 
you  need  not  fear,  I  shall  not  trouble  you  with  them." 

"  They  are  out  of  place  in  a  solicitor's  chamber," 
he  murmured  gently.  "Is  there  anything  further  I 
can  do  for  you  ?  " 

"  Yes,"  I  said,  "  there  is  one  thing  more.  I  would 
be  obliged  if  you  could  make  me  a  bundle  of  legal- 
looking  papers  that  are  of  no  further  use  to  you :  a 
sheet  of  that  parchment,  and  some  of  the  blue  stuff 
like  what  I  carried.  The  Earl  seems  determined  to 
have  a  packet  of  papers  from  me,  and  I  would  like 
to  oblige  him,  as  he  's  going  to  be  my  father-in-law, 
although  he  does  n't  know  it.  I  'd  like  some  writing 
on  these  papers,  —  Latin  for  preference." 

Josiah  Brooks  thought  steadily  for  a  few  moments, 
then  he  called  out  and  the  melancholy  rusty  man  came 
in.  He  took  a  few  instructions  and  went  out  again. 
After  a  long  time  he  entered  once  more  and  placed 
on  the  table  a  packet  I  would  have  sworn  was  my 


THE     O'RUDDY  295 

own.  This  the  lawyer  handed  to  me  without  a  word, 
and  the  rusty  man  held  open  the  door  for  me.  So, 
with  the  bogus  papers  in  my  pocket,  not  to  mention 
the  genuine  gold,  I  took  my  leave  of  Josiah  and  the 
Temple. 

As  soon  as  I  was  outside  I  saw  at  once  that  there 
was  no  time  to  be  lost.  If  the  Earl  had  guessed  my 
intention,  as  was  hinted,  what  would  he  do?  When 
ever  I  wish  to  answer  a  question  like  that  to  myself, 
I  think  what  would  I  do  if  I  were  in  the  position  of  the 
other  man.  Now  what  I  would  have  done,  was  this, 
if  I  were  the  Earl  of  Westport.  I  would  send  down 
to  Brede  all  the  ruffians  at  my  disposal  and  garrison 
the  house  with  them ;  and  if  the  Earl  did  this,  I  would 
be  on  the  outside,  and  he  on  the  inside  with  advantage 
over  me  accordingly.  Most  men  fight  better  behind 
stone  walls  than  out  in  the  open ;  and,  besides,  a  few 
men  can  garrison  a  barracks  that  five  hundred  cannot 
take  by  assault.  However,  as  it  turned  out,  I  was 
crediting  the  Earl  with  brains  equal  to  my  own,  which 
in  truth  neither  he  nor  any  of  his  followers  had  below 
their  bonnets.  He  trusted  to  intercepting  me  on  the 
highway,  just  as  if  he  had  n't  already  failed  in  that 
trick.  But  it  takes  a  score  of  failures  to  convince  an 
Englishman  that  he  is  on  the  wrong  track  altogether, 
while"  an  Irishman  has  so  many  plans  in  his  head  that 
there  's  never  time  to  try  one  of  them  twice  in  succes 
sion.  But  if  I  was  wrong  about  the  Earl,  I  was  right 
about  his  daughter,  when  I  suspected  that  she  gave  the 
lawyer  the  information  about  the  Earl's  knowledge  of 
my  plans,  and  I  was  also  right  when  I  credited  the 
dear  girl  with  drawing  on  her  own  funds  to  give  me 
the  golden  guineas,  —  "  and  may  each  one  of  them," 


296  THE      O'RUDDY 

said  I  to  myself,  "  prove  a  golden  blessing  on  her 
head." 

At  any  rate,  there  was  no  time  to  be  lost,  so  I  made 
straight  to  Father  Donovan  and  asked  him  would  he 
be  ready  to  begin  the  journey  to  Rye  after  an  early 
breakfast  with  me  at  the  "  Pig  and  Turnip." 

You  never  saw  a  man  in  your  life  so  delighted  at 
the  prospect  of  leaving  London  as  was  Father  Dono 
van,  and  indeed  I  was  glad  to  get  away  from  the  place 
myself.  The  good  father  said  the  big  town  confused 
him ;  and,  although  he  was  glad  to  have  seen  it,  he  was 
more  happy  still  to  get  out  of  it  and  breathe  a  breath  of 
fresh  country  air  once  more.  So  it  was  arranged  that 
he  would  come  to  the  "  Pig  and  Turnip  "  next  morn 
ing  between  six  and  seven  o'clock.  I  then  turned  back 
to  the  shop  of  a  tailor  who  for  a  long  time  had  had 
two  suits  of  clothing  waiting  for  me  that  were  entirely 
elegant  in  their  design.  The  tailor,  however,  would 
not  take  the  word  of  a  gentleman  that  payment  would 
follow  the  delivery  of  the  costumes ;  for  a  little  later 
would  be  more  convenient  for  me  to  give  him  the 
money,  and  this  made  me  doubt,  in  spite  of  the  buttons 
and  gold  lace,  if  the  garments  were  quite  the  fashionable 
cut,  because  a  tailor  who  demands  money  on  the  spot 
shows  he  is  entirely  unaccustomed  to  deal  with  the 
upper  classes ;  but  I  needed  these  clothes,  as  the  two 
suits  I  possessed  were  getting  a  little  the  worse  for 
wear. 

When  I  went  into  his  shop  he  was  inclined  to  be 
haughty,  thinking  I  had  come  to  ask  credit  again ;  but 
when  he  saw  the  glitter  of  the  money  the  man  became 
obsequious  to  a  degree  that  I  never  had  witnessed 
before.  I  was  affable  to  him,  but  distant;  and  when 


THE      O'RUDDY  297 

he  offered  me  everything-  that  was  in  his  shop,  I  told 
him  I  would  take  time  and  consider  it.  He  sent  a  ser 
vant  following  behind  me  with  the  goods,  and  so  I 
came  once  more  to  the  "  Pig  and  Turnip,"  where  I 
ordered  Paddy  and  Jem  to  go  to  the  Temple  and  fetch 
away  the  swords. 

There  seemed  to  be  a  pleased  surprise  on  the  face  of 
the  landlord  when  I  called  for  my  bill  and  paid  it 
without  question,  chiding  him  for  his  delay  in  not  send 
ing  it  before.  I  engaged  a  horse  for  Father  Donovan 
to  ride  on  the  following  morning,  and  ordered  break 
fast  ready  at  six  o'clock,  although  I  gave  my  com 
mands  that  I  was  to  be  wakened  an  hour  before 
daylight. 

I  spent  the  rest  of  the  day  in  my  room  with  Paddy 
and  Jem,  trying  to  knock  into  their  heads  some  little 
notion  of  geography,  wishing  to  make  certain  that 
they  would  sooner  or  later  arrive  in  Rye  without 
stumbling  in  on  Belfast  while  on  the  way.  My  own 
knowledge  of  the  face  of  the  country  was  but  meagre, 
so  the  landlord  brought  in  a  rough  map  of  the  south  of 
England,  and  I  cautioned  the  lads  to  get  across  London 
Bridge  and  make  for  the  town  of  Maidstone,  from 
where  they  could  go  due  south,  and  if  they  happened 
on  the  coast  they  were  to  inquire  for  Rye  and  stay  there 
until  further  orders.  Jem  Bottles,  who  thought  he 
had  brains  in  his  head,  said  he  would  not  be  so  open  in 
telling  every  one  we  were  going  to  Rye  if  he  was  me, 
because  he  was  sure  the  Earl  had  people  on  the  look 
out,  and  money  was  plenty  with  his  lordship.  If  every 
one  knew  when  we  were  taking  our  departure,  there 
would  be  no  difficulty  in  following  us  and  overcoming 
us  on  some  lonely  part  of  the  road. 


298  THE      O'RUDDY 

"  Jem,"  said  I,  "  that 's  all  very  true ;  but  when  they 
attacked  us  before  they  got  very  little  change  for  their 
trouble;  and  if  you  are  afraid  of  some  slight  commo 
tion  on  the  road,  then  you  can  stay  back  here  in 
London." 

"  I  am  not  afraid  at  all,"  said  Jem,  "  but  if  there  's 
anything  particular  you  would  like  to  see  in  Rye, 
there  's  no  use  in  blocking  the  road  to  it." 

"  Sure,  Jem,  then  be  quiet  about  it." 

Turning  to  the  landlord,  who  was  standing  by,  I 
said  to  him : 

"  My  men  fear  we  are  going  to  be  intercepted,  so 
I  think  if  I  began  the  journey  some  time  before 
daylight,  and  they  followed  me  soon  after,  I  might 
slip  away  unnoticed." 

The  landlord  scratched  his  head  and  crinkled  up  his 
brow,  for  to  think  was  unusual  with  him. 

"  I  don't  see,"  he  said  at  last,  "  what  you  have  to 
gain  by  going  separately.  It  seems  to  me  it  would 
be  better  to  go  in  a  body,  and  then,  if  you  are  set  on, 
there  are  three  instead  of  one." 

"  Very  well,"  said  I,  "  I  '11  take  your  caution  into 
consideration,  and  act  upon  it  or  not  as  seems  best 
when  the  time  comes." 

I  told  Paddy  and  Jem  to  sleep  that  night  on  the  floor 
of  my  own  room,  and  cautioned  them  to  wake  me  an 
hour  before  daylight  at  the  latest.  Jem  slept  through 
until  I  had  to  kick  him  into  consciousness;  but  poor 
Paddy,  on  the  other  hand,  wakened  me  four  times 
during  the  night,  —  the  first  time  two  hours  after  I  had 
gone  to  sleep,  and  I  could  have  cudgelled  him  for  his 
pains,  only  I  knew  the  lad's  intentions  were  good.  The 
last  time  I  could  stand  it  no  longer,  although  it  was 


THE      O'RUDDY  299 

still  earlier  than  the  hour  I  had  said,  so  I  got  up  and 
dressed  myself  in  one  of  my  new  suits. 

"  And  here,  Paddy,"  said  I,  "  you  will  wear  the 
costume  I  had  on  yesterday." 

"  I  could  n't  think  of  it,"  said  Paddy,  drawing  back 
from  the  grandeur. 

"  You  are  not  to  think,  you  impudent  gossoon,  but 
to  do  as  I  tell  you.  Put  them  on,  and  be  as  quick  as 
you  can." 

"  Troth,  yer  honour,"  said  Paddy,  still  shrinking 
from  them,  "  they  're  too  grand  for  the  likes  o'  me,  an' 
few  will  be  able  to  tell  the  differ  atween  us." 

"  You  conceited  spalpeen,  do  ye  think  there 's  no 
difference  between  us  but  what  the  clothes  make? 
Get  into  them.  I  intend  certain  other  people  to  take 
you  for  me  in  the  dark,  and  I  can  warrant  you  these 
clothes,  grand  as  you  think  them,  will  be  very  soundly 
beaten  before  this  day  is  done  with." 

"  Ochone,  ochone,"  moaned  Paddy,  "  am  I  to  get 
another  beating  already,  and  some  of  the  bruises  not 
yet  off  my  flesh  ?  " 

"  Put  on  the  coat  now,  and  don't  do  so  much  talking. 
Sure  it 's  all  in  the  day's  work,  and  I  promise  you 
before  long  you  '11  have  your  revenge  on  them." 

"  It 's  not  revenge  I  'm  after,"  wailed  Paddy,  "  but 
a  whole  skin." 

"  Now  you  're  transformed  into  a  gentleman,"  said 
I,  "  and  many  a  lad  would  take  a  beating  for  the  privi 
lege  of  wearing  such  gorgeous  raiment.  Here  is  a 
packet  of  paper  that  you  're  to  keep  in  your  pocket  till 
it 's  taken  away  from  you.  And  now  I  '11  help  you  to 
saddle  the  horse,  and  once  you  're  across  London 
Bridge  you  '11  likely  come  upon  Maidstone  and  Rye 


300  THE     O'RUDDY 

some  time  in  your  life,  for  you  can't  get  back  over  the 
river  again  except  by  the  same  bridge,  so  you  '11  know 
it  when  you  come  to  it." 

And  so  I  mounted  Paddy  in  the  courtyard ;  the  sleepy 
watchman  undid  the  bolts  in  the  big  gate  in  the  arch 
way;  and  my  man  rode  out  into  the  darkness  in  no 
very  cheerful  humour  over  his  journey.  I  came  back 
and  took  forty  winks  more  in  the  arm-chair,  then,  with 
much  difficulty,  I  roused  Jem  Bottles.  He  also,  with 
out  a  murmur,  but  with  much  pride  in  his  dressing, 
put  on  the  second  of  my  discarded  suits,  and  seemed 
to  fancy  himself  mightily  in  his  new  gear.  With  plenty 
of  cord  I  tied  and  retied  the  two  bundles  of  swords  and 
placed  them  across  the  horse  in  front  of  his  saddle,  and 
it  was  not  yet  daylight  when  Jem  jingled  out  into  the 
street  like  a  moving  armoury.  Two  huge  pistols  were 
in  his  holsters,  loaded  and  ready  to  his  hand. 

"  By  the  Saints,"  said  Jem  proudly,  "  the  man  that 
meddles  with  me  shall  get  hot  lead  or  cold  steel  for  his 
breakfast,"  and  with  that  he  went  off  at  a  canter, 
waking  the  echoes  with  the  clash  of  his  horse's  shoes 
on  the  cobble-stones. 

I  went  up  stairs  again  and  threw  myself  down  on  the 
bed  and  slept  peacefully  with  no  Paddy  to  rouse  me 
until  half-past-six,  when  a  drawer  knocked  at  the 
door  and  said  that  a  priest  that  was  downstairs  would 
be  glad  to  see  me.  I  had  him  up  in  a  jiffy,  and  a  hot 
breakfast  following  fast  on  his  heels,  which  we  both 
laid  in  in  quantities,  for  neither  of  us  knew  where  our 
next  meal  was  to  be.  However,  the  good  father  paid 
little  thought  to  the  future  as  long  as  the  present  meal 
was  well  served  and  satisfactory.  He  had  no  more 
idea  than  a  spring  lamb  how  we  were  to  get  to  Rye, 


THE      O'RUDDY  301 

but  thought  perhaps  a  coach  set  out  at  that  hour  in 
the  morning.  When  I  told  him  I  had  a  horse  saddled 
and  waiting  for  him,  he  was  pleased,  for  Father 
Donovan  could  scamper  across  the  country  in  Ireland 
with  the  best  of  them.  So  far  as  I  could  judge,  the 
coast  was  clear,  for  every  one  we  met  between  the 
"  Pig  and  Turnip  "  and  the  bridge  seemed  honest  folk 
intent  on  getting  early  to  their  work.  It  was  ten 
minutes  past  seven  when  we  clattered  across  the  bridge 
and  set  our  faces  toward  Rye. 


CHAPTER   XXXI 

LOOKING  back  over  my  long  life  I  scarcely  re 
member  any  day  more  pleasant  than  that  I  spent 
riding  side  by  side  with  Father  Donovan  from  Lon 
don  to  Rye.  The  fine  old  man  had  a  fund  of  entertain 
ing  stories,  and  although  I  had  heard  them  over  and 
over  again  there  was  always  something  fresh  in  his 
way  of  telling  them,  and  now  and  then  I  recognized  a 
narrative  that  had  once  made  two  separate  stories,  but 
which  had  now  become  welded  into  one  in  the  old 
man's  mind.  There  was  never  anything  gloomy  in 
these  anecdotes,  for  they  always  showed  the  cheerful 
side  of  life  and  gave  courage  to  the  man  that  wanted 
to  do  right ;  for  in  all  of  Father  Donovan's  stories  the 
virtuous  were  always  made  happy.  We  talked  of  our 
friends  and  acquaintances,  and  if  he  ever  knew  any 
thing  bad  about  a  man  he  never  told  it;  while  if  I 
mentioned  it  he  could  always  say  something  good  of 
him  to  balance  it,  or  at  least  to  mitigate  the  opinion 
that  might  be  formed  of  it.  He  was  always  doing 
some  man  a  good  turn  or  speaking  a  comforting  word 
for  him. 

"  O'Ruddy,"  he  said,  "  I  spent  most  of  the  day 
yesterday  writing  letters  to  those  that  could  read 
them  in  our  part  of  Ireland,  setting  right  the  rumours 
that  had  come  back  to  us,  which  said  you  were  fighting 
duels  and  engaged  in  brawls,  but  the  strangest  story 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  303 

of  all  was  the  one  about  your  forming  a  friendship 
with  a  highwayman,  who,  they  said,  committed  rob 
beries  on  the  road  and  divided  the  spoil  with  you,  and 
here  I  find  you  without  a  servant  at  all  at  all,  leading 
a  quiet,  respectable  life  at  a  quiet,  respectable  inn.  It 's 
not  even  in  a  tavern  that  I  first  come  across  you,  but 
kneeling  devoutly,  saying  a  prayer  in  your  mother 
church.  I  see  you  leaving  your  inn  having  paid  your 
bill  like  a  gentleman,  when  they  said  you  took  night- 
leave  of  most  of  the  hostelries  in  England.  Dear  me, 
and  there  was  the  landlord  bowing  to  you  as  if  you 
were  a  prince,  and  all  his  servants  in  a  row  with  the 
utmost  respect  for  you.  Ah,  O'Ruddy,  it 's  men  like 
you  that  gives  the  good  name  to  Ireland,  and  causes 
her  to  be  looked  up  to  by  all  the  people  of  the  world." 

I  gave  Father  Donovan  heartfelt  thanks  for  his 
kindness,  and  prayed  to  myself  that  we  would  not  come 
upon  Jem  Bottles  on  the  road,  and  that  we  would  be 
left  unmolested  on  our  journey  until  we  saw  the  sea- 
coast.  Of  course,  if  we  were  set  upon,  it  would  not  be 
my  fault,  and  it 's  not  likely  he  would  blame  me ;  but 
if  we  came  on  Bottles,  he  was  inclined  to  be  very  easy 
in  conversation,  and,  in  spite  of  my  warnings,  would 
let  slip  words  that  would  shock  Jthe  old  priest.  But 
when  a  day  begins  too  auspiciously,  its  luck  is  apt  to 
change  before  the  sun  sets,  as  it  was  with  me. 

It  was  nearing  mid-day,  and  we  were  beginning  to 
feel  a  trifle  hungry,  yet  were  in  a  part  of  the  country 
that  gave  little  promise  of  an  inn,  for  it  was  a  lonely 
place  with  heath  on  each  side  of  the  road,  and,  further 
on,  a  bit  of  forest.  About  half-way  through  this 
wooded  plain  an  astonishing  sight  met  my  eyes.  Two 
saddled  horses  were  tied  to  a  tree,  and  by  the  side  of 


304  THE     O' RUDDY 

the  road  appeared  to  be  a  heap  of  nine  or  ten  saddles, 
on  one  of  which  a  man  was  sitting,  comfortably  eating 
a  bit  of  bread,  while  on  another  a  second  man,  whose 
head  was  tied  up  in  a  white  cloth,  lay  back  in  a  recum 
bent  position,  held  upright  by  the  saddlery.  Coming 
closer,  I  was  disturbed  to  see  that  the  man  eating  was 
Jem  Bottles,  while  the  other  was  undoubtedly  poor 
Paddy,  although  his  clothes  were  so  badly  torn  that  I 
had  difficulty  in  recognizing  them  as  my  own.  As  we 
drew  up  Jem  stood  and  saluted  with  his  mouth  full, 
while  Paddy  groaned  deeply.  I  was  off  my  horse  at 
once  and  ran  to  Paddy. 

"  Where  are  ye  hurted  ?  "  said  I. 

"  I  'm  killed,"  said  Paddy. 

"  I  Ve  done  the  best  I  could  for  him,"  put  in  Jem 
Bottles.  "  He  '11  be  all  right  in  a  day  or  two." 

"  I  '11  not,"  said  Paddy,  with  more  strength  than  one 
would  suspect ;  "  I  '11  not  be  all  right  in  a  day  or  two, 
nor  in  a  week  or  two,  nor  in  a  month  or  two,  nor  in  a 
year  or  two ;  I  'm  killed  entirely." 

"  You  're  not,"  said  Bottles.  "  When  I  was  on  the 
highway  I  never  minded  a  little  clip  like  that." 

"  Hush,  Bottles,"  said  I,  "  you  talk  altogether  too 
much.  Paddy,"  cried  I,  "  get  on  your  feet,  and  show 
yer  manners  here  to  Father  Donovan." 

Paddy  got  on  his  feet  with  a  celerity  which  his 
former  attitude  would  not  have  allowed  one  to  believe 
possible. 

"  My  poor  boy !  "  said  the  kindly  priest ;  "  who  has 
misused  you  ?  "  and  he  put  his  two  hands  on  the  sore 
head. 

"  About  two  miles  from  here,"  said  Paddy,  "  I  was 
set  on  by  a  score  of  men " 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  305 

"  There  was  only  nine  of  them,"  interrupted  Jem, 
"  count  the  saddles." 

"  They  came  on  me  so  sudden  and  unexpected  that  I 
was  off  my  horse  before  I  knew  there  was  a  man  within 
reach.  They  had  me  down  before  I  could  say  my 
prayers,  and  cudgelled  me  sorely,  tearing  my  clothes, 
and  they  took  away  the  packet  of  papers  you  gave  me, 
sir.  Sure  I  tried  to  guard  it  with  my  life,  an*  they 
nearly  took  both." 

"  I  am  certain  you  did  your  best,  Paddy,"  said  I ; 
"  and  it 's  sorry  I  am  to  see  you  injured." 

"  Then  they  rode  away,  leaving  me,  sore  wounded, 
sitting  on  the  side  of  the  road,"  continued  Paddy. 
"  After  a  while  I  come  to  myself,  for  I  seemed  dazed ; 
and,  my  horse  peacefully  grazing  beside  me,  I  managed 
to  get  on  its  back,  and  turned  toward  London  in  the 
hope  of  meeting  you ;  but  instead  of  meeting  you,  sir, 
I  came  upon  Jem  with  his  pile  of  saddles,  and  he  bound 
up  my  head  and  did  what  he  could  to  save  me,  although 
I  've  a  great  thirst  on  me  at  this  moment  that 's  diffi 
cult  to  deal  with." 

"  There  's  a  ditch  by  the  side  of  the  road,"  said  the 
priest. 

"Yes,"  said  Paddy  sadly;  "I  tried  some  of 
that." 

I  went  to  my  pack  on  the  horse  and  took  out  a  bottle 
and  a  leather  cup.  Paddy  drank  and  smacked  his  lips 
with  an  ecstasy  that  gave  us  hope  for  his  ultimate 
recovery.  Jem  Bottles  laughed,  and  to  close  his  mouth 
I  gave  him  also  some  of  the  wine. 

"  I  hope,"  said  Father  Donovan  with  indignation, 
"  that  the  miscreant  who  misused  you  will  be  caught 
and  punished." 

20 


306  THE      O'RUDDY 

"  I  punished  them,"  said  Jem,  drawing  the  back  of 
his  hand  across  his  mouth. 

"  We  '11  hear  about  it  another  time,"  said  I,  having 
my  suspicions. 

"  Let  the  good  man  go  on,"  begged  Father  Donovan, 
who  is  not  without  human  curiosity. 

Jem  needed  no  second  bidding. 

"  Your  Reverence,"  he  said,  "  I  was  jogging  quietly 
on  as  a  decent  man  should,  when,  coming  to  the  edge 
of  this  forest,  I  saw  approach  me  a  party  of  horsemen, 
who  were  very  hilarious  and  laughed  loudly.  If  you 
look  up  and  down  the  road  and  see  how  lonely  it  is, 
and  then  look  at  the  wood,  with  no  hedge  between  it 
and  the  highway,  you  '11  notice  the  place  was  designed 
by  Providence  for  such  a  meeting." 

"  Sure  the  public  road  is  designed  as  a  place  for 
travellers  to  meet,"  said  the  father,  somewhat  bewil 
dered  by  the  harangue. 

"  Your  Reverence  is  right,  but  this  place  could  not 
afford  better  accommodation  if  I  had  made  it  myself. 
I  struck  into  the  wood  before  they  saw  me,  tore  the 
black  lining  from  my  hat,  punched  two  holes  in  it  for 
the  eyes,  and  tied  it  around  my  forehead,  letting  it 
hang  down  over  my  face;  then  I  primed  my  two 
pistols  and  waited  for  the  gentlemen.  When  they  were 
nearly  opposite,  a  touch  of  the  heels  to  my  horse's 
flank  was  enough,  and  out  he  sprang  into  the  middle 
of  the  road. 

'  Stand  and  deliver ! '  I  cried,  pointing  the  pistols  at 
them,  the  words  coming  as  glibly  to  my  lips  as  if  I 
had  said  them  no  later  ago  than  yesterday.  '  Stand  and 

deliver,  ye '  "  and  here  Jem  glibly  rattled  out  a 

stream  of  profane  appellatives  which  was  disgraceful 
to  listen  to. 


THE      O'RUDDY  307 

"  Tut,  tut,  Jem,"  I  said,  "  you  should  n't  speak  like 
that.  Any  way  we  '11  hear  the  rest  another  time." 

"  That 's  what  I  called  them,  sir,"  said  Jem,  turning 
to  me  with  surprise,  "  you  surely  would  not  have  me 
tell  an  untruth." 

"  I  would  n't  have  you  tell  anything.  Keep  quiet. 
Father  Donovan  is  not  interested  in  your  recital." 

"  I  beg  your  pardon,  O'Ruddy,"  said  Father  Don 
ovan,  looking  at  me  reproachfully ;  "  but  I  am  very 
much  interested  in  this  man's  narrative." 

"  As  any  good  man  should  be,"  continued  Jem,  "  for 
these  were  arrant  scoundrels ;  one  of  them  I  knew,  and 
his  name  is  Doctor  Chord.  He  fell  off  his  horse  on  the 
roadway  at  once  and  pleaded  for  mercy.  I  ordered  the 
others  instantly  to  hold  their  hands  above  their  heads, 
and  they  did  so,  except  one  man  who  began  fumbling 
in  his  holster,  and  then,  to  show  him  what  I  could  do 
with  a  pistol,  I  broke  his  wrist.  At  the  sound  of  the 
shot  the  horses  began  to  plunge,  nearly  trampling 
Doctor  Chord  into  the  dust. 

"  '  Clasp  your  hands  above  your  heads,  ye 

Here  went  on  another  stream  of  terrible  language 
again,  and  in  despair  I  sat  down  on  the  pile  of  saddles, 
allowing  things  to  take  their  course.  Jem  continued: 

"  The  lesson  of  the  pistol  was  not  misread  by  my 
gentlemen,  when  they  noticed  I  had  a  second  loaded 
one ;  so,  going  to  them  one  after  the  other  I  took  their 
weapons  from  them  and  flung  them  to  the  foot  of  that 
tree,  where,  if  you  look,  you  may  see  them  now.  Then 
I  took  a  contribution  from  each  one,  just  as  you  do  in 
church,  your  Reverence.  I  'm  sure  you  have  a  collec 
tion  for  the  poor,  and  that  was  the  one  I  was  taking 
up  this  day.  I  have  not  counted  them  yet,"  said  the 


308  THE      O'RUDDY 

villain  turning  to  me,  "  but  I  think  I  have  between  sixty 
and  seventy  guineas,  which  are  all  freely  at  your  dis 
posal,  excepting  a  trifle  for  myself  and  Paddy  there. 
There  's  no  plaster  like  gold  for  a  sore  head,  your  Rev 
erence.  I  made  each  one  of  them  dismount  and  take 
off  his  saddle  and  throw  it  in  the  pile ;  then  I  had  them 
mount  again  and  drove  them  with  curses  toward  Lon 
don,  and  very  glad  they  were  to  escape." 

"  He  did  not  get  the  papers  again,"  wailed  Paddy, 
who  was  not  taking  as  jubilant  a  view  of  the  world 
as  was  Jem  at  that  moment. 

"  I  knew  nothing  of  the  papers,"  protested  Bottles. 
"  If  you  had  told  me  about  the  papers,  I  would  have 
had  them,  and  if  I  had  been  carrying  the  papers  these 
fellows  would  not  have  made  away  with  them." 

"  Then,"  said  the  horrified  priest,  "  you  did  not 
commit  this  action  in  punishment  for  the  injury  done 
to  your  friend?  You  knew  nothing  of  that  at  the 
time.  You  set  on  these  men  thinking  they  were  simple 
travellers." 

"  O,  I  knew  nothing  of  what  happened  to  Paddy  till 
later,  but  you  see,  your  Reverence,  these  men  themselves 
were  thieves  and  robbers.  In  their  case  it  was  nine 
men  against  one  poor  half-witted  Irish  lad " 

"  Half-witted  yourself,"  cried  Paddy  angrily. 

"  But  you,  sir,"  continued  his  Reverence,  "  were 
simply  carrying  out  the  action  of  a  highwayman.  Sir, 
you  are  a  highwayman." 

"  I  was,  your  Reverence,  but  I  have  reformed." 

"  And  this  pile  of  saddles  attests  your  reformation !  " 
said  the  old  man,  shaking  his  head. 

"  But  you  see,  your  Reverence,  this  is  the  way  to  look 
at  it " 


THE      O'RUDDY  309 

"  Keep  quiet,  Jem !  "  cried  I  in  disgust. 

"  How  can  I  keep  quiet,"  urged  Bottles,  "  when  I  am 
unjustly  accused?  I  do  not  deny  that  I  was  once  a 
highwayman,  but  Mr.  O'Ruddy  converted  me  to  better 
ways " 

"  Highways,"  said  Paddy,  adding,  with  a  sniff, 
"Half-witted!" 

"  Your  Reverence,  I  had  no  more  intention  of  rob 
bing  those  men  than  you  have  at  this  moment.  I  didn't 
know  they  were  thieves  themselves.  Then  what  put  it 
into  my  head  to  jump  into  the  wood  and  on  with  a 
mask  before  you  could  say,  Bristol  town  ?  It 's  the 
mysterious  ways  of  Providence,  your  Reverence.  Even 
I  did  n't  understand  it  at  the  time,  but  the  moment  I 
heard  Paddy's  tale  I  knew  at  once  I  was  but  an  instru 
ment  in  the  hand  of  Providence,  for  I  had  not  said, 
'  Stand  and  deliver ! '  this  many  a  day,  nor  thought 
of  it." 

"  It  may  be  so ;  it  may  be  so,"  murmured  the  priest, 
more  to  himself  than  to  us ;  but  I  saw  that  he  was 
much  troubled,  so,  getting  up,  I  said  to  Paddy: 

"  Are  you  able  to  ride  farther  on  to-day  ?  " 

"  If  I  'd  another  sup  from  the  cup,  sir,  I  think  I 
could,"  whereat  Jem  Bottles  laughed  again,  and  I  gave 
them  both  a  drink  of  wine. 

"  What  are  you  going  to  do  with  all  this  saddlery  ?  " 
said  I  to  Bottles. 

"  I  don't  know  anything  better  than  to  leave  it  here ; 
but  I  think,  your  honour,  the  pistols  will  come  handy, 
for  they  're  all  very  good  ones,  and  Paddy  and  me  can 
carry  them  between  us,  or  I  can  make  two  bags  from 
these  leather  packs,  and  Paddy  could  carry  the  lot  in 
them,  as  I  do  the  swords." 


310  THE     O'RUDDY 

"  Very  well,"  I  said.  "  Make  your  preparations  as 
quickly  as  you  can  and  let  us  be  off,  for  this  latest  in 
cident,  in  spite  of  you,  Jem,  may  lead  to  pursuit  and 
get  us  into  trouble  before  we  are  ready  for  it." 

"  No  fear,  sir,"  said  Jem  confidently.  "  One  thief 
does  not  lay  information  against  another.  If  they  had 
been  peaceable  travellers,  that  would  be  another  thing ; 
but,  as  I  said,  Providence  is  protecting  us,  no  doubt 
because  of  the  presence  of  his  Reverence  here,  and  not 
for  our  own  merits." 

"  Be  thankful  it  is  the  reward  of  some  one  else's 
merits  you.  reap,  Bottles,  instead  of  your  own.  No 
more  talk  now,  but  to  horse  and  away." 

For  some  miles  Father  Donovan  rode  very  silently. 
I  told  him  something  of  my  meeting  with  Jem  Bottles 
and  explained  how  I  tried  to  make  an  honest  man  of 
him,  while  this  was  the  first  lapse  I  had  known  since 
his  conversion.  I  even  pretended  that  I  had  some 
belief  in  his  own  theory  of  the  interposition  of  Provi 
dence,  and  Father  Donovan  was  evidently  struggling 
to  acquire  a  similar  feeling,  although  he  seemed  to  find 
some  difficulty  in  the  contest.  He  admitted  that  this 
robbery  appeared  but  even  justice ;  still  he  ventured  to 
hope  that  Jem  Bottles  would  not  take  the  coincidence  as 
a  precedent,  and  that  he  would  never  mistake  the  dic 
tates  of  Providence  for  the  desires  of  his  own  nature. 

"  I  will  speak  with  the  man  later,"  he  said,  "  and 
hope  that  my  words  will  make  some  impression  upon 
him.  There  was  a  trace  of  exaltation  in  his  recital 
that  showed  no  sign  of  a  contrite  spirit." 

On  account  of  the  delay  at  the  roadside  it  was  well 
past  twelve  o'clock  before  we  reached  Maidstone,  and 
there  we  indulged  in  a  good  dinner  that  put  heart  into 


THE     O'RUDDY  311 

all  of  us,  while  the  horses  had  time  to  rest  and  feed. 
The  road  to  Rye  presented  no  difficulties  whatever, 
but  under  ordinary  conditions  I  would  have  rested  a 
night  before  travelling  to  the  coast.  There  would  be 
a  little  delay  before  the  Earl  discovered  the  useless 
nature  of  the  papers  which  he  had  been  at  such  ex 
pense  to  acquire,  but  after  the  discovery  there  was  no 
doubt  in  my  mind  that  he  would  move  upon  Brede 
as  quickly  as  horses  could  carry  his  men,  so  I  insisted 
upon  pressing  on  to  Rye  that  night,  and  we  reached 
the  town  late  with  horses  that  were  very  tired.  It  was 
a  long  distance  for  a  man  of  the  age  of  Father  Donovan 
to  travel  in  a  day,  but  he  stood  the  journey  well,  and 
enjoyed  his  supper  and  his  wine  with  the  best  of  us. 
We  learned  that  there  was  no  boat  leaving  for 
France  for  several  days,  and  this  disquieted  me,  for 
I  would  have  liked  to  see  Father  Donovan  off  early 
next  morning,  for  I  did  not  wish  to  disclose  my  project 
to  the  peace-loving  man.  I  must  march  on  Brede  next 
day  if  I  was  to  get  there  in  time,  and  so  there  was 
no  longer  any  possibility  of  concealing  my  designs. 
However,  there  was  no  help  for  it,  and  I  resolved  to 
be  up  bright  and  early  in  the  morning  and  engage  a 
dozen  men  whom  I  could  trust  to  stand  by  me.  I  also 
intended  to  purchase  several  cartloads  of  provisions, 
so  that  if  a  siege  was  attempted  we  could  not  be  starved 
out.  All  this  I  would  accomplish  at  as  early  an  hour  as 
possible,  get  the  carts  on  their  way  to  Brede,  and  march 
at  the  head  of  the  men  myself ;  so  I  went  to  bed  with 
a  somewhat  troubled  mind,  but  fell  speedily  into  a 
dreamless  sleep  nevertheless,  and  slept  till  broad 
daylight. 


CHAPTER    XXXII 

I  FOUND  Rye  a  snug  little  town,  and  so  entirely 
peaceable-looking  that  when  I  went  out  in  the 
morning  I  was  afraid  there  would  be  nobody  there  who 
would  join  me  in  the  hazardous  task  of  taking  posses 
sion  of  the  place  of  so  well-known  a  man  as  the  Earl 
of  Westport.  But  I  did  not  know  Rye  then  as  well  as 
I  do  now :  it  proved  to  be  a  great  resort  for  smugglers 
when  they  were  off  duty  and  wished  to  enjoy  the  inno 
cent  relaxation  of  a  town  after  the  comparative  lone 
liness  of  the  seacoast,  although,  if  all  the  tales  they  tell 
me  are  true,  the  authorities  sometimes  made  the  sea 
shore  a  little  too  lively  for  their  comfort.  Then  there 
were  a  number  of  seafaring  men  looking  for  a  job, 
and  some  of  them  had  the  appearance  of  being  pirates 
in  more  prosperous  days. 

As  I  wandered  about  I  saw  a  most  gigantic  ruffian, 
taking  his  ease  with  his  back  against  the  wall,  looking 
down  on  the  shipping. 

"  If  that  man  's  as  bold  as  he  's  strong,"  said  I  to 
myself,  "  and  I  had  half  a  dozen  more  like  him,  we  'd 
hold  Brede  House  till  the  day  there  's  liberty  in  Ire 
land  ; "  so  I  accosted  him. 

"  The  top  o'  the  morning  to  you,"  said  I  genially. 

He  eyed  me  up  and  down,  especially  glancing  at  the 
sword  by  my  side,  and  then  said  civilly: 


THE      O'RUDDY  313 

"  The  same  to  you,  sir.  You  seem  to  be  looking  for 
some  one  ?  " 

"  I  am/'  said  I,  "  I  'm  looking  for  nine  men." 

"  If  you  '11  tell  me  their  names  I  '11  tell  you  where 
to  find  them,  for  I  know  everybody  in  Rye." 

"If  that 's  the  case  you  '11  know  their  names,  which 
is  more  than  I  do  myself." 

"  Then  you  're  not  acquainted  with  them  ?  " 

"  I  am  not ;  but  if  you  '11  tell  me  your  name  I  think 
then  I  '11  know  one  of  them." 

There  was  a  twinkle  in  his  eye  as  he  said : 

"  They  call  me  Tom  Peel." 

"  Then  Tom,"  said  I,  "  are  there  eight  like  you  in 
the  town  of  Rye?" 

"  Not  quite  as  big  perhaps,"  said  Tom,  "  but  there  's 
plenty  of  good  men  here,  as  the  French  have  found 
out  before  now,  —  yes,  and  the  constables  as  well. 
What  do  you  want  nine  men  for  ?  " 

"  Because  I  have  nine  swords  and  nine  pistols  that 
will  fit  that  number  of  courageous  subjects." 

"  Then  it 's  not  for  the  occupation  of  agriculture 
you  require  them  ? "  said  Peel  with  the  hint  of  a 
laugh.  "  There  's  a  chance  of  a  cut  in  the  ribs,  I  sup 
pose,  for  swords  generally  meet  other  swords." 

"  You  're  right  in  that ;  but  I  don't  think  the  chance 
is  very  strong." 

"  And  perhaps  a  term  in  prison  when  the  scrimmage 
is  ended  ?  " 

"  No  fear  of  that  at  all  at  all ;  for  if  any  one  was  to 
go  to  prison  it  would  be  me,  who  will  be  your  leader, 
and  not  you,  who  will  be  my  dupes,  do  you  see?" 

Peel  shrugged  his  shoulders. 

"  My  experience  of  the  world  is  that  the  man  with 


314  THE      O'RUDDY 

gold  lace  on  his  coat  goes  free,  while  they  punish  the 
poor  devil  in  the  leather  jacket.  But,  turn  the  scheme 
out  bad  or  ill,  how  much  money  is  at  the  end  of  it  ?  " 

"  There  '11  be  ten  guineas  at  the  end  of  it  for  each 
man,  win  or  lose." 

"  And  when  will  the  money  be  paid  ?  " 

"  Half  before  you  leave  Rye,  the  other  half  in  a 
week's  time,  and  perhaps  before,  —  a  week's  time  at 
the  latest ;  but  I  want  men  who  will  not  turn  white  if 
a  blunderbuss  happens  to  go  off." 

The  rascallion  smiled  and  spat  contemptuously  in 
the  dust  before  him. 

"  If  you  show  me  the  guineas,"  said  he,  "  I  '11  show 
you  the  men." 

"  Here  's  five  of  them,  to  begin  with,  that  won't  be 
counted  against  you.  There  '11  be  five  more  in  your 
pocket  when  we  leave  Rye,  and  a  third  five  when  the 
job  's  ended." 

His  big  hand  closed  over  the  coins. 

"  I  like  your  way  of  speaking,"  he  said.  "  Now 
where  are  we  to  go  ?  " 

"  To  the  strong  house  of  Brede,  some  seven  or  eight 
miles  from  here.  I  do  not  know  how  far  exactly,  nor 
in  what  direction." 

"  I  am  well  acquainted  with  it,"  said  Peel.  "  It  was 
a  famous  smuggler's  place  in  its  time." 

"  I  don't  mean  a  smuggler's  place,"  said  I.  "  I  am 
talking  of  the  country  house  of  the  Earl  of  Westport." 

"  Yes,  curse  him,  that 's  the  spot  I  mean.  Many  a 
nobleman's  house  is  put  to  purposes  he  learns  little  of, 
although  the  Earl  is  such  a  scoundrel  he  may  well  have 
been  in  with  the  smugglers  and  sold  them  to  the 
government." 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  315 

"Did  he  sell  them?" 

"  Somebody  sold  them." 

There  was  a  scowl  on  Peel's  face  that  somehow  en 
couraged  me,  although  I  liked  the  look  of  the  ruffian 
from  the  first. 

"You're  an  old  friend  of  his  lordship's,  then?" 
said  I. 

"  He  has  few  friends  in  Rye  or  about  Rye.  If  you  're 
going  to  do  anything  against  Westport,  I  '11  get  you  a 
hundred  men  for  nothing  if  there  's  a  chance  of  escape 
after  the  fight." 

"  Nine  men  will  do  me,  if  they  're  the  right  stuff. 
You  will  have  good  cover  to  sleep  under,  plenty  to  eat 
and  drink,  and  then  I  expect  you  to  hold  Brede  House 
against  all  the  men  the  Earl  of  Westport  can  bring 
forward." 

"  That 's  an  easy  thing,"  said  Peel,  his  eye  lighting 
up.  "  And  if  worse  comes  to  the  worst  I  know  a  way 
out  of  the  house  that 's  neither  through  door  or  window 
nor  up  a  chimney.  Where  will  I  collect  your  men  ?  " 

"  Assemble  them  on  the  road  to  Brede,  quietly,  about 
half  a  mile  from  Rye.  Which  direction  is  Brede  from 
here?" 

"  It  lies  to  the  west,  between  six  and  seven  miles 
away  as  the  crow  flies." 

"  Very  well,  collect  your  men  as  quickly  as  you 
can,  and  send  word  to  me  at  the  '  Anchor.'  Tell  your 
messenger  to  ask  for  The  O'Ruddy." 

Now  I  turned  back  to  the  tavern  sorely  troubled 
what  I  would  do  with  Father  Donovan.  He  was  such 
a  kindly  man  that  he  would  be  loath  to  shake  hands 
with  me  at  the  door  of  the  inn,  as  he  had  still  two  or 
three  days  to  stop,  so  I  felt  sure  he  would  insist  on 


316  THE      O'RUDDY 

accompanying  me  part  of  the  way.  I  wished  I  could 
stop  and  see  him  off  on  his  ship ;  but  if  we  were  to  get 
inside  of  Brede's  House  unopposed,  we  had  to  act  at 
once.  I  found  Paddy  almost  recovered  from  the  as 
sault  of  the  day  before.  He  had  a  bandage  around  his 
forehead,  which,  with  his  red  hair,  gave  him  a  hide 
ous  appearance,  as  if  the  whole  top  of  his  head  had 
been  smashed.  Poor  Paddy  was  getting  so  used  to  a 
beating  each  day  that  I  wondered  would  n't  he  be 
lonesome  when  the  beatings  ceased  and  there  was  no 
enemy  to  follow  him. 

Father  Donovan  had  not  yet  appeared,  and  the  fire 
was  just  lit  in  the  kitchen  to  prepare  breakfast,  so  I 
took  Jem  and  Paddy  with  me  to  the  eating  shop  of 
the  town,  and  there  a  sleepy-looking  shopkeeper  let 
us  in,  mightily  resenting  this  early  intrusion,  but 
changed  his  demeanour  when  he  understood  the  size 
of  the  order  I  was  giving  him,  and  the  fact  that  I  was 
going  to  pay  good  gold;  for  it  would  be  a  fine  joke 
on  The  O'Ruddy  if  the  Earl  surrounded  the  house 
with  his  men  and  starved  him  out.  So  it  was  no  less 
than  three  cartloads  of  provisions  I  ordered,  though 
one  of  them  was  a  cartload  of  drink,  for  I  thought  the 
company  I  had  hired  would  have  a  continuous  thirst 
on  them,  being  seafaring  men  and  smugglers,  and  I 
knew  that  strong,  sound  ale  was  brewed  in  Rye. 

The  business  being  finished,  we  three  went  back  to 
the  "  Anchor,"  and  found  an  excellent  breakfast  and  an 
excellent  man  waiting  for  me,  the  latter  being  Father 
Donovan,  although  slightly  impatient  for  closer  ac 
quaintance  with  the  former. 

When  breakfast  was  done  with,  I  ordered  the  three 
horses  saddled,  and  presently  out  in  the  courtyard 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  817 

Paddy  was  seated  on  his  nag  with  the  two  sacks  of 
pistols  before  him,  and  Jem  in  like  manner  with  his 
two  bundles  of  swords.  The  stableman  held  my  horse, 
so  I  turned  to  Father  Donovan  and  grasped  him 
warmly  by  the  hand. 

"  A  safe  journey  across  the  Channel  to  you,  Father 
Donovan,  and  a  peaceful  voyage  from  there  to  Rome, 
whichever  road  you  take.  If  you  write  to  me  in  the 
care  of  the  landlord  of  this  inn  I  '11  be  sending  and 
sending  till  I  get  your  letter,  and  when  you  return  I  '11 
be  standing  and  watching  the  sea,  at  whatever  point 
you  land  in  England,  if  you  '11  but  let  me  know  in 
time.  And  so  good-bye  to  you,  Father  Donovan,  and 
God  bless  you,  and  I  humbly  beseech  your  own  blessing 
in  return." 

The  old  man's  eyes  grew  wider  and  wider  as  I  went 
on  talking  and  talking  and  shaking  him  by  the  hand. 

"  What 's  come  over  you,  O'Ruddy?  "  he  said,  "  and 
where  are  you  going?  " 

"  I  am  taking  a  long  journey  to  the  west  and  must 
have  an  early  start." 

"  Nonsense,"  cried  Father  Donovan,  "  it 's  two  or 
three  days  before  I  can  leave  this  shore,  so  I  '11  accom 
pany  you  a  bit  of  the  way." 

"  You  must  n't  think  of  it,  Father,  because  you  had 
a  long  day's  ride  yesterday,  and  I  want  you  to  take  care 
of  yourself  and  take  thought  on  your  health." 

"  Tush,  I  'm  as  fresh  as  a  boy  this  morning.  Land 
lord,  see  that  the  saddle  is  put  on  that  horse  I  came 
into  Rye  with." 

The  landlord  at  once  rushed  off  and  gave  the  order, 
while  I  stood  there  at  my  wit's  end. 

"  Father  Donovan,"  said  I,  "  I  'm  in  great  need  of 


318  THE     O'RUDDY 

haste  at  this  moment,  and  we  must  ride  fast,  so  I  '11  just 
bid  good-bye  to  you  here  at  this  comfortable  spot,  and 
you  '11  sit  down  at  your  ease  in  that  big  arm-chair." 

"  I  '11  do  nothing  of  the  kind,  O'Ruddy.  What 's 
troubling  you,  man  ?  and  why  are  you  in  such  a  hurry 
this  morning,  when  you  said  nothing  of  it  yesterday  ?  " 

"  Father,  I  said  nothing  of  it  yesterday,  but  sure  I 
acted  it.  See  how  we  rode  on  and  on  in  spite  of  every 
thing,  and  did  the  whole  journey  from  London  to  Rye 
between  breakfast  and  supper.  Did  n't  that  give  you 
a  hint  that  I  was  in  a  hurry  ?  " 

"  Well,  it  should  have  done,  it  should  have  done, 
O'Ruddy ;  still,  I  '11  go  a  bit  of  the  way  with  you  and 
not  delay  you." 

"  But  we  intend  to  ride  very  fast,  Father." 

"  Ah,  it 's  an  old  man  you  're  thinking  I  'm  getting 
to  be.  Troth,  I  can  ride  as  fast  as  any  one  of  the  three 
of  you,  and  a  good  deal  faster  than  Paddy." 

At  this  moment  the  landlord  came  bustling  in. 

"  Your  Reverence's  horse  is  ready,"  he  said. 

And  so  there  was  nothing  for  it  but  to  knock  the  old 
man  down,  which  I  had  n't  the  heart  to  do.  It  is 
curious  how  stubborn  some  people  are;  but  Father 
Donovan  was  always  set  in  his  ways,  and  so,  as  we  rode 
out  of  Rye  to  the  west,  with  Paddy  and  Jem  following 
us,  I  had  simply  to  tell  his  Reverence  all  about  it, 
and  you  should  have  seen  the  consternation  on  his 
countenance. 

"  Do  you  mean  to  tell  me  you  propose  to  take  posses 
sion  of  another  man's  house  and  fight  him  if  he  comes 
to  claim  his  own  ?  " 

"  I  intend  that  same  thing,  your  Reverence ;  "  for 
now  I  was  as  stubborn  as  the  old  gentleman  himself, 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  319 

and  it  was  not  likely  I  was  going  to  be  put  off  my 
course  when  I  remembered  the  happiness  that  was 
ahead  of  me ;  but  there  's  little  use  in  trying  to  ex 
plain  to  an  aged  priest  what  a  young  man  is  willing 
to  do  for  the  love  of  the  sweetest  girl  in  all  the 
land. 

"  O'Ruddy,"  he  said,  "  you  '11  be  put  in  prison.  It 's 
the  inside  of  a  gaol,  and  not  the  inside  of  a  castle, 
you  '11  see.  It 's  not  down  the  aisle  of  a  church  you  '11 
march  with  your  bride  on  your  arm,  but  its  hobbling 
over  the  cobbles  of  a  Newgate  passage  you  '11  go  with 
manacles  on  your  legs.  Take  warning  from  me,  my 
poor  boy,  who  would  be  heart-broken  to  see  harm 
come  to  you,  and  don't  run  your  neck  into  the  hang 
man's  noose,  thinking  it  the  matrimonial  halter.  Turn 
back  while  there  's  yet  time,  O'Ruddy." 

"  Believe  me,  Father  Donovan,  it  grieves  me  to 
refuse  you  anything,  but  I  cannot  turn  back." 

"  You  '11  be  breaking  the  law  of  the  land." 

"  But  the  law  of  the  land  is  broken  every  day  in  our 
district  of  Ireland,  and  not  too  many  words  said  about 
it." 

"  Oh,  O'Ruddy,  that 's  a  different  thing.  The  law 
of  the  land  in  Ireland  is  the  law  of  the  alien." 

"  Father,  you  're  not  logical.  It 's  the  alien  I  'm 
going  to  fight  here,"  •  —  but  before  the  father  could 
reply  we  saw  ahead  of  us  the  bulky  form  of  Tom  Peel, 
and  ranged  alongside  of  the  road,  trying  to  look  very 
stiff  and  military-like,  was  the  most  awkward  squad 
of  men  I  had  ever  clapped  eyes  on ;  but  determined 
fellows  they  were,  as  I  could  see  at  a  glance  when  I 
came  fornenst  them,  and  each  man  pulled  a  lock  of 
his  hair  by  way  of  a  salute. 


320  THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y 

"  Do  you  men  understand  the  use  of  a  sword  and  a 
pistol?  "  said  I. 

The  men  smiled  at  each  other  as  though  I  was  trying 
some  kind  of  a  joke  on  them. 

"  They  do,  your  honour,"  answered  Tom  Peel  on 
their  behalf.  "  Each  one  of  them  can  sling  a  cutlass 
to  the  king's  taste,  and  fire  a  pistol  without  winking, 
and  there  are  now  concealed  in  the  hedge  half  a  dozen 
blunderbusses  in  case  they  should  be  needed.  They 
make  a  loud  report  and  have  a  good  effect  on  the 
enemy,  even  when  they  do  no  harm." 

"  Yes,  we  '11  have  the  blunderbusses,"  said  I,  and 
with  that  the  men  broke  rank,  burst  through  the  hedge, 
and  came  back  with  those  formidable  weapons.  "  I 
have  ammunition  in  the  carts,"  I  said,  "  did  you  see 
anything  of  them  ?  " 

"  The  carts  have  gone  on  to  the  west,  your  honour ; 
but  we  '11  soon  overtake  them,"  and  the  men  smacked 
their  lips  when  they  thought  of  the  one  that  had  the 
barrels  in  it.  Now  Paddy  came  forward  with  the 
pistols,  and  Bottles  followed  and  gave  each  man  a 
blade,  while  I  gave  each  his  money. 

"  O  dear !     O  dear !  "  groaned  Father  Donovan. 

"  There  's  just  a  chance  we  may  be  attacked  before 
we  get  to  Brede,  and,  Father,  though  I  am  loath  to 
say  good-bye,  still  it  must  be  said.  It 's  rare  glad  I  '11 
be  when  I  grip  your  hand  again." 

"  All  in  good  time ;  all  in  good  time,"  said  Father 
Donovan ;  "  I  '11  go  a  bit  farther  along  the  road  with 
you  and  see  how  your  men  march.  They  would  fight 
better  and  better  behind  a  hedge  than  in  the  open, 
I  'm  thinking." 

"They'll  not  have  to  fight  in  the  open,  Father," 


THE     O'RUDDY  321 

said  I,  "  but  they  '11  be  comfortably  housed  if  we  get 
there  in  time.  Now,  Peel,  I  make  you  captain  of  the 
men,  as  you  've  got  them  together,  and  so,  Forward, 
my  lads." 

They  struck  out  along  the  road,  walking  a  dozen 
different  kinds  of  steps,  although  there  were  only  nine 
of  them;  some  with  the  swords  over  their  shoulders, 
some  using  them  like  walking-sticks,  till  I  told  them  to 
be  more  careful  of  the  points ;  but  they  walked  rapidly 
and  got  over  the  ground,  for  the  clank  of  the  five 
guineas  that  was  in  each  man's  pocket  played  the  right 
kind  of  march  for  them. 

"  Listen  to  reason,  O'Ruddy,  and  even  now  turn 
back,"  said  Father  Donovan. 

"  I  '11  not  turn  back  now,"  said  I,  "  and,  sure,  you 
can't  expect  it  of  me.  You  're  an  obstinate  man  your 
self,  if  I  must  say  so,  Father." 

"  It 's  a  foolhardy  exploit,"  he  continued,  frown 
ing.  "  There  's  prison  at  the  end  of  it  for  some  one," 
he  murmured. 

"  No,  it 's  the  House  of  Brede,  Father,  that 's  at  the 
end  of  it." 

"  Supposing  the  Earl  of  Westport  brings  a  thousand 
men  against  you,  —  what  are  you  going  to  do  ?  " 

"  Give  them  the  finest  fight  they  have  ever  seen  in 
this  part  of  England." 

In  spite  of  himself  I  saw  a  sparkle  in  Father  Dono 
van's  eye.  The  nationality  of  him  was  getting  the 
better  of  his  profession. 

"  If  it  were  legitimate  and  lawful,"  at  last  he  said, 
"  it  would  be  a  fine  sight  to  see." 

"  It  will  be  legitimate  and  lawful  enough  when 
the  Earl  and  myself  come  to  terms.  You  need  have 

21 


322  THE      O'RUJDDY 

no  fear  that  we  're  going  to  get  into  the  courts, 
Father." 

"Do  you  think  he'll  fight?"  demanded  the  father 
suddenly,  with  a  glint  in  his  eyes  that  I  have  seen  in 
my  own  father's  when  he  was  telling  us  of  his  battles 
in  France. 

"  Fight?  Why  of  course  he  '11  fight,  for  he  's  as  full 
of  malice  as  an  egg  's  full  of  meat ;  but  nevertheless 
he  's  a  sensible  old  curmudgeon,  when  the  last  word  's 
said,  and  before  he  '11  have  it  noised  over  England 
that  his  title  to  the  land  is  disputed  he  '11  give  me 
what  I  want,  although  at  first  he  '11  try  to  master 
me." 

"  Can  you  depend  on  these  men  ?  " 

"  I  think  I  can.  They  're  old  smugglers  and  pirates, 
most  of  them." 

"I  wonder  who  the  Earl  will  bring  against  you?" 
said  Father  Donovan,  speaking  more  to  himself  than 
to  me.  "  Will  it  be  farmers  or  regular  soldiers  ?  " 

"  I  expect  they  will  be  from  among  his  own  ten 
antry  ;  there  's  plenty  of  them,  and  they  '11  all  have  to 
do  his  bidding." 

"  But  that  does  n't  give  a  man  courage  in  battle  ?  " 

"  No,  but  he  '11  have  good  men  to  lead  them,  even  if 
he  brings  them  from  London." 

"  I  would  n't  like  to  see  you  attacked  by  real  sol 
diers  ;  but  I  think  these  men  of  yours  will  give  a 
good  account  of  themselves  if  there  's  only  peasantry 
brought  up  against  them.  Sure,  the  peasantry  in  this 
country  is  not  so  warlike  as  in  our  own,"  —  and  there 
was  a  touch  of  pride  in  the  father's  remark  that  went 
to  my  very  heart. 

After  riding  in  silence  for  a  while,  meditating  with 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y          ai>3 

head  bowed,  he  looked  suddenly  across  at  me,  his 
whole  face  lighted  up  with  delicious  remembrance. 

"  Would  n't  you  like  to  have  Mike  Sullivan  with 
you  this  day,"  he  cried,  naming  the  most  famous  fighter 
in  all  the  land,  noted  from  Belfast  to  our  own  Old 
Head  of  Kinsale. 

"  I  'd  give  many  a  guinea,"  I  said,  "  to  have  Mike  by 
my  side  when  the  Earl  comes  on." 

The  old  father  suddenly  brought  down  his  open 
hand  with  a  slap  on  his  thigh. 

"  I  'm  going  to  stand  by  you,  O'Ruddy,"  he  said. 

"  I  'm  glad  to  have  your  blessing  on  the  job  at  last, 
Father,"  said  I ;  "  for  it  was  sore  against  me  to  go  into 
this  business  when  you  were  in  a  contrary  frame  of 
mind." 

"  You  '11  not  only  have  my  blessing,  O'Ruddy,  but 
myself  as  well.  How  could  I  sail  across  the  ocean  and 
never  know  which  way  the  fight  came  out?  and  then,  if 
it  is  to  happen  in  spite  of  me,  the  Lord  pity  the  frailness 
of  mankind,  but  I  'd  like  to  see  it.  I  've  not  seen  a 
debate  since  the  Black  Fair  of  Bandon." 

By  this  time  we  had  overtaken  the  hirelings  with 
their  carts,  and  the  men  were  swinging  past  them  at 
a  good  pace. 

"  Whip  up  your  horses,"  said  I  to  the  drivers,  "  and 
get  over  the  ground  a  little  faster.  It 's  not  gunpowder 
that 's  in  those  barrels,  and  when  we  reach  the  house 
there  will  be  a  drink  for  every  one  of  you." 

There  was  a  cheer  at  this,  and  we  all  pushed  on  with 
good  hearts.  At  last  we  came  to  a  lane  turning  out 
from  the  main  road,  and  then  to  the  private  way 
through  fields  that  led  to  Brede  House.  So  far  there 
had  been  no  one  to  oppose  us,  and  now,  setting  spurs 


324  THE      O'RUDDY 

to  our  horses,  we  galloped  over  the  private  way,  which 
ran  along  the  side  of  a  gentle  hill  until  one  end  of  the 
mansion  came  into  view.  It  seemed  likely  there  was  no 
suspicion  who  we  were,  for  a  man  digging  in  the 
garden,  stood  up  and  took  off  his  cap  to  us.  The  front 
door  looked  like  the  Gothic  entrance  of  a  church,  and 
I  sprang  from  my  horse  and  knocked  loudly  against 
the  studded  oak.  An  old  man  opened  the  door  without 
any  measure  of  caution,  and  I  stepped  inside.  I  asked 
him  who  he  was,  and  he  said  he  was  the  caretaker. 

"  How  many  beside  yourself  are  in  this  house  ?  " 

He  said  there  was  only  himself,  his  wife,  and  a 
kitchen  wench,  and  two  of  the  gardeners,  while  the 
family  was  in  London. 

"  Well,"  said  I,  "  I  'd  have  you  know  that  I  'm  the 
family  now,  and  that  I  'm  at  home.  I  am  the  owner  of 
Brede  estate." 

"  You  're  not  the  Earl  of  Westport !  "  said  the  old 
man,  his  eyes  opening  wide. 

"  No,  thank  God,  I  'm  not !  " 

He  now  got  frightened  and  would  have  shut  the 
door,  but  I  gently  pushed  him  aside.  I  heard  the 
tramp  of  the  men,  and,  what  was  more,  the  singing  of 
a  sea  song,  for  they  were  nearing  the  end  of  their  walk 
and  thinking  that  something  else  would  soon  pass  their 
lips  besides  the  tune.  The  old  man  was  somewhat 
reassured  when  he  saw  the  priest  come  in ;  but  dismay 
and  terror  took  hold  of  him  when  the  nine  men  with 
their  blunderbusses  and  their  swords  came  singing 
around  a  corner  of  the  house  and  drew  up  in  front  of 
it.  By  and  by  the  carts  came  creaking  along,  and  then 
every  man  turned  to  and  brought  the  provisions  inside 
of  the  house  and  piled  them  up  in  the  kitchen  in  an 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  V  325 

orderly  way,  while  the  old  man,  his  wife,  the  wench, 
and  the  two  gardeners  stood  looking  on  with  growing 
signs  of  panic  upon  them. 

"  Now,  my  ancient  caretaker,"  said  I  to  the  old  man, 
in  the  kindest  tones  I  could  bring  to  my  lips,  so  as  not 
to  frighten  him  more  than  was  already  the  case,  "  what 
is  the  name  of  that  little  village  over  yonder?  "  and  I 
pointed  toward  the  west,  where,  on  the  top  of  a  hill, 
appeared  a  church  and  a  few  houses. 

"  That,  sir,"  he  said,  with  his  lips  trembling,  "  is 
i IK-  village  of  Brede." 

"  Is  there  any  decent  place  there  where  you  five 
people  can  get  lodging;  for  you  see  that  this  house  is 
now  filled  with  men  of  war,  and  so  men  of  peace  should 
be  elsewhere?  Would  they  take  you  in  over  at  the 
village?" 

"  Yes,  sir,  it  is  like  they  would." 

"  Very  well.  Here  is  three  guineas  to  divide  among 
you,  and  in  a  week  or  thereabouts  you  will  be  back  in 
your  own  place,  so  don't  think  disaster  has  fallen  on 
you." 

The  old  man  took  the  money,  but  seemed  in  a  strange 
state  of  hesitancy  about  leaving. 

"  You  will  be  unhappy  here,"  I  said,  "  for  there  will 
be  gun-firing  and  sword-playing.  Although  I  may  not 
look  it,  I  am  the  most  bloodthirsty  swordsman  in 
England,  with  a  mighty  uncertain  temper  on  me  at 
times.  So  be  off,  the  five  of  you !  " 

"  But  who  is  to  be  here  to  receive  the  family?"  he 
asked. 

"What   family?" 

"  Sir,  we  had  word  last  night  that  the  Earl  of 
Westport  and  his  following  would  come  to  this  house 


326  THE      O'RUDDY 

to-day  at  two  of  the  clock,  and  we  have  much  ado 
preparing  for  them ;  for  the  messenger  said  that  he 
was  bringing  many  men  with  him.  I  thought  at 
first  that  you  were  the  men,  or  I  would  not  have  let 
you  in." 

"  Now  the  Saints  preserve  us,"  cried  I,  "  they  '11  be 
on  us  before  we  get  the  windows  barricaded.  Tom 
Peel,"  I  shouted,  "  set  your  men  to  prepare  the  defence 
at  once,  and  you  '11  have  only  a  few  hours  to  do  it  in. 
Come,  old  man,  take  your  wife  and  your  gardeners, 
and  get  away." 

"  But  the  family,  sir,  the  family,"  cried  the  old  man, 
unable  to  understand  that  they  should  not  be  treated 
with  the  utmost  respect. 

"  I  will  receive  the  family.  What  is  that  big  house 
over  there  in  the  village  ?  " 

"  The  Manor  House,  sir." 

"  Very  well,  get  you  gone,  and  tell  them  to  prepare 
the  Manor  House  for  the  Earl  of  Westport  and  his 
following ;  for  he  cannot  lodge  here  to-night,"  —  and 
with  that  I  was  compelled  to  drag  them  forth,  the  old 
woman  crying  and  the  wench  snivelling  in  company. 
I  patted  the  ancient  wife  on  the  shoulder  and  told  her 
there  was  nothing  to  be  feared  of;  but  I  saw  my 
attempt  at  consolation  had  little  effect. 

Tom  Peel  understood  his  business;  he  had  every 
door  barred  and  stanchioned,  and  the  windows  pro 
tected,  as  well  as  the  means  to  his  hand  would  allow. 
Up  stairs  he  knocked  out  some  of  the  diamond  panes 
so  that  the  muzzle  of  a  blunderbuss  would  go  through. 
He  seemed  to  know  the  house  as  if  it  was  his  own; 
and  in  truth  the  timbers  and  materials  for  defence 
which  he  conjured  up  from  the  ample  cellars  or  pulled 


THE      O'RUDDY  327 

down  from  the  garret  seemed  to  show  that  he  had 
prepared  the  place  for  defence  long  since. 

"  Your  honour,"  he  said,  "  two  dangers  threaten 
this  house  which  you  may  not  be  aware  of." 

"  And  what  are  those,  Tom  ?  "  I  asked. 

"  Well,  the  least  serious  one  is  the  tunnel.  There  is 
a  secret  passage  from  this  house  down  under  the  valley 
and  out  and  up  near  the  church.  If  it  was  not  guarded 
they  could  fill  this  house  unknown  to  you.  I  will  stop 
this  end  of  it  with  timber  if  your  honour  gives  the 
word.  There  's  not  many  knows  of  it,  but  the  Earl  of 
Westport  is  certain  to  have  the  knowledge,  and  some 
of  his  servants  as  well." 

"  Lead  me  to  this  tunnel,  Tom,"  said  I,  astonished 
at  his  information. 

We  came  to  a  door  in  one  of  the  lower  rooms  that 
opened  on  a  little  circular  stone  stairway,  something 
like  a  well,  and,  going  down  to  the  bottom,  we  found 
a  tunnel  in  which  a  short  man  could  stand  upright. 

"  Thunder  and  turf,  Tom !  "  said  I,  "  what  did  they 
want  this  for?  " 

"  Well,  some  thought  it  was  to  reach  the  church,  but 
no  one  ever  lived  in  this  house  that  was  so  anxious  to 
get  to  church  that  he  would  go  underground  to  it. 
Faith,  they  've  been  a  godless  lot  in  Brede  Place  until 
your  honour  came,  and  we  were  glad  to  see  you  bring 
a  priest  with  you.  It  put  new  heart  in  the  men ;  they 
think  he  '11  keep  off  Sir  Goddard  Oxenbridge." 

"  Does  he  live  near  here  ?  What  has  he  to  do  with 
the  place?" 

"  He  is  dead  long  since,  sir,  and  was  owner  of  this 
house.  Bullet  would  n't  harm  him,  nor  steel  cut  him, 
so  they  sawed  him  in  two  with  a  wooden  saw  down  by 


328  THE     O'RUDDY 

the  bridge  in  front.  He  was  a  witch  of  the  very  worst 
kind,  your  honour.  You  hear  him  groaning  at  the 
bridge  every  night,  and  sometimes  he  walks  through 
the  house  himself  in  two  halves,  and  then  every  body 
leaves  the  place.  And  that  is  our  most  serious  danger, 
your  honour.  When  Sir  Goddard  takes  to  groaning 
through  these  rooms  at  night,  you  '11  not  get  a  man  to 
stay  with  you,  sir;  but  as  he  comes  up  from  the  pit 
by  the  will  of  the  Devil  we  expect  his  Reverence  to 
ward  him  off." 

Now  this  was  most  momentous  news,  for  I  would  not 
stop  in  the  place  myself  if  a  ghost  was  in  the  habit  of 
walking  through  it ;  but  I  cheered  up  Tom  Peel  by 
telling  him  that  no  imp  of  Satan  could  appear  in  the 
same  county  as  Father  Donovan,  and  he  passed  on 
the  word  to  the  men,  to  their  mighty  easement. 

We  had  a  splendid  dinner  in  the  grand  hall,  and  each 
of  us  was  well  prepared  for  it ;  Father  Donovan  him 
self,  standing  up  at  the  head  of  the  table,  said  the  holy 
words  in  good  Latin,  and  I  was  so  hungry  that  I  was 
glad  the  Latins  were  in  the  habit  of  making  short 
prayers. 

Father  Donovan  and  I  sat  at  table  with  a  bottle 
for  company,  and  now  that  he  knew  all  about  the  situ 
ation,  I  was  overjoyed  to  find  him  an  inhabitant  of  the 
same  house;  for  there  was  no  gentleman  in  all  the 
company,  except  himself,  for  me  to  talk  with. 

Suddenly  there  was  a  blast  of  a  bugle,  and  a  great 
fluttering  outside.  The  lower  windows  being  barri 
caded,  it  was  not  possible  to  see  out  of  them,  and  I 
was  up  the  stair  as  quick  as  legs  could  carry  me ;  and 
there  in  front  were  four  horses  harnessed  to  a  great 
carriage,  and  in  it  sat  the  old  Earl  and  the  Countess, 


THE     O'RUDDY  :»i'» 

and  opposite  them  who  but  Lady  Mary  herself,  and  her 
brother,  Lord  Strepp.  Postilions  rode  two  of  the 
horses,  and  the  carriage  was  surrounded  by  a  dozen 
mounted  men. 

Everybody  was  looking  at  the  house  and  wondering 
why  nobody  was  there  to  welcome  them,  and  very  for 
bidding  this  stronghold  must  have  seemed  to  those  who 
t-xpected  to  find  the  doors  wide  open  when  they  drove 
up.  I  undid  the  bolts  of  one  of  the  diamond-paned 
windows,  and,  throwing  it  open,  leaned  with  my  arms 
on  the  sill,  my  head  and  shoulders  outside. 

"  Good  day  to  your  ladyship  and  your  lordship,"  I 
cried,  —  and  then  all  eyes  were  turned  on  me,  —  "I 
have  just  this  day  come  into  my  inheritance,  and  I  fear 
the  house  is  not  in  a  state  to  receive  visitors.  The 
rooms  are  all  occupied  by  desperate  men  and  armed ; 
but  I  have  given  orders  to  your  servants  to  prepare 
the  Manor  House  in  the  village  for  your  accommoda 
tion  ;  so,  if  you  will  be  so  good  as  to  drive  across  the 
valley,  you  will  doubtless  meet  with  a  better  reception 
than  I  can  give  you  at  this  moment.  When  you  come 
again,  if  there  are  no  ladies  of  the  party,  I  can  guar 
antee  you  will  have  no  complaint  to  make  of  the 
warmth  of  your  reception." 

His  lordship  sat  dumb  in  his  carriage,  and  for  once 
her  ladyship  appeared  to  find  difficulty  in  choosing 
words  that  would  do  justice  to  her  anger.  I  could  not 
catch  a  glimpse  of  Lady  Mary's  face  at  all  at  all,  for 
she  kept  it  turned  toward  the  village ;  but  young  Lord 
Strepp  rose  in  the  carriage,  and,  shaking  his  fist  at  me, 
said: 

"  By  God,  O'Ruddy,  you  shall  pay  for  this :  "  but 
the  effect  of  the  words  was  somewhat  weakened  by 


330  THE      O'RUDDY 

reason  that  his  sister,  Lady  Mary,  reached  out  and 
pulled  him  by  the  coat-tails,  which  caused  him  to  be 
seated  more  suddenly  than  he  expected ;  then  she  gave 
me  one  rapid  glance  of  her  eye  and  turned  away  her 
face  again. 

Now  his  lordship,  the  great  Earl  of  Westport,  spoke, 
but  not  to  me. 

"  Drive  to  the  village,"  he  said  to  the  postilions ; 
then  horsemen  and  carriage  clattered  down  the  hill. 

We  kept  watch  all  that  night,  but  were  not  molested. 
In  the  southern  part  of  the  house  Father  Donovan 
found  a  well-furnished  chapel,  and  next  morning  held 
mass  there,  which  had  a  very  quieting  effect  on  the 
men,  especially  as  Oxenbridge  had  not  walked  during 
the  night.  The  only  one  of  them  who  did  not  attend 
mass  was  Jem  Bottles,  who  said  he  was  not  well 
enough  and  therefore  would  remain  on  watch.  Just 
as  mass  was  finished  Jem  appeared  in  the  gallery  of  the 
chapel  and  shouted  excitedly: 

"  They  're  coming,  sir ;    they  're  coming !  " 

I  never  before  saw  a  congregation  dismiss  them 
selves  so  speedily.  They  were  at  their  posts  even 
before  Tom  Peel  could  give  the  order.  The  opposing 
party  was  leaving  the  village  and  coming  down  the  hill 
when  I  first  caught  sight  of  them  from  an  upper 
window.  There  seemed  somewhere  between  half  a 
dozen  and  a  dozen  horsemen,  and  behind  them  a  great 
mob  of  people  on  foot  that  fairly  covered  the  hillside. 
As  they  crossed  the  brook  and  began  to  come  up,  I  saw 
that  their  leader  was  young  Lord  Strepp  himself,  and 
Jem  whispered  that  the  horsemen  behind  him  were  the 
very  men  he  had  encountered  on  the  road  between 
London  and  Maidstone.  The  cavalry  were  well  in 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  331 

advance,  and  it  seemed  that  the  amateur  infantry  took 
less  and  less  pleasure  in  their  excursion  the  nearer  they 
drew  to  the  gloomy  old  house,  so  much  so  that  Lord 
Strepp  turned  back  among  them  and  appeared  to  be 
urging  them  to  make  haste.  However,  their  slow  prog 
ress  may  be  explained  by  the  fact  that  a  certain  number 
of  them  were  carrying  a  huge  piece  of  timber,  so  heavy 
that  they  had  to  stagger  along  cautiously. 

"  That,"  said  Tom  Peel,  who  stood  at  my  elbow,  "  is 
to  batter  in  the  front  door  and  take  us  by  storm.  If 
you  give  the  word,  your  honour,  we  can  massacre  the 
lot  o'  them  before  they  get  three  blows  struck." 

"  Give  command  to  the  men,  Peel,"  said  I,  "  not  to 
shoot  any  one  if  they  can  help  it.  Let  them  hold  their 
fire  till  they  are  within  fifty  yards  or  so  of  the  front, 
then  pass  the  word  to  fire  into  the  gravel  of  the  terrace ; 
and  when  you  shoot  let  every  man  yell  as  if  he  were  a 
dozen,  and  keep  dead  silence  till  that  moment.  I  '11 
hold  up  my  hand  when  I  want  you  to  fire." 

There  was  a  deep  stillness  over  all  the  beautiful 
landscape.  The  bushes  and  the  wood,  however,  were 
an  exception  to  this,  although  the  songs  of  the  birds 
among  the  trees  and  singing  of  the  larks  high  in  the 
air  seemed  not  to  disturb  the  silence;  but  the  whole 
air  of  the  countryside  was  a  suggestion  of  restful 
peace,  at  great  variance  with  the  designs  of  the  in 
habitants,  who  were  preparing  to  attack  each  other. 

Father  Donovan  stood  beside  me,  and  I  saw  his  lips 
moving  in  prayer;  but  his  eyes  were  dancing  with 
irredeemable  delight,  while  his  breath  came  quick 
and  expectant. 

"  I  'm  afraid  those  chaps  will  run  at  the  first  volley," 
he  said,  smiling  at  me.  "  They  come  on  very  slowly 


332  THE      O'RUDDY 

and  must  be  a  great  trial  to  the  young  lord  that 's 
leading  them." 

It  was  indeed  a  trial  to  the  patience  of  all  of  us,  for 
the  time  seemed  incredibly  long  till  they  arrived  at 
the  spot  where  I  had  determined  they  should  at  least 
hear  the  report  of  the  blunderbusses,  although  I  hoped 
none  of  them  would  feel  the  effects  of  the  firing.  In 
deed,  the  horsemen  themselves,  with  the  exception  of 
Lord  Strepp,  appeared  to  take  little  comfort  in  their 
position,  and  were  now  more  anxious  to  fall  behind 
and  urge  on  the  others  on  foot  than  to  lead  the  band 
with  his  lordship. 

I  let  them  all  get  very  close,  then  held  up  my  hand, 
and  you  would  think  pandemonium  was  let  loose.  I 
doubt  if  all  the  cannon  in  Cork  would  have  made  such 
a  noise,  and  the  heathen  Indians  we  read  of  in  America 
could  not  have  given  so  terrifying  a  yell  as  came  from 
my  nine  men.  The  blunderbusses  were  more  danger 
ous  than  I  supposed,  and  they  tore  up  the  gravel  into  a 
shower  of  small  stones  that  scattered  far  and  wide, 
and  made  many  a  man  fall  down,  thinking  he  was  shot. 
Then  the  mob  ran  away  with  a  speed  which  made  up 
for  all  lost  time  coming  the  other  direction.  Cries  of 
anguish  were  heard  on  every  side,  which  made  us  all 
laugh,  for  we  knew  none  of  them  were  hurted.  The 
horses  themselves  seemed  seized  with  panic ;  they 
plunged  and  kicked  like  mad,  two  riders  being  thrown 
on  the  ground,  while  others  galloped  across  the  valley 
as  if  they  were  running  away ;  but  I  suspect  that  their 
owners  were  slyly  spurring  them  on  while  pretending 
they  had  lost  control  of  them.  Lord  Strepp  and  one  or 
two  others,  however,  stood  their  ground,  and  indeed 
his  lordship  spurred  his  horse  up  opposite  the  front 


THE     O  '  R  U  1)  I)  Y  KM 

door.  One  of  my  men  drew  a  pistol,  but  I  shouted 
at  him : 

"  Don't  shoot  at  that  man,  whatever  he  docs."  and 
the  weapon  was  lowered. 

I  opened  the  window  and  leaned  out. 

"  Well,  Lord  Strepp,"  cried  I,  "  't  is  a  valiant  crowd 
you  have  behind  you." 

"  You  cursed  highwayman,"  he  cried,  "  what  do  you 
expect  to  make  by  this  ?  " 

"  I  expect  to  see  some  good  foot-racing ;  but  you  are 
under  an  error  in  your  appellation.  I  am  not  a  high 
wayman  ;  it  is  Jem  Bottles  here  who  stopped  nine  of 
your  men  on  the  Maidstone  road  and  piled  their 
saddles  by  the  side  of  it.  Is  it  new  saddlery  you  have, 
or  did  you  make  a  roadside  collection  ?  " 

"  I  '11  have  you  out  of  that,  if  I  have  to  burn  the 
house  over  your  head." 

"  I  '11  wager  you  '11  not  get  any  man,  unless  it 's 
yourself,  to  come  near  enough  to  carry  a  torch  to  it. 
You  can  easily  have  me  out  of  this  without  burning 
the  house.  Tell  your  father  I  am  ready  to  compromise 
with  him." 

"  Sir,  you  have  no  right  in  my  father's  house ;  and, 
to  tell  you  the  truth,  I  did  not  expect  such  outlawry 
from  a  man  who  had  shown  himself  to  be  a  gentleman." 

"  Thank  you  for  that,  Lord  Strepp ;  but,  neverthe 
less,  tell  your  father  to  try  to  cultivate  a  conciliatory 
frame  of  mind,  and  let  us  talk  the  matter  over  as  sen 
sible  men  should." 

"  We  cannot  compromise  with  you,  O'Ruddy,"  said 
Lord  Strepp  in  a  very  determined  tone,  which  for  the 
first  time  made  me  doubt  the  wisdom  of  my  proceed 
ings  ;  for  of  course  it  was  a  compromise  I  had  in  mind 


334  THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y 

all  the  time,  for  I  knew  as  well  as  Father  Donovan 
that  if  he  refused  to  settle  with  me  my  position  was 
entirely  untenable. 

"  We  cannot  compromise  with  you,"  went  on  the 
young  man.  "  You  have  no  right,  legal  or  moral,  to 
this  place,  and  you  know  it.  I  have  advised  my  father 
to  make  no  terms  with  you.  Good  day  to  you,  sir." 

And  with  that  he  galloped  off,  while  I  drew  a  very 
long  face  as  I  turned  away. 

"  Father  Donovan,"  I  said,  when  I  had  closed  the 
window,  "  I  am  not  sure  but  your  advice  to  me  on 
the  way  here  was  nearer  right  than  I  thought  at  the 
time." 

"  Oh,  not  a  bit  of  it,"  cried  Father  Donovan  cheer 
fully.  "  You  heard  what  the  young  man  said,  that  he 
had  advised  his  father  not  to  make  any  terms  with  you. 
Very  well,  that  means  terms  have  been  proposed 
already;  and  this  youth  rejects  the  wisdom  of  age, 
which  I  have  known  to  be  done  before." 

"  You  think,  then,  they  will  accept  a  conference  ?  " 

"  I  am  sure  of  it.  These  men  will  not  stand  fire,  and 
small  blame  to  them.  What  chance  have  they?  As 
your  captain  says,  he  could  annihilate  the  lot  of  them 
before  they  crushed  in  the  front  door.  The  men  who 
ran  away  have  far  more  sense  than  that  brainless  spal 
peen  who  led  them  on,  although  I  can  see  he  is  brave 
enough.  One  or  two  more  useless  attacks  will  lead 
him  to  a  more  conciliatory  frame  of  mind,  unless  he 
appeals  to  the  law,  which  is  what  I  thought  he  would 
do;  for  I  felt  sure  a  sheriff  would  be  in  the  van  of 
attack.  Just  now  you  are  opposed  only  to  the  Earl  of 
Westport ;  but,  when  the  sheriff  comes  on,  you  're 
fornenst  the  might  of  England." 


THE     O'RUDDY  :i:i5 

This  cheered  me  greatly,  and  after  a  while  we  had 
our  dinner  in  peace.  The  long  afternoon  passed  slowly 
away,  and  there  was  no  rally  in  the  village,  and  no  sign 
of  a  further  advance;  so  night  came  on  and  nothing 
had  been  done.  After  supper  I  said  good-night  to 
Father  Donovan,  threw  myself,  dressed  as  I  was,  on 
the  bed,  and  fell  into  a  doze.  It  was  toward  midnight 
when  Tom  Peel  woke  me  up ;  that  man  seemed  to  sleep 
neither  night  nor  day ;  and  there  he  stood  by  my  bed, 
looking  like  a  giant  in  the  flicker  of  the  candle-light. 

"  Your  honour,"  he  said,  "  I  think  there  's  something 
going  on  at  the  mouth  of  the  tunnel.  Twice  I  Ve 
caught  the  glimpse  of  a  light  there,  although  they  're 
evidently  trying  to  conceal  it." 

I  sat  up  in  bed  and  said : 

"  What  do  you  propose  to  do  ?  " 

"  Well,  there  's  a  man  inside  here  that  knows  the 
tunnel  just  as  well  as  I  do,  —  every  inch  of  it,  —  and 
he  's  up  near  the  other  end  now.  If  a  company  begins 
coming  in,  my  man  will  run  back  without  being  seen 
and  let  us  know.  Now,  sir,  shall  I  timber  this  end,  or 
shall  we  deal  with  them  at  the  top  of  the  stair  one  by 
one  as  they  come  up.  One  good  swordsman  at  the 
top  of  the  stair  will  prevent  a  thousand  getting  into 
the  house." 

"  Peel,"  said  I,  "  are  there  any  stones  outside,  at  the 
other  end  of  the  tunnel  ?  " 

"  Plenty.  There  's  a  dyke  of  loose  stones  fronting 
it." 

"Very  well;  if  your  man  reports  that  any  have 
entered  the  tunnel,  they  '11  have  left  one  or  two  at  the 
other  end  on  guard ;  take  you  five  of  your  most 
trusted  men,  and  go  you  cautiously  a  roundabout  way 


336  THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y 

until  you  are  within  striking  distance  of  the  men  on 
guard.  Watch  the  front  upper  windows  of  this  house ; 
and  if  you  see  two  lights  displayed,  you  will  know 
they  are  in  the  tunnel.  If  you  waited  here  till  your 
man  comes  back,  you  would  be  too  late;  so  go  now, 
and,  if  you  see  the  two  lights,  overpower  the  men  at 
the  mouth  of  the  tunnel  unless  they  are  too  many  for 
you.  If  they  are,  then  there 's  nothing  to  do  but 
retreat.  When  you  have  captured  the  guard,  make 
them  go  down  into  the  tunnel ;  then  you  and  your  men 
tear  down  the  dyke  and  fill  the  hole  full  of  stones;  I 
will  guard  this  end  of  the  passage." 

Tom  Peel  pulled  his  forelock  and  was  gone  at  once, 
delighted  with  his  task.  I  knew  that  if  I  got  them 
once  in  the  tunnel  there  would  no  longer  be  any  ques 
tion  of  a  compromise,  even  if  Lord  Strepp  himself  was 
leading  them.  I  took  two  lighted  candles  with  me  and 
sat  patiently  at  the  head  of  the  stone  stairway  that 
led,  in  circular  fashion,  down  into  the  depths.  Half 
an  hour  passed,  but  nothing  happened,  and  I  began 
to  wonder  whether  or  not  they  had  captured  our  man, 
when  suddenly  his  face  appeared. 

"  They  are  coming,  sir,"  he  cried,  "  by  the  dozen. 
Lord  Strepp  is  leading  them." 

"  Will  they  be  here  soon,  do  you  think  ?  " 

"  I  cannot  tell.  First  I  saw  torches  appear,  then 
Lord  Strepp  came  down  and  began  giving  instructions, 
and,  after  counting  nearly  a  score  of  his  followers,  I 
came  back  as  quick  as  I  could." 

"  You  've  done  nobly,"  said  I.  "  Now  stand  here 
with  this  sword  and  prevent  any  man  from  coming  up." 

I  took  one  of  the  candles,  leaving  him  another,  and 
lighted  a  third.  I  went  up  the  stair  and  set  them  in 


THE      O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  337 

the  front  window ;  then  I  opened  another  window 
and  listened.  The  night  was  exceedingly  still,  —  not 
even  the  sound  of  a  cricket  to  be  heard.  After  a 
few  minutes,  however,  there  came  a  cry,  instantly 
smothered,  from  the  other  side  of  the  valley ;  another 
moment  and  I  heard  the  stones  a  rolling,  as  if  the 
side  of  a  wall  had  tumbled  over,  which  indeed  was 
the  case;  then  two  lights  were  shown  on  the  hill  and 
were  waved  up  and  down ;  and  although  Peel  and  I 
had  arranged  no  signal,  yet  this  being  the  counterpart 
of  my  own,  I  took  to  signify  that  they  had  been  suc 
cessful,  so,  leaving  the  candles  burning  there,  in  case 
there  might  have  been  some  mistake,  I  started  down 
the  stair  to  the  man  who  was  guarding  the  secret 
passage. 

"  Has  anything  happened?  " 

"  Nothing,  sir." 

I  think  the  best  part  of  an  hour  must  have  passed 
before  there  was  sign  or  sound.  Of  course  I  knew 
if  the  guards  were  flung  down  the  hole,  they  would 
at  once  run  after  their  comrades  and  warn  them  that 
both  ends  of  the  tunnel  were  in  our  possession.  I 
was  well  aware  that  the  imprisoned  men  might  drag 
away  the  stones  and  ultimately  win  a  passage  out  for 
themselves ;  but  I  trusted  that  they  would  be  panic- 
stricken  when  they  found  themselves  caught  like  rats 
in  a  trap.  In  any  case  it  would  be  very  difficult  to 
remove  stones  from  below  in  the  tunnel,  because  the 
space  was  narrow  and  few  could  labour  at  a  time ; 
then  there  was  every  chance  that  the  stones  might 
jam,  when  nothing  could  be  done.  However,  I  told 
the  man  beside  me  to  go  across  the  valley  and  ask 
Peel  and  his  men  to  pile  on  rocks  till  he  had  a  great 

22 


338  THE      O'RUDDY 

heap  above  the  entrance,  and,  if  not  disturbed,  to 
work  till  nearly  daylight,  so  I  sat  on  the  top  of  the 
circular  stair  step  with  my  rapier  across  my  knees, 
waiting  so  long  that  I  began  to  fear  they  all  might  be 
smothered,  for  I  did  n't  know  whether  the  stopping  of 
air  at  one  end  would  prevent  it  coming  in  at  the  other, 
for  I  never  heard  my  father  say  what  took  place  in  a 
case  like  that.  Father  Donovan  was  in  bed  and  asleep, 
and  I  was  afraid  to  leave  the  guarding  of  the  stair  to 
any  one  else.  It  seemed  that  hours  and  hours  passed, 
and  I  began  to  wonder  was  daylight  never  going  to 
come,  when  the  most  welcome  sound  I  ever  heard  was 
the  well-known  tones  of  a  voice  which  came  up  from 
the  bottom  of  the  well. 

"Are  you  there,  Mr.  O'Ruddy?" 

There  was  a  subdued  and  chastened  cadence  in  the 
inquiry  that  pleased  me. 

"  I  am,  and  waiting  for  you." 

"  May  I  come  up  ?  " 

"  Yes,  and  very  welcome ;  but  you  '11  remember, 
Lord  Strepp,  that  you  come  up  as  a  prisoner." 

"  I  quite  understand  that,  Mr.  O'Ruddy." 

So,  as  I  held  the  candle,  I  saw  the  top  of  his 
head  coming  round  and  round  and  round,  and  finally 
he  stood  before  me  stretching  out  his  sword,  hilt 
forward. 

"  Stick  it  in  its  scabbard,"  said  I,  "  and  I  '11  do  the 
same  with  mine."  Then  I  put  out  my  hand,  "  Good 
morning  to  your  lordship,"  I  said.  "  It  seems  to  me 
I  've  been  waiting  here  forty  days  and  forty  nights. 
Will  you  have  a  sup  of  wine?" 

"  I  would  be  very  much  obliged  to  you  for  it,  Mr. 
O'Ruddy." 


THE     O'RUDDY  339 

With  that  I  called  the  nearest  guard  and  bade  him 
let  nobody  up  the  stair  without  my  knowing  it. 

"  I  suppose,  my  lord,  you  are  better  acquainted  with 
this  house  than  I  am ;  but  I  know  a  spot  where  there  's 
a  drop  of  good  drink." 

"  You  have  discovered  the  old  gentleman's  cellar, 
then?" 

"  Indeed,  Lord  Strepp,  I  have  not.  I  possess  a 
cellar  of  my  own.  It 's  you  that 's  my  guest,  and 
not  me  that 's  yours  on  this  occasion." 

I  poured  him  out  a  flagon,  and  then  one  for  myself, 
and  as  we  stood  by  the  table  I  lifted  it  high  and  said : 

"  Here  's  to  our  better  acquaintance." 

His  lordship  drank,  and  said  with  a  wry  face,  as 
he  put  down  the  mug: 

"  Our  acquaintance  seems  to  be  a  somewhat  tem 
pestuous  one;  but  I  confess,  Mr.  O'Ruddy,  that  I 
have  as  great  a  respect  for  your  generalship  as  I  have 
for  your  swordsmanship.  The  wine  is  good  and  re 
vivifying.  I  've  been  in  that  accursed  pit  all  night, 
and  I  came  to  this  end  of  it  with  greater  reluctance 
than  I  expected  to  when  I  entered  the  other.  We  tried 
to  clear  away  the  stones;  but  they  must  have  piled 
all  the  rocks  in  Sussex  on  top  of  us.  Are  your  men 
toiling  there  yet  ?  " 

"  Yes,  they  're  there,  and  I  gave  them  instructions 
to  work  till  daylight." 

"  Well,  Mr.  O'Ruddy,  my  poor  fellows  are  all  half 
dead  with  fright,  and  they  fancy  themselves  choking; 
but  although  the  place  was  foul  enough  when  we 
entered  it,  I  didn't  see  much  difference  at  the  end. 
However,  I  did  see  one  thing,  and  that  was  that  I 
had  to  come  and  make  terms.  I  want  you  to  let  the 


340  THE      O'RUDDY 

poor  devils  go,  Mr.  O'Ruddy,  and  I  '11  be  parole  that 
they  won't  attack  you  again." 

"  And  who  will  give  his  parole  that  Lord  Strepp 
will  not  attack  me  again  ?  " 

"  Well,  O'Ruddy,"  -  -  I  took  great  comfort  from  the 
fact  that  he  dropped  the  Mr.,  —  "  Well,  O'Ruddy,  you 
see  we  cannot  possibly  give  up  this  estate.  You  are 
not  legally  entitled  to  it.  It  is  ours  and  always  has 
been." 

"  I  'm  not  righting  for  any  estate,  Lord  Strepp." 

"  Then,  in  Heaven's  name,  what  are  you  righting 
for?" 

"  For  the  consent  of  the  Earl  and  Countess  of  West- 
port  to  my  marriage  with  Lady  Mary,  your  sister." 

Lord  Strepp  gave  a  long  whistle;  then  he  laughed 
and  sat  down  in  the  nearest  chair. 

"  But  what  does  Mary  say  about  it  ?  "  he  asked  at 
last. 

"  The  conceit  of  an  Irishman,  my  lord,  leads  me  to 
suspect  that  I  can  ultimately  overcome  any  objections 
she  may  put  forward." 

"Oho!  that  is  how  the  land  lies,  is  it?  I  'm  a 
thick-headed  clod,  or  I  would  have  suspected  some 
thing  of  that  sort  when  Mary  pulled  me  down  so 
sharply  as  I  was  cursing  you  at  the  front  door." 
Then,  with  a  slight  touch  of  patronage  in  his  tone, 
he  said: 

"  There  is  some  difference  ki  the  relative  positions 
of  our  families,  Mr.  O'Ruddy." 

"  Oh,  I  'm  quite  willing  to  waive  that,"  said  I.  "  Of 
course  it  is  n't  usual  for  the  descendant  of  kings,  like 
myself,  to  marry  a  daughter  of  the  mere  nobility; 
but  Lady  Mary  is  so  very  charming  that  she  more 


T  II  E      OR  II  D  D  Y  341 

than   makes   up    for   any    <liscivpam\\ ,    whntever   may 
be  said  for  the  rest  of  the  familv." 

At  this  Lord  Strepp  threw  back  his  head  and  laughed 
again  joyously,  crying,  — 

"  King  O'Ruddy,  fill  me  another  cup  of  your  wine, 
and  I  '11  drink  to  your  marriage." 

We  drank,  and  then  he  said : 

"  I  'm  a  selfish  beast,  guzzling  here  when  those  poor 
devils  think  they  're  smothering  down  below.  Well, 
(  >' Ruddy,  will  you  let  my  unlucky  fellows  go?" 

"  I  '11  do  that  instantly,"  said  I,  and  so  we  went  to 
the  head  of  the  circular  stair  and  sent  the  guard  down 
to  shout  to  them  to  come  on,  and  by  this  time  the 
daylight  was  beginning  to  turn  the  upper  windows 
grey.  A  very  bedraggled  stream  of  badly  frightened 
men  began  crawling  up  and  up  and  up  the  stairway, 
and  as  Tom  Peel  had  now  returned  I  asked  him  to 
open  the  front  door  and  let  the  yeomen  out.  Once  on 
the  terrace  in  front,  the  men  seemed  not  to  be  able 
to  move  away,  but  stood  there  drawing  in  deep  breaths 
of  air  as  if  they  had  never  tasted  it  before.  Lord 
Strepp,  in  the  daylight,  counted  the  mob,  asking  them 
if  they  were  sure  every  one  had  come  up,  but  they- 
all  seemed  to  be  there,  though  I  sent  Tom  Peel  down 
along  the  tunnel  to  find  if  any  had  been  left  behind. 

Lord  Strepp  shook  hands  most  cordially  with  me 
at  the  front  door. 

"  Thank  you  for  your  hospitality,  O'Ruddy,"  he 
said,  "  although  I  came  in  by  the  lower  entrance.  I 
will  send  over  a  flag  of  truce  when  I  've  seen  my 
father;  then  I  hope  you  will  trust  yourself  to  come 
to  the  Manor  House  and  have  a  talk  with  him." 

"  I  '11  do  it  with  pleasure,"  said  I. 


342  THE      O'RUDDY 

"  Good  morning  to  you,"  said  Lord  Strepp. 

"  And  the  top  o'  the  morning  to  you,  which  is  ex 
actly  what  we  are  getting  at  this  moment,  though  in 
ten  minutes  I  hope  to  be  asleep." 

"  So  do  I,"  said  Lord  Strepp,  setting  off  at  a  run 
down  the  slope. 


CHAPTER    XXXIII 

ONCE  more  I  went  to  my  bed,  but  this  time  with 
my  clothes  off,  for  if  there  was  to  be  a  con 
ference  with  the  Earl  and  the  Countess  at  the  Manor 
House,  not  to  speak  of  the  chance  of  seeing  Lady 
Mary  herself,  I  wished  to  put  on  the  new  and  gor 
geous  suit  I  had  bought  in  London  for  that  occasion, 
and  which  had  not  yet  been  on  my  back.  I  was  so 
excited  and  so  delighted  with  the  thought  of  seeing 
Lady  Mary  that  I  knew  I  could  not  sleep  a  wink, 
especially  as  daylight  was  upon  me,  but  I  had  scarcely 
put  my  head  on  the  pillow  when  I  was  as  sound  asleep 
as  any  of  my  ancestors,  the  old  Kings  of  Kinsale.  The 
first  thing  I  knew  Paddy  was  shaking  me  by  the 
shoulder  just  a  little  rougher  than  a  well-trained  ser 
vant  should. 

"  Beggin'  your  pardon,"  says  he,  "  his  lordship, 
the  great  Earl  of  Westport,  sends  word  by  a  messen 
ger  that  he  '11  be  pleased  to  have  account  with  ye,  at 
your  early  convenience,  over  at  the  Manor  House 
beyond." 

"  Very  well,  Paddy,"  said  I,  "  ask  the  messenger  to 
take  my  compliments  to  the  Earl  and  say  to  him  I 
will  do  myself  the  honour  of  calling  on  him  in  an 
hour's  time.  Deliver  that  message  to  him  ;  then  come 
back  and  help  me  on  with  my  new  duds." 


344  THE      O'RUDDY 

When  Paddy  returned  I  was  still  yawning,  but  in 
the  shake  of  a  shillelah  he  had  me  inside  the  new 
costume,  and  he  stood  back  against  the  wall  with  his 
hand  raised  in  amazement  and  admiration  at  the  glory 
he  beheld.  He  said  after  that  kings  would  be  nothing 
to  him,  and  indeed  the  tailor  had  done  his  best  and 
had  won  his  guineas  with  more  honesty  than  you  'd 
expect  from  a  London  tradesman.  I  was  quietly 
pleased  with  the  result  myself. 

I  noticed  with  astonishment  that  it  was  long  after 
mid-day,  so  it  occurred  to  me  that  Lord  Strepp  must 
have  had  a  good  sleep  himself,  and  sure  the  poor  boy 
needed  it,  for  it's  no  pleasure  to  spend  life  underground 
till  after  you  're  dead,  and  his  evening  in  the  tunnel 
must  have  been  very  trying  to  him,  as  indeed  he  ad 
mitted  to  me  afterward  that  it  was. 

I  called  on  Father  Donovan,  and  he  looked  me  over 
from  head  to  foot  with  wonder  and  joy  in  his  eye. 

"  My  dear  lad,  you  're  a  credit  to  the  O'Ruddys," 
he  said,  "  and  to  Ireland,"  he  said,  "  and  to  the  Old 
Head  of  Kinsale,"  he  said. 

"And  to  that  little  tailor  in  London  as  well,"  I 
replied,  turning  around  so  that  he  might  see  me  the 
better. 

In  spite  of  my  chiding  him  Paddy  could  not  contain 
his  delight,  and  danced  about  the  room  like  an  over 
grown  monkey. 

"  Paddy,"  said  I,  "  you  're  making  a  fool  of  your 
self." 

Then  I  addressed  his  Reverence. 

"  Father  Donovan,"  I  began,  "  this  cruel  war  is 
over  and  done  with,  and  no  one  hurt  and  no  blood 
shed,  so  the  Earl " 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y  rur, 

At  this  moment  there  was  a  crash  and  an  unearthly 
scream,  then  a  thud  that  sounded  as  if  it  had  hap 
pened  in  the  middle  of  the  earth.  Father  Donovan 
and  I  looked  around  in  alarm,  hut  Paddy  was  nowhere 
to  be  seen.  Toward  the  wall  there  was  a  square  black 
hole,  and,  rushing  up  to  it,  we  knew  at  once  what  had 
happened.  Paddy  had  danced  a  bit  too  heavy  on  an 
old  trap-door,  and  the  rusty  bolts  had  broken.  It  had 
let  him  down  into  a  dungeon  that  had  no  other  en 
trance;  and  indeed  this  was  a  queer  house  entirely, 
with  many  odd  nooks  and  corners  about  it,  besides 
the  disadvantage  of  Sir  Goddard  Oxenbridge  tramping 
through  the  rooms  in  two  sections. 

"  For  the  love  of  Heaven  and  all  the  Saints,"  I 
cried  down  this  trap-door,  "  Paddy,  what  has  hap 
pened  to  you  ?  " 

"  Sure,  sir,  the  house  has  fallen  on  me." 

"  Nothing  of  the  kind,  Paddy.  The  house  is  where 
it  always  was.  Are  you  hurted  ?  " 

"  I  'm  dead  and  done  for  completely  this  time,  sir. 
Sure  I  feel  I  'm  with  the  angels  at  last." 

"  Tut,  tut,  Paddy,  my  lad ;  you  've  gone  in  the 
wrong  direction  altogether  for  them." 

"  Oh,  I  'm  dying,  and  I  feel  the  flutter  of  their 
wings,"  and  as  he  spoke  two  or  three  ugly  blind  bats 
fluttered  up  and  butted  their  stupid  heads  against  the 
wall. 

"  You  Ve  gone  in  the  right  direction  for  the  wrong 
kind  of  angels,  Paddy ;  but  don't  be  feared,  they  're 
only  bats,  like  them  in  my  own  tower  at  home,  except 
they  're  larger." 

I  called  for  Tom  Peel,  as  he  knew  the  place 
well. 


346  THE      O'RUDDY 

"  Many  a  good  cask  of  brandy  has  gone  down  that 
trap-door,"  said  he,  "  and  the  people  opposite  have 
searched  this  house  from  cellar  to  garret  and  never 
made  the  discovery  Paddy  did  a  moment  since." 

He  got  a  stout  rope  and  sent  a  man  down,  who 
found  Paddy  much  more  frightened  than  hurt.  We 
hoisted  both  of  them  up,  and  Paddy  was  a  sight  to 
behold. 

"  Bad  luck  to  ye,"  says  I ;  "  just  at  the  moment  I 
want  a  presentable  lad  behind  me  when  I  'm  paying  my 
respects  to  the  Earl  of  Westport,  you  must  go  diving 
into  the  refuse  heap  of  a  house  that  does  n't  belong  to 
you,  and  spoiling  the  clothes  that  does.  Paddy,  if 
you  were  in  a  seven  years'  war,  you  would  be  the 
first  man  wounded  and  the  last  man  killed,  with  all 
the  trouble  for  nothing  in  between.  Is  there  anything 
broken  about  ye  ?  " 

"  Every  leg  and  arm  I  've  got  is  broken,"  he  whim 
pered,  but  Father  Donovan,  who  was  nearly  as  much 
of  a  surgeon  as  a  priest,  passed  his  hand  over  the 
trembling  lad,  then  smote  him  on  the  back,  and  said 
the  exercise  of  falling  had  done  him  good. 

"  Get  on  with  you,"  said  I,  "  and  get  off  with  those 
clothes.  Wash  yourself,  and  put  on  the  suit  I  was 
wearing  yesterday,  and  see  that  you  don't  fall  in  the 
water-jug  and  drown  yourself." 

I  gave  the  order  for  Tom  Peel  to  saddle  the  four 
horses  and  get  six  of  his  men  with  swords  and  pistols 
and  blunderbusses  to  act  as  an  escort  for  me. 

"  Are  you  going  back  to  Rye,  your  honour  ?  "  asked 
Peel. 

"  I  am  not.     I  am  going  to  the  Manor  House." 

"  That 's  but  a  step,"  he  cried  in  surprise. 


THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y 

"  It 's  a  step,"  said  I,  "  that  will  be  taken  with  dignity 
and  consequence." 

So,  with  the  afternoon  sun  shining  in  our  faces,  we 
set  out  from  the  house  of  Brede,  leaving  but  few  men 
to  guard  it.  Of  course  I  ran  the  risk  that  it  might  be 
taken  in  our  absence ;  but  I  trusted  the  word  of  Lord 
Strepp  as  much  as  I  distrusted  the  designs  of  his  father 
and  mother,  and  Strepp  had  been  the  captain  of  the 
expedition  against  us ;  but  if  I  had  been  sure  the 
mansion  was  lost  to  me,  I  would  have  evaded  none  of 
the  pomp  of  my  march  to  the  Manor  House  in  the  face 
of  such  pride  as  these  upstarts  of  Westports  exhibited 
toward  a  representative  of  a  really  ancient  family  like 
the  O'Ruddy.  So  his  Reverence  and  I  rode  slowly  side 
by  side,  with  Jem  and  Paddy,  also  on  horseback,  a 
decent  interval  behind  us,  and  tramping  in  their  wake 
that  giant,  Tom  Peel,  with  six  men  nearly  as  stalwart 
as  himself,  their  blunderbusses  over  their  shoulders, 
following  him.  It  struck  panic  in  the  village  when 
they  saw  this  terrible  array  marching  up  the  hill 
toward  them,  with  the  sun  glittering  on  us  as  if  we 
were  walking  jewellery.  The  villagers,  expecting  to 
be  torn  limb  from  limb,  scuttled  away  into  the  forest, 
leaving  the  place  as  empty  as  a  bottle  of  beer  after  a 
wake.  Even  the  guards  around  the  Manor  House  fled 
as  we  approached  it,  for  the  fame  of  our  turbulence  had 
spread  abroad  in  the  land.  Lord  Strepp  tried  to  per 
suade  them  that  nothing  would  happen  to  them,  for 
when  he  saw  the  style  in  which  we  were  coming  he  was 
anxious  to  make  a  show  from  the  Westport  side  and 
had  drawn  up  his  men  in  line  to  receive  us.  But  we 
rode  through  a  silent  village  that  might  have  been 
just  sacked  by  the  French.  I  thought  afterward  that 


348  THE     O  '  R  U  D  D  Y 

this  desertion  had  a  subduing  effect  on  the  old  Earl's 
pride,  and  made  him  more  easy  to  deal  with.  In  any 
case  his  manner  was  somewhat  abated  when  he  re 
ceived  me.  Lord  Strepp  himself  was  there  at  the  door, 
making  excuses  for  the  servants,  who  he  said  had 
gone  to  the  fields  to  pick  berries  for  their  supper.  So, 
leaving  Paddy  to  hold  one  horse  and  Jem  the  other, 
with  the  seven  men  drawn  up  fiercely  in  front  of  the 
Manor  House,  Father  Donovan  and  myself  followed 
Lord  Strepp  into  a  large  room,  and  there,  buried  in 
an  arm-chair,  reclined  the  aged  Earl  of  Westport, 
looking  none  too  pleased  to  meet  his  visitors.  In  cases 
like  this  it 's  as  well  to  be  genial  at  the  first,  so  that 
you  may  remove  the  tension  in  the  beginning. 

"  The  top  of  the  morning  —  I  beg  your  pardon  — 
the  tail  of  the  afternoon  to  you,  sir,  and  I  hope  I  see 
you  well." 

"  I  am  very  well,"  said  his  lordship,  more  gruffly 
than  politely. 

"  Permit  me  to  introduce  to  your  lordship,  his  Rev 
erence,  Father  Donovan,  who  has  kindly  consented 
to  accompany  me  that  he  may  yield  testimony  to 
the  long-standing  respectability  of  the  House  of 
O'Ruddy." 

"  I  am  pleased  to  meet  your  Reverence,"  said  the 
Earl,  although  his  appearance  belied  his  words.  He 
was  n't  pleased  to  meet  either  of  us,  if  one  might  judge 
by  his  lowering  countenance,  in  spite  of  my  cordiality 
and  my  wish  to  make  his  surrender  as  easy  for  him  as 
possible. 

I  was  disappointed  not  to  see  the  Countess  and  Lady 
Mary  in  the  room,  for  it  seemed  a  pity  that  such  a 
costume  as  mine  should  be  wasted  on  an  old  cur- 


THE     O'RUDDY  849 

mudgeon,  sitting  with  his  chin  in  his  breast  in  the 
depths  of  an  easy-chair,  looking  daggers  though  he 
spoke  dumplings. 

I  was  just  going  to  express  my  regret  to  Lord 
Strepp  that  no  ladies  were  to  be  present  in  our  assem 
blage,  when  the  door  opened,  and  who  should  sail  in, 
like  a  full-rigged  man-o'-war,  but  the  Countess  herself, 
and  Lady  Mary,  like  an  elegant  yacht  floating  in  tow 
of  her.  I  swept  my  bonnet  to  the  boards  of  the  floor 
with  a  gesture  that  would  have  done  honour  to  the 
Court  of  France ;  but  her  Ladyship  tossed  her  nose 
higher  in  the  air,  as  if  the  man-o'-war  had  encountered 
a  huge  wave.  She  seated  herself  with  emphasis  on  a 
chair,  and  says  I  to  myself,  "  It 's  lucky  for  you,  you 
have  n't  Paddy's  trap-door  under  you,  or  we  'd  see 
your  heels  disappear,  coming  down  like  that." 

Lady  Mary  very  modestly  took  up  her  position 
standing  behind  her  mother's  chair,  and,  after  one 
timid  glance  at  me,  dropped  her  eyes  on  the  floor,  and 
then  there  were  some  moments  of  silence,  as  if  every 
one  was  afraid  to  begin.  I  saw  I  was  going  to  have 
trouble  with  the  Countess,  and  although  I  think  it  will 
be  admitted  by  my  enemies  that  I  'm  as  brave  a  man 
as  ever  faced  a  foe,  I  was  reluctant  to  throw  down  the 
gage  of  battle  to  the  old  lady. 

It  was  young  Lord  Strepp  that  began,  and  he  spoke 
most  politely,  as  was  his  custom. 

"  I  took  the  liberty  of  sending  for  you,  Mr.  O'Ruddy, 
and  I  thank  you  for  responding  so  quickly  to  my  in 
vitation.  The  occurrences  of  the  past  day  or  two,  it 
would  be  wiser  perhaps  to  ignore  — 

At  this  there  was  an  indignant  sniff  from  the  Count 
ess,  and  I  feared  she  was  going  to  open  her  batteries, 


350  THE     O'RUDDY 

but  to  my  amazement  she  kept  silent,  although  the 
effort  made  her  red  in  the  face. 

"  I  have  told  my  father  and  mother,"  went  on  Lord 
Strepp,  "  that  I  had  some  conversation  with  you  this 
morning,  and  that  conditions  might  be  arrived  at  satis 
factory  to  all  parties  concerned.  I  have  said  nothing 
to  my  parents  regarding  the  nature  of  these  conditions, 
but  I  gained  their  consent  to  give  consideration  to  any 
thing  you  might  say,  and  to  any  proposal  you  are  good 
enough  to  make." 

The  old  gentleman  mumbled  something  incompre 
hensible  in  his  chair,  but  the  old  lady  could  keep  silence 
no  longer. 

"  This  is  an  outrage,"  she  cried,  "  the  man's  action 
has  been  scandalous  and  unlawful.  If,  instead  of 
bringing  those  filthy  scoundrels  against  our  own  house, 
those  cowards  that  ran  away  as  soon  as  they  heard  the 
sound  of  a  blunderbuss,  we  had  all  stayed  in  London, 
and  you  had  had  the  law  of  him,  he  would  have  been 
in  gaol  by  this  time  and  not  standing  brazenly  there  in 
the  Manor  House  of  Brede." 

And  after  saying  this  she  sniffed  again,  having  no 
appreciation  of  good  manners. 

"  Your  ladyship  has  been  misinformed,"  I  said  with 
extreme  deference.  "  The  case  is  already  in  the  hands 
of  dignified  men  of  law,  who  are  mightily  pleased  with 
it." 

"  Pleased  with  it,  you  idiot,"  she  cried.  "  They 
are  pleased  with  it  simply  because  they  know  some 
body  will  pay  them  for  their  work,  even  it 's  a 
beggar  from  Ireland,  who  has  nothing  on  him  but 
rags." 

"  Your  ladyship,"  said  I,  not  loath  to  call  attention 


THE      O'RUDDY  351 

to  my  costume,  "  I  assure  you  these  rags  cost  golden 
guineas  in  London." 

"  Well,  you  will  not  get  golden  guineas  from  Brede 
estate,"  snapped  her  ladyship. 

"  Again  your  ladyship  is  misinformed.  The  papers 
are  so  perfect,  and  so  well  do  they  confirm  my  title  to 
this  beautiful  domain,  that  the  money-lenders  of  Lon 
don  simply  bothered  the  life  out  of  me  trying  to  shovel 
gold  on  me,  and  both  his  lordship  and  your  ladyship 
know  that  if  a  title  is  defective  there  is  no  money  to  be 
lent  on  it." 

"  You  're  a  liar,"  said  the  Countess  genially,  al 
though  the  Earl  looked  up  in  alarm  when  I  mentioned 
that  I  could  draw  money  on  the  papers.  Again  I 
bowed  deeply  to  her  ladyship,  and,  putting  my  hands 
in  my  pockets,  I  drew  out  two  handfuls  of  gold, 
which  I  strewed  up  and  down  the  floor  as  if  I  were 
sowing  corn,  and  each  guinea  was  no  more  than  a 
grain  of  it. 

"  There  is  the  answer  to  your  ladyship's  compliment 
ary  remark,"  said  I  with  a  flourish  of  my  empty  hands ; 
and,  seeing  Lady  Mary's  eyes  anxiously  fixed  on  me, 
I  dropped  her  a  wink  with  the  side  of  my  face  farthest 
from  the  Countess,  at  which  Lady  Mary's  eyelids 
drooped  again.  But  I  might  have  winked  with  both 
eyes  for  all  the  Countess,  who  was  staring  like  one  in 
a  dream  at  the  glittering  pieces  that  lay  here  and  there 
and  gleamed  all  over  the  place  like  the  little  yellow 
devils  they  were.  She  seemed  struck  dumb,  and  if 
anyone  thinks  gold  cannot  perform  a  miracle,  there  is 
the  proof  of  it. 

"  Is  it  gold?"  cried  I  in  a  burst  of  eloquence  that 
charmed  even  myself,  "  sure  I  could  sow  you  acres 


352  THE      O'RUDDY 

with  it  by  the  crooking  of  my  little  finger  from  the 
revenues  of  my  estate  at  the  Old  Head  of  Kinsale." 

"O'Ruddy,  O'Ruddy,"  said  Father  Donovan  very 
softly  and  reprovingly,  for  no  one  knew  better  than 
him  what  my  ancestral  revenues  were. 

"  Ah  well,  Father,"  said  I,  "  your  reproof  is  well- 
timed.  A  man  should  not  boast,  and  I  '11  say  no  more 
of  my  castles  and  my  acres,  though  the  ships  on  the 
sea  pay  tribute  to  them.  But  all  good  Saints  preserve 
us,  Earl  of  Westport,  if  you  feel  proud  to  own  this  poor 
estate  of  Brede,  think  how  little  it  weighed  with  my 
father,  who  all  his  life  did  not  take  the  trouble  to  come 
over  and  look  at  it.  Need  I  say  more  about  Kinsale 
when  you  hear  that  ?  And  as  for  myself,  did  I  attempt 
to  lay  hands  on  this  trivial  bit  of  earth  because  I  held 
the  papers?  You  kno^l  tossed  them  into  your 
daughter's  lap  because  she  was  the  finest-looking  girl 
I  have  seen  since  I  landed  on  these  shores." 

"  Well,  well,  well,  well,"  growled  the  Earl,  "  I  ad 
mit  I  have  acted  rashly  and  harshly  in  this  matter,  and 
it  is  likely  I  have  done  wrong  to  an  honourable  gentle 
man,  therefore  I  apologize  for  it.  Now,  what  have  you 
to  propose  ?  " 

"  I  have  to  propose  myself  as  the  husband  of  your 
daughter,  Lady  Mary,  and  as  for  our  dowry,  there  it 
is  on  the  floor  for  the  picking  up,  and  I  'm  content  with 
that  much  if  I  get  the  lady  herself." 

His  lordship  slowly  turned  his  head  around  and 
gazed  at  his  daughter,  who  now  was  looking  full  at 
me  with  a  frown  on  her  brow.  Although  I  knew  I  had 
depressed  the  old  people,  I  had  an  uneasy  feeling  that. 
I  had  displeased  Lady  Mary  herself  by  my  impulsive 
action  and  my  bragging  words.  A  curious  mildness 


THE     O'RUDDY 

came  into  the  harsh  voice  of  the  old  Earl,  and  he  said, 
still  looking  at  his  daughter: 

"  What  does  Mary  say  to  this  ?  " 

The  old  woman  could  not  keep  her  eyes  from  the 
gold,  which  somehow  held  her  tongue  still,  yet  I  knew 
she  was  hearing  every  word  that  was  said,  although  she 
made  no  comment.  Lady  Mary  shook  herself,  as  if  to 
arouse  herself  from  a  trance,  then  she  said  in  a  low 
voice : 

"  I  can  never  marry  a  man  I  do  not  love." 

"  What 's  that?  what 's  that?  "  shrieked  her  mother, 
turning  fiercely  round  upon  her,  whereat  Lady  Mary 
took  a  step  back.  "  Love,  love  ?  What  nonsense  is 
this  I  hear?  You  say  you  will  not  marry  this  man  to 
save  the  estate  of  Brede  ?  " 

"  I  shall  marry  no  man  whom  I  do  not  love,"  re 
peated  Lady  Mary  firmly. 

As  for  me,  I  stood  there,  hat  in  hand,  with  my 
jaw  dropped,  as  if  Sullivan  had  given  me  a  stun 
ning  blow  in  the  ear;  then  the  old  Earl  said 
sternly : 

"  I  cannot  force  my  daughter :  this  conference  is  at 
an  end.  The  law  must  decide  between  us." 

!i  The  law,  you  old  dotard,"  cried  the  Countess, 
rounding  then  on  him  with  a  suddenness  that  made 
him  seem  to  shrink  into  his  shell.  "  The  law !  Is  a 
silly  wench  to  run  us  into  danger  of  losing  what  is 
ours?  He  shall  marry  her.  If  you  will  not  force  her, 
then  I  '11  coerce  her ;  "  and  with  that  she  turned  upon 
her  daughter,  grasped  her  by  her  two  shoulders  and 
shook  her  as  a  terrier  shakes  a  rat.  At  this  Lady  Mary 
began  to  weep,  and  indeed  she  had  good  cause  to 
do  so. 

23 


354  THE      O'RUDDY 

"  Hold,  madam,"  shouted  I,  springing  toward  her. 
"  Leave  the  girl  alone.  I  agree  with  his  lordship,  no 
woman  shall  be  coerced  on  account  of  me/' 

My  intervention  turned  the  Countess  from  her  victim 
upon  me. 

"  You  agree  with  his  lordship,  you  Irish  baboon  ? 
Don't  think  she  '11  marry  you  because  of  any  liking 
for  you,  you  chattering  ape,  who  resemble  a  monkey 
in  a  show  with  those  trappings  upon  you.  She  '11 
marry  you  because  I  say  she  '11  marry  you,  and  you  '11 
give  up  those  papers  to  me,  who  have  sense  enough 
to  take  care  of  them.  If  I  have  a  doddering  husband, 
who  at  the  same  time  lost  his  breeches  and  his  papers, 
I  shall  make  amends  for  his  folly." 

"  Madam,"  said  I,  "  you  shall  have  the  papers ;  and 
as  for  the  breeches,  by  the  terror  you  spread  around 
you,  I  learn  they  are  already  in  your  possession." 

I  thought  she  would  have  torn  my  eyes  out,  but  I 
stepped  back  and  saved  myself. 

"  To  your  room,  you  huzzy,"  she  cried  to  her  daugh 
ter,  and  Mary  fled  toward  the  door.  I  leaped  forward 
and  opened  it  for  her.  She  paused  on  the  threshold, 
pretending  again  to  cry,  but  instead  whispered : 

"  My  mother  is  the  danger.  Leave  things  alone," 
she  said  quickly.  "  We  can  easily  get  poor  father's 
consent." 

With  that  she  was  gone.  I  closed  the  door  and  re 
turned  to  the  centre  of  the  room. 

"  Madam,"  said  I,  "  I  will  not  have  your  daughter 
browbeaten.  It  is  quite  evident  she  refuses  to  marry 
me." 

"  Hold  your  tongue,  and  keep  to  your  word,  you 
idiot,"  she  rejoined,  hitting  me  a  bewildering  slap  on 


THE      O'RUDDY  355 

the  side  of  the  face,  after  which  she  flounced  out  by 
the  way  her  daughter  had  departed. 

The  old  Earl  said  nothing,  but  gazed  gloomily  into 
space  from  out  the  depths  of  his  chair.  Father  Dono 
van  seemed  inexpressibly  shocked,  but  my  Lord  Strepp, 
accustomed  to  his  mother's  tantrums,  laughed  outright 
as  soon  as  the  door  was  closed.  All  through  he  had 
not  been  in  the  least  deceived  by  his  sister's  pretended 
reluctance,  and  recognized  that  the  only  way  to  get 
the  mother's  consent  was  through  opposition.  He 
sprang  up  and  grasped  me  by  the  hand  and  said : 

"  Well,  O'Ruddy,  I  think  your  troubles  are  at  an 
end,  or,"  he  cried,  laughing  again,  "  just  beginning,  but 
you  '11  be  able  to  say  more  on  that  subject  this  time  next 
year.  Never  mind  my  mother;  Mary  is,  and  always 
will  be,  the  best  girl  in  the  world." 

"  I  believe  you,"  said  I,  returning  his  handshake  as 
cordially  as  he  had  bestowed  it. 

"  Hush !  "  he  cried,  jumping  back  into  his  seat 
again.  "  Let  us  all  look  dejected.  Hang  your  head, 
O'Ruddy !  "  and  again  the  door  opened,  this  time  the 
Countess  leading  Lady  Mary,  her  long  fingers  grasping 
that  slim  wrist. 

"  She  gives  her  consent,"  snapped  the  Countess,  as 
if  she  were  pronouncing  sentence.  I  strode  forward 
toward  her,  but  Mary  wrenched  her  wrist  free,  slipped 
past  me,  and  dropped  at  the  feet  of  Father  Donovan, 
who  had  risen  as  she  came  in. 

"  Your  blessing  on  me,  dear  Father,"  she  cried,  bow 
ing  her  head,  "  and  pray  on  my  behalf  that  there  may 
be  no  more  turbulence  in  my  life." 

The  old  father  crossed  his  hands  on  her  shapely 
head,  and  for  a  moment  or  two  it  seemed  as  if  he  could 


356  THE      O' RUDDY 

not  command  his  voice,  and  I  saw  the  tears  fill  his  eyes. 
At  last  he  said  simply  and  solemnly :  — 

"  May  God  bless  you  and  yours,  my  dear  daughter." 

We  were  married  by  Father  Donovan  with  pomp 
and  ceremony  in  the  chapel  of  the  old  house,  and  in 
the  same  house  I  now  pen  the  last  words  of  these 
memoirs,  which  I  began  at  the  request  of  Lady  Mary 
herself,  and  continued  for  the  pleasure  she  expressed 
as  they  went  on.  If  this  recital  is  disjointed  in  parts,  it 
must  be  remembered  I  was  always  more  used  to  the 
sword  than  to  the  pen,  and  that  it  is  difficult  to  write 
with  Patrick  and  little  Mary  and  Terence  and  Kathleen 
and  Michael  and  Bridget  &nd  Donovan  playing  about 
me  and  asking  questions,  but  I  would  not  have  the 
darlings  sent  from  the  room  for  all  the  writings  there 
is  in  the  world. 


RETURN  TO 


BORROWED 


LOAN  DEPT 


LD  2lA-40m-4,'63 
(D6471slO)476B 


General  Library     . 
University  of  Californu 
Berkeley 


$60187 


THE  UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA  LIBRARY 


